Author Confessions: Managing Expectations
Christmas is in two days! In November I had a last-minute surgery while trying to prepare for Christmas early and write 50,000 words for National Novel Writing Month. I’ve had inguinal hernia repair about thirteen years ago and thought, no problem. I’ve got this! I needed to have a lot done and out of the way so that I could take care of my husband in December after his reverse shoulder replacement on his left arm. He did the right one a few years back so we’ve been down this road before and I realized that this Christmas, and our sixth anniversary (yesterday), would of necessity be low-key and one of doing less, rather than more, over the holidays.
Christmas gifts that I was making got finished, wrapped under the tree (or in some cases in the mail). Hernia surgery was accomplished, due to a kind surgeon squeezing me in last minute but it was unexpectedly much more intensive than even he expected. Six weeks recovery means no lifting over 15 lbs so I’ll need to be careful with wood stove and make more trips when unloading groceries from the car up through January 2nd.
My daughter had a birthday as well (how can she be twenty?). Her gift was ready. She said to me though, “Mom, I don’t have a job right now. I’ll try to get you a Christmas gift for you, but don’t know if I’ll have the money to do that.”
That made me sad. Gifts are more than physical material things. They can include acts of service. She could come over and load my wood stove! Or sit with her step-father and watch television while I go get my hair done. He’d probably be fine alone but that would definitely be a help and easy MY mind. Or just spending time together.
My love languages are words of affirmation and quality time, so her being here – just to hang out, or bake Christmas cookies together, or do a craft, would be a better gift than something she’d manage to find that I probably don’t need, to open on Christmas day.
That’s why I stopped giving my mom birthday gifts. What does she need? Instead, we are making memories. Last year we went to Kentucky to the Creation Museum and the Ark Encounter. This year we went to Branson (both of these being road trips for us). Next year we’re already planning on a trip to downtown San Antonio.TX, because for all her travels she’s never been to the Riverwalk (but I have). Making memories that last long after wrapping paper has been tossed away. I will confess, there are a few items under the tree for her!
With Christmas around the corner, how are you managing your expectations? Israel had waited a long time for a Messiah, and they didn’t know quite how to handle it when Jesus was finally born. Life is like that, isn’t it? We can plan and plan for things, but the unexpected can happen in a flash.
So, this is more for myself than anyone else. Take a deep breath. Relax. Sit. Savor the moments you have and don’t fret about a perfect gift, the best decorated tree, or the perfect holiday gathering. We got the best gift of all in a baby born on a dark night in less-than-ideal circumstances. Heaven came down to earth. Our Savior was born.
I love this song by Bryan Duncan, The Form of Man. Enjoy, and Merry Christmas!
Also Steven Curtis Chapman: This Baby