Tag Archive | Psalm 19

Author Confessions: Are You Seeking God’s Hand or His Heart?

Apr20
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: Are You Seeking God’s Hand or His Heart?

Oliver Maltese/shih tzu mix.

When we got Oliver, he was a six-month-old puppy. I poured love on this dog and he became quite devoted to me. We did obedience training (more for me than him!) and the trainer didn’t think she could work with him because he loved me so much. Oliver understood she had treats though and performed beautifully for her and then quickly returned to me.

Oliver is motivated by praise as well as treats and I rarely give him the treats but lots of praise. His sister, Minnie, however, has been trained more by following Oliver as she hasn’t been motivated much by praise or treats. Two years in and she still will not take a treat from my hand. She will wag when I praise her but her stubborn shih-tzu heart refuses to do anything other than what she desires to do.

Years ago when I was attending a prayer retreat, the leader asked this question. Are you seeking God’s hand or his heart? 

Oliver will jump into my lap because he longs to be close to me. He loves

me. Of course he wants to snuggle and be petted too, but he’s often content to stretch out next to my legs because more than anything he longs to be with me.

He will dance for a treat though, but he doesn’t beg for them. He will go to my husband for the treats because Ben has conditioned the dog to do so. A previous dog of ours would go up to my husband in the kitchen and sneeze. Ben would give him a treat. Our dogs go to Ben for his hand, not his heart.

The dogs come to me more for my heart than my hand.

Of course we are told we are to seek God and pray to Him. Prayes of thankgiving, confession, requests, and even just sharing our lives.

Ultimately, as a believer, I long to hear God say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” Yes, God rewards us. The list of all the things I did for God should come after gratitude to Him for all I was able to do because He enabled me to, because I long to please Him.

That doesn’t mean I don’t pray for my children, or the health of friends or others who I know are struggling. I made a chart so I can be more intentional to pray for people outside of when I sense God is leading me to pray, which He often does.

I confess I’m often selfish in my prayers, seeking God’s hand more than His heart. Selfish in asking for His Wisdom, for the Holy Spirit to lead and guide in my conversations and relationships. One of my favorite psalms is Psalm 19 and verse 14 in particular: “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.” I find myself in an odd loop of seeking His hand so as to please His heart. A verse before that David prays, “Who can discern his errors? Acquit me of hidden faults.  Also keep back Your servant from presumptuous sins; Let them not rule over me;”  I’m not wrong in seeking His hand, His pierced hands that testify to His death for my sins. 

Someone asked me what they could pray for me. If you could ask for just ONE thing to be prayed for, would it be for a specific physical need for yourself or someone else? Ultimately, my prayer would be David’s that by the power of the Holy Spirit, my thoughts and words, my inner dialogue, the depth of my heart where sin likes to wallow, would be acceptable in His sight because I want to honor Him more than anything else.

So how about you? Are you seeking God’s hand or His heart? Seeking God’s heart gives us His hand, because we cannot do it without the help of the Holy Spirit.

Author Confession: God Blesses in Spite of Our Flaws

May27
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confession: God Blesses in Spite of Our Flaws

During a particularly traumatic time in ministry, I came across A.W. Tozer’s book The Attributes of God and a journal. That was such a gift from God. I’ve appreciated much of A.W. Tozer’s writings but a few years ago I was reading about his life and was dismayed at how he neglected his wife. Having been on the receiving end of that kind of treatment myself at the time, it upset me.

I can’t deny the fruit of Tozer’s work in my life to help me grow in my faith during a difficult time, but there was part of me that wanted nothing to do with a man who would be so bad a husband.

My husband has a favorite saying: Don’t look horizontal (to men). Look vertically (to God)- Man will let you down but God never will.

I’m sure Tozer did the best he could with what he understood of God’s truth at the time, or he didn’t have anyone around him to confront him on his what would now be considered abuse and neglect of his family. The reality is—we are all in that same boat, aren’t we?

Scripture points to the reality that we as humans are terribly flawed no matter how good our intentions are or how much we claim to love the Lord.

Romans 3:11 says:   “There is no one righteous, not even one.  There is no one who understands; there is no one who seeks God.”

Jeremiah 17:9  “The heart is more deceitful than anything else, and incurable—who can understand it?”

“For the eyes of Yahweh roam throughout the earth to show Himself strong for those whose hearts are completely His.”  2 Chronicles 16:9a

Even God is often disappointed in the failures of His creation to live up to His plans for us. Somehow, in spite of that Scripture says He delights in us when we delight in Him.

Zephaniah 3:17 says : “Yahweh your God is among you, a warrior who saves. He will rejoice over you with gladness. He will bring you quietness with His love. He will delight in you with shouts of joy.”

I’m sure I have my share of failures people could point to without knowing all the facts, just like I don’t know all the facts about Tozer’s life or any other Christian leader who has seemingly failed.

I’ll confess I’ve struggled with this tension between judgement and mercy toward people like Tozer whose work I have been blessed by and yet have perceived failures. I’ve seen the same with other leaders as I’ve walked this planet and been a part of various organizations and been disappointed and even abused by so called “Christians.”

I have to hold on to the two contradictions knowing God is the only One who knows the heart. I want His mercy and grace for areas where I have failed and I’m amazed as I look back on my journey, and some of the hard lessons I’ve had to learn on the way, where I had blind spots to behaviors, actions, and words that wounded others unintentionally.

One of my favorite Psalms is Psalm 19. Verses 12-14

“Who perceives his unintentional sins? Cleanse me from my hidden faults. Moreover, keep Your servant from willful sins; do not let them rule over me. Then I will be innocent and cleansed from blatant rebellion. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to You, Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.”

What amazes me is that God can bless us even when we are failing morally, oftentimes unintentionally (which is still sin), yet God can bless our work. He can use us even though we are imperfect. Which also means any successful outcome is due to HIM–not me.

I’m stunned and amazed by this as I look back over my life so far. I don’t deserve that anything good came of my efforts to imperfectly serve God, yet His grace covers me. I wish I still didn’t have unintentional sins or blind spots where someone might be hurt by something I said, did, or didn’t do.

And I pray that my husband and close friends will love me enough to point out where I might be falling short of the mark so that I can continue to grow and not be encumbered as I seek to honor Him with the gifts HE has so graciously bestowed. I don’t want to continue as if I have nothing to learn or grow from totally relying on His grace, because to do so cheapens the sacrifice Christ made for me on the cross when He died for my sins.

And I’ll let God be judge of those who have lead, taught, served in whatever capacity but fell short of what I think is best. Because I fall short as well, just maybe in a different way. God blesses in spite of our flaws and for that I’ll be grateful.