Author Confessions: What About Mercy?

I was participating in a Bible Study of the book In His Image by Jen Wilkin, that was looking at the communicable attributes of God (those God shares with us) and how He calls us to relect His image and character to the world around us. What about mercy? How does that work and why would I be writing about it?

Justice, mercy, and grace are connected.

• Justice is getting what we deserve -punishment for our sin.
• Mercy is getting what we don’t deserve – compassion, Jesus died in our place for our sins.
• Grace is getting what we don’t deserve – salvation, love, relationship with God among many other blessings.

In Chapter 5, God Most Merciful, I totally understood and appreciated the concept of showing mercy to others. In my own thoughts and even experiences in the Christian church (writ large) we often tend to jump to judging instead of mercy. In other words, being compassionate when we hear someone’s story instead of rushing to judgement. When I wrote Pesto and Potholes and Salsa and Speedbumps, I wanted to explore this concept, along with other themes. Writing those books was my way wrestling with my own sinful rush to judgement instead of extending mercy. Even if I never say anything, the thoughts in my mind are equally condemning.

This is how it the book impacted me adversely. The author, Jen Wilkin made a few statements that I fully agree with. We need wisdom in dispensing mercy. She states on page 81, ” When our offender persists in sinning against us, we are wise to put boundaries in place…. Mercy never requires submission to abuse, whether spiritual, verbal, emotional, or physical.”

First of all, let me say how refreshing these words are. After many years in an abusive marriage, almost every marriage book I read failed to acknowledge the depth of pain an abused spouse might be enduring. Leslie Vernick has some great books that can help of you are in those situations: The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope, and How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong. 

Gary Thomas’s blog post, Enough is Enough, was the first time I read anything that extended mercy to someone like myself. His premise is that the church has made an idol of the institution of marriage at the expense of the women (and men) who are suffering from abuse.

I believe that many rush to divorce without doing the hard work to make a marriage work. I resisted divorce and as a result lost friends over the years, being harshly judged for staying in a difficult marriage. I refused to divorce until GOD told me to. When He did, He gave me the courage to follow through and made a way through my fear. I had grieved the death of love in the marriage for years before. You might call me a heretic for stating God led me to divorce my spouse. Jewish leaders condemned Jesus as well for not following their prescribed religious beliefs.

After I filed for divorce, people would come to me, without knowing my story, and tell me I was wrong. My then-husband also called me an “evil, selfish, sinner.” I will only admit to the last one. I am a sinner. I have never claimed to be perfect in any relationship, but God’s mercy shields me from the consequences of that.

When I stayed, I was judged. When I left, I was judged. Thankfully the only opinion that matters on this is God’s.

Jesus’ grace brought me freedom, as well as newfound joy in my children’s lives once the weight of the verbal abuse was gone. He provided for our needs as I moved on in life, and eventually, brought a new love and life beyond what I could have ever dreamed or imagined possible. I intellectually understood God was good, but I doubted He would be good to me. I didn’t deserve it. His goodness to me throughout all that, apart from the condemnation from a few self-rightous folks, blew me away. Lavish, grace-love. That’s my Jesus.

When I read Jen Wilkin’s words, I had to fully own that I can too quickly rush to judgment of others instead of showing mercy and compassion. If I haven’t walked in their shoes, who am I to judge? I was blessed with godly and wise counsel before, during, and after my divorce, and even as I entered into a new marriage. God’s grace is overwhelmingly wonderful.

Even in church, I hesitate to state I was divorced because of the lack of mercy and rush to judgement many might think if not outright say. Even when I was divorced I thought of myself as single. The weight of shame was not part of who I was because I obeyed God, and continue to seek Him.

So, having read this, do you judge me? What about mercy? Does the your Christian faith have room for that? Mine doesn’t as much as I would like and I still struggle with that, even though I’ve experienced it so often from our great God. I’m growing, and hopefully you are too. The world needs more mercy and compassion.