moving body parts | Susan Baganz

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Author Confessions: Hold On To Your Eyeball (Moving Body Parts)

I’m taking a little departure from dangerous emotions (yes, there are more of them!) to do something more specifically writing but does relate to real life because it is how many American’s talk. Autonomously moving body parts in fiction is usually discouraged but doesn’t mean they won’t creep onto the page.

I was explaining this to some non-writer friends and I used the explanation of “His eyes rolled.” as an example. See here the eyes are acting on their own volition which is different from “He rolled his eyes.”

This resulted in some hilarity because it was like the eyes rolled almost like a meatball from the song On Top Of Spaghetti. So we revised the song.

On top of spaghetti all covered with cheeseI lost my poor eyeball when somebody sneezed

It rolled off the table, it rolled on the floorAnd then my poor eyeball rolled out of the door

It rolled in the garden and under a bushAnd then my poor eyeball was nothing but mush.

The mush was as tasty as tasty could be,And early next summer it grew to a tree.

The tree was all covered with beautiful mossIt grew great big eyeballs and tomato sauce.

So if you eat spaghetti all covered with cheese,Hold on to your eyeball and don’t ever sneeze.

Now in spite of us laughing at this ridiculousness, it got even funnier when I learned that my husband had never heard this song! If you click on the song title above you’ll hear a version of the song with the original lyrics.

So pardon my detour there, but sometimes we just need to be a little silly about these things as they are funny if you think of them literally. Here are some examples:

Her eyebrows raised. (Really, raised what? The roof? An objection?) Better: She raised her eyebrows.
Her arm swung freely. (Is this like on a swingset?) Better: She swung her arm.
Her head turned. (Now I got Friday the 13th vibes). Better: She turned her head to the right.
His sad eyes arrested her. (Did they have handcuffs?) Better: His sad gaze arrested her attention.

There could be countless more examples. Let your characters in your writing be the ones making their body’s move instead of them going off on their own as if to steal the scene of your story. Yes, it can be creative but I was recently reading a book by Yakov Smirnoff about how confusing some of the language was as he learned English after moving to the United States, and while it is funny, it can be challenging to a less skilled linguest who might be reading. So be careful as you write, and no matter what, hold on to your eyeballs!