Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Lust

If you read last week’s post on the dangerous emotion of anger, great. If not, you might want to take read that because I don’t want to rehash everything here that applies to the dangerous emotion of lust. 

This issue was raised when I heard a teaching on Matthew 5:27-28  “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’;  but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Now I have no issue with Jesus’ words here but let us look at that a concept of lust. 

According to Strongs Concordance the Greek word for lust used here (1937 if you choose to look it up) is best translated “To set the heart upon, to long for.” This can be either good or bad. Vine’s Complete Expository Dictonary states: “Since in modern day English, the word ‘lust’ is used exclusively in a bad sense , it is unsuitable as a translation, where the word is used in a good sense.” Lust, generally speaking is merely a desire. It has no good or bad attached to it and is not sexual in nature. It is a neutral word whether looking at the noun or the verb form of it.

So to state that lust is catagorically a sin is not biblical. Now to desire someone sexually and want to do things with that person who is not your spouse, is adultery and like I stated before in my last post, is an issue of thoughts that influence that. This again becomes an issue of pride, believing that I have the right to demean another person by wanting something from them that is a violation of Scripture. Jesus is again using a cognitaive behavioral therapy here addressing the thoughts of desiring a woman sexually (or a woman desiring a man sexually) who either person is not married to, as sin. It starts in our thoughts before it becomes emotion. We sin in our thinking before we act on it.

Andy Stanley in his book Enemies of the Heart, has a chapter entitled: About Lust. He states: “When God created Adam and Eve, He also created the concept of one flesh. Every indication is that Adam strongly desired Eve, and Eve, Adam. With sex came lust. It was a package deal. So lust can be a good thing. … before sin there was lust. … When sin entered the world, everything was corrupted, including lust. It’s an appetite and it’s not going away. … Lust can be focused but not eliminated.” He goes on to say that lust is rarely the problem, but it’s usualy a heart issue regarding anger, guilt, greed, or jealousy.

Lust when considered as a strong sexual desire has its place in marriage. Desire like this draws a couple together but should only be satified when married, and only with one’s spouse. When my now husband and I were doing pre-marriage counseling the pastor, a long time friend of mine, asked, “Why get married so soon?” (we married six months after meeting). I responded “I want to have sex and won’t do that outside of marriage.” He laughed, and both men blushed. His response: “That’s a good reason.” The reality is, I should desire my husband and he should desire me! Isn’t that what the Song of Solomon is all about? Trying to reign in those desires to stay pure before marriage was difficult! We did it and are so glad we did.

I write romance novels and have taught about this when talking about inspirational romance. As an author I believe I am as accountable as any teacher or preacher by what I put on the page for others to read even if it is fiction. I want to acknowledge the real desire, even physical, that a person can have for another outside of marriage, without crossing into adultery.

Desire for sex is hard wired into us but can be influenced by hormones. I met with a woman for counseling who had an insatiable desire for sex and started watching porn. We discovered two things: there was an intimacy problem in the marriage and secondly, when she stopped that particular birth control, that intense desire went away. Sexual lust and the porn were signs of a deeper issue, and once those were addressed, she had no desire to watch porn. Having said that, some people have a lower desire for sex, or may even be asexual, not desiring it at all. For those who remain single, that is a blessing, not a curse and likely part of their chemical makeup.

We need to be careful of our words. The dangerouse emotion of lust is not bad. In and of itself it is not a sin, but how we think about what we desire can be and that’s where we again need to take our thoughts captive, and if you struggle with this, getting help or accountability can be good.