Tag Archive | dreams

Dream Musings and Music

Sep5

Not all dreams become reality. Sad isn’t it? People come along and kill our dreams. Sometimes real life interferes.

When I grew up I wanted to be a disc jockey. You know. A DJ. I love music. Always have. I enjoy singing. I love to talk, so radio seemed like a great place for me. But my father told me that radio people don’t get paid much and work odd hours. I had a friend in radio at one point and he had to use a different name on the air to protect himself from his fans. Oh, to have such trouble!

I played saxophone through high school but gave it up for choir. I did well there. Won some solo ensembles. I always wanted to play guitar. Twice I’ve taken guitar lessons. When I was in a band they let me play on one song.  Yup. I was that good! *snicker*.  Actually, I’d have been great if I could have been disciplined enough to practice more.

Jonah's VacationI also wanted to be a singer but had a pastor years ago who gave me a reality check. He told me “Susan, you’re good but you don’t work at it. You’re a B-grade singer but could be an A.” Ouch! I did work at it and got good enough to be in a band for a short time.

Jonah’s Vacation was a great experience. Hard work. Amazing musicians. My next book, Feta & Freeways is dedicated to Jim, Rob, Jeff, Erick, Mark and Irene (she joined us months after this photo was taken.). I learned so much from these people (including how to belch although Jim was definitely the master of that and he didn’t have a microphone to help!)

13620018_1411151115567715_4418536725403216346_nI don’t sing for others much anymore. I did for a while. I worked at it. But now I only get an opportunity maybe once a year to do that and play my guitar. I miss the synergy of being in a band. I admire groups that have that “magic” when they play together.

I based my next book on a lead singer of a band (and his friends). Yeah, it’s a romance, but it’s so much more than that. I based it off Burlap to Cashmere. I wish I could play guitar with even a 10% of the skill they have. Can you see the joy they have as they play together? Makes me smile every time I see this photo I took from the last time I saw them live.

Maybe someday I’ll get there. Not everything has to be for the purpose of performing. Maybe playing guitar and growing in that skill will only be for me and God this time around. I can remember the past fondly and rejoice that God gave me those opportunities. And I can write and encourage others who can pursue them.

Maybe words on the page are meant to be my song in this season of my life. Why that makes me cry I don’t know, but dreams are like that. Sometimes it is okay to grieve what you can’t have. Life isn’t fair and God doesn’t always give us what we want for His own reasons. Hard to believe but that’s often a good thing. Sometimes to make room for one dream we have to sacrifice something else we value. We don’t always recognize what those choices will be…time, family, finances…there’s a cost for pursuing dreams. And there will always be those who will try to stop us, defeat us, criticize us for following God’s direction. Dreams God calls us to follow become “callings”. And they are only worth pursuing because He is the one who leads the way.

This is a live video I took from Burlap to Cashmere’s performance in Green Bay in July of this year. Gifted and a called. The “closing jam” as it were… featuring Johnny Philippidis and his amazing guitar skills. Part of the song is the Dialing God Instrumental from their Freedom Souls album. Enjoy. Maybe someday I’ll have that 10% to enjoy for myself.

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Lost Love Reunion (Short Story)

Apr14

I used to think he was the man I would marry. My teenage crush. He was everything I wanted in a man. He was taller than me with blond hair and he loved the Lord with a passion that inspired me. I expected him to be a great pastor someday . . . and maybe I would be his wife.

But he never saw me as anything more than a friend. We both left for different colleges and lost touch.

It never stopped me from dreaming and hoping but eventually I met a guy and married him blind to the fact that he was not God’s best for me. At the time I felt like no one would want me. I had been led to believe that. So I took what I could get and paid the price for it.

So now, twenty-five years later, at the local coffee shop, I’m face to face with the man I had once dreamed about sleeping next to for those intervening years.

“Paul?”

“Sharon?”

“Wow, how have you been? Whatcha been up to?” I look at the receding hairline and the deep lines carved into his forehead and around his eyes. He looks older than his actual age. He nods to an empty chair and I motion for him to sit.

“Married, got a job, wife died and now I’m a widower with two grown kids.”

“I’m sad to hear of your loss. That must have been hard.”

“It wasn’t a good marriage by any means. I’m glad it’s over. Breast cancer that reoccurred and spread. The last year was brutal.” He shuddered.

“Oh, okay. Did you go to seminary after high school? Where do you work?”

He shook his head, blue eyes dull. “I gave up on God years ago. I work in a factory.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry.”

“How about you?”

“Oh, well, I did go to seminary and worked for awhile in ministry but kind of got burned out and took to writing.”

“Writing?”

“Yeah, I write inspirational fiction.”

“Oh, God is love and happily ever after type crap.”

I nod and then shake my head. I cringe at his dismal of my work. So much for my own dreams. “What brings you back to town?”

“I came to visit my buddy, Kurt. Remember him?”

“Yeah, I do.” Kurt was a sweet guy in high school. Big guy. Tried to date me and took me to the drive thru movie, Rocky. I spent the night swatting mosquitoes and avoiding him trying to put his arm around me. I think it took him a few hours the next day to clean off his windshield but he gave up on dating me and settled for friendship instead.

“Came to visit. Only problem is he keeps trying to get me to turn back to God.”

“And what’s wrong with that? It’s something you would have done had you stayed the course.”

He smiled and grunted. “Yeah, you’re probably right. So where are you at now? Married? I don’t see a wedding ring.”

I look down at the mother of pearl ring I wear. “I stopped wearing my ring years before he left me. I thought he loved God but it turned out to be an act. He knew about God but didn’t have a relationship with God. He left me for someone younger, thinner and prettier. A year later he dumped her too.”

“I’m sorry. You deserved better than that.”

“It’s sweet of you to say so.”

“Maybe you and I could do dinner sometime? I’m in town for the week and even after that I only live three hours south.”

My heart skipped a beat and I bit my lip. This was the kind of thing I had hoped for years ago. That mythical reunion of lost souls finding one another in love after too many years apart. But the years have, I hope, helped me grow in wisdom. “I appreciate the offer but I’m going to have to decline.”

“Got someone else on the hook?”

“No. There’s no one else, but Jesus.”

He stepped back as if I had slapped him. He looked away and then down to his feet. “Oh.”

“I got burned once, Paul, but I had been deceived. I’m not going to fall into that again knowing how you feel about my faith.”

“But…”

“No buts. I would rather be alone and grounded in my faith, than in a relationship with you or anyone else that would make me choose.”

I watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed the truth of what I was saying.

“Well, then I guess it’s been nice seeing you.” He rose to his fee and turned to walk away.

“Yeah, Paul, it’s been nice.” And eye opening. I rise, slip my coat on, grab my purse and head to my car and home. Alone, but content, because sometimes a dead dream is better to walk away from than try to resurrect.