Tag Archive | growth

Author Confessions: Love Takes Courage Part 2 of 3

Oct26
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: Love Takes Courage Part 2 of 3

Love takes courage in marriage but also in friendship.

One of the things that I struggle with is how people who claim to be Christians, can avoid God’s command that we love one another. Now if someone is abusive, I agree that space (physical and emotional) might be required but I believe we are in a time period where some people find solace in being a victim and being traumatized.

This is not to diminish anyone’s pain over past events. No parent is perfect, nor is any spouse, or friend.

“I am a victim therefore I will no longer have anything to do with you,” it is a often a cowardly stance to take. All this without ever confronting the person with why you believe you’ve been wronged. I’ve been guilty of this as well.

Years ago a woman at my church called me. I had been Women’s Ministry Director at the time. She was offended, stating I was snubbing her at church. It was not something I ever intended to do. I get in a zone and can sometimes not notice people because of that hyper-focus. I apologized to her for hurting her, even if I never intended to. Her hurt was real. After that I made a special point to seek her out on a Sunday and speak with her, if even only for a moment. I also told her that I admired her courage to call me and confront me with her hurt. I apol0gized and changed my behavior. I moved last year and don’t get to see her much anymore but I still hold her dear to my heart even more so because she had the courage to love me enough to help me grow and change.

I personally hate conflict. I’d prefer everyone be at peace and get along. However, having served in ministry I’ve had to navigate many conflict situations. It takes a deep concern and love for the other person to step into that and  I’ve never done it without much introspection and prayer so I can take ownership of where I might have erred in the relationship. Sometimes this has gone well. Sometimes it hasn’t and I’ve suffered verbal and spiritual abuse as they justify their sin. That closes the door to reconciliation for me. I can forgive. I can be friendly. But they can no longer be a friend.

When a relationship isn’t close it can be harder to want to resolve the conflict. What’s the point when walking away can be easy to do because they weren’t significant enough. Why make the time and effort if the relationship is disposable? Love isn’t really part of the equation at this point. But here’s my question: Shouldn’t it be? If we are believers in Christ, and someone offends us, confronting bad behavior in a loving way could help that other person grow.

I had this happen in ministry where I witnessed a pattern of behavior from a fellow leader. When I finally sat her down and told her what I saw and how much it grieved me because I know that her actions were not a reflection of how she wanted to be, it was received with gratitude. I’m not perfect either but when I fail I would hope people would love me enough to point out my blind spots.

This is hard in marriage because the choice to step away from the relationship is more complicated. It takes greater effort sometimes to fight to be heard and understood. Two people with differing opinions, pasts, filters through which they see the world, can struggle to come to an agreement or compromise. It’s easier when we truly believe two things 1) The other person is in my corner and loves me 2) The other person wants what’s best for us and the relationship.

As believers we should be seeking unity and love even with people we disagree with. In our polarized climate that can be hard. Not every dispute is life or death even though hyperbolic talk might make it seem so and draw imaginary lines in the sand. Love takes courage in friendships. A true friend should not be discarded easily.

 

Author Confessions: What About Mercy?

Sep21
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confessions: What About Mercy?

I was participating in a Bible Study of the book In His Image by Jen Wilkin, that was looking at the communicable attributes of God (those God shares with us) and how He calls us to relect His image and character to the world around us. What about mercy? How does that work and why would I be writing about it?

Justice, mercy, and grace are connected.

  • Justice is getting what we deserve -punishment for our sin.
  • Mercy is getting what we don’t deserve – compassion, Jesus died in our place for our sins.
  • Grace is getting what we don’t deserve – salvation, love, relationship with God among many other blessings.

In Chapter 5, God Most Merciful, I totally understood and appreciated the concept of showing mercy to others. In my own thoughts and even experiences in the Christian church (writ large) we often tend to jump to judging instead of mercy. In other words, being compassionate when we hear someone’s story instead of rushing to judgement. When I wrote Pesto and Potholes and Salsa and Speedbumps, I wanted to explore this concept, along with other themes. Writing those books was my way wrestling with my own sinful rush to judgement instead of extending mercy. Even if I never say anything, the thoughts in my mind are equally condemning.

This is how it the book impacted me adversely. The author, Jen Wilkin made a few statements that I fully agree with. We need wisdom in dispensing mercy. She states on page 81, ” When our offender persists in sinning against us, we are wise to put boundaries in place…. Mercy never requires submission to abuse, whether spiritual, verbal, emotional, or physical.”

First of all, let me say how refreshing these words are. After many years in an abusive marriage, almost every marriage book I read failed to acknowledge the depth of pain an abused spouse might be enduring. Leslie Vernick has some great books that can help of you are in those situations: The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope, and How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong. 

Gary Thomas’s blog post, Enough is Enough, was the first time I read anything that extended mercy to someone like myself. His premise is that the church has made an idol of the institution of marriage at the expense of the women (and men) who are suffering from abuse.

I believe that many rush to divorce without doing the hard work to make a marriage work. I resisted divorce and as a result lost friends over the years, being harshly judged for staying in a difficult marriage. I refused to divorce until GOD told me to. When He did, He gave me the courage to follow through and made a way through my fear. I had grieved the death of love in the marriage for years before. You might call me a heretic for stating God led me to divorce my spouse. Jewish leaders condemned Jesus as well for not following their prescribed religious beliefs.

After I filed for divorce, people would come to me, without knowing my story, and tell me I was wrong. My then-husband also called me an “evil, selfish, sinner.” I will only admit to the last one. I am a sinner. I have never claimed to be perfect in any relationship, but God’s mercy shields me from the consequences of that.

When I stayed, I was judged. When I left, I was judged. Thankfully the only opinion that matters on this is God’s.

Jesus’ grace brought me freedom, as well as newfound joy in my children’s lives once the weight of the verbal abuse was gone. He provided for our needs as I moved on in life, and eventually, brought a new love and life beyond what I could have ever dreamed or imagined possible. I intellectually understood God was good, but I doubted He would be good to me. I didn’t deserve it. His goodness to me throughout all that, apart from the condemnation from a few self-rightous folks, blew me away. Lavish, grace-love. That’s my Jesus.

When I read Jen Wilkin’s words, I had to fully own that I can too quickly rush to judgment of others instead of showing mercy and compassion. If I haven’t walked in their shoes, who am I to judge? I was blessed with godly and wise counsel before, during, and after my divorce, and even as I entered into a new marriage. God’s grace is overwhelmingly wonderful.

Even in church, I hesitate to state I was divorced because of the lack of mercy and rush to judgement many might think if not outright say. Even when I was divorced I thought of myself as single. The weight of shame was not part of who I was because I obeyed God, and continue to seek Him.

So, having read this, do you judge me? What about mercy? Does the your Christian faith have room for that? Mine doesn’t as much as I would like and I still struggle with that, even though I’ve experienced it so often from our great God. I’m growing, and hopefully you are too. The world needs more mercy and compassion.

 

Author Confessions: Fractured Faith

Jun29
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: Fractured Faith

I’ve walked with God for more years than I’d like to admit. I’m still learning and growing and the more I learn the more I understand how little I know and God has to break through the me that was to make the a person who will be a better image bearer of Christ.

If I look in the mirror, I see an image that is, well, me. But if that mirror is cracked, the image is distorted. When glass is cracked the ability to see through it clearly to make out objects on the other side, is hard to make out. Broken mirrors and glass refract light all over in new ways.

I’m starting to think of myself as fractured glass. I’ve never been a put-together, no-issues-here kind of gal. I’m a WYSIWIG – What You See Is What You Get. Not that I will share the deep down dark secrets of my soul with everyone, but I’m no good at pretending I have it all together.

When I was in a difficult marriage, my countenance was simply me. When that relationship ended many people commented that I appeared brighter and happier. I personally couldn’t notice the difference. The heaviness of the years of abuse had taken a toll and when that was gone, the light of Jesus inside me could shine more brightly to those around me. That was His doing–not mine.

Now, that’s not to say that going through hard times will dim your shine. It might in some ways, but I’ve found that being honest in my struggles, and my faithfulness and devotion to God in the midst of that, speaks louder to many people. The difference between my joyful face then and after were different, and to those who watched me on the path of obedience to God’s calling, could discern the difference and rejoice with me in what God did to rescue me from that.

I wonder if someday, when I’m before God, if the fractured glass will finally fall to the ground to be swept away by His grace and love and I will finally be the full, complete, whole person He designed me to be. I like that thought. It makes the fractures seem less of an iconvenience and more of a part of a beautiful testimony of God’s work in my life. Fractured faith isn’t failure. It’s growth.

So I’ll embrace my fractured faith as I lean into learning more and letting God continue to change me. The process won’t stop until I’m dead so I might as well lean into it instead of whine to myself that I “should” have all this down by now. How about you? Have you sometimes felt inadequate? That God is breaking your long-held beliefs or showing you new things about Himself you didn’t know before? Or perhaps sin you’ve been blind to? Growing pains come with the fractured faith but I’m glad Jesus keeps holding it all together to refract His glory through my imperfect reflection of Him to a hurting world. I hope you’ll do the same.

Author Confessions: Can People Change? Part I

Jun1
Reading Time: 2 minutes

Author Confessions: Can People Change?

It wasn’t too long after I started writing that I realized that seeing a character change through a story, is essential. Changing spiritually, whether coming to faith or growin in the faith (sanctification) is important to me. Emotional change is also essential. One can’t truly mature spirtually unless they grow emotionally as well. If one happens and not the other they are not fully growing in the character of Christ.

Can people change? Some would say that personality cannot change. While it is true that much of who we are is more hard-wired into us, I do believe there can be modificatons to our personality. For instance, if you look at the Meyers-Briggs Personality Test, there are four areas of measurement that are on a continuum of extremes. For instance: Introverted or Extroverted scale which is probably the easiest to understand. Some people might appear shy but not talking much is not necessarily a sign of being an introvert. It’s where you get your energy – from being with people or alone.

So how can something that seems so foundational–change? Someone who is extroverted who is verbally abused and silenced might learn to bury their toughts instead of processing them out loud. Being denied much interaction with others where they draw their energy can also mute some of that. Essentially, trauma can modify personality.

When the trauma is removed, the brain (and the body) struggles to recognize things are safe and for those aspects of personality to emerge. They might never fully be expressed again in the way they had been.

Over the past few months I’ve been reading books that talk about the neuroplasticity of the brain and rewiring of that. Retraining the brain takes time, especially after trauma, but obviously trauma itself can do it as well.

So can people change? To some degree, they can. Stay tuned for next week as I explore this further!

 

Author Confessions: Stumbling Blocks in Fiction Part 1

Feb16
Reading Time: 5 minutes

Author Confessions: Stumbling Blocks in Fiction Part 1

After writing last weeks post which you can find here, I started thinking of stumbling blocks in fiction. I’m going to focus mostly on Christian fiction as there are differences between that and the secular marketplace.

I used to be a reader that if I read the back page and liked the concept and checked out the book–I would read it to the end. It wasn’t too many years into adulthood that I decided it wasn’t worth my time if I wasn’t enjoying the story. Readers now are being more particular.

Here are some examples of stumbling blocks that authors sometimes overlook but will possibly cause a less interested reader to move past and finish a book. These are also things that as an editor might cause me to reject submisson.

Slow start

Sometimes an author can get caught up in writing very descriptive scenes with eloquent words that really say nothing but they sound nice. And this can go on for more than a paragraph where as a reader, I’m left wondering, “What is this story about? Who is it about? When does this take place?” Now having said that, in older literature this was the norm. Creative writing and beautifully crafted scenese before you ever truly understand what is going on in the story. That doesn’t work as well now.

Annoying characters

Characters should be likable. Thus says the author who has enjoyed quirky and sometimes annoying characters as Sherlock, Doc Martin, and House. Characters should have some relatable qualities that make them likable, or at least tolerable. Quirky isn’t necessarily annoying but that depends upon the person. A character might have some personalilty defect but if the reader doesn’t sense that they might change as the story progresses, they are not likely to stick with the story.

Too many people or complicated names

I’ve read science fiction and that genre is spectacular for the made up and sometimes difficult to pronounce names. I had a character in Truffles and Traffic initially called Benedict and one of the editors told me that was too harsh sounding so I changed it to Benjamin, which wasn’t a painful decision as it’s one of my favorite names, and that was before I met my husband. When I wrote the book Pesto and Potholes, Antonio has a large family and I actually had a genogram of all the relations in the order in which they were related to help me keep the story straight. Thankfully, only a few made significant enough appearances that it was easier for the reader to not worry about how all the rest were connected. I wanted the family tree in the book but was told I  couldn’t do that. :-(.  Stumbling over names or having names too similar even, can make it hard for the reader to navigate the story, and anything that pulls the reader out of the story, even to look back to see who is connected to who, is frowned upon.

The story doesn’t move along

Stories that drag from the start or start out gang-busters and then fizzle will challenge the most ardent reader. I find this even when we are watching movies or television series that if they start out slow and the pace plods along, my husband will tell me to find something else. Maybe it gets better by episode three but they lost us in the first fifteen minutes. The same is true for a piece of fiction. The first sentence, paragraph, five pages, might determine whether a reader keeps going. As an editor, I’m often generus enough to read through chapter 3. When editing a book its possible that the real story starts there and I’ll need to tell the author to revise and delete the first two chapters. When I started out writing, I had to do this myself when I realized my error and a kind mentor pointed it out to me. Nothing wasted, but it would have been if it had gone to print that way.

I also read story submissions to the end. I don’t rely on the author’s synopsis. I’ve had books cross my laptop that started out strong but fell apart quickly. Huge disappointment but I’m glad I didn’t offer a contract to them. It would have meant a lot more work for me and the author because the book wasn’t ready.

Time and place are ambiguous

Who, what, where, when, and why, are not only key words for a journalist, but for an author as well. If I can’t tell if the book is historical, sci-fi, fantasy, or contemporary, right away, it is a red-flag and annoys me to no end. Where is it taking place? Is it in America, Africa, Germany, Cuba, Mars, a space-station? Is it during the civil war, WWII, the 80’s, or 2278? If the author can’t tell me that in plain words or by their description, I get incredibly frustrated.  Thankfully, that’s only crossed my desk a handful of times and they were a quick rejection but I did give them my complaint so they could do better. It’s not something I’m required to do but when it’s stuff like that and I’m irritated enough, I will, and hopefully save some other poor reader that frustration.

Main character does foolish things

Now we all do foolish things at times. Maybe I should say stupid things? These have to be pretty big or perhaps dangerous and perhaps even triggering. Not every story is for every reader but no reader wants to spend the six or more hours reading a book, yelling at the character “No!” time and time again. It gets exhausting.

Lack of change or growth in the main character

Characters should change through the story, whether it’s an emotional growth, relationship choices, spiritual, or simply gaining in wisdom that provides a benefit for themselves and others. If the character ends the story in the same state he or she started out, it will leave a bad taste in the mind of the reader.

I realize I’ve talked about some of these things over the years and this is a different, if not negative, approach to the stumbling blocks in fiction. It’s not a conclusive list by any means. But even as a reader I bet you’ll be more aware when you pick up the next book and either you’ll be cheering for the author because they got it right and you’ll enjoy the story, or you’ll find yourself as frustrated as I do when these things happen.

Reminder, I’m not perfect and I’ve made these mistakes in the past. And I might make them in the future. I hope I’ve grown enough as an author that these stumbling blocks in fiction don’t show up in my stories, and if you find them there (because this can be subjective) then I humbly apologize.

 

Author Confessions: Emotional Bandwidth

Sep22
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: Emotional Bandwidth

The other day I found myself saying to my husband, “I don’t have the emotional bandwidth for that today. Maybe some other time.”

The heat and the weeks of moving stress finally hit me at that point and I had to say: No.

I’m sure if I pushed myself I could have done more. But that might have caused more problems for me. The heat, the hard work, the stress. I was done.

Emotional bandwidth is a new term for me. I’m not sure how I learned it, but it makes sense. Internet gets slow when there’s not enough “bandwidth”  for the data to get through. We have a limited capacity for stress when it hits all areas of our being.

The same is true when our mental, physical, and emotional capacities are depleted. For the past two weeks I’d been dealing with headaches that just wouldn’t go away. Stress? Did I over do things physically causing misalignment in my neck and upper back? I don’t know but until I could find the time to research and then call to get into a chiropractor (and a new massage therapist) I wasn’t functioning at my peak.

I’ve been trying to balance the need to rest and recharge with the demands that come at me from all angles. It can be paralyzing. I’m blessed with dear friends who I can reach out to and who pray for me and offer words of encouragement even if they are 50 or 1,287 miles away. The blessings of the internet can keep us close. Two of my dear friends only just moved themselves so they have a deeper appreciation for the stresses that go along with that.

I remember learning about looking at aspects of your life from the perspective of a fuel gauge. Unfortunately the car needs more than fuel to run optimally. The oil needs to be clean and filled, the tires need to be inflated to the appropriate psi, wires need to connect, the starter must work, the battery in the key fob is now a concern that wasn’t twenty years ago.

We are more complex than a vehicle, even a brand new one with so many electronic, digital componants you need a master’s degree to be able to use them all.

I’ve been on this planet long enough, you think I’d have a good understanding of myself. I’m still learning. I’m grateful to a God who not only created me but understands parts of who I am that I don’t yet know about. Part of the issue for all of us, hopefully, is that we are growing and changing as we age, and hopefully that maturity helps us understand ourselves more completely. As we grow and change the world also changes around us and there is adaptation everywhere.

I’ve long had a discipline of time with God, reading Scripture and writing it down to help me slow my brain down and focus, and writing out my thoughts, feelings, and prayers. It helps but life can still be overwhelming. Slowing down, giving myself grace, even permission to cry when it becomes too much, is all healthy. And necessary.

Especially when events in the world can also throw one’s emotions into chaos. Grief, sorrow, horror all take a toll, whether we know a person impacted or not.

I think God sometimes takes us to the brink so we realize we can’t do it on our own and we desperately need Him. I’ve been seeking Him all along on this journey, however, it’s easy for that focus to slip.

I finally saw a chiropractor and my headaches disappeared. I got a new massage therapist and I’m sure that will help my body as I recover from the past few months of stress. Time with God daily helps as well as saying “no” when appropriate.

That can be difficult. I’ve had immediate reactions where I wanted to say NO but God led me to say yes and I was incredibly blessed. Sometimes I jump before seeking Him, and NO is likely to be a better default right now as I seek to find my way in a new community, search for a new church, and develop new relationships here.

Have you experienced issues with your emotional bandwidth and been forced to make adjustments? How has that worked out for you? What helps you protect your emotional bandwidth?

 

 

Author Confessions: It’s The Little Things, Part I

Aug18
Reading Time: 2 minutes

Author Confessions: It’s The Little Things Part I

My husband and I watch movies together and my husband delights in finding things that are wrong in a movie. Like fully leafed out green leaves covered in fake snow to illustrate a winter, Christmas season.

Tiny details can matter when writing a story and for an author it can be a challenge to keep track of them.

For instance, in my novel, Whitney’s Vow, she wore glasses, or contacts. Throughout the story I had to remember whether she had her glasses or was wearing contacts. She would take out the contacts if she had migrains which she suffered from. Throughout the story I needed to keep in mind what she could or could not see based on whether she was wearing contacts or glasses. This can be exhausting! Some authors keep a style sheet with information about each character. Sometimes I do character interviews before writing. That’s how I discovered that Katrina had a scar on her hand from a fall after climbing a tree. (Sir Michael’s Mayhem). It was funny how important that scar, and that tree, became to the story.

When an author embues a character with a quirk, whether it is clothing, a speech pattern, physical infrirmity, the author needs to keep that in mind. Or if they are injured in some way, like when Pastor Dan in Bratwurst and Bridges broke his leg skiing, that had to be top of mind when he was navigating through events in the story.

Details, even tiny ones, can be essential. Especially in a mystery. A stray piece of hair. A bit of skin under a fingernail. A small piece of glass. Even before DNA it is sometimes small clues that could link someone to a crime.

If you’ve read enough of this blog, you’ll note that there are a myriad of details that an author must pay attention to, but even so, it is sometimes the smallest of things that can make a difference in a story.

Are there any unusual or interesting details you’ve noticed in books you’ve read lately? Perhaps innocuous but still essential to the story or characters the authors penned? I’d love to hear about them.

 

 

 

Author Confessions: We Don’t Always Get to Publish the Story We Want

Apr8
Reading Time: 5 minutes

Author Confessions: We Don’t Always Get to Publish the Story We Want

That seems kind of odd to say doesn’t it? If I publish a story, wasn’t it the one I wanted to publish? Not necessarily. There are several reasons why an author doesn’t always get to publish the story they want to.

Reason 1: The story is not one that a publisher accepts. This might be because the author hasn’t found the right publisher for their story. Or maybe they did but the publisher already published something similar or has something similar in the works. Even with fiction they don’t want to publish stories that are too close in concept. I have received stories that were no where near what our publisher would accept as they violate our core principles (not Christian faith represented, foul language, sex…) and those I had to politely reject.

Reason 2: The story isn’t ready yet. This happens quite often where an author submits a story that needs a lot more polishing. As an editor I used to give a lot more feedback on stories like this but after being taken advantage of too often I can no longer do this. Yes, I was a sucker. I understand how hard it is to be published so I would read the entire story and give concrete feedback on how it could be improved. This is something I was not paid for. One author responded and said: “I knew it wasn’t ready but wanted your free edit.” Really? Now that wouldn’t have been so bad if she had resubmitted it to me with the changes so I could have maybe recouped my time in some kind of compensation down the line. I told that author’s agent that he should never submit any of her work to me again. She had taken the story, reworked it, and submitted it to someone else and got published. And to be honest, I don’t have that kind of time to do that for free.

Reason 3: There are drastic changes that need to be made to the story. This happened to me. I had a story, Truffles & Traffic and I tried something a little different with four points-of-view. I’d seen another author do this successfully and thought maybe I’d give it a shot. My editor hated the concept and I had to rewrite the story drastically, removing that romance to only be seen through the eyes of the two primary characters. I think the story is still good, but it wasn’t want I had wanted to publish. I tried something and failed at it. Now maybe another publisher would have liked that but had already contracted it before being given that news so I did the work to get it changed.

Reason 4: The author never submits the story. Yes, this happens way too often. I might meet an author at a conference and hear his or her pitch for a story and get excited about it and want to see it. Fear often sets in. Sure they might work on it more based on suggestions or things they learned at the conference but either they chicken out and fear the rejection or they realize this is more work than they really want to put into it. I attended a conference where an author got a book contract and the editor said he didn’t know whether to congratulate her or feel sorry for her because now the hard work was going to begin. Another part of this is that some authors have stories they wrote or started and never finished. Fear? They started writing something different and left one behind. It just never gets published and that’s OK!

This actually happened to my friend DeeDee Lake who I finally co-authored several books with. She had started it and had a lot of ideas but the timeline didn’t work and she had too many plot points to fit well into one book. As a result we wrote four together! The first story wasn’t want she initially intended, but I think it was better.

Reason 5: Not ever story needs to be published. Writing can be it’s own reward. I’ve met with many people who want to write and I encourage them to do it, but don’t start out writing with the goal of being published. While it would be lovely if every story could be published, it is a lot of work and sometimes writing your story, your experiences, or even something creative, is all that you need. There is catharsis in doing that. I’ve seen people make their own books to only share with family but not sell to the wider public and that is fine as well. Not every story needs to go through the gamut of the publishing industry to have value. If you write something and love it and want to share it with the world and are willing to commit to the work it takes to get published? Then go for it.

Reason 6: Something in your story is triggering something in the editor. Whew, this is a tough one. Usually if I contract a story, I’m the editor for it, but we have copyeditors as well and sometimes it might be that person who has an issue with something in your story. This might result from a bad experience they’ve had and they might react to some of the content or the way your story takes shape. The reality is not every story is right for everybody. I had an author pitch a story and something about it made me uncomfortable. We’d published other stories by her and we wanted to work with her. My Editor-in-chief gave a suggestion about how it could be changed to be more palatable but due to the initial “yuck” factor I asked that it be assigned to another editor. It was. Then that editor needed to resign due to health issues and it ended up back on my plate. It was a fine story but due to the emotions I had the first time around I never could shake that “yuck” feeling although with the changes it was just fine. I had this happen to one of my stories as well and finally I needed to ask for a different editor because I realized the emotional reaction she’d had to my story, even after I made many of the changes she requested, meant that she’d not be able to accept that it was MY story and some of what she asked for, I wasn’t willing to change. That’s a hard road to travel as an author. I’ve even called authors to talk to them when a copy editor has had an issue–mostly so they understand that I am in their corner and I love their story–but could you go back and make these changes? Every time it has been good but sometimes the personal touch is important. Otherwise most of what is communicated is on paper and it can lose the validation that an author really does need. Publishing can be a scary process.

I have other stories that changed drastically over the course of editing, before and after being contracted, so they weren’t the story I originally intended to tell. Some of that is me growing as an author in my craft, but it’s good to remember that sometimes even after a contract, significant changes might be made to a manuscript. A good editor will understand your voice and respect that. Still, before you submit a story, remember that we don’t always get to publish the story we want--but hopefully it will be even better than what you had planned for.

 

 

Rethinking Fresh Starts

Jan1
Reading Time: 3 minutes

I’m not a New Year’s resolution kind of gal. God leads and I follow. I recognize I cannot reach any goal without Him. If I set a “start date” that is my own, for example, “On January 1st I will eat no more sugar,” I’ll sabatog myself. Maybe that’s just me. I’m trying to get over my all-or-nothing mentality.

I’ve been working out for weeks already. I didn’t wait for January 2nd.

I’ve been drinking more water, and less soda, for months with the use of an app on my phone to remind me. What a difference that has made in my life! I sleep longer at night which I would never have expected.

My foot was giving me pain so I didn’t wait until the new year to start seeing a doctor or getting physical therapy. I had met my deductible for 2023 so I wanted to get as much of that done while it was fully paid for before January 1st. I’m practical!

We don’t need a date on a calendar to motivate us to do good things for ourselves or others. We are called to live that way every day.

Not that this can’t be a time for reflection. Here are some possible questions to ask yourself:

  • How did I grow in 2023? What lessons did God teach me during this year?
  • Where do I see a need for growth in 2024? Realize God is often gentle and slow in helping us make those changes–for our own good.
  • What would you like to do differently in 2024? List the practical steps to get there. I find a big goal is paralyzing. I need to break it down into smaller steps if I hope to achieve anything worthwhile.
  • What do you do well? Go ahead, Brag on yourself to yourself. Instead of only looking at things that need improvement, what are you already doing that you can be grateful for? This was eye opening for me when I did it a few months ago after seeing a therapist who said “I don’t think you give yourself enough credit for the good things you do.” So go ahead, acknowledge what you do well. Yes, even if you make your bed every morning – write it down! Did you clean up the kitchen last night and get the dishwasher running before hitting the sack? Write it down. Did you manage to keep your kids fed and clothed? (I know it sounds silly but this is an accomplishment!). Write it down! See how many good things you already are doing! Seeing success will help motivate you in whatever other goals you set for yourself.

Accountability can be helpful. Or tracking your progress. I put in my app every glass of water I drink. It’s validating to see the number go up every day and I can smile when I reach my goal. I make a list every morning of tasks I’d like to try to accomplish and cross those off as I do them. If I do something else – I add it and cross it off. It motivates me to keep moving.

  • What about your pace of life? I’ve tried to have a healthy margin in my life. Like words on the pages of a book – that blank space is calming. When you have room to move into the margin on those occassions when life throws you a curve ball, it helps. Some days I can be very productive and then sometimes the next day I need to do more resting. Reading. A hobby. Lunch with a friend or a phone call to someone I care about. Life isn’t all about getting tasks done. A former pastor of mine said: “Tasks aren’t about getting things done–they are about  getting people done.” So how are my tasks helping me to grow? Over the years I’ve learned that a slow day, with less to check off, is not me being lazy, but is just as important as the busy days. I’m getting “me” done. Time for my brain to unwind as well as my body, is important.

Happy New Year. It’s a new chapter in your life and while God is ultimately writing your story, He does give you the pen. Make your story one you would want to read on December 31, 2024.

Dream Chaser

Jul16
Reading Time: 3 minutes

It has been some time since I’ve written here and I wish I could give you some grand excuses as to why. Life has been busy and to be honest, I don’t want to write something just to have a post unless I believe I have something of value to say. If I think long and hard I could probably come up with things, but as a single mom of three Hobbits (that’s what I call my teenagers), life gets crazy at times.

I often use my rare profundity in my real-life, face-to-face interactions with people, whether my friends, or those I meet at conferences when I go to speak, teach, and encourage. 

I admit that life is a challenge at times too.

Depression is an old friend who comes to visit when I least expect, uninvited and unwanted. 

I’m heading into shoulder surgery in a few weeks and that has me a bit scared. Not of the surgery itself, but of the recovery as I am unable to take most pain medications.

I will survive somehow. By God’s grace, I always do. 

I took this photograph in May when I traveled to Colorado. This is south of Pike’s Peak and it was a stunning sight to see I couldn’t help but try to take a picture.

Seeing this display of God’s glory was breathtaking. The mountains, the people I met, the chance to be in a new environment and watch what God would do, was inspiring. 

I realized something very striking.

I live my life too small.

My characters in my novels much more readily go above and beyond in their adventure in living. But not me. I sit behind a keyboard and fabricate stories that hopefully share God’s truths to the reader while entertaining them. Not a bad job by any stretch of the imagination, but it is a lot of hard work for little gain.

That sounds so negative, doesn’t it? Maybe I should clarify that is monetary gain.

God continues to provide for the needs of my family. And sometimes our wants. I get to travel periodically and meet amazing people on my journeys. That’s bigger than the life I used to live by far. And the future holds more promise of the same.

I’ve been challenged recently to dream. To think beyond my daily needs to greater things God might want to do in and through me. What’s surprising is I want to do what I’m doing. I get to write. What an honor to be able to do that. it’s not a smart career move financially but it’s a calling that God has honored. It is hard work. Not all of it is fun by any stretch of the imagination. And I ashamedly get so busy with writing and editing that I sometimes forget that I have a book to promote. Shameful, I know!

But I do want to do so much more than that and not surprisingly it’s not about making money.

It’s about having more opportunities to serve others, encourage them, and watch them dream wilder and bigger.

So I’m praying and have been challenged to dream bigger.

To stretch my imagination with “What if’s” and do things that might help me get there. It means stepping out of my comfort zone. Trying new things even if they scare me…like internet dating!

It means I might fail. I want to be responsible. I have three young people counting on me to be there for them. It might hurt (surgery).

It might mean letting go of some things to make room for better ones. 

So what are your dreams that you’ve been afraid to dream? Can you trust God with those and seek His guidance in reaching for them? If you struggle with depression it can be hard to dream of bigger and better things…but when I look at that photo of the mountains, I’m reminded we have a BIG GOD who can do amazingly, abundantly, more than we could ever think to ask. So I’m seeking Him as I lean into the future and I challenge you to do the same.

What are some of YOUR dreams?