Making Cards

May27

Years ago I attended a Stampin’ Up! Party and learned how to do all kinds of fun and creative stuff with stamps. Cards are my favorite and it had been awhile since I’ve done this and with a depressingly long winter, even the first day I tried, I didn’t enjoy myself and wasn’t impressed with my efforts. After awhile though, I started to have fun again. I don’t often let myself play and this was play time. Here are some of the cards I made.

This first trio are done with colored pencils – by my daughter Joy (age 8).

This next set I had fun using browns, which is not a normal palette for me but was fun. Hey, there was till pink in there…

And then there were the happy, hoppy frogs… they were fun and I used watercolor pencils for those and some I even cut out and used pop-ups under so they “jump” out at you a little more.

But I wasn’t done… Some more masculine brown/green/gold but then more cheerful pinks and oranges and lime greens.

These were fun mixing textures and patterns.

I have plenty more that I made in about a week (I did about eighty cards). I don’t mail out cards as much as I used to, but now when I do they will be ones made by me and hopefully cherished a little more for the time and effort that went into making them along with putting them in an envelope with an old fashioned stamp and sending them snail mail.

Where’s my Glasses?

May20

I was visiting with a 20-year-old young woman and she said something profound. “My problem is I need to see myself the way God does.”

I told her I struggle with that too. My problem is I keep losing my glasses! Or the lenses get smudged or they break. It’s hard to look clearly at yourself when your looking glass is warped or the wrong prescription.

Can anyone relate? I mean, I would love to have rose colored glasses personally and see myself as wonderful and perfect and adorable.

Unfortunately the lens that so often is before me is the one that significant others in my life had filled with messages like “You’re fat,” or, “You’re lazy,” or “Can’t you do anything right?”

Now why would I hang on to those glasses? Because they are practically riveted to my skull and difficult to remove.

I need to work harder at seeing not only God correctly, but myself, through His eyes. After all, Scripture says he delights in me. Sometimes that feels like a fictional sentiment. But it’s not. It’s real (Zephaniah 3:17).

How about you? Having any vision problems lately? I wonder how many of our problems would melt away (like butter in a hot frying pan) if we could only see ourselves like God does. After all, His opinion matters far more than that of those around us who cannot love us nearly as well as our Creator does.

The Looming Cloud of Depression

May6

This was originally published in September of 2010

I’ve struggled with depression most of my life. With medication I have more ‘good’ days than bad, although circumstances and hormones and my thyroid issues can mess with all of that. The past few days I’ve been feeling the shadow of that cloud looming and am troubled by it. I usually try NOT to write publically when I’m like this. Not sure why. I don’t need any guests to my pity party and I don’t always like to explain the challenging circumstances that I have lived in and continue to experience on a daily basis. It almost makes it worse to talk about it. It is the way it is. I’ve had to make tough choices and sometimes the consequences are painful.

This week I have a book to read that will scrape wounds raw. When I don’t have to look at my challenges and can rise above them (or pretend they don’t exist!), I do better. But I cannot always stay there forever. I’m finding it hard to lean into the pain I know will come, because I can’t leave it there when I set the book down. However, the issues are bigger than me – they extend to the women (and men) of our church and beyond. So I need to step up even if it hurts. Sometimes life just hurts when you have to face into things that don’t change even though your heart wishes they would. I need to grieve my losses again while seeking to live in hope. I serve a God I can trust with the future.

All of this is before I even crack the book open. However, I had to do something similar two weeks ago and haven’t fully recovered from the emotional wrenching it did inside. So in a way, I’m trying to be realistic.

I wish I could use food to numb or stuff down some of that pain. But those choices have negative consequences and I’ve made so much progress in that area this year. Now is not the time to backslide. Sometimes I just have to feel it. But I don’t wanna! my heart cries out. Well, I don’t like doing dishes and laundry and still – some things must be done.

I’m reminded that it is times like this when I am able to draw closer to Jesus. Knowing He treasures the tears that I sometimes am unable to cry. Knowing that my deepest pains – He has experienced. I’m grateful I have a God who sees, loves and holds me. King David resonates with me so much. “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” (Psa 43:5 ESV)

How about you? Is there a painful reality that is rearing its ugly head and needs to be dealt with head-on? How are you coping? How can I be praying for you? Heed also the wisdom from my eight year old son: storms have a purpose in cleaning the air - purifying it. I think that applies to the emotional ones too.

That Dirty “S” Word

Apr29

I was reading a manuscript for a book coming out next year and kept seeing the word “submission.” Yup, that dirty “S” word. Did you think this was about something else? I know, Snickers probably crossed your mind – they taste so good but doesn’t help if you want the scale to go down in numbers.

Anyway, back to that “S” word. It is sad that we see it as dirty and uncomfortable. I understand that for many submitting to unjust authorities can be painful and hard. Submitting to that kind of thing rankles us independent free-thinking Americans. Freedom after all means making our own choices, doesn’t it?

Well, you pay taxes (maybe?) and you probably generally follow the speed limit. You try not to steal or murder. Hmm. Are you submitting to the law or to God? Perhaps both because God has given us the law for protection, for our benefit, for our greater happiness.

So too with those He places in authority over us. I have a “boss.” I cannot just go and do my own thing but I have to submit to her ultimate authority over the work I do. It doesn’t bother me at all. I see it as an opportunity to grow as I learn from her leadership and guidance.

In the church, I see the leadership I serve under as a spiritual umbrella that protects me from falling into sin. They are held responsible for my ministry before God as I serve under them. I respect the weight of that and want to honor that responsibility by responding to their authority with gratitude.

Submission does not equal doormat though. It does not equal “victim.” We are not to submit to evil or condone it.

Submission is a joy when we know that the people we submit to have our best interests at heart and love us. Then it is far easier to submit even when doing so means letting go of some or our own desires.

Submission however is not always easy. Jesus submitted to an unjust trial, false accusations and brutal physical torture as well as the defection of the majority of his followers. For you and for me. To save us. To provide an intimate umbrella of protection from the weight and death that is a result of our sin.

In that way submission is a beautiful thing and not a dirty word. The best book I’ve ever read on this subject is called Liberated through Submission by Bunny Wilson. I recommend it for MEN and WOMEN, SINGLE or MARRIED. It’s the kind of book I hope my kid will read in their later teen years to help them be prepared for the reality of submission in this world and the blessings that are a part of it.

How about you? In what ways do you struggle with this issue?

Life on God’s “D” List

Apr8

This was originally published in 2010…

Many years ago, a dear friend had emailed me about being depressed. Today, here in Wisconsin it is dark and stormy. Many of us go through storms of life that do leave us feeling: dark, down, depressed, defeated, deflated, discouraged, disabled. I shot the below “D” list to my friend then and ironically she has shot it back to me over the years and I have saved it because sometimes we all need some encouragement. So if you are in a dark place, if life is tough and the “D” words (kind of like Kathy Griffith’s “Life on the ‘D’ List”) have got you down – then take a look at life through GOD’s ‘D’ list instead:

Delightful – He lights up our lives!

Delectable & Delicious - Savor the sweetness of God!

Daring and Dangerous - Isn’t He just? And sometimes He calls us to be as well.

Dancing – In the arms of God! More fun than Dancing with the Stars!

Darling - That’s how He sees You!

Determined – To overcome Satan, we have that power through His Holy Spirit!

Demanding -We have a right to come before His throne with our requests!

Daddy - We can call Him this! Abba, Father!

Daughter - That’s who you are to Him! – If you are a woman. Sorry guys – you’ll have to wait for an “S” list!

Delirious – How we should be in love with Him!

Discipline -He does this because He loves us!

Deep – How the Bible describes His love for us!

Done - Our salvation in Christ. What a relief!

Duck Tape

Mar25

I will admit, I’ve called it Duck Tape. But when my husband complained I was able to prove that there really was such a thing.

When I served in our church helping with set up and tear down, duck/duct tape was the miracle tool. You can fix a lot of things with duck tape. We found out from our doctor that if you have a plantar wart – put a piece of duck tape on it and eventually when you pull it off- the wart will come with it (we haven’t fully proven this to be true yet).

I used to carry duck tape in my car. See I had a child who decided that he was smarter than those complicated five point harnesses I would wrestle with to get him in his car seat. So he would undo them. While I was driving.

So I would pull over, put him back in. He would unbuckle.

I would pull over again. Buckle him back in. He would escape.

I yelled, I threatened and one day I sat for over an hour while one child fought me on this. I think the people whose house were in front of thought we were stalkers.

Someone told me “You have a counseling degree, why can’t you figure this out?”

Um, yeah. Right. Like a degree automatically means I know everything? Hello people!

So I figured I needed to find a foolproof way to keep my escape artist kid in his car seat.

Duck tape.

All it took was ONE TIME. I buckled him back in and then strapped duck tape around him to the chair (not touching any skin). He couldn’t move. He couldn’t get his hands close to anything. And I made it home with him safe and secure.

After that, when he started to unbuckle I would lift up the roll of grey tape and ask him if he wanted me to duck tape him into his seat. He would whimper and stay put. Whew!

Funny thing is, He was never a kid who escaped his crib at home. That would have taken a whole lot more duct tape.

Just kidding. Well. Kinda.

Quack!

Your Courage, My Obedience

Mar11

Two years ago I attended the Leadership Summit that Willow Creek Community Church puts on. I love learning more about leadership and God always has something profound to speak to my heart about at these events, usually on a more personal level than in how to lead better.

But good leadership ultimately begins in the heart.

Leadership in the Christian context ultimately begins with being able to follow a leader – Jesus.

That year, 2011, I had a “word” for the year and that word was “courage.”

Scary word.

God revealed to me repeatedly how much fear I had about the path he had me on. Fears I could do nothing about. He also showed me that often in His word the concept of courage was coupled with the words “Be not afraid.”

Courage means stepping forward in spite of our fears. If it were easy courage would not be necessary.

At this conference we were given broken pieces of terracotta pots. As we sought God in prayer we were to write on the clay, His words to us.

Mine says “Your courage, my obedience.”

It hit me then that courage really isn’t mine. I do not have it in my flesh to persevere against difficult odds. It is only something I can do as I submit myself to God and obey and let HIM deal with the consequences of those actions. He knows better than I do what those ripple effects of obedience will be. I have to trust Him for the results. My only job is to obey what He leads me to do.

A year and a half later I still look at that and remember. I’m challenged once again that I have to cast my fears at His feet and step into the scary work He sometimes calls me to. Ministry is hard and it has a cost and if we think differently we are probably not following God. It should scare us. It should stretch us beyond what we think we can do. God calls us to live beyond ourselves often so that we are forced to depend on Him.

Last year I stepped into being even more serious about my writing. I stepped down from leading a ministry to write more because God called me to. The minute I decided to obey, God started opening up doors and affirming my choice. When my ministry responsibilities were done, instead of feeling a loss, I felt a huge weight off my shoulders and greater freedom to lean into His calling on my life – to write. To encourage. To redeem some of my pain through words. He pushes me further with every step and fear rears its ugly head and I’m reminded once again that it’s HIS courage – not mine.

My job is to obey regardless of how I feel.

Having said that, in what ways are you being challenged to obey, and what’s holding you back?

Who Can I Bless Today?

Mar4

I had a bit of an adventure at the beginning of February as I tried to get from the airport in Milwaukee, WI to one in Asheville, NC. Delay after delay and an unplanned trip to O’Hare and more delays meant I got to my destination over eight hours later than planned. So much for that part of the conference!

A friend expressed fear that her upcoming trip would have similar challenges. I told her that she should not pray this prayer before she goes: “Who can I bless today?”

Someone I know had an experience where she was able to exude grace while traveling and unbeknownst to her at the time, it deeply touched someone she had interacted with. It was a good reminder that we never know who is out there watching, listening and being impacted by our words and actions.

So I prayed that perhaps in my travels I could be that kind of blessing. God gave me plenty of opportunities to express grace as those around me were not quite as tolerant of the delays and gate changes. It actually stunned me to hear what some people will complain about. I was equally impressed (or not) with the difference in customer service in the face of those challenges. Some were calm and professional and kept a smile, or a sense of humor. Others were cold and indifferent to the impact the delays were having on the passengers who kept getting shoved around a cold airport.

So I smiled often. I complimented when appropriate. I expressed my view that I would rather get on a plane that really DOES fly than one that doesn’t. I met some neat people on the way as well.

So why did God let this happen? I don’t know. Maybe He needed me to be a bright spot in someone’s day. Maybe He was saving me from something worse. Maybe He wanted to test my ability to hold to a positive attitude in difficult circumstances. It really wasn’t a bad day. It was just not quite what I had planned for.

By the time I returned to my car three days later – to find a dead battery, all I could do was laugh. I had one more person to bless as a man came to jump my car in the subzero temps. My knight in shining armor I called him. In reality he was a large black man with metal caps on his teeth and a rusty pickup truck. He was sweet and helpful and got me back home. See there’s good people wherever you go – if you keep your eyes open for them. I suspect two Delta employees were surprised and thrilled to hear how they impressed me because yes, I reported their good deeds.

And one United employee made me laugh. Giving us more information than other had done, he did so with a sense of humor, telling us we were being moved to another gate where we were going to have to walk 500 miles in the frigid cold to get to our plane. We ended up being moved again – but his humor and willingness to be honest about the challenges keep us grounded lightened my spirits. So in honor of him, enjoy this oldie but goodie, “500 Miles.”The Proclaimers – I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)

Contaminated Love

Feb25

Sometimes our wounds are more significant than we realize.

Let me explain. I’ve struggled with some spiritual inertia lately. Difficult chronic issues contribute, as well as some health stuff, but it dawned on me today that the real issue is that I have come to feel defeated in my walk with God.

But this is not from God.

It started with another person I looked up to and trusted. A person who repeatedly wounded me and I prayerfully confronted with much fear and trembling. A person who turned on me and lashed out in even more deeply painful ways.

It was not so much the fact that this happened but the fact that the things I had been devalued for by this person involved prayer.

Prayer. An intimate conversation with the Most High God.

And this individual left me feeling like a failure in this area.

*Sigh.*

So there’s a double whammy for me.

1) I tried to confront in love because God asked me to – and came away feeling beaten and bruised at the core of my being. My attempts to get help to confront again were not successful and I gave up because too much time passed for it to seem meaningful. This made it hard for me to go back to God because didn’t it all start with Him anyway?

2) I still feel inept.

Now this is all entirely ridiculous, isn’t it? I mean, who else should care about how well I communicate with God – except for – God!

And He knows my heart and my hurt and it was never His intention to open me up to such soul-searing pain as what I experienced at the words of this woman.

So I go back and try again – to sit at the feet of my Savior recognizing that it was not this individual, but Satan Himself using that person to derail my relationship with God.

Amazingly enough, God has continued to speak to me and lead me even when I’ve not been as faithful as I think I should be in coming to Him. Another dear friend has told me that she thinks I’m praying more than I realize. Pray without ceasing? In some ways I do that. Simple prayers from a simple servant heard by a gracious and abundant God.

And I’m grateful because He has never wasted any pain that I’ve endured from others who have sought to wound me. Ultimately He has taken what they meant for evil and used it for good.

So I will hold on and I will persevere because He is faithful and loving even if some people have not lived that out in the ways I expect. Chances are I’ve wounded a few on my path as well. I only hope and pray I can be humble when confronted and not hurt in return like I’ve been hurt.

How about you? What derails your relationship with God?

Rejection is Part of the Game

Apr14

I’m in the midst of some changes in my involvement in church ministry. It’s been hard being in leadership because being in a position like that is like putting a target on your back and letting everyone practice shooting arrows at you. The hard part is that it is rarely that people criticize you for things failing or not going well – the attacks get personal.

I have been slandered over the years more times than I can count. The attacks are more on my personality or character and often judging my motives.

This kind of thing is hard. If you need affirmation and encouragement – this is NOT the place to find it. Sad isn’t it? The church, where we are to be “building one another up and encouraging one another as the day is drawing closer” can often be the place of our greatest pain. Yet God has given me a deep love for the body of Christ.

I do get affirmation from close friends and leadership. I am blessed by so many people I have served with. Still, it hurts to maligned and misunderstood.

Maybe that’s why I’m such a champion of respecting and praying for our church leaders. I know firsthand the pain of attacks and the difficulty leaders face in leading a group of volunteers who are trying to be “family” in the body of Christ.

But, I’m a writer too. Writing is also ministry. There is something different about rejection in writing. For instance, I just got a rejection of a manuscript that had been requested in full. Ouch. It hurts whenever someone doesn’t think your work is good enough. But that’s just it – it’s my work. I can improve. I can grow. This editor was a blessing in the way she delivered her rejection. She took the time to give me specific areas where there were problems with my writing and how to change them. She encouraged me to submit again in the future. This is highly unusual in the publishing industry. She didn’t blacklist my name or say I was a crappy person too full of myself to see how awful my writing was.

Rejection is part of the game with writing and seeking publication. It just is. The more I’m on line the more I see how many of us are out there pursuing our dream, writing our stories and trying to honor God with our gifts. Sometimes I admit, I feel jealous of the success of others when they finally get that contract, that book art, that first box of books with THEIR name on the cover.

I know I could have those things if I self-published and ignore the opportunity to grow. But I want to give God my best effort. That takes work and I’ll admit that sometimes I fear I’ll never be good enough. I’m so blessed by my readers cheer me on. They remind me of how God has already used my writing for His glory.

In writing the rejections are usually not personal. My writer friends know I’m zany and crazy and fun. They believe in me because they know I desire to grow and I’m not so full of myself to think I’m the next hot thing since Stephen King.

So I’m going to keep writing and serving God here until He says no more or calls me home. I’ll still serve in the church but the way that happens is shifting, and I embrace that. The Scripture God keeps bringing to my mind is this:

How do you handle rejection? What is God doing in your life that is new and fresh?

Susan Baganz's Silygoos Blog

Sometimes silly, always authentic.

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