Tag Archive | church

Author Confessions: What My Dogs Teach Me About My Relationship With God, Part 6 of 7

Sep7
Reading Time: 3 minutes

What My Dogs Teach Me About My Relationship With God, Part 6 of 7

If you haven’t read my previous posts you can find them here, here, here, here, and here.

As I mentioned in my last post. A day after putting Cooper down, I found a rescue up for adoption, the breed I wanted. It was a puppy. I didn’t want a puppy but my husband did. We brought home a dog that was slated to be killed at a Wisconsin Amish puppy mill. He had a broken tail and a wonky jaw. Absolutely adorable.

TRAINING IS GOOD

After a few months I took dog obedience training with Oliver and a small group of people and their dogs. Oliver was a champ there, but not so much at home. The training was more for him than for myself. I still can’t get him to sit or lay down when I ask him to.

Training takes time, one-on-one time. Oliver is really good at is coming when I call him, and dancing for a treat. He’s pretty good at doing his business outside.

How much more do I need training? Not just for getting a dog to obey, but so that I can obey God? Time in His word, Bible study’s and small groups at church as well as Sunday worship all help me grow in my ability to grow more and more into the likeness of Jesus.

MENTORS ARE IMPORTANT

A week after we got Oliver, my husband had surgery. I figured Oliver needed a buddy, an older dog who could show him how to be a dog. We found Marley, a sweet old boy, whose owner was no longer physically able to care for him. He came with some bad teeth so he was a much happier dog after we had them removed. Marley helped Oliver understand how dogs do dog things.

I need people to mentor me and have been blessed with several over the years. It’s also good for me to mentor others as well, to encourage them on how to grow in their faith, and navigate a complex world filled with choices and decisions. We can’t navigate the Christian life on our own very well. Even as an author I need other writers to help show me new things, or point out where I might need to make corrections in my craft.

BE CAREFUL OF IDOLS

Marley wasn’t with us for long which saddened us greatly. I love my dogs but I firmly believe they are animals, not humans. Caring for them is caring for part of God’s creation and they bring much joy—and teach me so much. I don’t have an bottomless bank account though and cannot invest thousands of dollars to find out an old dog has dementia or a brain tumor. When Marley refused to take medication that seemed to calm him down and prevent him from possibly biting, his time was over and it still saddens me that couldn’t keep him longer. A dog that bites is a liability and we did as much as we could for as long as we could safely keep him in our home.

Before we needed to say goodbye to Marley, we could tell his time was going to be short. Oliver enjoyed having his big brother around so we started searching for another dog.

I can’t make any dog, or human, more important than God.

NEVER SAY NEVER

I decided long ago that I would never adopt an Amish puppy mill rescue. They are often traumatized and unsocialized and take a lot of effort and energy to rehabilitate. Oliver was only six months, almost too young to have been horribly impacted. The sweet shy puppy we adopted has become an energetic, happy, and almost too friendly dog, believing that everyone is his friend and wants to give him love and attention.

The rescue had some pure-bred Shit-zu puppies, all females, who had been slated for death because they weren’t producing enough puppies. Minnie Pearl (formerly Dolly Parton) was the last left to be adopted. Minnie was underweight, and had a lot of teeth removed. She was shy and submissive. No tail wags, but no snarls either. We adopted her because she needed love. I guess I needed to be reminded that God laughs when we say never.

Minnie has tested my patience, and my selfishness. Funny how a dog can show us our sin, right?

Do any of these lessons resonate with you? My dogs continue to teach me about my relationship with God and I hope I never stop learning.

Author Confessions: What My Dogs Teach Me About My Relationship With God, 4 of 7

Aug24
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: What My Dogs Teach Me About My Relationship With God, Part 4 of 7

If you haven’t read my previous posts you can find them here, here, and here.

JOYFUL

When my dogs wag  their tales, that is an indication they are happy. Whether it is because they see someone who might  pet them, or give them a treat, or simply because I came home, they exhibit joy. My current pup, Oliver, always seems happy and a neighbor commented on it. I told him that if he’s not happy, he’s resting. He can go from zero to 100 in no time flat from contentment to pure joy. I would love to be more like that. Dogs are in the moment, fully present for whatever is happening. And joy is a large part of that. They don’t focus on negative possibilities, but only on the great thing that is happening right now. A lesson I would do well to emulate.

FAITHFUL FOLLOWER

Benji was old when we got him, a Bichon Frise/Shih tzu mix. He was my shadow and followed me everywhere. He slept in a bed under my desk.  If I went to the bathroom, he would stand in the doorway to make sure I was OK. No matter where I went, he was there.

Even in the kitchen, often getting underfoot.

I want to be God’s shadow. I want to faithfully follow Him everywhere.  Benji had issues and once tried to bite my foot when I bumped him. I don’t want to be a follower of God who snips at God when He surprises me with a new direction. Yet, how many times will I grouse when things don’t quite go the way I had planned?

RUNNING JUMP

Benji was pretty spry for an older dog, but cracked us up with how he would back up and take a run before jumping up on furniture to be with us. God doesn’t mind that we sometimes need a warm up to get moving and connecting with Him.

IN YOUR FACE

Benji, once making it to my lap, would often just put his face right in front of mine. It didn’t matter if there was a laptop open, he would push His way forward to get my attention. God wants me seeking His face too. He’s never too busy for me, and I shouldn’t hesitate to come to Him just to be close. No treats expected, just love.

TWO BY TWO

Benji and Spazle played together. It was the first time I’d ever seen Spazle really play other than the tug of war we used to do when I would come home. We lived in the country and I would let them go outside off the leash. I would find them walking back from down the lane, side by side, stopping to sniff something, or just happily trotting together. It was so sweet to see them. This happened with Cooper as well. Such a joy to see!

How much more do I need others as I go about this life. Having someone to serve with, or take a walk with helps keep me on the right path, but also can provide great joy. I’m grateful for those God has put in my path on this journey.

Benji helped Spazle to live a good life while he was with us but eventually Benji bit me—hard. A dog with that kind of unprovoked bite is a liability and we needed to put Him down. We all grieved deeply. Benji was a pain in the neck, needing a belly band all day long and crate at night, but he was still sweet. We only had him eighteen months.

After Benji died, Spatzle grieved deeply and lost some of the pep in his step. They would play together, and take walks down the lane. It took several weeks scouring all the rescue and adoption sites. I need a dog that doesn’t shed, and we wanted and older dog, figuring a younger dog, while we might have it longer, would be more stressful for an old dog to deal with.

We found Cooper, a Lhasa Apso mix. Their relationship was different, but they still enjoyed those walks!

Do any of these lessons resonate with you? My dogs continue to teach me about my relationship with God and I hope I never stop learning.

Author Confessions: My Journey to Faith

Jul13
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: My Journey to Faith

It dawned on me I never shared how I came to have a relationship with Jesus, so figured now was as good a time as any.

I was raised in Wisconsin and am the oldest of 6 children. As a child I would pray and was drawn to God. Even in private religious school I couldn’t seem to get close to Him and longed for that. My journals from way back then are filled with prayers and longing for Him (See? I was a writer way back then!). When I got to public high school I heard some kids talk about Campus Life/Youth for Christ and the meetings and concerts they would go to. They thought I was a Christian. So did I! I kept begging to be invited.

That first meeting they talked about misconceptions people have about Christianity and it was the first time I understood that I could have a personal relationship with Jesus. No mediator. I already understood that I was a sinner and that Jesus died for my sins, but longed to be close to God and didn’t know how to get there. Now I did! I prayed that night and my life was drastically changed. I was fifteen.

A week later I was in the local Christian bookstore to purchase a Bible. I ran into the director of Youth for Christ and told him my experience. He said, “It sounds like you’ve been born again.” I’d never heard those words before but it sounded right. I began devouring Scripture and attending meetings to learn and grow in my faith. The first Bible verse I ever memorized as a new believer was “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” (James 4:8). I became eager to share what I was reading and learning with my family, wanting them to come to know Jesus. I confess I was overzealous and obnoxious. My mother insisted I talk to their church leadership who then informed me I could not read the Bible without him guiding me. My parents forbade me from reading Scripture.

I wanted to honor my parents but realized from what I had already read in the scriptures, that my primary duty was to honor God. So, I read my Bible, but didn’t talk about it much at home. I continued to attend the church of my parents but also would attend a church that preached the gospel. I began to see how the religion I was brought up in didn’t square with what I was reading.

When I was 18, I was baptized by immersion and stopped attending my parent’s church. Funny note, the church I was attending didn’t have a baptismal. They would use one at another church building, but that June they hadn’t heated the water. I was instead baptized in a neighbor’s backyard swimming pool. At least it was warm!

I’ve been walking with God for 45+ years now. He has been with me through all the ups and downs of life, leading and guiding me, often out of my comfort zone. I could tell countless stories where He has worked and done sometimes even small things to show His love and power to me, and that even when I was in a difficult place, He hadn’t forgotten me. That includes leading me to my husband, Ben. God’s fingerprints are all over our meeting and courtship. I cannot imagine going through life without Jesus.

When I started writing I couldn’t help but have faith be a key part of any story. I tried once to write a story without it and failed and had to rewrite it. The faith line in Whitney’s Vow is not blatant, but it is there!

We recently moved and found a new church. God has taken the brokenness of the past and given me renewed joy in worshipping and seeking Him in this new season of life. We might be building a house (with God’s help!) but He’s still doing a remodeling project in me.

Notice I haven’t mentioned any denomination or religion in my post. That is by design. Christianity is not about a religion but a relationship and I’m so glad!

Psalm 19:14 is the prayer of my heart: “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Thy sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.”

What’s your journey to faith in Jesus?

Author Confessions: Great Connections

May11
Reading Time: 2 minutes

Author Confessions: Great Connections

When we moved and started attending a new church, it initially felt overwhelming. Our church is welcoming so we enjoyed attending but developing relationships takes more effort. I don’t want just people who know me, I want great connections.

Have worked at other churches over the years I’m aware that a church can provide all kinds of opportunities for people to connect but a newcomer has to make an effort as well. This church makes it easier.

When I walked into a huge room full of women at my first time to a study at our new church, one of the leaders suggested I look for someone who had the same color nametag as mine and introduce myself. Simple suggestion but even smart people don’t always think of something that easy. (wait? Did I just call myself smart? oops!). I did what was suggested and sat next to a woman who was also new and had prayed asking God to bring her one friend. Every week after study we would stand around and talk for an hour more about all kinds of things!

God answered her prayer, the one I didn’t even think to pray for. Both of us are new to the area and the church. We have very different backgrounds but we share the same faith in Jesus and have some similar struggles. She’s been a wealth of helpful hints as I’ve navigated this season of my life as well. What a blessing!

She wasn’t the only one. It took time in a group setting to make connections, but it has happened and some of that I have left in the hands of others to decide if they want to go further.

Waiting for a great connection is valuable but hard. I’ve gone through periods of loneliness even though I have a ton to do and a wonderful husband. I prefer the deeper one-on-one connections to a larger group setting. I’ve learned a lot in a small group, but it’s not as deep as just one or three people.

I had a friend tell me years ago, “I want to go DEEP!” While she was meaning she wanted to learn more about Jesus, she is also someone who goes deep relationally. Distance keeps us apart more than I’d prefer, but I agree. I want to go deep.

We all long for connection of some sort, but the deep ones take time, effort, and vulnerability. Time is also spent learning if that individual is safe. The deeper we go, the harder it is when someone breaks our trust or shows themself to be unsafe. It can be devastating.

Walking through chronic issues with someone, whether relational, physical, or emotional, can also be challenging. Yet someone struggling that way needs someone to care, listen, and sometimes give of themselves without expecting much in return. We need others to be there for us when we are giving to someone like that.

What’s your secret to making great connections with people you’ve not met before or when in a new area or church? I’d love to hear them.

Author Confessions: I Can’t Change Myself

Apr13
Reading Time: 5 minutes

Author Confessions: I Can’t Change Myself

For all the talk people will say about making changes to your diet, exercise, goals etc, I find that in reality I can’t change myself. Maybe I don’t want change enough? Or maybe I like the idea of certain changes but lack the gumption to follow through.

Oh, I know about making baby steps and I’ve accomplished goals that way. Making things a game helps too. Or competing against a goal, almost like I try to see if I can beat the arrival time a GPS gives me on Google Maps. (Don’t tell me you haven’t tried!)

The reality is, the biggest and most significant changes have come about when I’ve asked God to direct me. He’s the one who opens a door for that change and it might seem impulsive for me to step through, yet it might be something I’ve prayed about for months. True heart change comes from the inside out–not the outside in with manufactured disciplines. My stubborn heart rebels against that.

Thankfully, God knows my heart, my mind, my personality and all the quirks that make me uniquely–me. I’ve asked Him to help me mature, grow, and change and I’ve also asked that He be gentle with me. Sometimes He uses circumstances to force change in my life that I might have resisted. Or He leads me on a path that I think will logically be a good thing and in the process I struggle with the necessary changes that are a necessary part of the process.

We sold our house and moved to a community I used to live in over 25 years ago. With social media, emails, and texting, I can stay close to people I love, but the reality, I almost feel invisible to them due to the distance and the scarcity of contact. Was the contact more frequent before that? Maybe, maybe not. But I was immersed in a world where people knew me.

Now I’m a stranger in a strange land. (My hubby would be telling right now that strange is the perfect word for me! And he’d be correct!)

We found a church we love but due to all that’s going on in our lives we haven’t been able to plug into serving yet. I’m an unknown quantity there. Any of my previous ministry expriences do not mean I will serve in the same way here. I’m a small fish in a big pond. The waiting is hard but I realize that God is doing deep work in my soul drawing me into a deeper relationship with Him.

He has restored eager anticipation to go to church for worship, or for our life group, or the women’s study I’m in. They are the highlights of my week. It’s an experience that had been lost over the years for more reasons than I want to go into now.

I used to sing all the time, at home, in the car, everywhere. For years though, I couldn’t sing because I worked supporting the production team in the booth. I couldn’t sing because I needed to be listening for problems. Was the sound mix good? Were there issues with tech that needed to be solved? After years of this, I finally got a chance to join a team on stage for worship. I was going to lead a song with my guitar and I had practiced a lot. I played the instrument fine, but do you think I could find my note to start the singing? Cue deep humiliation and embarrassment when someone else rescued the moment. It was an individual who had derailed my ability to serve at that church in many ways. That was eight years ago and the accumulated trauma surrounding worship ministry, culminating with a moment that no one else realized was painful for me, has kept me from stepping back on a stage to lead worship or to sing even though I have been asked on various occassions. My guitar was packed away. My voice silenced. Shame imprisoned me.

My husband loves to hear me sing and I’m content to have him listen to me worship in church when I am by his side. I realized that I lost more than my voice. I lost much of the joy music gave me because of the pain tied to it. So I’ve been challenging myself to sing more.

I came across a chapter in a book about how the Holy Spirit inhabits our praise and praising God opens up the door for the Holy Spirit to work more in our lives. I’ve been playing music more in my car as I drive and trying to sing at least one song out loud, whether it’s at home or on the road. I don’t really count worshipping at church in that goal. I find that easier than ever to do this with a full heart of gratitude for the Savior Who has graciously brought me back to that joy, leaving the shame behind.

I’m not ready to step back on stage to sing. I’m not that great of a vocalist. I don’t know if God will call me into that ministry in our new-to-us church. I’ve done a  variety of ministries within previous churchs and it’s possible God may have something new lined up for me. Like a kid eager to open gifts at Christmas, I wait, trusting that He has something beautiful in store.

In the meantime, my job is to steep myself in Bible study, memorization, being quiet before Him, singing praises in and out of church, and using the gifts God has given me to encourage others right now, whenever I see something praiseworthy. It’s kind of fun letting God open up doors for those moments to blurt out something to lift another person’s day, simply because I’m blessed to be a witness to the work God is doing in their lives. I can strive to be open to the opportunities to share His love to my neighbors and others I might meet.

So maybe I’m not where I long to be, plugged into my church, but that doesn’t mean I’m being passive. Whether I’m making my husband’s favorite meal, cleaning the house, doing laundry, walking the dogs, ironing shirts, running errands for our house, or chatting with a neighbor as my puppy tries eager to get all the pets possible, God can use me right here and now and I embrace that.

He’s working other changes in me as well and the process hasn’t always been comfortable. At times it has been downright lonely because I haven’t developed close enough relationships where I can get together with someone to talk about life. The key word here is YET. God is enough and I’ve started using an audio journal to help me talk through stuff with Him when I don’t have another human to process with. Yes, I do share things with my hubby but not all the ramblings in my brain! Sometimes God is the only one who gets to hear those.

I can’t change myself, but I know Someone Who can – and I’m doubly grateful for the work the Holy Spirit is doing in me to prepare me for when we are in our home and have even more opportunities to connect with people. Or where He’ll open doors at our church. I recognize it’s a process and leaning into the best change-agent around: Jesus. I can’t change myself–but He can.

 

Author Confessions: Groundhog Day

Feb2
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: Groundhog Day

Today is the anniversary of when my first baby was supposed to be born. He was much like a groundhog in that he didn’t want to come out until a week later and even then it was against his will (C-section).

Around the Nothern Hemisphere, poor little groundhogs will be hauled out of their cozy burrows so humans can see if there’s a shadow. It’s a funny tradition and other nations around the world have different ways to predict the end of winter. The reality is, the idea that winter will end immediately is ridiculous. It’s usually six weeks more before we can see the light at the end of the tunnel with winter. Groundhog Day is a nice way to pause and give a little hope to each other that spring will come.

Emotionally, many of us hibernate in other ways. We don’t share ourselves with others, afraid to speak out or afraid to be known. Or perhaps we have an ability or gift but we’re afraid to share that. Matthew 5:16 states: “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in Heaven.” (KJV). A person may be shy or introverted, or perhaps even wounded by previous experiences. Finding a safe place to share all that God has given us can be tricky. Even in the church.

1 Corinthians 1:3-4 says: Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. (NASB)

God has designed us to be in community. If a church is not healthy or toxic, and you can’t resolve that, it is better to go find another one where you can safely use your gifts and experiences to help others. That is not a leave one week – start serving somewhere else the next, kind of timeline. Sometimes we need help to recover from those wounds suffered, yes, even by those in the church, including church leadership.

Perhaps we need a season of healing in there. That doesn’t mean we still can’t be engaged in community and be a blessing to those we interact with in and out of the church. We don’t get to be a groundhog and hide away from the world. You and others will miss out on so many blessings if one chooses to be a groundhog.

It might feel as though God drags us out of our little burrow before we feel ready. I think He often delights in showing off His power in and through us when we are weak and believe we have nothing to offer. We’re wrong about that. We all have something to offer in some way shape or form and it might not be a specific role that you’re in. The phrase “one another” appears at least 269 times in the Bible. Our presence is sometimes the gift.

Covid taught us the dangers of hibernation. Kids suffered, loneliness exploded, and people died. In and out of the church we are called, as Christians, to serve one another, love, care for, minister, encourage…. one another. That goes beyond the church, because loving actions and a sweet spirit as we interact with people can be a blessing to any and all we meet as we go about our lives.

This is all very simplistic but I think the principles generally hold. Even if others don’t reciprocate, our willingness to stick our necks out, honors God and He’s the One who really matters.

Do you have any Groundhog Day tendencies? Why do you want to hide? What are you hiding? Ask God to show you how you can be a blessing to someone else this week.

Author Confessions: A Firm Foundation (Part II)

Oct27
Reading Time: 2 minutes

Author Confessions: A Firm Foundation (Part II)

In my previous post I started musing about the physical building of a home and how that relates primarily to faith and the church. It was too long so I divided it up and am continuing it here. You can go back and read it here if you missed it.

I wrote about how certain things need to be added to a foundation (physical) as well as spiritual to make it solid and firm.

On the flip side, you can’t add things to faith as essential that God didn’t intend. You can’t add things that are not spelled out in Scripture as esssential to salvation. Issues like worship styles or whether you have drums or not are more the decorations in the house than they are the foundation.

We can get so hung up on things that are not essential that we miss the point that the church is to be unified which gives it strength and power to carry out it’s mission on this earth. How you want to dress it up is fine, but when you add to those foundational issues, it can weaken the foundation.

I’m being deliberately vague here because I don’t want to point out what I might perceive as thelogical flaws in some churches or denominations. We are currently searching for a church home, so it is essential for us to focus on the solid theology. Of course, there are a lot of other things that can bring down a home, or a church  that have nothing to do with the foundation, and those cracks as it were, or flaws in the building, are not so easily discernable.

We all need wisdom to build our faith, marriage, family and churches. Not just physically but spiritually.

On a lighter note, realize that it is the combination of elements (like Paul talking about parts of the body) that make up a house. We need all the parts. Not just rocks but also gravel and sand. However, even a tiny pebble in your shoe can irritate and cause a blister. A large rock in your path can become a stumbling block.

The church works best when it is bound together, strong and immovable, in Christ, and empowered by the Holy Spirit binding us together. When we think we can go it alone, we might be doing more damage than good.

So where are the cracks in your personal foundation of faith? How can you work to make that a firm foundation to live from?

 

Author Confessions: Is It Wrong to Read Inspirational Romance?

Jun24
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: Is It Wrong to Read Inspirational Romance?

Believe it or not there are some churches that would never promote, encourage, or support that I write Christian romances. They don’t even need to read it. They believe that it leads women to unrealistic expectations in marriage or perhaps that the values in the book don’t reflect the more narrow legalistic values that the church proclaims as godly.

Either way, they won’t consider it a good thing, but I do know that some women who are in those churches will read semi-erotic books by secular authors. Wouldn’t you prefer that they read a book that is clean and doesn’t titillate? Aren’t there values in Christian-authored books that transcend the romance part as well?

It was a surprise to my husband, but not to me, when he was telling a pastor he admired about how great my writing is. Yet I know another Christian female author who had sat in that church when that very pastor had condemned the kind of work she was writing out of obedience to God and in a way to honor God with her gifts. Needless to say, she left that church but it was like a slap in the face to her.

Now, before you tell me I’m saying all Christian romance is right to read, hear me out. I have a friend who was in a sex-less, difficult marriage to an unbeliever. She avoided Christian romance novels, and all romance novels. It hurt too much. I would never condemn her for her choice. If God says don’t read it, even if it is fine for most people, then don’t. Obeying God should always be primary, but that doesn’t make it universal. I was in a similar situation and those books held out the truth that there was a standard for men that was more than what I had. Now when I was free to look for that I set my sights higher than I had when I was younger and didn’t believe I deserved that kind of love. I don’t deserve anything to be honest but I believed that there were good and godly men out there and I praise God that He brought me a great guy who loves the Lord and treats me with respect and love. He isn’t perfect, but he’s perfect for me.

Not all Christian books are created equal, whether fiction or non-fiction and we should always be discerning. I’ve seen some exceptionally popular, best-selling books cause great damage in the church and in the lives of individuals who have read them. I’m not going to name book titles. You might disagree with me and select others books you strongly disagree with. If that is true for non-fiction it can be equally true for fiction as well. We need to be discerning as we read as believers. Sure, open the book, step on in and relax and enjoy the story, but don’t check your brain at the door.

The reality is every book has a human author at various stages of sanctification and growth in their own Christian walk. That will translate to the page and the underlying theology which is behind their story.

So, is it wrong to read inspirational romance? It definitely is not a sin unless God tells you not to read that. But as with movies and other media content we take in during our days, we need to be discerning. I believe authors are held as accountable as any pastor or teacher out there for the content they produce and we should never seek to lead anyone into sin or promote sinful practices, but some theology can be far more subtle and we need to be careful.

Those church leaders who “ban” Christian romance are not giving their women enough credit to have the brains to discern what is real and what is not. Who knows, maybe the story will convict them to be more godly as women and wives? The hope of any Christian author would be to leave their reader on a more solid encouraged place before the cross of Christ. Maybe entertained, but hopefully encouraged and uplifted and maybe even challenged in their own faith as a result. I know I wanted books I wouldn’t be ashamed of my children picking up and hopefully the characters would give them godly role models to follow in their own walk. So far none of my children have read my books but maybe someday? And if not my kids, maybe those of others will be blessed.

 

Author Confession: God Blesses in Spite of Our Flaws

May27
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confession: God Blesses in Spite of Our Flaws

During a particularly traumatic time in ministry, I came across A.W. Tozer’s book The Attributes of God and a journal. That was such a gift from God. I’ve appreciated much of A.W. Tozer’s writings but a few years ago I was reading about his life and was dismayed at how he neglected his wife. Having been on the receiving end of that kind of treatment myself at the time, it upset me.

I can’t deny the fruit of Tozer’s work in my life to help me grow in my faith during a difficult time, but there was part of me that wanted nothing to do with a man who would be so bad a husband.

My husband has a favorite saying: Don’t look horizontal (to men). Look vertically (to God)- Man will let you down but God never will.

I’m sure Tozer did the best he could with what he understood of God’s truth at the time, or he didn’t have anyone around him to confront him on his what would now be considered abuse and neglect of his family. The reality is—we are all in that same boat, aren’t we?

Scripture points to the reality that we as humans are terribly flawed no matter how good our intentions are or how much we claim to love the Lord.

Romans 3:11 says:   “There is no one righteous, not even one.  There is no one who understands; there is no one who seeks God.”

Jeremiah 17:9  “The heart is more deceitful than anything else, and incurable—who can understand it?”

“For the eyes of Yahweh roam throughout the earth to show Himself strong for those whose hearts are completely His.”  2 Chronicles 16:9a

Even God is often disappointed in the failures of His creation to live up to His plans for us. Somehow, in spite of that Scripture says He delights in us when we delight in Him.

Zephaniah 3:17 says : “Yahweh your God is among you, a warrior who saves. He will rejoice over you with gladness. He will bring you quietness with His love. He will delight in you with shouts of joy.”

I’m sure I have my share of failures people could point to without knowing all the facts, just like I don’t know all the facts about Tozer’s life or any other Christian leader who has seemingly failed.

I’ll confess I’ve struggled with this tension between judgement and mercy toward people like Tozer whose work I have been blessed by and yet have perceived failures. I’ve seen the same with other leaders as I’ve walked this planet and been a part of various organizations and been disappointed and even abused by so called “Christians.”

I have to hold on to the two contradictions knowing God is the only One who knows the heart. I want His mercy and grace for areas where I have failed and I’m amazed as I look back on my journey, and some of the hard lessons I’ve had to learn on the way, where I had blind spots to behaviors, actions, and words that wounded others unintentionally.

One of my favorite Psalms is Psalm 19. Verses 12-14

“Who perceives his unintentional sins? Cleanse me from my hidden faults. Moreover, keep Your servant from willful sins; do not let them rule over me. Then I will be innocent and cleansed from blatant rebellion. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to You, Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.”

What amazes me is that God can bless us even when we are failing morally, oftentimes unintentionally (which is still sin), yet God can bless our work. He can use us even though we are imperfect. Which also means any successful outcome is due to HIM–not me.

I’m stunned and amazed by this as I look back over my life so far. I don’t deserve that anything good came of my efforts to imperfectly serve God, yet His grace covers me. I wish I still didn’t have unintentional sins or blind spots where someone might be hurt by something I said, did, or didn’t do.

And I pray that my husband and close friends will love me enough to point out where I might be falling short of the mark so that I can continue to grow and not be encumbered as I seek to honor Him with the gifts HE has so graciously bestowed. I don’t want to continue as if I have nothing to learn or grow from totally relying on His grace, because to do so cheapens the sacrifice Christ made for me on the cross when He died for my sins.

And I’ll let God be judge of those who have lead, taught, served in whatever capacity but fell short of what I think is best. Because I fall short as well, just maybe in a different way. God blesses in spite of our flaws and for that I’ll be grateful.

 

Spatzle Speaks: Bratwurst & Bridges (Book Review)

Jul28
Reading Time: 2 minutes

My mom loves to write books and she write the rough draft of this one two years ago. She even asked for prayer for when she wrote it. I had to bark to get her attention so make sure I could get outside. Bratwurst & Bridges was a consuming story.

What surprises me is how much of my mom is in this story – her heart. I don’t think she even realized just how much of her is in there. But as her dog, I know.

Pastor Dan’s wife died, and along with losing his best friend, and partner in life, he lost his chance to be a father. His wife had and he had lost several babies due to miscarriages and they had just begun to consider adoption. But now she was gone. A year later, he still grieved but had buried himself in ministry. Finally his boss, Senior Pastor Andrew, forced Dan on a leave of absence to get help and focus on his grief.

It’s not easy for a helper to get help. It takes courage. Could Dan do this? Or would he quit and walk away from ministry?

He’d sold his house and associated memories and moved into a new apartment. A single mom with two rambunctious children lives across the hall. Skye knows about God but doesn’t believe He would be interested in her, but since the handsome pastor has moved across the hall, she finds that her art has changed and she starts to ask him questions.

Zumba, skiing and true love? Can a single mom help a grieving pastor heal? Guess you’ll have to read it to find out! I give it five bones because it’s an awesome story and the way she weaves grief and new life and love together is wonderful. Not that I’m biased because the author is my mom…

Spatzle Baganz, book reviewer for the silygoos blog because that’s how we roll.