Author Confessions: The More I Learn the Less I Know

This sounds a bit confusing, doesn’t it? It would seem that the more we learn the more information we have stored in our minds therefore it would only make sense that we are smarter.

In some respects that might be true. However, I would like to posit that for me, the more I learn and understand about myself, the world around me, writing, and especially God, the more I realize how tiny and small my understanding of it all is.

I do not have the corner on truth in any of those realms. Not even about myself.

My personal history is colored by my thoughts and perceptions. Sometimes when different information is offered regarding an event, it shifts my knowledge about it and can even change the way I think about a particular event.

This is a delightful way therapy can be helpful, by assisting the patient in a wider perspective on their situation or circumstance. Not to minimize their pain by any means but to give them a better grasp of all that is impacting them emotionally. Challenging our thinking, broadening the scope of understanding, or looking at things through a different lens can be helpful.

We tend to think in somewhat fixed patterns. We like to retell stories, often with the same script. It’s easier for us to do that. I’ve done this with areas of teaching as well that I am most comfortable with. The challenge for us as human beings is we can get stuck in those groves of thought and widening them to include something that is anti-thetical or perhaps changes the perceived truth about something, can cause a not so fun experience called cognative dissonance.

This is a reality in life but also plays out in fiction so don’t think this is only about our intellect. Our characters reflect real life and sometimes when a character is stuck perhaps in a twisted view of God’s forgiveness, they need to be confronted with truth about that which can be uncomfortable. This internal struggle, whether in real life or in the mind of a fictional character, requires growth which is somewhat uncomfortable.

Why?

Because we need to humble ourselves to admit that we didn’t know it all.

Now there are those out there that proclaim to have a corner on truth and aren’t teachable. Call them fools if you will. They are unwilling to adapt or grasp that there might be a different perspective. Another word for them might be narcissist.

We’ve seen this with the election cycle. People argue for or against a candidate based on the person instead of the policies. They believe what the media tells them instead of doing the hard work to investigate the truth. Yes, character is important, but is that version real or the one pitched to you by advertising and political pundits? It can be difficult to dig through the dirt to find the reality. When people do research and decide they were wrong in their previous position, it takes humility and is often faced with opposition by those who haven’t undergone that process. Civilized dialogue has disappeared in many instances because of the entrenched thinking people on both sides tend to have and it becomes adversarial with a desire to insult rather than learn. In recent years we’ve seen people penalized and silenced for offering a perspective on things that differed from what the mainstream media and government wanted us to believe. They were called conspiracy theorists. Many times they suffered horribly for that but in the end they were often proved correct in what they had been trying to share.

Learning requires humility and a willingness to admit that maybe we were wrong.

This goes beyond politics to religion and even relationships.

I was always clear to my children when I had messed up. I wanted their respect and trust but believed that if I erred in the way I had reacted to something, they would learn that kind of respect for others.

I’ve seen families torn apart by lies told by one parent. Even adult children can hold to a line of thinking that has been emotionally reinforced and encouraged in an effort to avoid a relationship with the other parent. This is nasty business whether the child is young or old enough to think for themselves. It’s not a game I ever wanted to play.

Forgiveness often requires this humility, doesn’t it? We have to admit that maybe there is more going on than we’d like to admit and trust God to deal with the perceived sins of the other person. We might be legitimately wounded but sometimes it can be hard to parse out what is real and what has been slanted in the communicaiton about an event.

I could look at my father’s workaholism and be angry that he wasn’t around more. Sure it hurt when he couldn’t make it to a concert perhaps. As an adult, however, I can recognize his humanity and that he had his own issues he struggled with that might have kept him from being as present as I would have wished. He also had the responsibility of providing for a relatively large family. He did the best he could with what he knew.

I could get angry with my husband over something but I have to filter it through several different lenses.

1. Is this something that is more my issue? Am I reacting more as a result of past trauma than to the here and now? This has happened where he’s accidentally triggered something in me that was not good. Once I’ve informed him, he changes the behavior. I’ve had to do the same for him.
2. I need to remind myself that we are on the same team and give him the benefit of the doubt. It might not have been intentional (see #1).
3. It might be part of who God has created him to be and I need to adapt to that even if it isn’t always comfortable. We all have our quirks in our personalities. I remember that God made Him unique and I need to appreciate that uniqueness. In this instance my issue is more with God than my husband.
4. It’s easy to stew in my feelings because if I confront them I might find out I did something wrong too. It takes courage to talk about our hurt and frustration and the cause of that and work that out between two people. It’s worth it to go through that process.

When we were about to get married my fiance (now husband) told me he knew everything about me. I told him that couldn’t be true because we had years of history on both sides and we would spend the rest of our lives learning about each other. A few months later I learned he was the “M&M Grandpa” and had a collection of M&M memorabilia. Six years later I discovered his favorite pie was blueberry and not apple, although he loves apple pie too. I finally baked a blueberry pie for him. The more I learn the less I know.

The other part of this is also self-knowledge. I’m still learning about myself as I grow older. My perspective changes as I go through events in my life. I learn. I understand differently. I unearth new truths about the way I react to things or perhaps blind spots (I’ll deal with that next week). I read fiction and non-fiction to broaden my thinking and inform me. I was recently diagnosed with ADD (inattentive type) a few years ago, and while I understood much about this, I’ve learned new tips and tricks that help me be more functional in my daily life. Growth has benefits!

The reality is, as a believer in Jesus Christ and one who seeks to follow Him with all my heart, my mind, and my soul, I need to hold to a posture of humility that the Lord of the universe has knowledge beyond my grasp. Every time I open Scripture I learn new things, or see God, myself, and the world a little differently. It’s a slow process because God is gracious in not shoving all my sin down my throat at once. He’s gentle and patient as long as I stay humble, teachable, and seeking Him for who He is not just what He can do for me. I’m grateful that He provides the Holy Spirit to guide and teach me,  and even pray for me when I can’t find the words. The Holy Spirit is in the business of teaching me what I don’t yet know.

How about you? Do you find that the more you learn the less you know? How have you seen this play out in your life?