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Today I celebrate.

I’ve walked with God now for thirty-four years of my life. More than twice the amount of years I had lived seeking a relationship with a distant deity.

My early childhood journals include many musings about God and a desire to be close to Him. I believed He was distant. Unreachable. Unknowable. Bigger. Powerful. Beyond me.

I was small. Insignificant.

I’m a different person now than I was then.

I’ve experienced many highs and lows of life. Yet sometimes I still feel alone. The first Scripture I ever memorized was

“Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” 

James 4:8 (NASB)

I’m hitting a milestone birthday this summer and have no idea how to celebrate that. I never really know how to celebrate this “re-birth” day either. except to remember. To reflect. To be grateful that God saw me as important enough to draw to Himself and love.

This is an old song. But it still rings true. All the years. All the relationships. My journal contains words expressing my continual seeking to draw near to the only One who I could trust to hold my heart.

Nobody Knows Me Like You (Benny Hester)

In the beginning I never knew
Just how much I really needed You
More than a friend, someone I could talk to
You’ve changed me in so many ways.

Nobody knows me like You
You put Your arms around me
You bring me through
And there’s many times I don’t know what to do
Though some know me well
Still nobody knows me like You

All of my secrets to You I tell
You saw each time that I slipped and fell
And all of my faults yes, You know them well
But You’ve never turned me away, no, no, no

Walkin’ in your presence is where I wanna be
You said in Your Word, You said that You would lead me
Yes I love You, oh, I really love You
I’II go anywhere
As long as I know you’ll be there

All of those nights that I was afraid
I stood on the promises You have made
The way that I act sometimes l am ashamed
But You’ve never turned me away, no, no, no