Author Confessions: Love Takes Courage Part 1 of 3

This thought has been bouncing around my brain for some time and might take more than one post to unpack. So here it goes.

Love takes courage. Why? What could cause me to say that?

Well, for one, love can hurt. It leaves the loved one vulnerable to pain. Writing romance novels where a happily-ever-after ending is the goal, is frought with obstacles to getting there. Betrayal, lies, disappointment along with physical obstacles like distance, health etc, can interfere. And worst of all are the obstacles that lie within us that can take courage to deal with before we can truly embrace love.

It amazes me that a man or woman can find a mate, know them for a little while and then commit to loving them for the rest of their lives. With all the individual family history and baggage we each come with, our ability (or inability) to deal with conflict, our self-centeredness as humans, and of course the challenges that get thrown in our way, that kind of committment to love is a big ask.

Yet we do it. I will admit that my first marriage, love might not have been the original motivating factor but I sought to love and it wasn’t reciprocated. My neighbor is from India and her marriage was arranged but they seem to be happy together. Love can grow when people act out of love.

My husband told me he wasn’t sure he knew how to love. I told him love isn’t just a feeling. It’s not raging hormones screaming for satisfaction. Love is action. It is a choice. Every day. To do what is best for your partner. To sometimes sacrifice for them. It requires self-lessness instead of selfishness.

Love is not abuse in any way, shape, or form. It is not disparaging remarks or name calling. It is not control over finances, words, clothing, and the choices of another. It is not withholding affection or even medical care as a way to manipulate.

I’m primarily talking about love between adults here. Marriage being the culmination between a man and a woman. Two people who are of equal value in the eyes of God, but who have different gifts, talents, abilities to contribute to the partnership. The man’s primary role is to love, lead, provide, and protect the wife (and subsequent family). The woman’s role is not less significant but she must respect the role of the husband and enable him to do it well by supporting him. These are all love in action.

Love involves complete trust in the other person. Praying for them.  Encouraging them. Showing love by meeting needs such as those of their love language (words of affirmation, quality time, touch, acts of service and gift-giving).

All of that requires risk and courage. It means sacrificing a part of my heart, time, and energy to benefit my spouse. And the same for him.  I cannot love anyone else well without the help of the Holy Spirit.

This is a huge topic and I’m only scratching the surface. But love requires courage. Next week I’ll be tackling how it also requires the courage to confront when necessary.