Tag Archive | time

Author Confessions: The Gift of Quality Time

Jul20
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: The Gift of Quality Time

If you’ve ever studied The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, you might know that one of them is quality time. That is one of my top love languages and I will often go out of my way to connect with people via one-on-one connections. However, if I offer a potential new friend my contact information or suggest connecting face to face and they aren’t responsive when I ask to set a time/date/location, then I let it go. I’m not that important to them and that’s fine. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea.

Since I’ve moved, I will easily make the forty-five minute drive back to my hometown to connect one on one with a friend, or family. I don’t mind the drive and figure friendships are worth the sacrifice of time. A few years ago, my husband and I drove cross county, over 1,200 miles from Wisconsin to Houston Texas, to connect with a friend, although maybe next time I’ll fly!

A few weeks ago I had a birthday and my daughter texted a few days before saying she wanted to connect, in my town. I felt so honored that she would make time and drive to have a little lunch with me and see our house-in-progress. Then a few days later, another friend made the drive and took me to lunch, even looking for a place that I hadn’t tried before (and was wonderful). We got to sit and talk for long time. She made me a lovely birthday gift and I will think of her every time I use it, which will be often.

Two times in one week, people who love me showed that love by coming to spend time with me. Quality time. What a gift.

When I write, most of the best interaction between characters are in person, face-to-face interactions. Not just phone calls, social media posts, and text messages. Since Covid, we’ve become less inclined to do that in real life because we’ve become too comfortable with the distance. We sacrifice love for the sake of perceived safety. In a novel, those personal interactions are where people can go deeper in their understanding of one another.

When my husband and I are busy with all of our projects, sometimes I have to tell him that I need that quality time, away from the house, where we can talk about a lot of things, not the urgent work that sometimes takes priority. We regularly spend an hour at night talking before we go to sleep and I treasure that connection. Quality time is an essential part of our marriage.

I spend time reading the Bible and journaling every morning. It struck me that while I might think I’m really great at coming to meet with God, and it is, there’s more. Sure, I want to grow closer to Him. I want to grow in my faith and knowledge of God. In wisdom. I find that my time with God makes my day better.

I was missing something more important. God comes to meet with me. From heaven to earth, through the Holy Spirit, it might not be forty-five miles, and it’s more than 1,200. It is a distance I cannot fathom. Because of Jesus and His death on the cross, and the gift of the Holy Spirit indwelling, I have the honor of God meeting with me at great cost to Himself. I started taking it for granted. I’d lost the wonder of how miraculous and what a gift that God, the Creator of the universe would drop everything to meet with me any time I call upon Him, because He dwells within me by His Spirit. What a mind-boggling gift!

I don’t expect my friends to travel long distances to meet with me. Maybe I don’t feel like I’m worthy of that even though I will gladly do that for them. God loves me even more than that.

How far have you traveled to give the gift of quality time to someone? Do you have friends you would go to great lengths to go to spend time with them? How about God? Are you treasuring the time with Him? My depth of appreciation has deepened for the time I spend with God, since to real life humans reminded me, just by showing me their love, that the gift of quality time is precious.

Author Confessions: Characters Don’t Waste Time on the Phone

Apr27
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: Characters Don’t Waste Time on the Phone

When I write a story, I have had characters use their cell phones to text but not much else. I don’t think I’ve even had a character doom scrolling through social media. Fictional characters don’t waste time on the phone.

I do.

Too much time, even though I have plenty of other things to keep me occupied. Sometimes I wish for the  days of the flip phone when it was only about phone calls (although texting was a beast on those). And I like to be able to check something on the internet or quickly place an order to check emails.

However, apart from those convenient uses for my phone, I spend too much time on it. Maybe God’s convicting me of this. The other day I left my phone alone and doing a craft as I watched television with my husband, because if there was a weather emergency I wanted the battery to be full so I could monitor the weather from the basement, maybe even through a helpful meterological video channel.

The reality is, my battery, on a normal day, shouldn’t need to have much battery drain.

I also tend to lose my phone. Have you ever left home without your phone? I have. How did you feel? Anxious? All the “what if’s” pop up. What if I have an accident? What if I miss an important phone call–which is funny as most people don’t call on the phone too much anymore.

I remind myself that I used to drive around all the time without a phone before car phones became a thing. It never dawned on me at that time I might be in danger. Of course, as I drive now I think of all the things I need my phone for. Uses I probably wouldn’t have thought of if it were in my pocket.

A reframe for me when I leave my phone behind is this: Without my phone, I’m off the leash. Think of a dog running with wild abandon when the leash is off. Being without my phone doesn’t need to be a bad thing. Some people turn if off and leave it behind for a day or two on a regular basis so they are not distracted by other things. Not sure I’m willing to go that far at this season of my life. In a newer community you might be surprised how much I use the map feature.

Fictional characters might text, or even make a phone call, but the conversations are short because too much of that kind of thing bogs down the story.

Fictional characters don’t waste time on their phones because that doesn’t move their story forward and a reader wouldn’t want to read about all they are scrolling through. Maybe I should be more like my fictional characters. Might be worth a try to see how much God can do with that time.

How much is my phone bogging down my life and keeping me from all that God has for me? Playing a game on my phone might be relaxing, but what if instead I were praying for someone? Or even silently praising God–or loudly by singing without a backup track in my car. What do you think? Does your phone monopolize your time?

 

Author Confessions: The Best Gift

Dec8
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: The Best Gift

Have you gathered all the gifts you wanted to give for Christmas? Did you mail out Christmas cards? It’s amazing how many decisions need to be made: Who to send cards to, who to buy gifts for, what concerts to attend, how to manage all the things that vie for your time.

I love buying or making gifts for Christmas but packing up and clearing out our home and moving into a small apartment resulted in most of my gift making supplies sitting in storage. I don’t have space to create much anyway. Some of that has forced me to scale back on what I’m doing for Christmas.

Gifts are harder too. I’m sure that my kids would be perfectly happy with gift cards for gas or stores (or simply a check). However, I’m trying to avoid that. Ultimately, I hope they embrace Jesus fully and follow Him, because He is the best gift. All I can do is pray. I still want to give them something more personal, that has a deeper meaning.

When my kids were younger my parents had given us a cash gift. Instead of purchasing presents we took our children to see the Tran-Siberian Orchestra live in concert. We were in the nosebleed section but they were mesmerized for three hours and when flash pots went off shooting to the ceiling, we could feel the heat (it happened during the song I’ve attached). We gave them a memory, a moment of family seeing something exceptional, excellent, and beautiful to celebrate Christmas. Here is the song that stuck with me and was amazing to watch live “Queen of the Winter Night.” And yes, there is a lot of hair flipping at this kind of concert. The endurance of these performers is amazing–and this woman’s vocal range is stunning.

A few years back I made memory books – digital scrapbooks of their life to that date. Two volumes, full color (thank you, Shutterfly!). When they opened their gifts on Christmas day they were deflated and confused. I explained that I was giving them their childhood memories. I had even written little notes in the books next to some of the photos. They sat on the floor and started paging through the books. Soon laughter rang through our living room. Memories. History. Love. A gift they can revisit any time.

I’m not certain how or if I’ll get to connect with my kids in person this year. I made their gifts (alluded to that in my last post). Something personal but definitley not cheap. I would love to be there when they open that package and see the expressions on their faces, but I am trying to be realistic–it may not happen. They don’t seem as motivated. The best gift this year would be time and a hug from my kids.

I’m also trying to figure out how to connect with my inner circle for more memory making with them, but it’s proving challenging. In the past we’ve done a few different things throughout the year: dinner, escape room, Christmas Tea, making a craft, or playing games. My home, which was often a place for some of that, is now gone… and we haven’t fully adjusted yet. Life situations often get in the way too. Time with my besties is the best gift, no matter what else we do.

After the gift of Jesus, what would you consider the best gift you could give to those you love? Do you like giving or receiving homemade gifts or do you consider is time spent with someone the best gift? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

I wish you the best gift this Christmas and always: Jesus.

Author Confessions: Fighting the Lie That There’s Not Enough Time

Jun16
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confessions: Fighting the Lie That There’s Not Enough Time

I’m in a busy season and I was aware that during this year I would be stretched and would face some challenges. Some of those were of our own making. We believe God called us to something but just because He leads us on a path doesn’t mean it will be an easy journey.

My word for the year is BREATHE because anxiety can well up when I am overwhelmed with too much to do, it can border on panic. I’m juggling a lot of balls of different weights, colors, and shapes and I’m not that great at it.

My mind wants to complain: “There’s not enough time to do all this!” And yet, somehow I’m in the middle of June and things have been accomplished. Maybe not as fast as I would prefer as I’ve had to put some things temporarily on the back burner, but they have been done.

One day when I was busy doing marketing stuff, a friend texted wanting to meet. Right now. My first internal response was NO! I don’t have time for this! I paused and reminded myself of a lesson I learned many years ago–the hard way–that people are more important than tasks. So I said yes. I closed my laptop and headed out the door and I’m glad I did. My friend had gone through terrible losses and was in the midst of several significant life changes all happening at the same time. We sat at a mostly empty Dairy Queen and she sobbed out her fears, grief, frustrations, hope. Dreams were coming true but there had been a gut-wrenching journey to get there and it wasn’t over yet. I listened, consoled, empathized, and gave lots of hugs (and napkins to wipe away tears). We parted and I returned home to resume my work. My friend needed me and I’m grateful I could be there for her.

Another friend called the other day, stranded, and needing a ride to a city about 50 miles away. Right now. I again was diving into an intensive work project (that I still haven’t returned to!). I dropped everything and went to pick her up and drive her to her destination, with a stop at Chick-fil-a along the way because neither of us had had lunch. She apologized and was grateful but I reminded her that we’ve both been busy and I’m grateful that we had a good time to visit and catch up.

My husband complained about a project taking too long. I had to remind him that God is in control and perhaps those delays were to protect us. Nothing is wasted in God’s economy.

There is the lie that there is not enough time, but somehow things get done and if I have too much to do, maybe it’s not what God intends for me to do today. If I seek Him for the next steps, somehow He accomplishes what He needs for me to do. That’s hard when there are several items on a to do list beyond the everyday things: dishes, laundry, yard work, paying bills, making meals, shopping, church, and sleeping.

The lie is there isn’t enough time. The truth is, perhaps I’m not focusing on what God really wants me to do. If I believed the lie I would have worked instead of being there for my friends. Maybe God understands that our timeline is not possible and if things are delayed, it might be because He, in His perfect wisdom, understands our limitations.

That’s a hard one to swallow to someone who likes to check things off her list. And likes to know the plan. Well, I have a glimpse of His plan and it’s exciting, however, the journey to accomplishing all of that is requiring more of me than I expected.

BREATHE.

I had a nightmare last night that somehow in the busyness of the last few days, I’d forgotten to write a blog post. A few hours after I woke up this morning I realized it was not a nightmare, but the reality of life. I even debated about not writing one at all. Here I am after two appointments and mowing the lawn, writing a post that just gets scheduled a few hours later than normal.

I’m OK with that because maybe the lesson God is reminding me of, is something you need to hear as well.

I’m going to take a few breaths, finish up this project and a few other things that slipped through the cracks and then get back to the grind, or not, if I run out of time for today. I’m good with that because God knows my heart and the purposes He calls me to. Sometimes I get too caught up in the small stuff to see the bigger picture and to remind myself that God is faithful and will see me through. If I need to cry like my friend, with all the emotions that fight to be felt, that’s going to be fine as well, and maybe, if I’m brave enough to ask, a friend will sit and listen to me too.

Fight the lie that there is not enough time. Let God guide your next steps. A friend often reminds me: How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. How do we follow the path God leads us on? One step at a time, clinging to Him all the way.

Author Confessions: Why Authors Hate Marketing

Jul29
Reading Time: 4 minutes

 Author Confessions: Why Authors Hate Marketing

Maybe it’s an exaggeration to say authors hate marketing. We’re expected to do it. I’m sitting here writing in a blog as part of a larger marketing plan. Gone are the days where an author can squirrel themselves away in a lovely little cabin and pump out book after book. Maybe a book signing here and there to meet their adoring public. Back in the olden days (before I ever started writing for publication), publishing houses did all that work.

The advent of the internet and those who are self-publishing has created a lot more content and choices for readers. Some publishing houses are struggling to stay afloat in a highly competative industry and authors are making less money as a result. It’s only a tiny percentage of published authors who write more than one book  who rise to the top as far as popularity and book sales. Those with big names don’t need to be all over social media to get readers to purchase their next best-seller. If you are already famous and write a book, they might do a few interviews on national television and then that’s it, voila, best-seller.

Now this isn’t about book sales, per se. But the reality is we live in a noisy world. I admit to getting sucked into social media, reels, videos, and posts. Sometimes I think life was better before I ever joined Facebook, and I’m not on there as much as you might think. I hired a virtual assistant for a time to help with some of that and I learned a lot. The goal was not to need him anymore. I still have one helping me for the moment with this blog, but she doesn’t write the posts. She does all the back door stuff and offers a ton of encouragemet (I love you, Bonnie!)

TIME

I don’t hate marketing. What I dislike is the time it takes away from writing. Part of this is as I’ve learned new things I’m dipping into my back catalogue of content to put together my media content. That takes a lot of time as I’m skimming books to get quotes, or looking on line for reviews to use to help people perhaps take interest in a particular title. And I can’t be all about sales either. Who wants that? So I search for cute images with quotes about reading, books, faith, or sometimes something silly to post to encourage my audience. Eventually I won’t have to do all that again, except for new titles, so getting it organized right now is the big investment. If I were to line up interviews or books signings that takes even more time (and money). Thankfully, if I plan well, I can post all of that in advance. Still, it takes time and planning.

INTROVERTS

The majority of authors are introverts. We are not necessarily out for attention. I’m supposed to do videos to promote my books and I’ve done a few, but I hate doing them! They are short, sure, but they take more time than you think and I can be pretty critical of my performance. I can do live videos and be fine with them if they are less scripted but it still is not a comfortable thing to do. I don’t want this to be about me–but about the stories. I write fiction so I have to try to show you, the reader, the value there is in reading my made up tale. That takes time and creativity to put together in something that’s only 30 seconds to a minute long with a moving background. As you can guess, I’m not on TikTok. My life is mostly private. Sure I share some stuff on Facebook, and maybe if I think of it, on Instagram, but that’s about it. I want to live a life away from a computer screen as much as possible.

MONEY

I have paid marketing experts to help me but in reality it wasn’t just paying someone to do the job, it was paying them to teach me how to do it. It’s not cheap and doing the job myself I can see why. It takes time and that is a valuable asset. So is money. My husband spent his life in marketing and sales but it was for a physical product and he would do the sales at a home with an appointment. It’s as different thing to sell content like a book. So I invest money (and time) and it might be years before I see a real return on my investment. It’s a step of faith to do that and many authors do pay others for the help, but even with that assistance they often have to pitch in by providing content to the assistant. Those assistants work hard. Book signings can come with a cost as well for the spot at a craft fair, and maybe goodies for those who come whether it be snacks or give-aways.

The reason why authors hate marketing is because it’s outside of our wheelhouse and takes away from our primary craft of writing. I don’t mind doing images and posting or playing around to creat my own unique images, but it takes time. My publisher does some stuff to help market books but the primary weight of this for most authors, falls on their shoulders. And if you want to be published, you need to have that audience already established, even without having a book to sell. Crazy, right? Unfortunately, that’s the reality most authors face as they try to get a book ready for publication.

Author Confessions: Margins Aren’t Just for Books

Feb5
Reading Time: 5 minutes

When you open the page of a book you see some white space all around the area where words are. Those are margins. When authors submit a book we request a one inch margin all around the pages and double-spaced. They are far easier to read and edit. If the margins are small, it creates stress in the mind of the reader.

In 1995, I stumbled upon the writings of Dr. Richard A Swenson who wrote Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives. Taking that concept of margins on a page, he applies it to the way we write, and live, our daily lives. Packing our days to the gills as it were, can cause physical stress and illness.

I’ve had a tendency to be a work-a-holic, even when I was a stay-at-home mom. My one escape? Reading. Books became my space in the challenges of raising kids. Eventually, that turned into writing. One day, I was writing and really enjoying the moment and all of a sudden looked up and saw it was 3:00 p.m. My kids’ school ended at a 3!  I called the school to tell them I would be late, got my little girl. I drove us to school which was in town at least fifteen minutes away.

When I showed up my middle Hobbit said, “Where were you?”

I sheepishly admitted: “I was writing.”

His response was brilliant. “Maybe you should set an alarm.”

After that I did. I never missed a pickup.

My kids are all grown now and life has taken many twists and turns since I started writing all those years ago, but I still strive to have margin. Making time to do everything we “should” do is tough. Keeping a budget, paying bills, work out, medical appointments, friendships, church, spending time with God (that should be first), getting enough sleep, maybe a hobby, date night, laundry… are all important. Are you exhausted yet?

I’ve intentionally tried to live a slower-paced life. I am a homemaker first. We also have an LLC that requires attention. I am a writer and editor but I can’t easily work a 40-hour-week with all my responsibilities.

I like a plan and I don’t especially like change. It’s easier when I initiate it. Life doesn’t give us warnings though. God sometimes lets life happen and we are forced to roll with the punches.

I realized last year I had been experiencing increasing heel pain. Having gone through that before with my other foot, I wasn’t smart enough to make an appointment earlier to get that taken care of. My husband learned he would need a major surgery, so I pushed to get this done. Healing doesn’t always go according to schedule,

Then my Youngest Hobbit decided she’d like to move back home till she heads off to college in the fall. Add a friend as well. That meant in addition to everything else on my plate we had to set up rules and expectations (they pay rent and need to attend church in person every week), but I also had clean out two rooms and part of the basement where they would have a place to hang out and watch television without being forced to be with us older folks. Having them here is a total delight and worth the hard work it took on my part to make it happen. I did have them do some of the heavy lifting. Still, it cut into my margins–and my work.

A few days ago, we learned my husband’s surgery got moved up due to him needing another operation six weeks later. The next morning, I learned my physical therapy needed to be extended. Cue the stress as I try to figure out how to handle all his appointments, keep seeing a physical therapist for my own foot pain, exercise, and doing my stretches daily, keep feeding us, keeping the house clean, oh, and maybe get some marketing and writing done? Add to that staying on top of all his medical appointments before and after surgery as he’ll need me to keep him on track so he can heal well. I just wanted to cry.

And I did.

I do well at getting to bed at a reasonable hour, a habit I cultivated long before I had kids. I’m still making my work-outs a priority as well as my quiet times. I’m making an intentional effort at staying connected to friends. I try to shut down from my work by 4 pm so I can prepare a meal for our family and the rest of the night is usually spent relaxing which is when I try to embroider, unless we decide to play some games, all of which are great ways to relax.

I still get stressed and overwhelmed and need to remind myself of one major truth I learned from Nancy Leigh DeMoss Wolgemuth in her book, Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free.  This one was so important that I keep coming back to it. The lie: There are not enough hours in the day to get my work done. Truth: If that’s the case then maybe I’m not doing the work God has given me to do.

Ouch.

We put money in savings and I have space on my walls for more memories, but time is a much more valuable asset we can never retrieve once it’s gone. I’ve always tried to beat deadlines– again that provides margin. I leave for events early–another margin.

There are days when emotions make it difficult to accomplish anything creative, but I’m learning that I can rest on those days. That’s not being lazy. My body and my emotions tell me I need margin. I don’t need to function at 100% all the time. Even a fine-tuned engine doesn’t do well running 24/7, what makes me think I can do that?

Life is hard, even for writers. I long to do more writing. I have projects I’m eager to work on, but right now, I need to prioritize and do the best I can and give myself grace. Ultimately, I listen to God as He guides me into what I need to do next. The rest will wait. There are projects I’d like to do around the house, and they will wait. Somehow things get done eventually, and that’s a miracle in and of itself. Definitely not because I’m great at this.

So why did I write this? Because, I’m guessing that many of you struggle with the chaos that sometimes visits and upends our lives. If we have a healthy margin we have room to bleed into without sacrificing our health and well-being. Yes, it might be difficult. It might be emotionally challenging, but if we have space to bleed into and other things can be set aside, we’ll come out the other end in a much better place as God uses the challenges to refine us more and more into the image of His Son.

What you have you learned in the pages of your life that help you keep a healthy margin? Or is this something you need to work on? I’d love to hear your perspective.

Time is Precious

Dec25
Reading Time: 4 minutes

We sing songs about this being the most wonderful time of the year. Sure there is a sense of awe, and the lights are beautiful but for many there is another empty chair at the table, or someone they can no longer place a call to and say “Merry Christmas.”

Christmas isn’t always merry. I’m sure that first Christmas wasn’t even quiet. We sing Silent Night on Christmas Eve, but let’s be real. Giving birth, no matter where you do it, is rarely quiet, and you hope it won’t be when a baby is born. We want to hear that cry. Imagine that, the Savior was born and the first sound out of his mouth was a cry. The Word of God had no words.

And today, there might be tears for some people. Loneliness will flare as they miss someone they love. Whether that person passed away, or perhaps has chosen to hold on to anger and resentment and refuse to engage in a relationship.

Losing people we love makes you stop and take notice, doesn’t it? Every day is a gift and we need to cherish the moments we have with the people we love. For those who are alive and refusing a relationship with a family member will find that letting resentment fester will only breed regret. When death comes, they will never have the opportunity to resolve the issues that seperated them from someone they currently despise. No more opportunity to forgive and extend that forgiveness.

There are people I know who have cut themselves off, believed lies, and instead of getting the truth or making the time, will not have any contact with someone biologically close. In many ways this is a blessing. The toxicity of those individuals would make having any kind of relationship more of a “walking on eggshells” type of thing. But family is family and sometimes you set boundaries on just how much time and effort you put into those relationships. To cut someone off without at least trying to let them know why, or what they have done, does not help anyone. It is not love.

Families are messy. Every person growing up in a home has grown up in a different family. Every interaction or perspective is only from their point of view and therefore skewed, but often we think that our “truth” is the only right perspective.

I took a trip with my mom in October to visit The Creation Museum and The Ark Encounter in Kentucky. A one day drive there, a day at each place, and a day’s drive back. We have never spent that much time together one-on-one and it was good. We laughed and we also shared deeply personal stuff–things we’d never told each other before. I learned things about her childhood I didn’t know and it helped me understand her better. She understood a little more some of my choices and wounds. I will treasure that memory of our time together and am intentional to be more in touch than I was when I was younger.

Other members of our famly won’t call, or text, much less have a conversation. I feel sorry for them because they don’t know what they are missing. Someday, reality will hit hard and hopefully they will understand the truth they refused to believe about the family member they’ve spurned. I’m being cryptic here to protect people. Someday, the spurned person will die. It happens to all of us. What then? Will they come to the funeral and spill their vitriol there? Or will they have an awakening at some point and face regrets over never taking the time to understand the choices that other person made–or the woundedness that was lying under the surface? I don’t envy them the grief that will be compounded when they realize the wrong they’ve done by their actions–or lack thereof.

Relationships take effort, time, and humility. Selfishness destroys the most precious gifts God gives us–each other.

Adult children should grow up to be adults, and relate to their parents as such, while showing them the honor due their role. Sure, respect is something a person earns but everyone should have at least a core respect for the dignity an individual created in the image of God. That includes all of us.  God does take notice of those who fail to do this. In a way there’s a double curse on those children who spurn a parent or are even outright hostile to them without just cause. Especially those children who claim to love Jesus.

This isn’t a feel good post on this Christmas Day, but I wanted to honor those who are hurting. Those who feel the deep wounds of rejection by someone on this day of all days. Or who are missing someone who they lost to death.

God sees. He is Emmanuel, God with us. Even if others are not, He promises to never leave us. Hold tight to Him and like our home, we will wait for Him to vindicate those who have been slandered and spurned. We pray for repentance and reconciliation, but realize we may never see it because those individuals have free will. Time is precious and fleeting and we only pray they realize that, and turn from their bitterness. Before it’s too late.

If you are hurting this Christmas, I hope it is a comfort to realize you’re not alone in struggling with the season. Make the most of the wonderful grace and provision God has given us even if there is hurt lingering around the Christmas tree. Celebrate the One who came to free us from the wages of sin and death and anticipate the day when there will be no more tears and grieving.

I pray you have a blessed Christmas, and treasure those relationships you do have. Time is precious. Make the most of those moments.