Tag Archive | light

Author Confessions: Fractured Faith

Jun29
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: Fractured Faith

I’ve walked with God for more years than I’d like to admit. I’m still learning and growing and the more I learn the more I understand how little I know and God has to break through the me that was to make the a person who will be a better image bearer of Christ.

If I look in the mirror, I see an image that is, well, me. But if that mirror is cracked, the image is distorted. When glass is cracked the ability to see through it clearly to make out objects on the other side, is hard to make out. Broken mirrors and glass refract light all over in new ways.

I’m starting to think of myself as fractured glass. I’ve never been a put-together, no-issues-here kind of gal. I’m a WYSIWIG – What You See Is What You Get. Not that I will share the deep down dark secrets of my soul with everyone, but I’m no good at pretending I have it all together.

When I was in a difficult marriage, my countenance was simply me. When that relationship ended many people commented that I appeared brighter and happier. I personally couldn’t notice the difference. The heaviness of the years of abuse had taken a toll and when that was gone, the light of Jesus inside me could shine more brightly to those around me. That was His doing–not mine.

Now, that’s not to say that going through hard times will dim your shine. It might in some ways, but I’ve found that being honest in my struggles, and my faithfulness and devotion to God in the midst of that, speaks louder to many people. The difference between my joyful face then and after were different, and to those who watched me on the path of obedience to God’s calling, could discern the difference and rejoice with me in what God did to rescue me from that.

I wonder if someday, when I’m before God, if the fractured glass will finally fall to the ground to be swept away by His grace and love and I will finally be the full, complete, whole person He designed me to be. I like that thought. It makes the fractures seem less of an iconvenience and more of a part of a beautiful testimony of God’s work in my life. Fractured faith isn’t failure. It’s growth.

So I’ll embrace my fractured faith as I lean into learning more and letting God continue to change me. The process won’t stop until I’m dead so I might as well lean into it instead of whine to myself that I “should” have all this down by now. How about you? Have you sometimes felt inadequate? That God is breaking your long-held beliefs or showing you new things about Himself you didn’t know before? Or perhaps sin you’ve been blind to? Growing pains come with the fractured faith but I’m glad Jesus keeps holding it all together to refract His glory through my imperfect reflection of Him to a hurting world. I hope you’ll do the same.

Author Confessions: Groundhog Day

Feb2
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: Groundhog Day

Today is the anniversary of when my first baby was supposed to be born. He was much like a groundhog in that he didn’t want to come out until a week later and even then it was against his will (C-section).

Around the Nothern Hemisphere, poor little groundhogs will be hauled out of their cozy burrows so humans can see if there’s a shadow. It’s a funny tradition and other nations around the world have different ways to predict the end of winter. The reality is, the idea that winter will end immediately is ridiculous. It’s usually six weeks more before we can see the light at the end of the tunnel with winter. Groundhog Day is a nice way to pause and give a little hope to each other that spring will come.

Emotionally, many of us hibernate in other ways. We don’t share ourselves with others, afraid to speak out or afraid to be known. Or perhaps we have an ability or gift but we’re afraid to share that. Matthew 5:16 states: “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in Heaven.” (KJV). A person may be shy or introverted, or perhaps even wounded by previous experiences. Finding a safe place to share all that God has given us can be tricky. Even in the church.

1 Corinthians 1:3-4 says: Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. (NASB)

God has designed us to be in community. If a church is not healthy or toxic, and you can’t resolve that, it is better to go find another one where you can safely use your gifts and experiences to help others. That is not a leave one week – start serving somewhere else the next, kind of timeline. Sometimes we need help to recover from those wounds suffered, yes, even by those in the church, including church leadership.

Perhaps we need a season of healing in there. That doesn’t mean we still can’t be engaged in community and be a blessing to those we interact with in and out of the church. We don’t get to be a groundhog and hide away from the world. You and others will miss out on so many blessings if one chooses to be a groundhog.

It might feel as though God drags us out of our little burrow before we feel ready. I think He often delights in showing off His power in and through us when we are weak and believe we have nothing to offer. We’re wrong about that. We all have something to offer in some way shape or form and it might not be a specific role that you’re in. The phrase “one another” appears at least 269 times in the Bible. Our presence is sometimes the gift.

Covid taught us the dangers of hibernation. Kids suffered, loneliness exploded, and people died. In and out of the church we are called, as Christians, to serve one another, love, care for, minister, encourage…. one another. That goes beyond the church, because loving actions and a sweet spirit as we interact with people can be a blessing to any and all we meet as we go about our lives.

This is all very simplistic but I think the principles generally hold. Even if others don’t reciprocate, our willingness to stick our necks out, honors God and He’s the One who really matters.

Do you have any Groundhog Day tendencies? Why do you want to hide? What are you hiding? Ask God to show you how you can be a blessing to someone else this week.