Tag Archive | seeking God

Author Confessions: Are You Seeking God’s Hand or His Heart?

Apr20
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: Are You Seeking God’s Hand or His Heart?

Oliver Maltese/shih tzu mix.

When we got Oliver, he was a six-month-old puppy. I poured love on this dog and he became quite devoted to me. We did obedience training (more for me than him!) and the trainer didn’t think she could work with him because he loved me so much. Oliver understood she had treats though and performed beautifully for her and then quickly returned to me.

Oliver is motivated by praise as well as treats and I rarely give him the treats but lots of praise. His sister, Minnie, however, has been trained more by following Oliver as she hasn’t been motivated much by praise or treats. Two years in and she still will not take a treat from my hand. She will wag when I praise her but her stubborn shih-tzu heart refuses to do anything other than what she desires to do.

Years ago when I was attending a prayer retreat, the leader asked this question. Are you seeking God’s hand or his heart? 

Oliver will jump into my lap because he longs to be close to me. He loves

me. Of course he wants to snuggle and be petted too, but he’s often content to stretch out next to my legs because more than anything he longs to be with me.

He will dance for a treat though, but he doesn’t beg for them. He will go to my husband for the treats because Ben has conditioned the dog to do so. A previous dog of ours would go up to my husband in the kitchen and sneeze. Ben would give him a treat. Our dogs go to Ben for his hand, not his heart.

The dogs come to me more for my heart than my hand.

Of course we are told we are to seek God and pray to Him. Prayes of thankgiving, confession, requests, and even just sharing our lives.

Ultimately, as a believer, I long to hear God say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” Yes, God rewards us. The list of all the things I did for God should come after gratitude to Him for all I was able to do because He enabled me to, because I long to please Him.

That doesn’t mean I don’t pray for my children, or the health of friends or others who I know are struggling. I made a chart so I can be more intentional to pray for people outside of when I sense God is leading me to pray, which He often does.

I confess I’m often selfish in my prayers, seeking God’s hand more than His heart. Selfish in asking for His Wisdom, for the Holy Spirit to lead and guide in my conversations and relationships. One of my favorite psalms is Psalm 19 and verse 14 in particular: “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.” I find myself in an odd loop of seeking His hand so as to please His heart. A verse before that David prays, “Who can discern his errors? Acquit me of hidden faults.  Also keep back Your servant from presumptuous sins; Let them not rule over me;”  I’m not wrong in seeking His hand, His pierced hands that testify to His death for my sins. 

Someone asked me what they could pray for me. If you could ask for just ONE thing to be prayed for, would it be for a specific physical need for yourself or someone else? Ultimately, my prayer would be David’s that by the power of the Holy Spirit, my thoughts and words, my inner dialogue, the depth of my heart where sin likes to wallow, would be acceptable in His sight because I want to honor Him more than anything else.

So how about you? Are you seeking God’s hand or His heart? Seeking God’s heart gives us His hand, because we cannot do it without the help of the Holy Spirit.

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Regret

Jan27
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Regret

Regret is akin to guilt although it is self-reflective. We are looking at the past and proclaiming guilty judgement over things we did or didn’t do.

I had people ask me if I regretted marrying my first husband. While I sometimes feel shame (that’s next week) for the immature neediness that led me to that decision, I cannot regret it. Why? Because if I regretted it, I wouldn’t have my four children (one is in heaven). While raising children is hard, and a difficult marriage is painful, there was a lot of growth that took place in me emotionally and spiritually as I sought God and help from a wise counselor. I wouldn’t be able to write or encourage people the way I do if I hadn’t walked that path.

Regret can be a test before making a decision. However, it is hard to forecast what you might think and feel about a decision or choice years in the future. For instance, when marrying the sweet husband I have now: “If I have sex before marriage, would I regret it?” For me, the answer was “Yes.” In hindsight, I am doubly grateful we waited. It was not easy. I think if I had answered that differently, I would have regretted it.

Regrets can be good if it helps us make amends or seek to reconcile relationships that may have been cut off, even if not by ourselves.

When I start to feel regret that I remind myself that I did the best I could with what I knew and all along I was seeking God. He works things together for HIS good and in His perfect timing. I could feel sad about things that happened, and that is good and right to do. There are things to grieve (a post for another week). I do not need to regret following God through those difficult years because He never abandoned me.

Trying to live a life without regrets can become an idol if we put that ahead of what God is calling us to do which might involve taking risks, or making decisions that might be counterintuitive to those around us (but not sin!). There’s a bit of a tightrope there, isn’t there?

I hope that when I am old I can look back and not have regret because my focus won’t be on mistakes I made, that God used in spite of my failures, but that I will look back and see His fingerprint throughout my life and find comfort in realizing He understood all along who I was then, who I am now, and who I will be when I am face to face with Him. There will be no regrets then, but perfect peace.

Do you hold on to regrets? What helps you let go of the dangerous emotion of regret?

Next week I’ll wade into the dangerous emotion of shame.

Author Confessions: When Discouragement Hits Hard

Dec16
Reading Time: 2 minutes

Author Confessions: When Discouragement Hits Hard

I have struggled with depression pretty much all my life. Even with medication there are days when it can hit hard. Add winter in Wisconsin and the lack of sunshine, Seasonal Affective Disorder can get mixed up in there. I’ve learned to relax into that reality and make adjustments when the energy level sinks and my body indicates it needs more rest than activity, or conversely, needs connection more than isolation.

I had a challenging November. Somehow with lots of extra free form writing I managed to finish National Novel Writing month (Nanowrimo.org). Lots of words to be deleted from that document! The story wasn’t finished but I’m hoping that it will be soon so I can start working on the editing process.

Surgery for me the week before Thanksgiving, and then last Wednesday, surgery for my husband, makes for challenges to navigate.

With all the chaos of November, I didn’t get my December marketing done and I will confess I was discouraged with the reality that only one person who read my latest Christmas novella, I’ll be Gnome for Christmas, wrote a review. I did a Facebook live for the first time to promote the book—and no one showed up. I understand. We are all busy!

I have to do some reevaluating again… Why do I write? It is a calling I believe, but is it really having an impact in this crazy world? It’s not a financial boon in any way for our family. It is a sacrifice of discipline getting my butt in that chair and hands on a keyboard to come up with a story, and fashion characters out of thin air that hopefully will relate a message of hope and faith, and maybe even fun that will entertain and encourage a reader. Or show them a true, vital faith that can be theirs.

Obviously, I am writing this post on one of the lower days. Healing takes energy and can make me tired but that can compound the feelings of discouragement if not depression! And honestly, at the moment I’m writing this, I’m more discouraged than anything.

This isn’t a pity party. No one comes when anyone hosts those! I’m writing an honest confession that authors face. Discouragement. Does what I do matter? If I stopped writing stories would anyone care?

The better question I need to be really asking is: What is GOD calling me to do? After all, it’s only HIS opinion that matters. More than any and book reviews or sales are not any validation of HIS call when the work of the heart is something He is only aware of. And that, my friends, is only a question He can answer. Many of the people in Scripture who were following God’s lead faced these same issues.

How do handle it when discouragement hits hard? I’d love to hear about it.

Maybe this old song by Caroyn Arends will encourage you as it does me: https://youtu.be/mwWy-T8WWFo?si=IVzJ1lgbS7REz-xg