Tag Archive | reconciliation

Oliver’s Opinion: The Earl’s Ultimatum (Book Review)

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Oliver’s Opinion: The Earl’s Ultimatum (Book Review)

My mom loves Regencies, with her original fondness for Georgette Heyer (but not the omniscient point of view).  She’s written many regencies herself! You cand find them on this blog. But this isn’t about her writing. When she started reading The Earl’s Ultimatum by Judy Hut she asked me this question: “Why didn’t I get to edit this book? It’s wonderful!”

Judy Hut does deliver a lovely story in The Earl’s Ultimatum. A friends to lovers trope that feels fresher than Emma by Jane Austen and with far more depth of insight into the character’s inner thoughts. Perhaps more than what would originally have been true of the culture at the time (but who knows? She wasn’t there!). Still the characters are lively and fleshed out well and the interactions are refreshing. There are deep backstories slowly revealed including deep grief and loss. The motivations feel true and real.

Andrew is a viscount and his father is forcing him to marry in order to secure an heir. Andrew’s brother had died but not before leaving the woman he’d long to wed, pregnant with his child. In order to secure his brother’s inheritance for the child, Andrew must reluctantly acquiece to his father’s manipulations, leaving him angry and frustrated as he enters the marriage mart in London.

Lucy Grant is five years late to the marriage mart and not interested in finding a mate. Encountering Andrew, however, she finds a friend amongst the ton, which is not a done thing during that time period, but they are careful. She finds herself pursued but not engaged by another man which seems to illicit strange reactions in Andrew even though he’s courting someone himself. It seems that only with each other can they be truly themselves.

As the story progresses with their parallel courtships, both begin to realize they are settling for something much less than they deserve. I won’t give away the plot points and deny you the pleasure of the journey these two protagonists take, but to find healing form the past and a way to forgiveness is not an easy path. They are blessed with wonderful friends who support them on their journey.

There are a few twists and turns that Andrew needs to navigate before he can settle into a future of love and joy but Judy Hunt is masterful in her telling of the story and helping the reader care deeply about the outcome for Andrew and Lucy… as well as her friends.

The only thing my mom was disappointed with was that the author quickly wrapped up another two romances in the story that could have, on their own, made for lovely storytelling in a novel or novella, but either way, the reader will finish this book with a sigh of delight at the happily-ever-after ending. The devotional at the end, inserted by the publisher, makes personal application of the truths in this story which is wonderful.

So do my mom a favor, and pick up a copy of Judy Hut’s The Earl’s Ultimatum. You won’t regret it. I give it five bones because I’m a dog. I like bones. You’ll love this story.

Oliver trying to help mom with book reviews.

Author Confessions: Can People Change? Part III

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: Can People Change? Part III

If you haven’t read parts I and II you might want to read them before continuing here.

Even if people don’t change,  we are commanded to forgive those who sin against us, whether they are unrepentant or not, does not mean that reconciliation is in order. I can forgive a woman from a church where I had been employed, who years ago verbally abused me to the degree that I returned to my apartment and sat curled up on the floor as if I’d been hit, and bawled my eyes out. Nothing she said was true and when I tried one more time to reconcile, I realized the unsolvable conundrum she had for me to prove I was repentant for the sins she stated I had done. The reality is, I was being gaslit. Had I made mistakes in our relationship? Yes. Had I worked through those things. Absolutely. It tooks months, lots of counseling, journalling, tears and seeking God. Because I was in a ministry position, I couldn’t share that pain with anyone else. When she was confronted by church leadership, she accused them and our pastor of horrible things as well. Her family left our church and I grieved. I grieved for unconfessed sin. I grieved that the gifts God had given her were taken from our church. And I grieved the future where another church, or person in leadership, would be faced with similar behaviors.

When I moved on in life, the lessons I learned reaped benefits in the ministries I engaged in. I was changed. Leadership in a church can be difficult and people will find fault. I developed skills to help me deal with that but it was still painful, especially when there were lies someone said about me. Over time, in every situation, I was vindicated. God proved me to be faithful and true as I followed Him. Notice I didn’t say perfect. I’m a long way from that.

Can people change? I would hope that woman had. I still bear emotional scars and would be hesitatant to trust someone like that again. I won’t name names, but it seems that every woman I’ve met with her first name have been unsafe for me. I gave them all a chance and every one proved to be similar! I’m learning to trust the Holy Spirit within me. If someone is making me feel uneasy, before, during, or after time spent with them, I have learned to stop questioning why and avoid those people. Can those people change? I would hope so. I don’t believe God has called me to be the means by which He does it, since He tells me to stay away.

It takes a long time to develop that and I want to give people the benefit of the doubt. I want to be liked. Don’t we all? But I can’t sacrifice myself and expose myself to abuse if the Spirit leads me away from someone.

Life is hard. It is filled with challenges that are painful. If we allow God to work, He can mold us more and more into the character of His Son, Jesus. It is our choice. He doesn’t force it on us.

Can people change? Maybe.  Perhaps it would be better to pray, “God, will you change me?”

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Regret

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Regret

Regret is akin to guilt although it is self-reflective. We are looking at the past and proclaiming guilty judgement over things we did or didn’t do.

I had people ask me if I regretted marrying my first husband. While I sometimes feel shame (that’s next week) for the immature neediness that led me to that decision, I cannot regret it. Why? Because if I regretted it, I wouldn’t have my four children (one is in heaven). While raising children is hard, and a difficult marriage is painful, there was a lot of growth that took place in me emotionally and spiritually as I sought God and help from a wise counselor. I wouldn’t be able to write or encourage people the way I do if I hadn’t walked that path.

Regret can be a test before making a decision. However, it is hard to forecast what you might think and feel about a decision or choice years in the future. For instance, when marrying the sweet husband I have now: “If I have sex before marriage, would I regret it?” For me, the answer was “Yes.” In hindsight, I am doubly grateful we waited. It was not easy. I think if I had answered that differently, I would have regretted it.

Regrets can be good if it helps us make amends or seek to reconcile relationships that may have been cut off, even if not by ourselves.

When I start to feel regret that I remind myself that I did the best I could with what I knew and all along I was seeking God. He works things together for HIS good and in His perfect timing. I could feel sad about things that happened, and that is good and right to do. There are things to grieve (a post for another week). I do not need to regret following God through those difficult years because He never abandoned me.

Trying to live a life without regrets can become an idol if we put that ahead of what God is calling us to do which might involve taking risks, or making decisions that might be counterintuitive to those around us (but not sin!). There’s a bit of a tightrope there, isn’t there?

I hope that when I am old I can look back and not have regret because my focus won’t be on mistakes I made, that God used in spite of my failures, but that I will look back and see His fingerprint throughout my life and find comfort in realizing He understood all along who I was then, who I am now, and who I will be when I am face to face with Him. There will be no regrets then, but perfect peace.

Do you hold on to regrets? What helps you let go of the dangerous emotion of regret?

Next week I’ll wade into the dangerous emotion of shame.