Author Confessions: Fractured Faith

I’ve walked with God for more years than I’d like to admit. I’m still learning and growing and the more I learn the more I understand how little I know and God has to break through the me that was to make the a person who will be a better image bearer of Christ.

If I look in the mirror, I see an image that is, well, me. But if that mirror is cracked, the image is distorted. When glass is cracked the ability to see through it clearly to make out objects on the other side, is hard to make out. Broken mirrors and glass refract light all over in new ways.

I’m starting to think of myself as fractured glass. I’ve never been a put-together, no-issues-here kind of gal. I’m a WYSIWIG – What You See Is What You Get. Not that I will share the deep down dark secrets of my soul with everyone, but I’m no good at pretending I have it all together.

When I was in a difficult marriage, my countenance was simply me. When that relationship ended many people commented that I appeared brighter and happier. I personally couldn’t notice the difference. The heaviness of the years of abuse had taken a toll and when that was gone, the light of Jesus inside me could shine more brightly to those around me. That was His doing–not mine.

Now, that’s not to say that going through hard times will dim your shine. It might in some ways, but I’ve found that being honest in my struggles, and my faithfulness and devotion to God in the midst of that, speaks louder to many people. The difference between my joyful face then and after were different, and to those who watched me on the path of obedience to God’s calling, could discern the difference and rejoice with me in what God did to rescue me from that.

I wonder if someday, when I’m before God, if the fractured glass will finally fall to the ground to be swept away by His grace and love and I will finally be the full, complete, whole person He designed me to be. I like that thought. It makes the fractures seem less of an iconvenience and more of a part of a beautiful testimony of God’s work in my life. Fractured faith isn’t failure. It’s growth.

So I’ll embrace my fractured faith as I lean into learning more and letting God continue to change me. The process won’t stop until I’m dead so I might as well lean into it instead of whine to myself that I “should” have all this down by now. How about you? Have you sometimes felt inadequate? That God is breaking your long-held beliefs or showing you new things about Himself you didn’t know before? Or perhaps sin you’ve been blind to? Growing pains come with the fractured faith but I’m glad Jesus keeps holding it all together to refract His glory through my imperfect reflection of Him to a hurting world. I hope you’ll do the same.