Tag Archive | goals

Author Confessions: Big Hairy Audacious Goals

Jul6
Reading Time: 6 minutes

Author Confessions: Big Hairy Audacious Goals

Have you heard of Big Hairy Adacious Goals before? It was a thing many years ago, and while maybe the BHAG is not quite as talked about now, it is still a thing.

As a young person, I didn’t have any big hairy audacious goals. In reality, I chickened out from doing some things. Life circumstances didn’t give me the confidence to take the risks. I’m intentionally not being specific here because I want you to perhaps think about what big thing you might have passed up out of fear.

My husband on the other hand wanted to start a company like his father had. Make his own way in the world in a “I’ll show you,” kind of way. He worked in a factory by day and did sales on his breaks, and seeing people at night to sell things. His company helped him raise a huge passel of kids and he loved doing the work.

Until he didn’t. Sometimes work environments get tainted and the shine wears off. Then his wife took the company in the divorce and claimed she started it. Alone.

He doesn’t miss it. He doesn’t miss the way he was treated and devalued.

Then he met me and life started fresh and he’s set new goals for himself. Goals that get him up early in the morning and keep him busy all day. A new goal. Pursuing a dream he’d long had. I get to cheer him on through the ups and downs of acheiving that goal.

I never had great goals. Oh, I finished graduate school and got a job that I enjoyed. Then I wanted to have kids. After the second one, I got my dream of staying home with the kids. However, much like my husband’s history, that was fraught with some toxicity which made living out that dream, an everyday dream for many woman, difficult to survive.

I did survive, however, and when I was freed form the toxicity, I met someone who wanted me to get in on some multi-level marketing. I was hesistant but I was in need of an income. I was challenged to dream big about items I would spend the money on. God led me away from that.

All I ever really wanted was someone to love me, a home, my dog, and a garden. And to be able to keep writing.

Notice I didn’t say I wanted to be rich. Funny, since I was deep into poverty at that point. Sure having a newer car would be good, and the ability to keep my kids comfortable. For some people who have been beaten down by life, that is the big hairy audacious goal.

Around the time I met my husband, I was barely keeping my head above water financially but I was doing OK and started looking for work outside the home. My kids were older.

When I married my husband, he would have been fine with me working, but I didn’t need to. The needs of my family and myself were met. I was finally loved, had a home, a dog, and a garden. My kids were safe and provided for. I chose to stay home and my husband has continually expressed gratitude for that and what that provides him at the end of the day. The two kids who remained with me at the time also had the benefit of my availability when they went through some difficult periods. I even got to tow each kid out of a ditch! For my son it was on one off the coldest days of winter, but together we did it. Something I would never have been equipped to do in my old life. Bitter cold wasn’t fun, but being there for him then, still warms my heart now.

As an author, I’m supposed to be pursuing huge sales and a platform that gets the clicks. I’ve worked with a lovely virtual assistant (Hello, Bonnie!) and learned a lot of things. I’ve put much of that into practice in a way that works best for me so I don’t need to pay someone else to do that. There’s this idea of “return on investment,” when it comes to marketing and for me it’s pretty low. I’ve spoken with my publisher about what I should and shouldn’t do to market my books, so while I might not be doing everything others think I “should” be doing, I’m doing work she approves of and not much more.

I keep writing because I enjoy it and people who read my books tell me they want more. I hope there are more than just the few names that popped into my head just now: Heidi, Joan, Jenny, Kimberly, Anita, Lynn, and more that have written reviews (Thank you!). In reality, with all the marketing, and writing a blog, and well, just LIFE, it can be hard to be an author. My kids have moved out and I should have a lot of time to write books, but one husband can definitely take up more time! (and is worth it!). We are in transition as well, and that has placed us in a season like no other. This planner has learned to flex a lot.

So what’s my BHAG now? What big hairy audacious goal do I have at this point? I want to be in our home, welcoming friends for a meal, a game night, or a craft day. Or having people over for dinner to learn more about Jesus and the life He calls us to. I want to make a welcoming space for my husband to come home to, and for me to create in, whether it’s stories, or embroidering, or making cards. I can’t wait to plant bulbs for next spring and design my landscaping.  That doesn’t sound very big, does it?

As I was thinking about this though, a quote that Mary DeMuth made in her book, Restory Your Life, has resonated with me. “God does not call us to be spectacular, He calls us to be faithful.”

Maybe for some people that will mean having the resources for an expensive home, luxury cars, and travel. Maybe for some it means being on a best-seller list, or a keynote speaker (well-paid I’m guessing) at events.

Being on a best-seller list would be nice. Having a significant income from writing would be lovely. The reality for me is that I’m called to be faithful. My first pursuit is Jesus. Every day. Before anything else. And if He wants me to have any of those things He can make it happen. Right now, in this seasion, I’ve scaled back on doing author events, or being on faculty at writers conferences, which I love to do. And that’s OK. Will I ever do those things again? I don’t know.

I don’t need more than I have right now. Oh, sure there are prayers I pray for my kids as I watch their lives from a distance and remind myself their stories aren’t over yet.

Probably the one BHAG I haven’t mentioned is that I want to be able to encourage others on their walk with God. Whether I do that here, or one-on-one at a conference, or in my living room, is irrelevant. Big dreams and books sales pale in comparison to giving someone a kind word, or a hug to let them know that Jesus, and I, love them. That they matter. That God sees them. I’m still meeting people in my community and that can be lonely, yet at the end of the day when I got to give someone a word of encouragement, so they know they were seen, well, that’s priceless isn’t it? Big Hairy Audacious Goals don’t need to be about money. For me it’s about impacting people’s lives, and that happens one person at a time.

God sees me and He can do amazing things in my life. He already has done more than I could have dared to dream. If He can do that, then the best biggest hairy audiacious goal would be to hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” I doubt He’ll be looking at my bank account when He says it.

How about you? What are your big hairy audacious goals?

Author Confessions: When God Imposes Limits

Oct13
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confessions: When God Imposes Limits

In a way I approached this topic when I talked about Emotional Bandwidth so you can check that out if you want, but I’m taking a different approach this time.

We often are told to reach for high and lofty goals. As kids we are told the lie that “You can be anything you want!” It’s a way to encourage creativity and pursuing dreams and passions but the reality is, rising to the top of anything is often part passion, calling, incredibly hard work, and innate ability.

We often focus on the hard work part of things. If you do A, B, and C, you can reach your goal. Reality is that I cannot do any of that on my own volition no matter how much I power through. I need God! Two people can do all the same things with different results because sometimes life intervenes, doesn’t it?

Something simple as taking a vacation to a lovely island resort is foiled  by a broken arm (me two years ago–and we still haven’t gone!). Pursuing a degree but health, or finances, or the inability to grasp the material can keep someone from going that next step.

I’m not talking about making excuses. Many people have overcome amazing challenges or disabilities to accomplish great things: Joni Earekson Tada (paralysis), or Nick Vujicic (no arms or legs), or even Temple Grandin (autism), have overcome, adapted and pursued amazing things. Disability, physical or even mental differences didn’t stop them. Ben Carson never let his skin color or a childhood family distubances and finanical challenges prevent him from going on to be a neurosurgeon and serving as the United States Secretary of Housing and Urban Development.

It’s easy to make excuses and blame other people or events for our inabilty to reach our goals. Slammed doors due to no fault of our own can keep a person from reaching their dream. Or send them on a better path. Sometimes the problems is within us.

The reality is, God tends to use ordinary people to carry out His plans, not just the rich, famous, highly educated, or incredibly talented. Yes, they have a role to play as well, but if your plumber had chosen to teach Philosophy at a college somewhere, who is going to fix your leaking faucet?

Our value is not found in accomplishing big, grand, things for God. A small church of faithful followers is just as important to the kingdom as a large one.

Not every book can be a best-seller no matter how much marketing experts give a formula for how to write it, get it published, and market it. My writing will never be the same as other authors I admire. There are those who love the stories I write. I write first for God.

My thought is this. We, as those who love and worship Jesus Christ, follow Him first. Anything we do, including honoring Him, is only viable through the power of the Holy Spirit dwelling within. When I try, on my own strength, I will likely fail or miss something greater that God wants to do in and through me. He’s the One who opens and closes doors. He’s the One who provides opportunties and may even lead in a direction I hadn’t originally considered. I didn’t aim to be an author when I was in college, or even as a kid. That wasn’t the dream I had for myself, and even then the dream wasn’t what I went to college for because I was practical and discouraged from following that.

But God. I love those words. But God. He is the One who works in and through us to accomplish HIS purposes. Not ours. No lofty ambition. My value and worth doesn’t need that kind of validation–or scrutiny.

I used to serve in leadership in church and taught theology and leadership classes to women. I loved every minute. For years we led a small group in our home and they became family. Now that we’ve moved, we’re searching for a church. My hands are open, palms empty, waiting for God to show us where we are to be. The way He wants to use us in a new family might be different, because the needs of that church might be different and God gifts and calls according to HIS purposes within that church community. We serve others, not ourselves. I need to let go of any sense of entitlement to do the stuff I’ve done before. In a larger church especially, we become a small fish. God may call us to one of those or something medium or small. We’ll see. Someone asked if we were chuch “shopping,” and I said no. We are looking for our home. Our family. God has to make that clear to both my husband and myself. It’s a long process.

I started out talking about God’s limitations because while God opens doors, He sometimes provides detours. That broken arm didn’t prevent any vacation, but a different one where we got to witness to a young man over lunch. I found out that last week I had a concussion so my days are looking different as I navigate healing. In the process, I’ve been able to meet more of my neighbors and share some of the bounty from the Hmongs who farm on our land. I love vegetables but we can only eat so much, so we share with others. Sharing food involves conversations as we listen and get to know those who live around us. We are here in this apartment for a season, but that season can still be rich with seeds planted.

Where or how have you found God imposing limits on you?

 

Rethinking Fresh Starts

Jan1
Reading Time: 3 minutes

I’m not a New Year’s resolution kind of gal. God leads and I follow. I recognize I cannot reach any goal without Him. If I set a “start date” that is my own, for example, “On January 1st I will eat no more sugar,” I’ll sabatog myself. Maybe that’s just me. I’m trying to get over my all-or-nothing mentality.

I’ve been working out for weeks already. I didn’t wait for January 2nd.

I’ve been drinking more water, and less soda, for months with the use of an app on my phone to remind me. What a difference that has made in my life! I sleep longer at night which I would never have expected.

My foot was giving me pain so I didn’t wait until the new year to start seeing a doctor or getting physical therapy. I had met my deductible for 2023 so I wanted to get as much of that done while it was fully paid for before January 1st. I’m practical!

We don’t need a date on a calendar to motivate us to do good things for ourselves or others. We are called to live that way every day.

Not that this can’t be a time for reflection. Here are some possible questions to ask yourself:

  • How did I grow in 2023? What lessons did God teach me during this year?
  • Where do I see a need for growth in 2024? Realize God is often gentle and slow in helping us make those changes–for our own good.
  • What would you like to do differently in 2024? List the practical steps to get there. I find a big goal is paralyzing. I need to break it down into smaller steps if I hope to achieve anything worthwhile.
  • What do you do well? Go ahead, Brag on yourself to yourself. Instead of only looking at things that need improvement, what are you already doing that you can be grateful for? This was eye opening for me when I did it a few months ago after seeing a therapist who said “I don’t think you give yourself enough credit for the good things you do.” So go ahead, acknowledge what you do well. Yes, even if you make your bed every morning – write it down! Did you clean up the kitchen last night and get the dishwasher running before hitting the sack? Write it down. Did you manage to keep your kids fed and clothed? (I know it sounds silly but this is an accomplishment!). Write it down! See how many good things you already are doing! Seeing success will help motivate you in whatever other goals you set for yourself.

Accountability can be helpful. Or tracking your progress. I put in my app every glass of water I drink. It’s validating to see the number go up every day and I can smile when I reach my goal. I make a list every morning of tasks I’d like to try to accomplish and cross those off as I do them. If I do something else – I add it and cross it off. It motivates me to keep moving.

  • What about your pace of life? I’ve tried to have a healthy margin in my life. Like words on the pages of a book – that blank space is calming. When you have room to move into the margin on those occassions when life throws you a curve ball, it helps. Some days I can be very productive and then sometimes the next day I need to do more resting. Reading. A hobby. Lunch with a friend or a phone call to someone I care about. Life isn’t all about getting tasks done. A former pastor of mine said: “Tasks aren’t about getting things done–they are about  getting people done.” So how are my tasks helping me to grow? Over the years I’ve learned that a slow day, with less to check off, is not me being lazy, but is just as important as the busy days. I’m getting “me” done. Time for my brain to unwind as well as my body, is important.

Happy New Year. It’s a new chapter in your life and while God is ultimately writing your story, He does give you the pen. Make your story one you would want to read on December 31, 2024.

One Word: Empowered

Feb7
Reading Time: 3 minutes

I have a heavy writing schedule this year and part of that terrifies me. For the most part, over the years when I’ve written it has been because I wanted to–not because I needed to. When I focus, like with NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month nanowrimo.org) I can write fast and finish a full-length novel or at least go over the 50,000-word goal for the month. But now I have a contract for four more books and I need to write, write, write.

I prayed about this before agreeing to this contract. Part of the challenge is that I’m co-authoring with a dear friend, DeeDee Lake. But our lives and schedules sometimes conflict for even basic brainstorming of ideas. We’ve set up a schedule for how things pass between us but then there’s this thing we can’t account for called LIFE.

I usually pick one word for the year and this year it is: Empowered. I cannot accomplish these tasks on my own and I want to make sure that in the process of doing this I don’t miss what’s really important in life: time with my husband, kids, friends, and family. My dad died in October and maybe I’ll write about that another time, but it drove home to me the importance of making every day count.

I select Scriptures to put on my screen savers so I’m constantly reminded of my dependence on God for these tasks. The first uses a verse from 2 Corinthians 9:8 which says: “And God is able to make every grace overflow to you, so that in every way, always having everything you need, you may exalt in every good work.” (HCSB)

The second uses a verse from 2 Timothy 1:9 which proclaims: “He has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace, which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began.” (HCSB)

I don’t know what you’re struggling with today. But maybe those Scriptures can help. I’ve found that when I’m overwhelmed by the tasks the best thing I can do is write them down and pray and ask God: What would you have me do next? And then do it. One task at a time.

I’ve accomplished a lot in January because God has enabled me to. I’ve been frustrated at what I couldn’t do sometimes due to circumstances out of my control so after I have my own little internal temper tantrum because things didn’t go according to my plan, I pray and adjust my goals for that day, week, and maybe even month.

I had hoped to start writing last week on a novel but didn’t get the information I needed. So today, I’ll be working on a different project I had planned for later in the year. I shuffled my schedule and plans around and have built-in buffers because so much, wait, really ALL of life is beyond my control. So I will pray, focus and get to work to do what He has led me to do and trust Him for the outcome.

What is overwhelming you? Can you lean on God to empower you? He does give us more than we can bear simply so we need to lean on Him. Our Lord is faithful and generous in His grace and mercy to us! Embrace that and press on. Do you have one word for the year? Why is it important to you, I’d love to hear about it.