Tag Archive | HOly Spirit

Author Confessions: The Gift of Quality Time

Jul20
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: The Gift of Quality Time

If you’ve ever studied The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, you might know that one of them is quality time. That is one of my top love languages and I will often go out of my way to connect with people via one-on-one connections. However, if I offer a potential new friend my contact information or suggest connecting face to face and they aren’t responsive when I ask to set a time/date/location, then I let it go. I’m not that important to them and that’s fine. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea.

Since I’ve moved, I will easily make the forty-five minute drive back to my hometown to connect one on one with a friend, or family. I don’t mind the drive and figure friendships are worth the sacrifice of time. A few years ago, my husband and I drove cross county, over 1,200 miles from Wisconsin to Houston Texas, to connect with a friend, although maybe next time I’ll fly!

A few weeks ago I had a birthday and my daughter texted a few days before saying she wanted to connect, in my town. I felt so honored that she would make time and drive to have a little lunch with me and see our house-in-progress. Then a few days later, another friend made the drive and took me to lunch, even looking for a place that I hadn’t tried before (and was wonderful). We got to sit and talk for long time. She made me a lovely birthday gift and I will think of her every time I use it, which will be often.

Two times in one week, people who love me showed that love by coming to spend time with me. Quality time. What a gift.

When I write, most of the best interaction between characters are in person, face-to-face interactions. Not just phone calls, social media posts, and text messages. Since Covid, we’ve become less inclined to do that in real life because we’ve become too comfortable with the distance. We sacrifice love for the sake of perceived safety. In a novel, those personal interactions are where people can go deeper in their understanding of one another.

When my husband and I are busy with all of our projects, sometimes I have to tell him that I need that quality time, away from the house, where we can talk about a lot of things, not the urgent work that sometimes takes priority. We regularly spend an hour at night talking before we go to sleep and I treasure that connection. Quality time is an essential part of our marriage.

I spend time reading the Bible and journaling every morning. It struck me that while I might think I’m really great at coming to meet with God, and it is, there’s more. Sure, I want to grow closer to Him. I want to grow in my faith and knowledge of God. In wisdom. I find that my time with God makes my day better.

I was missing something more important. God comes to meet with me. From heaven to earth, through the Holy Spirit, it might not be forty-five miles, and it’s more than 1,200. It is a distance I cannot fathom. Because of Jesus and His death on the cross, and the gift of the Holy Spirit indwelling, I have the honor of God meeting with me at great cost to Himself. I started taking it for granted. I’d lost the wonder of how miraculous and what a gift that God, the Creator of the universe would drop everything to meet with me any time I call upon Him, because He dwells within me by His Spirit. What a mind-boggling gift!

I don’t expect my friends to travel long distances to meet with me. Maybe I don’t feel like I’m worthy of that even though I will gladly do that for them. God loves me even more than that.

How far have you traveled to give the gift of quality time to someone? Do you have friends you would go to great lengths to go to spend time with them? How about God? Are you treasuring the time with Him? My depth of appreciation has deepened for the time I spend with God, since to real life humans reminded me, just by showing me their love, that the gift of quality time is precious.

Author Confessions: Can People Change? Part III

Jun15
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: Can People Change? Part III

If you haven’t read parts I and II you might want to read them before continuing here.

Even if people don’t change,  we are commanded to forgive those who sin against us, whether they are unrepentant or not, does not mean that reconciliation is in order. I can forgive a woman from a church where I had been employed, who years ago verbally abused me to the degree that I returned to my apartment and sat curled up on the floor as if I’d been hit, and bawled my eyes out. Nothing she said was true and when I tried one more time to reconcile, I realized the unsolvable conundrum she had for me to prove I was repentant for the sins she stated I had done. The reality is, I was being gaslit. Had I made mistakes in our relationship? Yes. Had I worked through those things. Absolutely. It tooks months, lots of counseling, journalling, tears and seeking God. Because I was in a ministry position, I couldn’t share that pain with anyone else. When she was confronted by church leadership, she accused them and our pastor of horrible things as well. Her family left our church and I grieved. I grieved for unconfessed sin. I grieved that the gifts God had given her were taken from our church. And I grieved the future where another church, or person in leadership, would be faced with similar behaviors.

When I moved on in life, the lessons I learned reaped benefits in the ministries I engaged in. I was changed. Leadership in a church can be difficult and people will find fault. I developed skills to help me deal with that but it was still painful, especially when there were lies someone said about me. Over time, in every situation, I was vindicated. God proved me to be faithful and true as I followed Him. Notice I didn’t say perfect. I’m a long way from that.

Can people change? I would hope that woman had. I still bear emotional scars and would be hesitatant to trust someone like that again. I won’t name names, but it seems that every woman I’ve met with her first name have been unsafe for me. I gave them all a chance and every one proved to be similar! I’m learning to trust the Holy Spirit within me. If someone is making me feel uneasy, before, during, or after time spent with them, I have learned to stop questioning why and avoid those people. Can those people change? I would hope so. I don’t believe God has called me to be the means by which He does it, since He tells me to stay away.

It takes a long time to develop that and I want to give people the benefit of the doubt. I want to be liked. Don’t we all? But I can’t sacrifice myself and expose myself to abuse if the Spirit leads me away from someone.

Life is hard. It is filled with challenges that are painful. If we allow God to work, He can mold us more and more into the character of His Son, Jesus. It is our choice. He doesn’t force it on us.

Can people change? Maybe.  Perhaps it would be better to pray, “God, will you change me?”

Susan Speaks: Learning to Breathe (Book Review)

Apr24
Reading Time: 2 minutes

Susan Speaks: Learning to Breathe (Book Review)

I’m supplanting Oliver and Minnie but they are busy playing, and the topic of this book is of a more serious nature. One of the subjects that underlies most of my fiction is sanctification. Characters must grow in faith (or come to faith). My Orchard Hill Series has a church as a focal point for all the characters in some way, shape, or form, because I deeply love the church and believe it is essential to the Christian walk. Learning to Breathe: How To Cultivate A Life-Changing Relationship with the Holy Spirit comes from behind the shadows of fiction that I use as my platform, and lays it out clearly and without apology.

I have taught about the subject of the Holy Spirit from a more doctrinal standpoint, but Matt Morton has raised the bar for books on this subject. With authenticity he challenges the reader to go deeper. For instance, his chapter (3) on the Fruit of the Spirit is eye-opening, as a gauge that all beliveers in Jesus can use to determine where we need to grow, something we can only do by the power of the Holy Spirit.

There is personal application in every chapter and Matt Morton builds beautifully from personal sanctification (which only happens through the power of the Holy Spirit) to the beauty of the church and mission it has throughout the world in spreading the wonderful and powerful message of salvation in Jesus.

If you want to live a more vibrant walk with the Lord, I cannot recommend this book highly enough. While Lewis Sperry Chafer’s work on the topic is great, and Francis Chan’s is approachable, Matt Morton’s work is easy- to- read yet challenging. If you do not want to grow in your faith, do not purchase this book. I went through this as part of a group and found that to be a blessing as we shared how the truths in this book was working to transform our lives. I’ve walked with Jesus for 45 years and love that He has so much more to teach me, and this book has been helpful in challenging me to grow further.

If this were Oliver or Minnie, they would give this book five bones, because they are dogs after all. I, however, give it five stars.

Author Confessions: I Can’t Change Myself

Apr13
Reading Time: 5 minutes

Author Confessions: I Can’t Change Myself

For all the talk people will say about making changes to your diet, exercise, goals etc, I find that in reality I can’t change myself. Maybe I don’t want change enough? Or maybe I like the idea of certain changes but lack the gumption to follow through.

Oh, I know about making baby steps and I’ve accomplished goals that way. Making things a game helps too. Or competing against a goal, almost like I try to see if I can beat the arrival time a GPS gives me on Google Maps. (Don’t tell me you haven’t tried!)

The reality is, the biggest and most significant changes have come about when I’ve asked God to direct me. He’s the one who opens a door for that change and it might seem impulsive for me to step through, yet it might be something I’ve prayed about for months. True heart change comes from the inside out–not the outside in with manufactured disciplines. My stubborn heart rebels against that.

Thankfully, God knows my heart, my mind, my personality and all the quirks that make me uniquely–me. I’ve asked Him to help me mature, grow, and change and I’ve also asked that He be gentle with me. Sometimes He uses circumstances to force change in my life that I might have resisted. Or He leads me on a path that I think will logically be a good thing and in the process I struggle with the necessary changes that are a necessary part of the process.

We sold our house and moved to a community I used to live in over 25 years ago. With social media, emails, and texting, I can stay close to people I love, but the reality, I almost feel invisible to them due to the distance and the scarcity of contact. Was the contact more frequent before that? Maybe, maybe not. But I was immersed in a world where people knew me.

Now I’m a stranger in a strange land. (My hubby would be telling right now that strange is the perfect word for me! And he’d be correct!)

We found a church we love but due to all that’s going on in our lives we haven’t been able to plug into serving yet. I’m an unknown quantity there. Any of my previous ministry expriences do not mean I will serve in the same way here. I’m a small fish in a big pond. The waiting is hard but I realize that God is doing deep work in my soul drawing me into a deeper relationship with Him.

He has restored eager anticipation to go to church for worship, or for our life group, or the women’s study I’m in. They are the highlights of my week. It’s an experience that had been lost over the years for more reasons than I want to go into now.

I used to sing all the time, at home, in the car, everywhere. For years though, I couldn’t sing because I worked supporting the production team in the booth. I couldn’t sing because I needed to be listening for problems. Was the sound mix good? Were there issues with tech that needed to be solved? After years of this, I finally got a chance to join a team on stage for worship. I was going to lead a song with my guitar and I had practiced a lot. I played the instrument fine, but do you think I could find my note to start the singing? Cue deep humiliation and embarrassment when someone else rescued the moment. It was an individual who had derailed my ability to serve at that church in many ways. That was eight years ago and the accumulated trauma surrounding worship ministry, culminating with a moment that no one else realized was painful for me, has kept me from stepping back on a stage to lead worship or to sing even though I have been asked on various occassions. My guitar was packed away. My voice silenced. Shame imprisoned me.

My husband loves to hear me sing and I’m content to have him listen to me worship in church when I am by his side. I realized that I lost more than my voice. I lost much of the joy music gave me because of the pain tied to it. So I’ve been challenging myself to sing more.

I came across a chapter in a book about how the Holy Spirit inhabits our praise and praising God opens up the door for the Holy Spirit to work more in our lives. I’ve been playing music more in my car as I drive and trying to sing at least one song out loud, whether it’s at home or on the road. I don’t really count worshipping at church in that goal. I find that easier than ever to do this with a full heart of gratitude for the Savior Who has graciously brought me back to that joy, leaving the shame behind.

I’m not ready to step back on stage to sing. I’m not that great of a vocalist. I don’t know if God will call me into that ministry in our new-to-us church. I’ve done a  variety of ministries within previous churchs and it’s possible God may have something new lined up for me. Like a kid eager to open gifts at Christmas, I wait, trusting that He has something beautiful in store.

In the meantime, my job is to steep myself in Bible study, memorization, being quiet before Him, singing praises in and out of church, and using the gifts God has given me to encourage others right now, whenever I see something praiseworthy. It’s kind of fun letting God open up doors for those moments to blurt out something to lift another person’s day, simply because I’m blessed to be a witness to the work God is doing in their lives. I can strive to be open to the opportunities to share His love to my neighbors and others I might meet.

So maybe I’m not where I long to be, plugged into my church, but that doesn’t mean I’m being passive. Whether I’m making my husband’s favorite meal, cleaning the house, doing laundry, walking the dogs, ironing shirts, running errands for our house, or chatting with a neighbor as my puppy tries eager to get all the pets possible, God can use me right here and now and I embrace that.

He’s working other changes in me as well and the process hasn’t always been comfortable. At times it has been downright lonely because I haven’t developed close enough relationships where I can get together with someone to talk about life. The key word here is YET. God is enough and I’ve started using an audio journal to help me talk through stuff with Him when I don’t have another human to process with. Yes, I do share things with my hubby but not all the ramblings in my brain! Sometimes God is the only one who gets to hear those.

I can’t change myself, but I know Someone Who can – and I’m doubly grateful for the work the Holy Spirit is doing in me to prepare me for when we are in our home and have even more opportunities to connect with people. Or where He’ll open doors at our church. I recognize it’s a process and leaning into the best change-agent around: Jesus. I can’t change myself–but He can.

 

Author Confessions: Wherever You Go – There You Are

Dec29
Reading Time: 2 minutes

Author Confessions: Wherever You Go – There You Are

Christmas is past and the New Year around the corner. Many will try to make resolutions. Fitness, Diet, or other goals will be set. There is nothing wrong with that, but the reality is, changing our externals, while it can feel hopeful, doesn’t always work.

When I was in a band, one of my favorite songs to sing was Mend Me by Big Tent Revival. I think of it every year around this time because it highlights something important–we can’t force change on ourselves. We need the Holy Spirit to be doing the work but in order for that to happen, we need to be humble and submit to Him. Not an easy thing to do. We’d rather get a gym membership than bend our knee.

New Years Eve and this is what I see staring at these faces staring back at me
Sometimes insecure but I know Your love is pure
I am broken – mend me
Over backwards – bending
For the love Your sending

All the places that I’ve been Still I can’t ecscape this life of sin
What I want to do I don’t do what I do I don’t want to do
I am broken – mend me
Over backwards – bending
For the love Your sending

Days have come and days have gone and still I’m under siege. Every day decisions made for which side to allege. Some nights and sit and cry words I can’t erase. All I have in this world is the promise of Your grace

You made the universe and You can mend me

What do you think? Wherever you go – there You are–but for the grace of God we can’t make true changes. Happy New Year!

Author Confessions: The Control Conundrum

Dec15
Reading Time: 6 minutes

Author Confessions: The Control Conundrum

I have been losing my mind lately. Or have I? I had a mild concussion at the end of September and found that intially I would have occassional hiccups in my brain processing, especially when trying to find the right word when I was talking. Guess it’s a good thing I’m a writer, huh? It doesn’t happen when writing and I have more time to process, and hopefully, edit.

I’ve undergone physical therapy, chiropractic, massage, psychotherapy, bio-resonance screening, and have now added cranio-sacral therapy at the recommendation of a dear friend.

I thought things were improving, but then odd things happen and I’m not sure if it’s a brain glitch or a technology issue (or both!).

To make things more confusing we have three addresses. We have our residence in one town with long obnoxious addresses and two others in a nearby town where we have our LLC and are building our home, also with obnoxiously long addresses. Think latitude and longitude. We would prefer to use our new home address (there is a mailbox there!) but even our shop address which has existed for over 40 years doesn’t always show up and isn’t allowed when ordering things online. Even two of our credit cards will not use either of those two addresses! Fed Ex didn’t even attempt to deliver a check order there and sent it back!

I’ve changed addresses online as much as I can, with most going directly to the the new home address since we are there daily. Yes, there is a mailbox. However, the United States Postal Service won’t recognize the address (even if the village and county do) as valid until the house is 80% built. How do you determine that? Not that it matters too much, the mailman will still deliver there.

This past week I ordered something online on my phone and put in our home address (or so I thought) for delivery. Sometimes the automated systems think they know better and correct the address. I used to live on Menomonee Ave in Menomonee Falls over 30 years ago! Somehow my package got delivered across the street from there, but how? And why did the transaction even go through when that was not my billing address for any of my credit cards! ARGH!!!

I didn’t realize the error until I got the notification it was delivered, but hadn’t shown up at my door. I had to drive to the other address, someplace I had never been to before, to collect my package. Thankfully, it was still by the mailboxes and the lobby to that apartment complex was not locked. I had my phone and identification with me in case someone called the police to report me as a “porch pirate!” Just my luck I’d get arrested for stealing my own package.

Too much drama for me and I kept wondering if this was my fault or not. Did my brain just breeze over the numbers (some where correct, just added a 1 at the front) and street name which mirrored the city name? I don’t know but I honestly cried because I feared my brain was playing tricks on me.

I hate feeling helpless. Out of control. Don’t you?

I spent years in a difficult marriage experiencing that daily and staying for a variety of reasons. The main one was that God had not released me from the marriage. When He did, I left with confidence and peace, in spite of what should have been paralyzing fear.

Maybe my brain isn’t fully healed from the concussion yet. In reality I have had several injuries that are impacting it and my body over the years that were never treated effectively. And unlike dementia, I at least know and understand where there are glitches–and when it’s improving.

I just placed another order online and before I could put in my address somehow it put in my old one 50 miles north and finalized the order before I could edit it. I cancelled the order ASAP. I had used PayPal but even PayPal has my new address. I was furious and frustrated but grateful I noticed it (I am trying to be far more diligent!). I placed the order again and just went through the tedious process of putting in my credit card and not giving any automatic fill-in to take place.

The conundrum of control whirled in my brain. Not only am I recovering from a concussion which I hadn’t originally figured was so bad, but also battling technology and a internet that isn’t caught up with my reality (of a new address). A friend reported the same issue when she had moved to their new home and how it took forever for her insurance to even recognize the new address. I’m not alone.

I don’t want to live in helplessness but realize ultimately I don’t even have control of my next breath. I can make decisions but often it is beyond my ability and all I can to is react to events. I can be proactive, and try to make wise choices but even the best laid plans can be foiled by outside forces as we’ve discovered with the building process. Contractors who quit or mess up, forcing delays, and a lot more work on our part. Companies who are slow to respond to requests for information when I’m offering them a lucrative sale of their product. Contractors who take vacation before giving me final paperwork I need for the bank. Throw in holidays, weather, health, and accidents and we can recognize quickly how little control we have over this life we’ve been given.

When I write, I have to make a decision to sit and work. I do some planning, but the characters take over and sometimes surprise me, forcing me to pray for more creativity in crafting a story I hope people will want to read. When writing my latest novella, Gnomebody but You, I had no idea who was doing all the bad things in the story. I was as confused as my main character, Tali Shadowgrace. That was until the perpetrator revealed himself on the page.

In many ways I love the excitement and surprise of the not knowing. Surrendering to God in the creative process of writing.

I don’t always enjoy that in real life. I need to surrender as part of the control conundrum. That’s not a passive helpless thing. Surrender is willful, and active. A posture of recognizing WHO is in control. It’s not me.

The idea of surrender helped me through the final years of my marriage. Surrendering to God and allowing Him to work in and through me as I waited on His perfect timing. If I had pushed for my own way and gone out of God’s will, I might have missed out on the wonderful love and life I have right now.

My body is healing from the trauma of the past (CPTSD from the years of verbal/emotional/financial abuse and physical neglect), and the trauma of the present (concussion). Much of that healing is beyond my control, but I can despair over the confusion, or I can pro-actively submit to God’s healing power as I engage in various treatment modalities. Even with cranio-sacral massage, it’s not a passive thing. It’s physically relaxing but mentally intense work and focus. It’s trusting God to help my body heal itself.

How do you deal with the control conundrum? I haven’t even talked about how that works out with free-will and predestination, and am not going to. God understands and I think in the end, when we get to heaven He will laugh and say “You missed the point.” The focus should always be on Jesus, the great physician, the One Who is in control of the universe and Who we can cling to when life feels out of control more than normal, (since essentially nothing is in our control). Surrendering and trusting in Him makes it easier to bear the confusion and keep me from sinking into despair. I’ll confess, I do still sink for a time until the Holy Spirit reminds me of the truth and that I can trust Him even when it’s confusing and I fear my brain is tripping me up.

I imagine Mary, submitting to God when He told her He chose her to carry a baby out of wedlock. She submitted and rejoiced in the honor, having no idea the way life would unfold for her, and the joy and pain she would endure. Many people in the Bible had no idea how God was using them in the moment, to further His plan of redemption. No life is insignificant. What a wonderful thing to cling to when life is out of control. God is King over the control conundrum, working out His perfect plan in my life, and yours, when we submit to Him. Praying you can cling to that truth during this, and every season, filled with uncertainty and confusion. There is peace resting in God’s control, fueled by His purpose, power, and love.

Author Confessions: When God Imposes Limits

Oct13
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confessions: When God Imposes Limits

In a way I approached this topic when I talked about Emotional Bandwidth so you can check that out if you want, but I’m taking a different approach this time.

We often are told to reach for high and lofty goals. As kids we are told the lie that “You can be anything you want!” It’s a way to encourage creativity and pursuing dreams and passions but the reality is, rising to the top of anything is often part passion, calling, incredibly hard work, and innate ability.

We often focus on the hard work part of things. If you do A, B, and C, you can reach your goal. Reality is that I cannot do any of that on my own volition no matter how much I power through. I need God! Two people can do all the same things with different results because sometimes life intervenes, doesn’t it?

Something simple as taking a vacation to a lovely island resort is foiled  by a broken arm (me two years ago–and we still haven’t gone!). Pursuing a degree but health, or finances, or the inability to grasp the material can keep someone from going that next step.

I’m not talking about making excuses. Many people have overcome amazing challenges or disabilities to accomplish great things: Joni Earekson Tada (paralysis), or Nick Vujicic (no arms or legs), or even Temple Grandin (autism), have overcome, adapted and pursued amazing things. Disability, physical or even mental differences didn’t stop them. Ben Carson never let his skin color or a childhood family distubances and finanical challenges prevent him from going on to be a neurosurgeon and serving as the United States Secretary of Housing and Urban Development.

It’s easy to make excuses and blame other people or events for our inabilty to reach our goals. Slammed doors due to no fault of our own can keep a person from reaching their dream. Or send them on a better path. Sometimes the problems is within us.

The reality is, God tends to use ordinary people to carry out His plans, not just the rich, famous, highly educated, or incredibly talented. Yes, they have a role to play as well, but if your plumber had chosen to teach Philosophy at a college somewhere, who is going to fix your leaking faucet?

Our value is not found in accomplishing big, grand, things for God. A small church of faithful followers is just as important to the kingdom as a large one.

Not every book can be a best-seller no matter how much marketing experts give a formula for how to write it, get it published, and market it. My writing will never be the same as other authors I admire. There are those who love the stories I write. I write first for God.

My thought is this. We, as those who love and worship Jesus Christ, follow Him first. Anything we do, including honoring Him, is only viable through the power of the Holy Spirit dwelling within. When I try, on my own strength, I will likely fail or miss something greater that God wants to do in and through me. He’s the One who opens and closes doors. He’s the One who provides opportunties and may even lead in a direction I hadn’t originally considered. I didn’t aim to be an author when I was in college, or even as a kid. That wasn’t the dream I had for myself, and even then the dream wasn’t what I went to college for because I was practical and discouraged from following that.

But God. I love those words. But God. He is the One who works in and through us to accomplish HIS purposes. Not ours. No lofty ambition. My value and worth doesn’t need that kind of validation–or scrutiny.

I used to serve in leadership in church and taught theology and leadership classes to women. I loved every minute. For years we led a small group in our home and they became family. Now that we’ve moved, we’re searching for a church. My hands are open, palms empty, waiting for God to show us where we are to be. The way He wants to use us in a new family might be different, because the needs of that church might be different and God gifts and calls according to HIS purposes within that church community. We serve others, not ourselves. I need to let go of any sense of entitlement to do the stuff I’ve done before. In a larger church especially, we become a small fish. God may call us to one of those or something medium or small. We’ll see. Someone asked if we were chuch “shopping,” and I said no. We are looking for our home. Our family. God has to make that clear to both my husband and myself. It’s a long process.

I started out talking about God’s limitations because while God opens doors, He sometimes provides detours. That broken arm didn’t prevent any vacation, but a different one where we got to witness to a young man over lunch. I found out that last week I had a concussion so my days are looking different as I navigate healing. In the process, I’ve been able to meet more of my neighbors and share some of the bounty from the Hmongs who farm on our land. I love vegetables but we can only eat so much, so we share with others. Sharing food involves conversations as we listen and get to know those who live around us. We are here in this apartment for a season, but that season can still be rich with seeds planted.

Where or how have you found God imposing limits on you?

 

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Hope

May5
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Hope

Why and how could hope ever be considered dangerous?

Hopelessness

Many years ago, I recieved a gift from a wise mentor mom. It was a Christmas candle that spelled out HOPE. She said, “I realized that this is what you need most right now-HOPE.” Now I had faith and hope in Jesus and complete trust in His salvation, but I lacked hope that He who is able, would not rescue me from the painful circumstances of my life. I believed God was good, but doubted He would be good to me. I would reason that there were people far worse off than I was (and therefore more worthy of rescue?), and that in spite of my salvation found in Jesus, I was no more special than anyone else needing help. I didn’t deserve that kind of grace.

Psychology talks about learned helplessness which can lead to hopelessness. The sensation that I had no agency to change my circumstances and therefore I was helpless and hopeless. Depression makes that worse, as well as some chronic health issues. Fatigue, poverty, abuse, can eradicate hope.

When that mom gave me that candle, I began to realize I had abandoned hope. I was hopeless in my situation. Hope wasn’t easily found. That one word HOPE eventually led me down a better path when it refocused on my need for it.

Hope Deferred

We can hope for many things. Rescue, a new home, a long-awaited child, healing from an illness. Nothing is too big or small for God to be concerned with. When we don’t understand His timing, the hope seems so far off, and we can lose hope. Not necessarily to the point of hopelessness, but we can doubt it. Hebrews 11:1 states: “Now faith is the certainty of things hoped for, a proof of things not seen.” Hope is closely tied into our faith in Jesus. We can all struggle with doubt at different points in our lives. Proverbs 12:12 describes it this way: “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But desire fulfilled is a tree of life.”

Hope is always about a future event or thing. In essence, it is about something deferred. Hope is the present time of expection, but when we lose that expectation it is grief to the soul.

Hope in the Wrong Things

Psalm 33:17 states: “A horse is a false hope for victory; Nor does it rescue anyone by its great strength.” How often do we put our hope in things that don’t last? The perfect spouse, kids, family, eductation, job, car, home, health, our talents and gifts. God guarantees none of those things. There are people living in third world countries that experience greater joy and hope than we do in America because we are faced with so many shiny objects and ideas to put our hope in. Where are you placing your hope? What is it that you truly hope for?

True Hope

The author of Hebrews wrote: “This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and reliable.” (Heb 6: 19a) I love that image of an anchor, holding us fast to Jesus and all His promises. When we place our ultimate hope in HIM, we can experience great freedom and joy. The apostle Paul wrote: “I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints.” (Eph 1:18) What a prayer to pray for yourself and others.

We can hope for good weather for a picnic or family reunion. We can hope that God will heal someone. We can hope for a good night of rest. None of those are inherently bad, but when we expect immediate results then we can be in trouble. If our hope is in God, we will ultimately want HIM above all to be active in leading, guiding and working in and through us. Paul prays in Romans 13:15 “Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

Hope is an anchor but it also gives us wings to head into the future with joy and expectation. Our ultimate hope is our coming face to face with Jesus and hearing “Well done, good and faithful servant.” That should be a hope we strive for, and we can only accomplish that hope by the power of the Holy Spirit who is alive and at work within us the moment we receive Christ as Savior and Lord.

Where is your hope today? Where have you struggled with the dangerous emotion of hope? As human beings, filled with emotions, they can make or break us, but I hope reviewing this will help you recenter on the Source of hope, Jesus.

 “Let’s hold firmly to the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.”Hebrews 10:13

 

 

Author Confessions: Are Some Sins Worse Than Others?

Apr28
Reading Time: 7 minutes

Author Confessions: Are Some Sins Worse Than Others?

We often elevate certain sins as worse than others, even in the church. Now realize, nothing I’m saying here is to condemn anyone who struggles with issues. We all sin in some way, even if in our thoughts. I’m not exempt from that as much as I’d like to be as a follower of Christ. Even in my best efforts to honor Him I fall short on a daily basis, often without even realizing it.

In Christian fiction we try to not elevate any sin as acceptable. For instance, if a person drinks alcohol to excess, we highlight the negative consequences. My Gothic Regency novels have a statement at the beginning about how some of the drinking mentioned in the story, was a cultural thing and not intended to promote drinking or drunkenness. It was a fine line to be historically correct while not leading someone else into sin. “Well, if Marcus can drink than so can I, after all Susan M. Baganz put it in her novel. (The Virtuous Viscount).

When I started writing about dangerous emotions, I started with anger, because a pastor had preached about how it was sin. I disagree. You can check that out here: Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Anger.

The reality is, when God created the world, everything was good. There was no sin. God put Adam in headship over Eve, and that was good. Marriage was good. Nakedness was good. Sex was good. Emotions were good. Even mosqitoes were good. The fall corrupted everything, all of creation was impacted. Blood was shed and now we needed to cover our nakedness. Imagine on the Ark, all the animals. They were fed vegitation, not meat. Lions didn’t eat meat back then. All creation was originally designed for a vegitarian diet. After the flood, we were able to eat meat. Animal’s hunted, killed, and consumed prey. I’m not advocating for a vegitarian diet, just stating a biblically accurate historical fact.

Obviously killing animals for sacrifice happened before the flood as did killing other people (Cain and Abel). But no one ate meat until after the floods receded.

I digress but I think it’s important. Sin took everything wonderful and corrupted it. Everything is impacted and as generations go on, we see increases in genetic disorders, and chronic illnesses that were not as prevalent in previous generations. Now some of that might be due to environmental factors, and the food we consume, true, but still, it just shows that things move to disorganization and diease. The Second Law of Thermodynamics states that everything devolves. Now some state thht this isn’t true because the universe is not a closed system (required by that scientific law), however, there has never been any new  information added to our DNA added through natural processes, and our genetic code is devolving not evolving, hence, more physical disabilties. This occurs throughout creation, not just in human beings.

In essesence, sin impacts everything. Not just in our thoughts and behaviors, but everything from our physical well-being to weather.

If sin impacts everything, why do we consider some sinful actions worse than others? Why would a pastor condemn anger, but not addiction to caffiene? (We do serve coffee in our cafe at church). I have one friend who smokes occassionally and drinks occassionally. Her perspective is “I do not want anything like that to control me.” My husband doesn’t drink alcohol because “No one starts drinking planning to become an alcoholic.” While that is true, that does not mean people who drink (even Jesus drank wine in the Bible) are sinners. Scripture states that drinking alcoholic beverages is fine and can be beneficial in moderation. Drunkneess, however, is sin.

Moderation is not something Americans do well at. We are more of a culture of excess.

We could state that obesity is sin–but obesity can have many causes and perhaps only one of them is sin. When I was pregnant I could gain 10 lbs in two weeks without changing my diet. I’ve had Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis and it didn’t matter if my thyroid was high or low, I was tired (not lazy) and gained weight, without changing diet. The problem is, although medical issues can cause weight gain, once those core issues are resolved, doesn’t mean the body lets go of all that fat. There are many other causes for weight gain than overindulgance in food. Saying that, however, does not mean that we should just eat whatever we want, just because we can. I’m guilty of not always making wise choices with food.

Our society has approved of things Scripture clearly states as sin: homosexuality, murder (including abortion), slandar, lies, wife-beating, drugs, drinking, buying favors, injustice. Now, let’s make a distinction with homosexuality as an example. One can have urges and desires and not act on those. It is the act of homosexuality that God condemns. So we can love and embrace a person who struggles with this issue without condoning a behavior.

Why do we elevate some sins over another? Suspected murders are raising money and villifying the person murdered. Lies are whipped up to convict people who don’t agree with a person’s political views even while committing the sins they are trying to charge someone else with. (Isn’t that called gaslighting?)

While I am all for justice, we have seen that perverted as sin impacts humans and their judgement. We all have our biases when it comes to everything, don’t we? How often do we evaluate those in light of Scripture?

Thinking about killing someone is the same as doing the act according to Scripture. Jesus was, as I have said, the first and greatest cognitive behavioral therapist. Thoughts, words, and actions come from our heart and what we dwell on in our minds. They are intimately connected. In many issues, the worst of sin is in our thoughts and minds.

Matthew 5:28: “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Matthew 15:19: “…out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.”

Matthew 22:37: “Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’”

Mark 7:20-22: He [Jesus] went on: “What comes out of a person is what defiles them. For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come—sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly.

Luke 6:25: “A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”

Some religions focus on big sins, i.e. murder, abortion, sex outside of marriage (adultary and fornication), homosexuality. Some make rules that have nothing to do with sin but they treat it as such: girls must have long hair and wear skirts or dresses, men must have short hair, no makeup, no listening to secular music. No going to movies or having friends who are not of the same religious sect as you are. These are all surface issues though, aren’t they? By the way, the Pharisees did this as well. Some of those sins have negative real life consequences that are more obvious. Other, “lesser” sins can just as equally scar the soul but never be seen or called out.

All sins are equally bad at the foot of the cross.

We need to be careful to judge the sin of others. Judging is another topic. A huge one and not part of today’s post.

The reality is, while we all have a sin problem, and sin contaminates everything in this world, including our thinking and our hearts, we need to be careful and evaluate ourselves before pointing out the sins of others. I have sins I am aware of, battles that go on in my mind. Some of them I verbalize to a therapist or a close friend or two, only those who love and follow Jesus. Otherwise they would not understand. See, I can mistakenly condemn myself for things that are not even sin.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind, and with all your strength.

(Matthew 22:37, Mark 12:30 also Luke 10:27 but in a different order).

All of those start with the heart. Our sin is ultimately an internal issue for each of us. What we focus on impacts that greatly. Luke 12:34: “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

So, instead of focusing on sin, perhaps we should focus on our treasure, Jesus Christ. It is only through the power of the Holy Spirit that we are able to transform any of those areas of ourselves impacted by sin: heart, mind, soul, and strength. Our behaviors flow out of that, whether good or bad. We cannot do this on our own strength. When we are focusing on loving God, and seeking Him for His active Presence in our lives, and not what He can give us or what prayers He can answer, then we have the ability to battle our sin and become transformed more and more into the likeness of Christ. Thankfully, when we submit our lives to Christ, and accept His perfect sacrifice on the cross, then we are seen by God as pure and holy as Christ is, even though on this side of Heaven we will still battle sin. We don’t do it alone.

I’m not saying we cannot talk about sin and what God calls sin in the Old and New Testaments. We should. An invisible standard isn’t a help to anyone. Even children need to know where the boundaries are. When God calls something sin it was because He is protecting us. It’s is funny to me how people will get all bent out of shape about divorce (another topic perhaps for another time) but find murder in times of war acceptable. Isn’t murder also sin? Yet King David went to war, but first killed Goliath for mocking God and demeaning His people. Jesus even said divorce was acceptable because hearts are hard. Jesus did not elevate marriage as an idol to be worshipped at the expense of the life and well-being of a wife or husband who is being verbally, physically, or emotionally abused or abandoned by a spouse whose heart is hard. (Check out this article for more). In contrast, adultery by as spouse doesn’t always mean divorce should be the go-to solution.

Why are some sins worse than others? Because it is easier to call out the things we see, the outward behaviors, in others, than it is to deal with the true issue of our own hearts. I’m not going to ask you to expose your own sins here on my blog (you won’t anyway) but maybe it’s time to take stock and spend time in His Word and savor the treasure we have in Jesus so we can be better equipped to battle the sins in our heart.

Author Confessions: Are You F.A.T?

Mar17
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confessions: Are You F.A.T?

This is old stuff for me but the older I get the more I need to remind myself that I didn’t understand some of this when I was younger in my walk with God, so I thought I would give everyone a pop-quiz today. Are you? F.A.T? Faithful,  Available, and Teachable?

First of all why would this matter? God has designed each and every one of us to bring His light and truth to a lost and hurting world. I was there once, so were you. Or maybe you still are. In order for God to use us we need to be F.A.T. Not in inches around the waistline but in our heart’s desire to honor the God who died to rescue us from the consequences of our sin–death. Eternal seperation from Him, in hell. There are only two places we go when we die – Heaven or hell. Everyone is on the path to hell until we make that decision to submit our lives to Jesus and wholeheartedly follow Him.

So here are the three main things we need:

Faithful

Are you faithful in seeking God? Reading His love letter to us in the Bible? Are you pursuing a life that would honor Him? Do you pray not only to ask for requests but to listen for the leading of the Holy Spirit in your life? Do you confess your sins? Do you seek out other believers to do life with? (Hopefully, this is in a healthy, Bible teaching church). God calls us to seek Him. James 4:7-10 says:

Therefore, submit to God. But resist the Devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, sinners, and purify your hearts, double-minded people! Be miserable and mourn and weep. Your laughter must change to mourning and your joy to sorrow. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will exalt you.

 

Submit to God. Draw near to Him and He promies to draw near to you. The Holy Spirit’s ability to work in and through us is hindered when we grieve Him by ongoing deliberate sin. We are all guilty and need to humble ourselves before the Mighty God over all.

So on a scale of 1-10, how faithful are you?

Available

Most of us don’t have a lot of free time in our lives to set aside. It can be a challenge to make time to slow down and talk to God, listen for His voice, and then do what He asks us to do. God sometimes gives big asks but much of the time He wants these small acts of obedience. Got a nudge to call someone? Call them! Did God tell you to write a letter or send a card (rather than a text or quick email?). Do it. You have no idea how those words  might arrive just as someone needs them. Are you called to sacrificially give money or time? Do it. Available isn’t always about being willing to carve out a 15 minute prayer time and read one chapter in your Bible. It is tuning in to what He is asking you to do right now. Sometimes during my day when I’m overhwelmed with all that needs to be done I pray, “God, what is the next best thing to do?” Whatever I am led to do I do. He doesn’t often speak to me in words.

On a scale of 1-10, how available are you?

Teachable

I would suspect that most of us have been to school and even graduated at least from high school (even if you got a graduate equivalent degree). Many of us have attended classes at the School of Hard Knocks as we’ve faced consquences of choices: some might be our own choices, some might be due to the choices of others. Unfortunately this kind of “being taught” is not what I’m referring to. If it were we would all raise our hands “YES!”

Being teachable goes back to being faithful. We are teachable when we read Scripture, hear good Biblical teaching, and seek God, listening for His Holy Spirit to lead us, but only if we obey what we learn. We can be taught a lot of things but not put them into practice. For instance, my husband, at my request, taught me how to do an oil change and rotate the tires on my car. I only wanted to understand it and have no intention of ever doing it again if I can help it! I was teachable and I did do it once. I could probably muddle through doing it again (but need help tighting the bolts on the tires!)

When we read something in Scripture that we don’t recall seeing before, do we take it to heart as something to apply to your life? When someone in authority comes to you with a concern over a pattern of sin, do you listen, weight it carefully, and seek repentance and reconciliation?

Being teachable is having a posture of humility to follow where God leads even if it is uncomfortable, unconventional, or counter-cultural. He will never lead you to sin.

On a scale of 1-10, how teachable are you?

Being F.A.T. is a good thing when it comes to walking with God and being used for His purposes on this earth. Even just writing this was a good reminder to me to evaluate just how I’m doing in these areas. I find I always have room for growth. How about you? How F.A.T. are you?