Tag Archive | HOly Spirit

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Inadequacy (aka Imposter Syndrome)

Jan13
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Inadequacy (aka Imposter Syndrome)

I hadn’t heard of this until relatively recently. Imposter Syndrome is in reality feeling inadequate but it applies more to professional work. It is where someone feels like a fraud. Not good enough. Not worthy. Inadequate.

We’ve all experienced feelings of inadequacy at some point or another. Starting a new job, or perhaps that first job right out of college or in an internship. I felt totally inadequate to work as a therapist. I never got licensed so I never called myself a psychotherapist although I have counseled people and had the training. Maybe Imposter Syndrome kept me from pursuing that further? When I did counseling in my job it was while I was under supervision and getting my hours so I didn’t need the “title” or license to do the job. When I did it in women’s ministry, I definitely felt inadequate given the state of my private life.

When I served in leadership at my church and taught classes I experienced inadequacy for the same reason but since I was honest about my inadquacies and was encouraged to do the work, I soon lost that sense of being an imposter.

When  I first taught classes at writer’s conferences I was barely published myself so I was learning a lot as I prepared to teach. I learned and then was qualified to share that with others and since I was being paid I didn’t feel too inadequate.

Sometimes inadequacy is a minimalization of the gifts God has given and perhaps if there is a pendulum swing between that and prideful arrogance, then I think inadequacy is the lesser of the dangerous emotions and I probably will address that at some point.

If we are trusting God and following Him we are assured He will equip us for every task, even if we don’t feel adequate to handle it.  The apostle Paul experienced this. In 1 Corinthians 15:9-10 says: For I am the least of the apostles,  who am not fit to be called and apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by  the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me did not prove vain…”

Inadequacy can resolve to humility when we recognize that we are never perfect enough for the work God has called us to. Whether it is writing, preaching, counseling, teaching, parenting, running a business or any other job or task. When we lean on Him and are honest about what we don’t know, or that we are not an expert, we can avoid feeling like an imposter. If God calls us, then to stay mired in an emotion of inadequacy is denying the power of the Holy Spirit to use us as He sees fit.

Now that doesn’t mean there are not imposters out there. There are. I struggle to trust those who claim expertise in any area since that tends to exclude a teachable spirit which is essential to our lives. Not that I want to be corrected, that is never fun, but if I want to be good at anything God leads me to, then I should be open to correction and growing in that area. God doesn’t call us to a task and then expect us to not actually work at that task. He won’t do it for us but He will help us and equip us as we go.

This is why someone who has just come to Christ can zealously share the gospel without even having read the entire Bible much less attended seminary. He has enough for the task ahead. Even aspiring writers can encourage other writers with things they have learned.

I’ve taught on leadership but don’t claim to be a great leader or know everything about the subject. I’ve taught theology classes but don’t know everything there is to know about God and the study of God. I’ve taught on writing and editing but I still have so much to learn and have not mastered everything. In everything I’ve always admitted up front that I am fallible. I don’t know it all, but hopefully I know enough to help someone else on the path to learning about the subject. Now that doesn’t mean I won’t teach what I know with authority and confidence but doing that I don’t experience emotions of anxiety and inadequacy, nor pride. I can do the job God gave me to do.

A few years back I struggled with whether I would write again after a brutal tangle with an editor. That book finally released and I love it but hate to pick it up to read it because of the trauma of that interaction and the battles that ensued to that particular book published. The dangerous emotion of inadquacy almost had me quitting it all. I persevered, got the book published and have gone on to write others since then. I will admit there is a greater fear of failure now than there had been previously.

Have you ever experienced inadequacy or imposter syndrome? How have you dealt with that?

 

Author Confession: The Dangerous Emotion of Jealousy

Jan6
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confession: The Dangerous Emotion of Jealousy

Jealousy is another emotion we often downplay and don’t confront in others, much less ourselves. It’s a great tool in romance novels because jealousy can cause people to do things that create conflict and that’s always great for a story.

It’s not so good in real life. I’ve struggled with jealousy throughout my life. I’m sure you have to if you’re honest. It’s an emotion. Even God gets jealous but then He has good reason to be when His children seek worthless idols to distract them from a relationship with Him. We are all guilty of that. So when God is jealous and gets angry because of that jealousy, it is acceptable and not a sin.

For His created people, it is sin if we let ourselves simmer there. Jealousy is coveting what someone else has. The tenth commandment states: “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife or his male servant or his female servant or his ox or his donkey or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” Exodus 20:17. Interesting that it does not disparage the desire for the gifts God has given us. Much like our Lord, we can be jealous for time with our spouse or children. As long as that emotion doesn’t lead us into sin.

I can drive around and admire homes without being jealous or wanting that particular home, or one like it. But if I am jealous and desire that home then I’m sinning because I am not content with what God has given me.

I’ve been jealous of other authors. Their successes. Their writing style. The big publishing contract. But I stop myself for a few reasons from dwelling there. Here’s why:

  • God gave them a unique voice and calling and to elevate theirs as superior is to denigrate the work HE has done in and through me.
  • Big book sales do not always equate to eternal impact. If I want to make money, I could write the stuff that really sells, but that is not what God has called me to do.
  • If I believe God has called and led me on the path I am on, it is wrong for me to compare that with the path He has someone else on.
  • I have no idea the sacrifices that person has made to get where they are. As most don’t know mine either.
  • If God blesses another author with a bigger sales and paycheck than myself and we are both being obedient to Him, then I should rejoice in His work because He knows the plans He has for all of us to use for His glory.

So how do I fight the tendency to jealousy? I stop and celebrate what God has done for that author. When it comes to Christian publishing, we are all on the same team! We don’t need to be competitive or one up another. That’s why I rejoined a writer’s group – so I could be a cheerleader and also be encouraged on my journey. I’ll admit sometimes I feel inferior no matter how many books I’ve written.

What about jealousy in other areas of life? We can elevate people based on outward appearances but we may not be aware of the dysfunction behind the scenes. Maybe a family looks great on the outside, perfect husband and wife and kids with no problems. At least for now. That you know of. Or someone with a great career, but again, we don’t know the sacrifices or maybe even the heartache that is going on deep inside. Good things come with a cost.

Being jealous is telling God that what He has given me isn’t good enough. It’s like the second son in the story of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32) who is upset that the father never threw a party for him but gave one for the returning wastrel. Jesus told a parable about a master paying laborers the same even though some didn’t work as long. (Matthew 20:1-16) and likened this to the Kingdom of Heaven. Jesus can distribute gifts through the Holy Spirit and blessings as HE sees fit and I have no right to be angry or jealous. My job is to honor and obey HIM and not seek other things, including a lucartive publishing contract or huge sales. If I submit to the Jesus and let the Holy Spirit reign in my heart and life than I have reward enough.

When I stand before the throne of God someday He is not going to ask me why my kids didn’t turn out as accomplished as someone else’s kids, or why my house wasn’t bigger or better, or cleaner! He’s not going to judge me on my BMI or the brand of clothing I wear. He won’t care how many people read this blog or how many books I wrote or sold, or how many people follow me on social media.

He will only care that I repented of my sins and put my faith in Jesus Christ alone.

There will be rewards for the obedience and forgiveness for my failures, even the ones I’m not aware of. That’s grace.

We all stand equal at the foot of the cross. It is a level playing field and the rest is smoke and mirrors. Where is my devotion? God is jealous for me to worship only Him not book sales. The dangerous emotion of jealousy can impact all of us in various ways. How do you deal with it?

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Fear

Dec30
Reading Time: 5 minutes

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Fear

Yes, I know it’s the end of the year so why couldn’t I write something more uplifting than about fear? It’s what was on my mind.  Why is fear dangerous?

When I was in my undergraduate classes, I had a professor challenge us to spend a few days being paranoid about everything. This wasn’t an assignment we turned in. The next week at class he asked us how it went. I informed him that I refused to do the assignment.

“Why?” he asked.

“Because I believe that if I start trying to look at the world that way it could easily become a habit—one I do not want.”

He nodded his head and acknowledged that my reason was wise.

I used to work with adults who suffered from chronic paranoid schizophrenia. Some heard voices that weren’t there. Most of the time these voices were mean and inspired fear. Living with this kind of illness and the fear that accompanies it, is a hell of it’s own.

Now paranoid schizophrenia is an extreme. Of course, there are various other phobias people can have and some area situational. Fear of heights. Fear of snakes. Fear of flying….

In some cases, those are protective. I have begun to realize I’m not really afraid of heights. I’m afraid of falling from that height. When I realize that and need to fight that fear I can take steps to see that I’m safe. OK. Let’s be honest. Falling isn’t the real problem. It’s the landing.

While schizophrenia is a mental illness with what we can best determine to be a chemical change in the brain that happens under stress, usually in the late teens or early 20’s, it is forgivable when someone suffers from this.

It struck me lately that I battle my own fears. In spite of my noble refusal to act paranoid lest I become fearful defense given to my professor, I have lapsed into that kind of thinking quite unintentionally.

Most of those fears are future oriented. The events haven’t happened. When my husband had surgery recently, we had talked candidly about the “what if’s” beforehand all the while praying that the outcome would be good.

I didn’t sleep well the night before. He came through surgery fine, and it wasn’t until we were heading home that I wanted to cry. Sure, I hadn’t had enough sleep so that certainly was a factor.. It had snowed and the roads were slick, another stressor. I was also recovering from my own surgery. However, at the core of those tears was the realization that I had been more fearful of losing my husband than I had thought. I was so grateful he had come through that so well.

Matthew 6:34 says: “…don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” This is after reminding the reader that God is in control of all the things we tend to worry about: food, shelter, clothing, and even our lives.

The phrase “fear not” appears in the Bible 170 times.

1 Peter 5:6-7 says: “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your care on Him, because He cares about you.”

Philippians 4:6 says: “Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise—dwell on these things.”

Notice that Scripture doesn’t just say “don’t worry or don’t be anxious, or do not be afraid,” It gives us a cure. I mentioned in another post that Jesus was the first cognitive behavioral therapist, and this is again what happens. The anxiety we feel, comes from the thoughts we have, and often when we are anxious our thoughts of God are not worthy of Who He is.  2 Timothy 1:7 states: For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.

Someone reminded me recently that when I am anxious about things in the future, like the plans we have for 2025, it robs me of being present here and now. All my focus is on what might go wrong instead of thinking about what is true right now, today. The good, the honorable, the just, the pure, the lovely, whatever is commendable, moral excellence, anything worthy of praise. And to be grateful.

This gets back to what I started out with. If I focus on all the things that are wrong or scary and think in a paranoid manner, then I will develop a habit. Not quite as serious as a paranoid schizophrenic, but still problematic. When I fail to focus on God, right now, and trust who HE says He is, then I’m slipping into the sin of unbelief.

Isn’t God big enough to help me through if something goes wrong in any of the areas I tend to obsess about in my mind in an unproductive way? I don’t usually spend time thinking about losing my husband because I don’t want to take away from the joy of the moments where he is with me now, making memories, laughing, and living a life of gratitude for the God Who brought us together.

The same applies for other areas where there are going to be choices and changes in 2025. I have little control of how much of that unfolds, yet God is already there. I can put my trust in Him.

Just like some might say that anger or lust are “sins”, which I debunk in previous posts: fear, worry, or anxiety are not either. They are emotions that God has given. In some instances, like a fear of heights, theyccan be helpful to protect us. If they are keeping us from living a full life in Christ however, we might need help to get past those fears that are not logical, or even real.

I’m not shaming anyone who struggles with anxiety. Some of that could be due to a chemical imbalance (like some have with too much coffee!). We all experience them. It’s what we do with them that matters. Being anxious or fearful will not keep you from heaven when we are submitting our lives to Jesus Christ, but those emotions can keep us from experiencing the peace and joy He offers us.

Luke 2:10-11 recalls the moments after Jesus’s birth when shepherds heard the news from angels: “But the angel said to them, “Don’t be afraid, for look, I proclaim to you good news of great joy that will be for all the people: Today a Savior, who is Messiah the Lord, was born for you in the city of David.”

Do not be afraid. Jesus came to the earth to bring us Himself as the punishment for all our sins. After He rose and ascended to heaven He gave us the Holy Spirit to indwell and help us on our journey home to be with the Lord. I want to fully experience that joy, don’t you? Then we can join the angels in singing, “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and peace on earth to people He favors!” The dangerous emotion of fear doesn’t need to be controlling us if we focus on Him.

How do you work through your fears and strive to be present in the everyday moments of life?

Author Confessions: Savoring the Sacred

Jun3
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confessions: Savoring the sacred 

With the advent of social media, we went from blogs sharing life, ideas, hacks, and recipes, to people sharing their breakfast or a new outfit or doing fun things. Periodically, you’d get the serious: the accidents, the terrible diagnosis, or the cries for help financially or emotionally.  

In some ways, now we get it all and at a much faster pace. And often the mundane that sometimes puzzles me. People sharing about things that really don’t matter much in the scheme of life: like imitating a dance move.  

When I started to look for a new life-partner, I did tell a few of my closest friends but no one else. When I found one who ticked all the right boxes, I still didn’t share with many people. It’s weird to say, in your fifties, “I have a boyfriend.” I also wanted the relationship to proceed without undue expectations from others.  

In many ways, it felt sacred. I wanted to savor the sacred. I wanted to nurture the relationship without the outward stressors or awkwardness. Kind of like when I start spring plants in the basement. Eventually I start exposing them to the outside during the day to “harden” them, in hopes that when I finally plant them in the ground, they will thrive.  

My new relationship was tender, strange, and wonderful. Tender because we had both come out of deeply painful marriages. Strange because we were both learning a new person and defining a new way of relating and developing trust. Wonderful, because we continually saw God at work in so many ways that six years later, we still frequently recount His work. Savoring the sacred.  

There are many musings that could find their way to social media as I ponder and process life but often they remain unspoken, and might even make it to my prayer journal, but nothing beyond that. Especially as I ponder the things of God. Perhaps what I’m reading in Scripture, or something that comes up as my husband and I discuss life and the craziness of the world around us.  

There are many profound and oftentimes silly interactions in our marriage that will likely never be shared online, again, because I want to savor the sacred. There is deep joy and love, but it doesn’t come to social media because in many ways, I’m savoring the sacred.  

On Memorial Day I went outside to my backyard. I had been working and the sun was shining, grass still damp from recent rains, and the birds were flitting around as my dogs explored. Momma Robin protested when they got too close to her nest. There was peace and quiet in our little slice of heaven, a peace I had never had a chance to enjoy in my previous homes. I don’t deserve this. There are people around the world struggling to survive, living through the uncertainty and terrors of war or dictatorial regimes. Yet, somehow, due to the sacrifices of those who fought and died for our freedom here in the United States, I am able to experience this peace. Savoring the sacred.  

I can’t thank those who have gone before. I can thank God for His blessing and I recognize that it could all end in a moment. Natural disasters, crime, accidents. Life is filled with horrible catastrophes that can befall anyone without notice. Tornados, hurricanes, earthquakes, and more. We live in a world where control is a myth. We think we can control outcomes, even medically, and have unrealistic expectations quite often about how things should go. Life should be fair.  

Justice would say my life is unfair. I don’t deserve to sit in a comfy chair in a climate-controlled home with sweet doggies at my side, writing this. I am a sinner. I fail too often, even if only in my thoughts which are not always as kind and compassionate as I would like them to be. Without my faith in the salvation bought for me at the cross by Jesus Christ, and the work He has done in my heart and life through the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit, I would be toast. So, I savor the sacred because life is fragile and transient.  

Really good people suffer horribly. Consider Job and his suffering. Even when life is hard, God has and always will be at work behind the scenes. So, savor the sacred.  

I’m not saying that those going through those hard times shouldn’t be sharing. I’ve been encouraged and blessed by those who have shared God’s work in the midst of their struggles. There is a time and a place for that, maybe even to only a close few. Obviously, I’m not an influencer dancing and singing and coming up with some kind of schtick to get clicks or more thumbs up on my posts.  

I have loftier goals. I want to live a life (and write books) that honor God and give Him the glory. I can’t do that without tuning into His Holy Spirit—again, savoring the sacred. That might mean I need to set down my phone more instead of getting lost in the vortex of all those posts, reels, videos, and images. I’m working hard at putting down my phone to be present in the moment when I’m with others.  

How about you? How can you spend more time savoring the sacred?   

Author Confessions: Satan Doesn’t Like Christian Authors

May13
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: Satan Doesn’t Like Christian Authors

This idea should be more of a “duh” kind of thing. Of course Satan doesn’t like Christian authors—he’s diametrically opposed to Christ, the gospel and those who are trying to honor God in the exercise of their spiritual gifts.

So why bother writing about it? Because we too often forget we are in a spiritual battle.

Not that every challenge or bad thing that happens to us can be pinned on our mortal foe. We can easily make life more difficult without his help.

But when I’m afraid to write because I believe it won’t be good enough, then I’m believing a lie. My unbelief in God’s power to work in and through me, is a great tool for the enemy to use to keep me from exercising my gifts and calling.

When something bad happens, like last year I tripped and fell and broke my right humerus (arm), that wasn’t really the devil’s fault. Some of it had been a result of my inability to get medication I needed because of insurance and supply chain issues. I could just blame Satan, the insurance company, the FDA, the pharmaceutical companies, but to what end? I could blame myself for being impulsive, inattentive, and clumsy. I could blame the UPS guy for leaving the box of brakes for my car where I would trip over them. That’s not fair though because I could have moved them. I saw them there! That goes back to blaming myself for being lazy. I could blame God for allowing it.

What have I accomplished by any of that? God graciously provided me with so many blessings in the midst of that intense pain. My dog stayed by my side. I was able to get to my husband who took exceptional care of me, even untying my shoes as I blacked out in a chair. Only to have me waking up to say “they zip”. Excellent medical care at the emergency room with a wait of less than ten minutes? That’s unusual to be sure!

I didn’t need surgery and the dire warnings of the first doctor I saw a few days later never came to pass (at least to this date). My rotator cuff could have been reinjured necessitating surgery, or the bone head could have died due to cutting off the blood flow with the break requiring a shoulder replacement. As far as I am aware, fifteen months later, I’m fine.

The reality is, bad things happen all the time. Job didn’t even know that his deepest griefs were because God had lifted protection over him and allowed Satan access. The point of that was to keep trusting God even when things go wrong, because we have no idea what’s going on behind-the-scenes.

The only way to do that is to stay connected to the One who controls it all, including our enemy. Sometimes catastrophe comes and however God allows those things to happen, due to someone else’s sin, or our own (natural consequences), or nature itself, or perhaps our enemy, we need to trust Him and focus on Him.

I was so sad when our vacation had cancelled due to my arm. But I did believe that somehow God was in that. We did take a different trip after I’d healed up enough and during that trip my husband and I were able to share the gospel with a young man who was clearly hurting. We spent several hour with him over a meal. Right then and there I knew my broken arm wasn’t wasted.

Now I’ve already written on God knowing everything so I won’t go into that there. God could have done something similar on our initial trip too. The reality is God is always at work and need to keep focused on Him.

Keeping our hearts clean before God keeps us in step with the Holy Spirit who will help us when evil comes knocking, whether it is in life, vacations, health, work, or yes, even writing. We can grieve our losses on the way but never stop clinging to God and the power He gives us through the Holy Spirit.

The enemy doesn’t stand a chance. Satan hates Christian authors but he’s not the one I’m going to focus on. Instead I’ll keep working as God leads me through the power and protection of the Holy Spirit and trust Him for the results.

Who’s Your Sam?

Feb23
Reading Time: 2 minutes

A few weeks back, I did a talk at our local ACFW (American Christian Fiction Writers) chapter and challenged my fellow writers with this final question: Who is your Sam?

Let me give you some background.

Life is tough. Duh. You already knew that, didn’t you?

Being a Christian can be a challenging road to walk. Oh, you knew that too? Sorry. Just wanting to establish the facts first.

We need to be immersed in God’s truth, studying His Word and listening to the Holy Spirit as He leads and guides us. This communication however, can be disconnected because of sin. The remedy is simple. We repent, accept Christ’s forgiveness purchased for us at the cross and walk forward His power to accomplish the tasks He has given.

You with me so far?

Life is hard. We need God.

But that’s not all. We need others around us. Let me show you an example:

Now, if you are not familiar with J.R.R. Tolkein’s Lord of the Rings trilogy, let me give you an overview. Frodo has a ring of power that needs to be destroyed in Mordor. He leaves home, the shire, with three other Hobbits. One is Sam. They end up in Rivendale and become a fellowship of nine all bent on completing this task of destroying the ring. Four hobbits, a wizard, two men, an elf and a dwarf. By the end of that first movie, the wizard is presumed killed and another man is dead and the fellowship is broken up. In spite of that, as the trilogy moves on, Sam is Frodo’s constant companion, protector and in many ways, his salvation. While there are many heroes in the story, it is Sam, a secondary character, who truly gives his all to his friend.

In the hard journey of life and the calling that God can place on our lives, we all need a few Sam’s around us. Some might be a little more distant and still helping us fight on toward our goal, with words of encouragement, a listening ear and prayer. And others will walk more closely, willing to tackle us when we are going to venture into sin and challenge us when we are lost in lies.

We also need to endeavor to be this for other people as well.

So . . . in the story God is writing in your life . . . who is your Sam? You really should have more than one. Frodo had eight who supported him on the journey and one died to protect him. The rest risked death time and again to see the goal accomplished and save Middle Earth.

On the flip side. Who are you a Sam for? Whose life are you speaking truth into, praying for, encouraging. For instance, how about our pastors? They are on the forefront of spiritual battle and need a fellowship of warriors behind them as much as we do if not more.

Let us not forget that God is writing a great story in your life and it is the gospel many people may read before they ever pick up the Bible. And we have some input into the journey by our choices, good or bad. Our mistakes, our failures as well as our successes and how we respond say a lot to others about our relationship wtih God. And much of that can depend on the strength and support of the Sam’s around us.

Tell me about a Sam in your life.