Archive | August 2010

The Horror of Sexual Slavery

Aug31

 

This past Sunday, I got up at church to talk about how our Women’s Ministry had engaged in the battle against the slave-trade globally and locally. It’s a drop in the bucket compared to the issue out there, but it is something, a step in the right direction. I believe I heard that one in four women is impacted by sexual abuse/assault of some kind. 25%. I fall into that category. I’m not proud of it and to be honest, it makes it harder to want to engage in the larger war. Not because it’s not worthwhile, it is. But because it forces me to open up a door that sometimes is more comfortable to keep closed and locked by shame. By looking and confronting global issues, I have to wrestle once again with my own pain, violation and what was lost. So if it took me years to come to admit that this global issue needs attention, how much more for all those others who have been impacted in some way shape and form? Amazing how messy we are in our humanness.

Let’s face it. The trading of human flesh (usually female) for the instant gratification of man’s baser needs (money, sex) is inexcusable. The slave trade now is larger than in the day of William Wilberforce. The numbers are staggering and I cannot get my mind around them. I admire the men and women of the International Justice Mission who, one life at time, methodically work the legal system to gain the freedom of so many, and places them in safe houses where they can be loved and recover from the trauma and find peace and hope in the ultimate Savior, Jesus Christ. IJM go into harm’s way to do their work. Evil does not like a light to shine into this darkness and will fight back ruthlessly. Please pray for these people. Support them if you can afford to.

Women at Risk, International also does good work in providing safe-houses and also micro-businesses for women to keep them out of the slave trade – and to help them when they are rescued. Buying the items that these women create out of their pain into something of great beauty is something to behold. These are just two ministries at work; bring people out of darkness and into the love and joy of God’s light. I follow them on facebook and rejoice with every ONE person who is rescued, while grieving that they were ever enslaved to begin with. But this takes place in the United States and we would be naïve to think that our sons and daughters are safe.

Locally we are working with an organization in the town where I live that is front line at the Emergency Room when victims of sexual assault are brought in. We provide practical love and care when they are done and we pray for these women. God knows their names and their need for His love in the midst of their pain. And we pray.

More does need to be done. If only we (and I include myself) could unwrap our little cocoon of safety to stretch ourselves out on behalf of those who cannot. It may mean facing some ugly stuff inside while facing the ugly truths of our world. But it breaks God’s heart – and it should be breaking mine too.

Mom – Why do you read so much?

Aug25

I got that question from my 8 year old the other night, when of course, I was . . . reading.  Homework had been done, they were reading and so was I.  Daddy had told them that I should be the one to sign off on their reading assignments because – I read.

I’ve always loved to read. I love escaping into my imagination to another world and experience the life between the pages of a book.  I long ago gave up suspense/mystery novels, my poor overworked adrenals can’t stand the excitement.  So yeah, I like things that inspire me.  Romance is good but it’s better when there’s fun in there.   I’m hoping that may writing can have those moments that maybe make someone laugh out loud, or giggle or smile.  Right now I’m reading a novel and it’s well written and my heart aches for the female protagonist. She’s well written. I feel her pain, and hopefully, by the time I’m done, I’ll feel her joy as well. We all want a ‘happily ever after’ don’t we?

I also read a variety of other books.  I’m currently reading “Shattered Dreams” by Larry Crabb in my never-ending quest to broaden my theology on suffering. I’m also reading “Switch,” by Chip and Dan Heath, it’s about how to change, when change is hard. The applications are for everyone: business, church, personal life. It’s really good.  Well written books that engage the heart and the head.

Of course there is my almost daily time spent reading the Holy Bible. I got a new one recently, a different version, and I’m enjoying how the differences from the way my brain remembers certain verses, get slightly different flavor with the use of a similar but different word. I like that because sometimes it’s easy to gloss over stuff you’ve read many times over – and it forces me to stop and rethink the application of the words of God and how they might be fresh and new in my life today.  This is the book that challenges me to get over my bad self to focus on the Most High God, who is worthy of my praise, adoration, all the glory - and my obedience.  I’m grateful He’s a God of grace who loves me when I fail and is gentle, yet sometimes painful work at molding me more and more into the image of His Son, my Savior, Jesus Christ. This is the book that is the primary text for my inquiry into the theology of suffering. It’s also the only one that promises a true ‘happily ever after’ beyond my wildest dreams and beyond the struggles of this life for those who bend their knee to worship and obey Jesus Christ, the ONLY way, truth and life.  Hope is a powerful thing.

So my kids are learning to love reading, because they see that I love it too. I would rather read a book than watch any television or movie. I love to learn, and I want to always be growing, so I read.  How about you? Do you read? What kind of books do you enjoy?  Share – it might end up on my “wish list” for the future!

Mixed Emotions

Aug18

My kids start school next Monday. All three – all day – every day. For those of you who may not know, I had attempted to home school my kids up till last year. I have great admiration for home schoolers, primarily because I feel like I failed as one. There were several reasons for this:

1. It was my husband’s desire – not mine, that the kids be educated in this way.

2. My eldest’s sons special needs and the instability of my husband’s work schedule combined to make the challenges of regular structure that was required by my sons needs – to be almost impossible to achieve. (“unschooling” really wouldn’t work for him).

3. I seriously did not enjoy it given the multitude of challenges I was facing (including health issues) at the time. It’s amazing how thyroid disease can put a damper on life in every way.

So last year I put two boys in school at the same time, and my little girl went to Pre-school two full days a week. They really flourished in the environment of the private school we had chosen. It brought me to tears more times than I can count to recognize that the gifts and passion of these people were able to accomplish so much more than I could in teaching my kids to learn and to love learning.

Okay, I know I’m not a failure. Those who know the depth of struggles in my life can attest that I’ve done the very best I could with what I had and what I knew. I have been the best advocate for my son with his issues. And as much as I missed them when they are at school, I still had a job to do when they got home which was amplified by the same challenges mentioned above. Homework wars will kick in again next week.

Due to our instability financially, I have been looking for work. Not successful thus far. So I write. I love it. It terrifies me to think that people might read my work and think it’s crap. I’m thankful for the friends who have read my first novel “The Virtuous Viscount”, and have given me good feedback and encouragement. I have two more works in progress – one contemporary fiction and one non-fiction. It really costs me little to engage in this endeavor but the rewards are felt immediately (it is soooo much fun! – yes – even the re-writing, although it is hard work) and maybe someday I’ll be published and the money you spend for my books will help pay for my kid’s school. It’s a dream. It could happen. So until a “real job” comes along, I will write. I will serve.

So it is with mixed emotions that I send my kids off to school.

Relief – because it can be a challenge to have all three home, fighting, looking for things to do with our limited space and resources.

Sorrow – especially as my little girl goes off full time this year. I’m going to miss her and her smiles and hugs.

Excitement – freedom to write! Freedom to serve in ministry! Freedom to set my own schedule for all of it (including housework – okay that part does not excited this domestically challenged mom)

Frustration – because I still lack the one tool to make this really work for me – a netbook. Please pray that God will get my husband working on that? That one tool will enable me to save up to $50 a week in wear and tear and gas for the van, continue to job search while in town, write while in town and also save me 3 ½ hours in travel time that I can better use to serve women in Fond du Lac as Women’s Ministry Director at my church. All of which in the long run will, I pray, enable me to be a better mother when school is out.

Fear – as I start soliciting for an agent to represent my work to the publishing world. It’s a competitive market. . . I only remind myself that I really have nothing to lose, and everything to gain, and if all else fails, there is always self-publishing. However, I long for the challenge an agent would provide in helping me grow and become better as a writer.

I am sure there are a myriad of other emotions that I will experience in the coming weeks as our family adjusts to the new schedule. In the long run I know it is all good, because God has led us here and HE is always good, and I can trust Him because He who has called me to this work will be faithful to complete it. (Phil 1:6)

As you head into this next season of life – whatever it is for you – what emotions does that stir up? Do you know how much God longs to walk with you through that? I’m praying you do!

The Apple of His Eye

Aug16

“Guard me as the apple of Your eye: Hide me in the shadow of Your wing.”   (Psalm 17:8 HCSB)

Psalm 17 is a psalm that talks repeatedly of God hearing me, paying attention to me, listening to me, SEEING me. He also answers me, hears what I say, guards and hides me, fills and satisfies me.  When I think of God being my “all in all” this psalm echoes that.

I think that the above verse though, was a concept that truly captured my heart as a young Christian. Feeling a bit disenfranchised by my own family, it was thrilling to know that God delighted in me and looked at me as unique and special, within the mass of humanity He loves, and died for.  I don’t get it.  I’m not unique or special compared to anyone else, yet in His eyes, I am. I’m His favorite! But then – so are you! I could feel a bit jealous about this but it’s easy to fight that because. . .

None of us deserves that kind of love.  The fact that it has been freely offered and I have embraced it, well, that puts me still at the mercy of an amazingly holy God, and I bow my knee in gratitude, only to look up and see a gaze filled, not with the condemnation that I so richly deserve for my sin, but with the love of a favored daughter.

Who wouldn’t want to worship a God like that? Who wouldn’t want to bend their knee and submit to His protection and leading and give all I have to someone who loves so passionately? So completely?

Interesting too, that when we are followers of Christ, He produces fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace. . . (Gal. 5).  Fruit. Character that goes beyond my ability to produce on my own.  Apples.  He sees me as fruitful.

Remember when Jesus walked by a tree that bore no fruit? He condemned it and it died!  (Matt 21:19). Jesus loves fruit! So maybe I’m a bit more of a fruit loop, but as long as I’m fruitful, I’m in the center of His vision and love.  If I chose to abandon Him, I may find myself cursed and withering like that fig tree. God doesn’t move – I do, and when I do, there are consequences.

The only way to be fruitful is to stay grounded in the deep, deep soil of His truth, God’s Word, and tuned into the Holy Spirit. I do this out of deep gratitude for His unfathomable love towards me! I want to be treasured as the apple of God’s eye. Guarded as precious fruit to be preserved and sheltered from storms. Not that they won’t come and I might sometimes feel bruised, but I will always be special in His eyes. I find that a truth that today lifts my heart in praise and worship of my Mighty King. How about you?

I’m attaching a video of an ooooold song by Benny Hester that thinking on this verse reminded me of. It has a long, beautiful piano intro.  Maybe you will find comfort in the words of this song: “Nobody knows me like You.”  It’s true – and that knowledge is because our Creator God – loves YOU and holds You as the apple of His eye.

Looking Back

Aug14

This morning I get to meet with some former co-workers from my time in Milwaukee.  Friends who have experienced along with me the brutal reality of mental illness and the challenges that places on society.  It’s been eight years since I moved Nort’, kicking and screaming, to the Holy Land and away from my work in the inner city of crime and cockroaches. We did good work there. We made a difference, one life at a time, by serving this population of adults that are so marginalized by society.  Hard work. Painful work.  Amazingly funny moments in the midst of the challenges and the mental illness that sometimes seemed to characterize the personality of the company we worked for!  So this morning I will connect with two of those women who share that history with me – to catch up on the real life history of our own making.  I’m looking forward to that!

Then later today I get to re-connect again with several women who shared the lunch room table with me in High School. That was more years past than I really want to admit to. (my heart has not aged as fast as my body or the calendar would indicate). It seems a lifetime ago, and in fact it was.  Silly me, I cannot remember much of those years in specifics and the details. I do remember feeling that with this group of young women, I belonged.  Or at least they let me belong.  Many rotations of the globe later we meet again and I realize that while a lifetime has passed for me and I am not the same person I was ___ years ago.  Neither are they.  Love, loss, pain – all mark our lives in some way, shape or form.  In a way I am making new friends – not reviving old ones – because we are all changed.  For better or worse life and our choices has molded us into who we are today – and each time we meet we get to understand those changes and celebrate our survival in fresh ways.  

The pic above of me with Laura and Carol was taken at our first “reunion” in January of this year.

 When you look back – do you see positive changes in your life?  Have you allowed the challenges you have faced to grow you into a better person than you were before?  How have you “improved with age?”Like fine wine or cheese – it’s worth sharing with others . . .

Anticipation

Aug11

My kids are going to a rodeo tonight. They’ve been ready  for hours now and driving me nuts with their energy and expectations for fun. Made me think – what do I anticpate? What am I expectant for in my life? What gets my blood fired up and rarin’ to go? What makes me want to get out of bed in the morning?

Right now I’m working on two books – one fiction – one non-fiction. Working on them definitely fires me up and gets me excited. A little fearful too – what if no one likes them? (grateful that I have readers who love my novel!)  Still – I’m having fun and that’s what counts right? Who knows what God will do? He’s already reconnected me with so many people that I knew just a few years ago in High School (good ol’ Goodrich!).

I always wanted to write and now have had the courage to do it – jumped into NaNoWriMo last year and everything changed. So with a mixture of fear and joyful anticipation – I’m writing. I’m pouring out my heart and creativity.  I look forward to seeing how God will use that next. So here’s my blog. Just another step forward in a world filled with people giving their thoughts and opinions on life, exploring their adventures and potentially being inspiring in the process. Not sure if you will find that all here – but you never know – you might!  Hopefully you will check in occassionally and say “hi”.

In the meantime – what fires you up? What is getting you up in the morning? If nothing – you may need to explore the dreams God has planted in your heart – and take a risk to follow them. You just never know what will happen in the process.

Hello world!

Aug11

A friend told me today that I NEED a blog.  Need?  I need air, food, water and shelter.  Oh, and clothes are good – VERY good!  But NEED a blog?  *big sigh* However, if I want to be exposed as a writer I need an “on-line presence.”  So, here I am bowing to her wisdom.  One more thing for me “to do” and one more thing for you “to read” in a world of information overload.  Wow – doesn’t that excite you and make you want to read more? 

If you follow me on Facebook – you may actually like what you find here.  I cannot promise to always be witty or inspiring – but maybe you will find that here.  Perhaps I will encourage you. Hopefully you will find grace and hope for your own journey.  One thing I hope you do find – I’m real.  This is real life.  And I won’t pretend to be someone I’m not.  If you like that – then I’m glad you are here.

Thanks for stopping by and hopefully you will visit again.