Tag Archive | God

Author Confessions: Love Takes Courage Part 2 of 3

Oct26
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: Love Takes Courage Part 2 of 3

Love takes courage in marriage but also in friendship.

One of the things that I struggle with is how people who claim to be Christians, can avoid God’s command that we love one another. Now if someone is abusive, I agree that space (physical and emotional) might be required but I believe we are in a time period where some people find solace in being a victim and being traumatized.

This is not to diminish anyone’s pain over past events. No parent is perfect, nor is any spouse, or friend.

“I am a victim therefore I will no longer have anything to do with you,” it is a often a cowardly stance to take. All this without ever confronting the person with why you believe you’ve been wronged. I’ve been guilty of this as well.

Years ago a woman at my church called me. I had been Women’s Ministry Director at the time. She was offended, stating I was snubbing her at church. It was not something I ever intended to do. I get in a zone and can sometimes not notice people because of that hyper-focus. I apologized to her for hurting her, even if I never intended to. Her hurt was real. After that I made a special point to seek her out on a Sunday and speak with her, if even only for a moment. I also told her that I admired her courage to call me and confront me with her hurt. I apol0gized and changed my behavior. I moved last year and don’t get to see her much anymore but I still hold her dear to my heart even more so because she had the courage to love me enough to help me grow and change.

I personally hate conflict. I’d prefer everyone be at peace and get along. However, having served in ministry I’ve had to navigate many conflict situations. It takes a deep concern and love for the other person to step into that and  I’ve never done it without much introspection and prayer so I can take ownership of where I might have erred in the relationship. Sometimes this has gone well. Sometimes it hasn’t and I’ve suffered verbal and spiritual abuse as they justify their sin. That closes the door to reconciliation for me. I can forgive. I can be friendly. But they can no longer be a friend.

When a relationship isn’t close it can be harder to want to resolve the conflict. What’s the point when walking away can be easy to do because they weren’t significant enough. Why make the time and effort if the relationship is disposable? Love isn’t really part of the equation at this point. But here’s my question: Shouldn’t it be? If we are believers in Christ, and someone offends us, confronting bad behavior in a loving way could help that other person grow.

I had this happen in ministry where I witnessed a pattern of behavior from a fellow leader. When I finally sat her down and told her what I saw and how much it grieved me because I know that her actions were not a reflection of how she wanted to be, it was received with gratitude. I’m not perfect either but when I fail I would hope people would love me enough to point out my blind spots.

This is hard in marriage because the choice to step away from the relationship is more complicated. It takes greater effort sometimes to fight to be heard and understood. Two people with differing opinions, pasts, filters through which they see the world, can struggle to come to an agreement or compromise. It’s easier when we truly believe two things 1) The other person is in my corner and loves me 2) The other person wants what’s best for us and the relationship.

As believers we should be seeking unity and love even with people we disagree with. In our polarized climate that can be hard. Not every dispute is life or death even though hyperbolic talk might make it seem so and draw imaginary lines in the sand. Love takes courage in friendships. A true friend should not be discarded easily.

 

Author Confessions: Creativity Requires Courage

Oct12
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: Creativity Requires Courage

As kids, we draw and color and it’s all considered great. I remember in preschool, coloring a drawing of grapes, green. Those were the only kind of  grapes I knew at that point because that’s what my mom bought. The teacher told me I was wrong. They should have been purple. It left a mark to the degree that I remember it all these (few) years later.

I love to be creative. It takes courage and reliliance to write a book and work through the publishing process. Edits can be scary and I internally carry some scars from some of those editors which mar my view of those stories. Until I read them again and am reminded that they are great. The process to get there for some of them, was messier than for others.

Pillow I made for a special anniversary.

Pocket of a bag I made.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I embroider and have made gifts with designs I’ve created. I don’t know all the possible stitches out there but I know enough to make some fun designs. I’ve made some bags that I use that have embroidered pockets. I’ve made pillows. It’s a hobby I enjoy. When it’s a pre-drawn design there is less fear than if I create my own. Creativity takes courage. The pillow above was based off a clip art image.

A few years back I watercolor painted huge flowers on our bedroom wall. That took courage. I’d never done it before! In our new home, my hubby wanted me to do something similar. I spent days painting but decided I didn’t like it and painted over it and began again. I won’t show you the first attempt–but this is the final one! I’m so happy with it! This one took me only five hours. The bed goes in the center of the wall and I already know how I’m decorating the middle.

Master bedroom wall – bed goes center.

I’ve also made cards and almost anyone I’ve gifted them to love them, but I often am far more critical. I know others make more complicated designs but it is a fun hobby.

When you see something beautiful, at a craft fair or anywhere else, even if you don’t want to purchase, please the the creator know that you appreciate the beauty because it took courage to not only craft it–but to put it out there for others to see.

God didn’t have fear in creating us and this beautiful world even though He already knew we would fall into sin and would need to rescue us. As much as I want to create beauty, in a garden, in my home, or through writing, embroidery, or making cards, or writing novels or anything else, God is the author of all beauty and I need to be clinging to Him and thanking Him not only for His creativity but for allowing me to create as well. I am able to overcome my fears and have the courage to create when I’m seeking Him first.

Do you enjoy creating anything? My husband fabricates things from scrap metal. While he’s not going for beauty, he finds a way to make things to serve a functional purpose. I admire courage he has to create as well. I would love to hear about what have the courage to create.

Oliver’s Opinion: The Earl’s Ultimatum (Book Review)

Oct2
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Oliver’s Opinion: The Earl’s Ultimatum (Book Review)

My mom loves Regencies, with her original fondness for Georgette Heyer (but not the omniscient point of view).  She’s written many regencies herself! You cand find them on this blog. But this isn’t about her writing. When she started reading The Earl’s Ultimatum by Judy Hut she asked me this question: “Why didn’t I get to edit this book? It’s wonderful!”

Judy Hut does deliver a lovely story in The Earl’s Ultimatum. A friends to lovers trope that feels fresher than Emma by Jane Austen and with far more depth of insight into the character’s inner thoughts. Perhaps more than what would originally have been true of the culture at the time (but who knows? She wasn’t there!). Still the characters are lively and fleshed out well and the interactions are refreshing. There are deep backstories slowly revealed including deep grief and loss. The motivations feel true and real.

Andrew is a viscount and his father is forcing him to marry in order to secure an heir. Andrew’s brother had died but not before leaving the woman he’d long to wed, pregnant with his child. In order to secure his brother’s inheritance for the child, Andrew must reluctantly acquiece to his father’s manipulations, leaving him angry and frustrated as he enters the marriage mart in London.

Lucy Grant is five years late to the marriage mart and not interested in finding a mate. Encountering Andrew, however, she finds a friend amongst the ton, which is not a done thing during that time period, but they are careful. She finds herself pursued but not engaged by another man which seems to illicit strange reactions in Andrew even though he’s courting someone himself. It seems that only with each other can they be truly themselves.

As the story progresses with their parallel courtships, both begin to realize they are settling for something much less than they deserve. I won’t give away the plot points and deny you the pleasure of the journey these two protagonists take, but to find healing form the past and a way to forgiveness is not an easy path. They are blessed with wonderful friends who support them on their journey.

There are a few twists and turns that Andrew needs to navigate before he can settle into a future of love and joy but Judy Hunt is masterful in her telling of the story and helping the reader care deeply about the outcome for Andrew and Lucy… as well as her friends.

The only thing my mom was disappointed with was that the author quickly wrapped up another two romances in the story that could have, on their own, made for lovely storytelling in a novel or novella, but either way, the reader will finish this book with a sigh of delight at the happily-ever-after ending. The devotional at the end, inserted by the publisher, makes personal application of the truths in this story which is wonderful.

So do my mom a favor, and pick up a copy of Judy Hut’s The Earl’s Ultimatum. You won’t regret it. I give it five bones because I’m a dog. I like bones. You’ll love this story.

Oliver trying to help mom with book reviews.

Author Confessions: What About Mercy?

Sep21
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confessions: What About Mercy?

I was participating in a Bible Study of the book In His Image by Jen Wilkin, that was looking at the communicable attributes of God (those God shares with us) and how He calls us to relect His image and character to the world around us. What about mercy? How does that work and why would I be writing about it?

Justice, mercy, and grace are connected.

  • Justice is getting what we deserve -punishment for our sin.
  • Mercy is getting what we don’t deserve – compassion, Jesus died in our place for our sins.
  • Grace is getting what we don’t deserve – salvation, love, relationship with God among many other blessings.

In Chapter 5, God Most Merciful, I totally understood and appreciated the concept of showing mercy to others. In my own thoughts and even experiences in the Christian church (writ large) we often tend to jump to judging instead of mercy. In other words, being compassionate when we hear someone’s story instead of rushing to judgement. When I wrote Pesto and Potholes and Salsa and Speedbumps, I wanted to explore this concept, along with other themes. Writing those books was my way wrestling with my own sinful rush to judgement instead of extending mercy. Even if I never say anything, the thoughts in my mind are equally condemning.

This is how it the book impacted me adversely. The author, Jen Wilkin made a few statements that I fully agree with. We need wisdom in dispensing mercy. She states on page 81, ” When our offender persists in sinning against us, we are wise to put boundaries in place…. Mercy never requires submission to abuse, whether spiritual, verbal, emotional, or physical.”

First of all, let me say how refreshing these words are. After many years in an abusive marriage, almost every marriage book I read failed to acknowledge the depth of pain an abused spouse might be enduring. Leslie Vernick has some great books that can help of you are in those situations: The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope, and How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong. 

Gary Thomas’s blog post, Enough is Enough, was the first time I read anything that extended mercy to someone like myself. His premise is that the church has made an idol of the institution of marriage at the expense of the women (and men) who are suffering from abuse.

I believe that many rush to divorce without doing the hard work to make a marriage work. I resisted divorce and as a result lost friends over the years, being harshly judged for staying in a difficult marriage. I refused to divorce until GOD told me to. When He did, He gave me the courage to follow through and made a way through my fear. I had grieved the death of love in the marriage for years before. You might call me a heretic for stating God led me to divorce my spouse. Jewish leaders condemned Jesus as well for not following their prescribed religious beliefs.

After I filed for divorce, people would come to me, without knowing my story, and tell me I was wrong. My then-husband also called me an “evil, selfish, sinner.” I will only admit to the last one. I am a sinner. I have never claimed to be perfect in any relationship, but God’s mercy shields me from the consequences of that.

When I stayed, I was judged. When I left, I was judged. Thankfully the only opinion that matters on this is God’s.

Jesus’ grace brought me freedom, as well as newfound joy in my children’s lives once the weight of the verbal abuse was gone. He provided for our needs as I moved on in life, and eventually, brought a new love and life beyond what I could have ever dreamed or imagined possible. I intellectually understood God was good, but I doubted He would be good to me. I didn’t deserve it. His goodness to me throughout all that, apart from the condemnation from a few self-rightous folks, blew me away. Lavish, grace-love. That’s my Jesus.

When I read Jen Wilkin’s words, I had to fully own that I can too quickly rush to judgment of others instead of showing mercy and compassion. If I haven’t walked in their shoes, who am I to judge? I was blessed with godly and wise counsel before, during, and after my divorce, and even as I entered into a new marriage. God’s grace is overwhelmingly wonderful.

Even in church, I hesitate to state I was divorced because of the lack of mercy and rush to judgement many might think if not outright say. Even when I was divorced I thought of myself as single. The weight of shame was not part of who I was because I obeyed God, and continue to seek Him.

So, having read this, do you judge me? What about mercy? Does the your Christian faith have room for that? Mine doesn’t as much as I would like and I still struggle with that, even though I’ve experienced it so often from our great God. I’m growing, and hopefully you are too. The world needs more mercy and compassion.

 

Author Confessions: What My Dogs Teach Me About My Relationship With God, Part 6 of 7

Sep7
Reading Time: 3 minutes

What My Dogs Teach Me About My Relationship With God, Part 6 of 7

If you haven’t read my previous posts you can find them here, here, here, here, and here.

As I mentioned in my last post. A day after putting Cooper down, I found a rescue up for adoption, the breed I wanted. It was a puppy. I didn’t want a puppy but my husband did. We brought home a dog that was slated to be killed at a Wisconsin Amish puppy mill. He had a broken tail and a wonky jaw. Absolutely adorable.

TRAINING IS GOOD

After a few months I took dog obedience training with Oliver and a small group of people and their dogs. Oliver was a champ there, but not so much at home. The training was more for him than for myself. I still can’t get him to sit or lay down when I ask him to.

Training takes time, one-on-one time. Oliver is really good at is coming when I call him, and dancing for a treat. He’s pretty good at doing his business outside.

How much more do I need training? Not just for getting a dog to obey, but so that I can obey God? Time in His word, Bible study’s and small groups at church as well as Sunday worship all help me grow in my ability to grow more and more into the likeness of Jesus.

MENTORS ARE IMPORTANT

A week after we got Oliver, my husband had surgery. I figured Oliver needed a buddy, an older dog who could show him how to be a dog. We found Marley, a sweet old boy, whose owner was no longer physically able to care for him. He came with some bad teeth so he was a much happier dog after we had them removed. Marley helped Oliver understand how dogs do dog things.

I need people to mentor me and have been blessed with several over the years. It’s also good for me to mentor others as well, to encourage them on how to grow in their faith, and navigate a complex world filled with choices and decisions. We can’t navigate the Christian life on our own very well. Even as an author I need other writers to help show me new things, or point out where I might need to make corrections in my craft.

BE CAREFUL OF IDOLS

Marley wasn’t with us for long which saddened us greatly. I love my dogs but I firmly believe they are animals, not humans. Caring for them is caring for part of God’s creation and they bring much joy—and teach me so much. I don’t have an bottomless bank account though and cannot invest thousands of dollars to find out an old dog has dementia or a brain tumor. When Marley refused to take medication that seemed to calm him down and prevent him from possibly biting, his time was over and it still saddens me that couldn’t keep him longer. A dog that bites is a liability and we did as much as we could for as long as we could safely keep him in our home.

Before we needed to say goodbye to Marley, we could tell his time was going to be short. Oliver enjoyed having his big brother around so we started searching for another dog.

I can’t make any dog, or human, more important than God.

NEVER SAY NEVER

I decided long ago that I would never adopt an Amish puppy mill rescue. They are often traumatized and unsocialized and take a lot of effort and energy to rehabilitate. Oliver was only six months, almost too young to have been horribly impacted. The sweet shy puppy we adopted has become an energetic, happy, and almost too friendly dog, believing that everyone is his friend and wants to give him love and attention.

The rescue had some pure-bred Shit-zu puppies, all females, who had been slated for death because they weren’t producing enough puppies. Minnie Pearl (formerly Dolly Parton) was the last left to be adopted. Minnie was underweight, and had a lot of teeth removed. She was shy and submissive. No tail wags, but no snarls either. We adopted her because she needed love. I guess I needed to be reminded that God laughs when we say never.

Minnie has tested my patience, and my selfishness. Funny how a dog can show us our sin, right?

Do any of these lessons resonate with you? My dogs continue to teach me about my relationship with God and I hope I never stop learning.

Author Confessions: What My Dogs Teach Me About My Relationship With God, 4 of 7

Aug24
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: What My Dogs Teach Me About My Relationship With God, Part 4 of 7

If you haven’t read my previous posts you can find them here, here, and here.

JOYFUL

When my dogs wag  their tales, that is an indication they are happy. Whether it is because they see someone who might  pet them, or give them a treat, or simply because I came home, they exhibit joy. My current pup, Oliver, always seems happy and a neighbor commented on it. I told him that if he’s not happy, he’s resting. He can go from zero to 100 in no time flat from contentment to pure joy. I would love to be more like that. Dogs are in the moment, fully present for whatever is happening. And joy is a large part of that. They don’t focus on negative possibilities, but only on the great thing that is happening right now. A lesson I would do well to emulate.

FAITHFUL FOLLOWER

Benji was old when we got him, a Bichon Frise/Shih tzu mix. He was my shadow and followed me everywhere. He slept in a bed under my desk.  If I went to the bathroom, he would stand in the doorway to make sure I was OK. No matter where I went, he was there.

Even in the kitchen, often getting underfoot.

I want to be God’s shadow. I want to faithfully follow Him everywhere.  Benji had issues and once tried to bite my foot when I bumped him. I don’t want to be a follower of God who snips at God when He surprises me with a new direction. Yet, how many times will I grouse when things don’t quite go the way I had planned?

RUNNING JUMP

Benji was pretty spry for an older dog, but cracked us up with how he would back up and take a run before jumping up on furniture to be with us. God doesn’t mind that we sometimes need a warm up to get moving and connecting with Him.

IN YOUR FACE

Benji, once making it to my lap, would often just put his face right in front of mine. It didn’t matter if there was a laptop open, he would push His way forward to get my attention. God wants me seeking His face too. He’s never too busy for me, and I shouldn’t hesitate to come to Him just to be close. No treats expected, just love.

TWO BY TWO

Benji and Spazle played together. It was the first time I’d ever seen Spazle really play other than the tug of war we used to do when I would come home. We lived in the country and I would let them go outside off the leash. I would find them walking back from down the lane, side by side, stopping to sniff something, or just happily trotting together. It was so sweet to see them. This happened with Cooper as well. Such a joy to see!

How much more do I need others as I go about this life. Having someone to serve with, or take a walk with helps keep me on the right path, but also can provide great joy. I’m grateful for those God has put in my path on this journey.

Benji helped Spazle to live a good life while he was with us but eventually Benji bit me—hard. A dog with that kind of unprovoked bite is a liability and we needed to put Him down. We all grieved deeply. Benji was a pain in the neck, needing a belly band all day long and crate at night, but he was still sweet. We only had him eighteen months.

After Benji died, Spatzle grieved deeply and lost some of the pep in his step. They would play together, and take walks down the lane. It took several weeks scouring all the rescue and adoption sites. I need a dog that doesn’t shed, and we wanted and older dog, figuring a younger dog, while we might have it longer, would be more stressful for an old dog to deal with.

We found Cooper, a Lhasa Apso mix. Their relationship was different, but they still enjoyed those walks!

Do any of these lessons resonate with you? My dogs continue to teach me about my relationship with God and I hope I never stop learning.

Author Confessions: What My Dogs Teach Me About My Relationship With God, 3 of 7

Aug17
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: What My Dogs Teach Me About My Relationship With God, Part 3 of 7

If you haven’t read my previous posts you can find them here, and here.

PEACE IN THE STORM

Spatzle  was by my side during a difficult season in life. Years ago, when my kids were young, my oldest Hobbit would sometimes experience an emotional meltdown, I would go to sit by my son and speak softly to him in an effort to calm him down. Spatzle was not intimidated by my son’s outburst which could be loud and aggressive. My dog would jump up and sit on my lap and I would pet him. The motion was calming for me but also I suspect, for my son. I would pray out loud for my son during those times as well. Spazle just continued his steady presence.

ASKING FOR HELP

Dogs can’t tell us they are hurting. Spatzle was not a demanding pet. If I was a little slow in taking him out regularly, he might come and tell me. But when he started barking at me while I was working and then putting his paws on me, it usually indicated something was wrong. Lyme disease and back issues plagued him, but I wouldn’t have had a clue if he hadn’t sought me out. Both issue made it difficult for him to go up and down stairs, of which there were many inside and outside our home. Having to carry him in and out of the house at first felt like he was seeking attention, but he wasn’t. He was in pain. Once he had some medication, the issue resolved and he was back to taking the stairs and jumping up to the back of the couch.

When Oliver was a puppy, he got stuck in a box and barked as if to say, “I’m stuck! Help!”

I hate asking for help. I don’t want to be seen as needy. We all go through seasons where we should ask, and generously receive, help. Our first call should always be to God.

DO YOUR DUTY

Spatzle didn’t demand attention. He was the only dog in the house and confident in his position and my love. He slept at the foot of my bed every night and at times would jump up to sit by me in a chair while I read. He took his duty seriously to protect our family. We didn’t need a doorbell, as we had a dogbell. We rarely heard the doorbell ring because Spatzle was on the job. Now Oliver glady takes that position in our home.

He kept watch without any encouragement from me. He had food, shelter, affection, and was safe. His needs were met and he rewarded us with his bark. He had a job to do and took it seriously.

I have a job to do as part of the family of God, and I pray I can be as dependable as my dog in fulfilling the calling God gives me.

PART OF THE FAMILY

Spazle would  bark if someone came over and I chatted with them. He’d stop once I picked him up. He insisted on being part of the conversation and didn’t want to be left out. If someone came over and refused to acknowledge him, he would also let them know, in uncerstain terms, that he was someone to be reckoned with and once they gave him a pet, he would go back to his watchpost. Spazle was part of the family and never let us forget it.

It would be easy to forget that I am also part of the family of God and when the time is appropriate, to be acknowledge as existing. That’s partly why I love my church. I’m not invisible there even if people don’t know me. I’m not more important than anyone else, but I’m also not less important. I’m part of the family. And if I ask God to hold me while He’s speaking, that’s OK by Him.

In spite of all that, I remember that sweet face so fondly, and the lessons my dog taught me about my relationship with God. Do any of these resonate with you?

Author Confessions: What My Dogs Teach Me About My Relationship With God, 1 of 7

Aug3
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: What My Dogs Teach Me About My Relationship With God, Part I of 7

The other morning, as I was about to open my Bible to read, my sweet puppy, Oliver, jumped into my lap and sat across my journal. I stopped and petted him. I started to think about what my sweet dog can teach me about my relationship with God.

Before I go further, let me explain that there is a difference between Special Revelation (The Holy Bible) and General Revelation, how all creation cries out in testimony of who God is. In Romans 1:19-20, Paul states: “For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.”

I’ll be likely writing more than one of these so I wanted make sure you understand that this is what I am learning from the humble and sweet, dogs that God has entrusted me with. I apologize to owners of other types of pets, but maybe some of these will resonate with you regardless of what kind of pet you have.

I want to start out generally. I’ve often thought that a dog’s life was easy but as a human being I realize it is not.

DEPENDENCE

My dogs have to completely trust me. They need to pee or poop outside (although they sometimes fail to follow through on this as I would prefer). I can use the bathroom whenever I feel then need and not at the whim of someone else without access to a facility to relieve myself. I get the comfort of a bathroom as well, not needing to use the facilities regardless of weather and temperature.

My dogs also have to wait for me to return home and provide them with food. I hope I am as faithful as they need me to be in providing them with good food and plenty of fresh water.

As a human being I would struggle with this.  Sure, as a child I was utterly dependent on my parents to provide me with food and water, but when they left the house, when I was little, they provided me with a babysitter, until I got old enough to care for myself.

My current dogs are in a crate during the night, waiting for me to release them in the morning without whimper or complaint. They are in a playpen when I am  gone, sometimes with music playing and food and water available. They have no idea if I’m going to be gone for one hour or eight. And if I’m lucky they won’t leave me any gifts to clean up.

While we are all, as human beings, interdependent on others. I sometimes forget how dependent on God I am. For my every breath, or money for the rent, food to eat, a safe place to sleep at night. God has provided me far more than I deserve. How much more should I be climbing into His lap to express my gratitude.

KINDNESS

My dogs trust me to be kind to them. One, as I will explain in a future post, has a traumatic past, so she can still be shy about that and while most dogs will be chagrined if scolded for bad behavior, she will cower in fear. How much more should I quake before the holiness of God?

When I call their name, their tales wag and they come close. They anticipate good from me, whether it is a treat or some petting. God is calling me to meet with Him, not to discipline me, although He needs to do that too at times, but to show me His goodness.

It’s been a deep joy for me coming to our church after some wounds from our previous congregation. I anticipate with joy being with others to worship God! That is how it should be but hadn’t been for a long time. My dogs, likewise, jump and bark for joy when I come home because they delight in being in my presence! There is more freedom for them when I am there, and of course, the potential for treats. I’m glad I can experience that joy going to church, but the reality is I can experience that every time I pray or read His Word or talk about Him with someone else.

Oh, there is so much more to explore about what my dogs teach me about my relationship with God. Maybe you can suggest some you’ve experienced with your pet!

Author Confessions: The Gift of Quality Time

Jul20
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: The Gift of Quality Time

If you’ve ever studied The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, you might know that one of them is quality time. That is one of my top love languages and I will often go out of my way to connect with people via one-on-one connections. However, if I offer a potential new friend my contact information or suggest connecting face to face and they aren’t responsive when I ask to set a time/date/location, then I let it go. I’m not that important to them and that’s fine. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea.

Since I’ve moved, I will easily make the forty-five minute drive back to my hometown to connect one on one with a friend, or family. I don’t mind the drive and figure friendships are worth the sacrifice of time. A few years ago, my husband and I drove cross county, over 1,200 miles from Wisconsin to Houston Texas, to connect with a friend, although maybe next time I’ll fly!

A few weeks ago I had a birthday and my daughter texted a few days before saying she wanted to connect, in my town. I felt so honored that she would make time and drive to have a little lunch with me and see our house-in-progress. Then a few days later, another friend made the drive and took me to lunch, even looking for a place that I hadn’t tried before (and was wonderful). We got to sit and talk for long time. She made me a lovely birthday gift and I will think of her every time I use it, which will be often.

Two times in one week, people who love me showed that love by coming to spend time with me. Quality time. What a gift.

When I write, most of the best interaction between characters are in person, face-to-face interactions. Not just phone calls, social media posts, and text messages. Since Covid, we’ve become less inclined to do that in real life because we’ve become too comfortable with the distance. We sacrifice love for the sake of perceived safety. In a novel, those personal interactions are where people can go deeper in their understanding of one another.

When my husband and I are busy with all of our projects, sometimes I have to tell him that I need that quality time, away from the house, where we can talk about a lot of things, not the urgent work that sometimes takes priority. We regularly spend an hour at night talking before we go to sleep and I treasure that connection. Quality time is an essential part of our marriage.

I spend time reading the Bible and journaling every morning. It struck me that while I might think I’m really great at coming to meet with God, and it is, there’s more. Sure, I want to grow closer to Him. I want to grow in my faith and knowledge of God. In wisdom. I find that my time with God makes my day better.

I was missing something more important. God comes to meet with me. From heaven to earth, through the Holy Spirit, it might not be forty-five miles, and it’s more than 1,200. It is a distance I cannot fathom. Because of Jesus and His death on the cross, and the gift of the Holy Spirit indwelling, I have the honor of God meeting with me at great cost to Himself. I started taking it for granted. I’d lost the wonder of how miraculous and what a gift that God, the Creator of the universe would drop everything to meet with me any time I call upon Him, because He dwells within me by His Spirit. What a mind-boggling gift!

I don’t expect my friends to travel long distances to meet with me. Maybe I don’t feel like I’m worthy of that even though I will gladly do that for them. God loves me even more than that.

How far have you traveled to give the gift of quality time to someone? Do you have friends you would go to great lengths to go to spend time with them? How about God? Are you treasuring the time with Him? My depth of appreciation has deepened for the time I spend with God, since to real life humans reminded me, just by showing me their love, that the gift of quality time is precious.

Author Confessions: God and Me and a Cup of Tea

Jun22
Reading Time: 5 minutes

Author Confessions: God and Me and a Cup of Tea

I might have written about this before and if I’ve told you this story, please give me grace because it is one of my favorite stories to tell of God’s goodness, even though it was relatively small in comparison to what might have been considered “bigger” needs for God to meet. I told it to someone the other day and it hit me in a new way and I am overwhelmed with gratitude that God shows up in unexpected ways like this.

Years ago, in a verbally abusive marriage and living in a tiny, moldy, three bedroom mobile home, raising raising three little kids and not working outside my home anymore, I struggled to try to honor my then-husband as “head” of our household. He wasn’t walking with God and refused any attempts at accountability from men at church.

Every morning I made myself a spiced chai latte from a powder that I ordered online. I saved money by buying it in bulk (these were the days before amazon!). That cup of tea was part of my time with God every morning, early in the kitchen before the kids (or husband) were awake. It enabled me to have peace and quiet and watch the sunrise from the living room window that faced east.

I was running low, so I ordered the chai. When it was delivered it was left outside our mobile home. Husband picked it up and brought it in to the kitchen and in his ever not-so-charming-abusive tone asked, “What is this?”

I had ordered chai many times before and the box clearly stated where it was from and what it contained.

“It’s chai. I was running low and ordered some.”

“You can’t have this. It has suger and that’s not good for you,” he said as he grabbed the box and carried it down the hall and placed it on the dryer in the bathroom before leaving the mobile home.

I shook my head and prayed. “God I know the chai is fine for me to have, but I will submit to my husband even if I don’t agree with him. I don’t need chai to meet with you. If YOU decide that having a cup of chai in the morning is fine, you will  make him bring that box in here and open it up and refill the container.”

Later, I informed the “head” our home that I did not appreciate being spoken to like he had.

Every morning after that, I came to the kitchen and made my chai. The last day I finished what remained in the container. I washed it out and set it aside to dry and told God again that I was grateful for the chai but I would honor Him. If it was OK for me to have that treat every morning, He knew how to tell me so.

My husband never knew about that prayer. I’ve never told him this story.

That Friday, he came storming in into the mobile home and went to the kitchen and opened the door where we kept the chai container. He slammed it shut asked, “Where’s the chai?”

I pointed to the empty container and said, “I drank the last of it this morning. It’s all gone.”

“Didn’t you buy more?” Funny question, right? He was serious! He’d completely forgotten his announcement only a few days before.

“Yes, I did.”

“Well, where is it?”

“You placed the box on the dryer.”

He stormed down the hallway, grabbed the box, opened it up and took out a bag of chai. He cut open the bag and poured it into the container and then went to make himself a cup of tea.

He didn’t usually drink chai and it has minimal caffeine. He got his chai in a mug and headed back out to his office.

I smiled to myself and said, “God, You are truly awesome. Thank You.”

Now, why is this story so important to me? Did I NEED chai? Not at all. It is a luxery, a treat. I’ve gone a year without it when I went totally without sugar. I now have chai without the powder, and am fully satisfied.

It matters for these reasons, but the last one hit me fresh because I had totally missed then what God really did in that moment.

  • First – I share this because God does meet our needs, and this was definitely a want. But He delights in giving good things to His children.
  • Secondly – God can even use people who are not following Him to show His glory. Even if in that moment it was only to me.
  • Third, and the point I originally missed when I’ve told that story, was this: God did meet a very real NEED in my life at that moment. Not for chai. He showed me that in my struggles and pain. I was not alone. He saw me. Giving me a cup of chai was a small thing. Back then I rejoiced that God acted on my behalf, in spite of my husband’s declaration and forbidding me to have chai and missed this.

What brings me to tears is that He met the need I didn’t express. He knew me. He respected my obediance to an unjust order by an abusive person. He protected me. He provided a want, but what I needed more than anything, and maybe I never fully realized it as much as I do now, almost 15-20 years later, was that He was always there and saw me, and loved me.

I hate asking for prayer requests. We often ask for healing, or help, or for our finances, or for us right now issues with building a house as a deadline looms for us to move out of our apartment. In reality, what we really need, or maybe it’s just me, is more of Jesus. To have that kind of faith that boldly asks for minor things.

All these years later – it’s been probably thirty years since I started my chai-love combined with my time with God- it is still God and me and a cup of tea every morning. And that cup, even though the mug is different as they seem to break after a time,  is something I hope I never take for granted. He sees me. He sees you. And He delights in meeting more than our needs when we submit our lives to Him. I have so many more stories but this one is a favorite and I’m glad He keeps revealing more of who He is to me, every time I share it. What an amazing God we serve!

God has since given me a new husband (met him 8 years ago!) who will go out of his way to get me a cup of chai when we travel. He sees it as a way to show he cares. He sees me too. I am blessed.

Do you have any stories like this? I would love to hear them!