Author Confessions: The Gift of Quality Time

If you’ve ever studied The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, you might know that one of them is quality time. That is one of my top love languages and I will often go out of my way to connect with people via one-on-one connections. However, if I offer a potential new friend my contact information or suggest connecting face to face and they aren’t responsive when I ask to set a time/date/location, then I let it go. I’m not that important to them and that’s fine. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea.

Since I’ve moved, I will easily make the forty-five minute drive back to my hometown to connect one on one with a friend, or family. I don’t mind the drive and figure friendships are worth the sacrifice of time. A few years ago, my husband and I drove cross county, over 1,200 miles from Wisconsin to Houston Texas, to connect with a friend, although maybe next time I’ll fly!

A few weeks ago I had a birthday and my daughter texted a few days before saying she wanted to connect, in my town. I felt so honored that she would make time and drive to have a little lunch with me and see our house-in-progress. Then a few days later, another friend made the drive and took me to lunch, even looking for a place that I hadn’t tried before (and was wonderful). We got to sit and talk for long time. She made me a lovely birthday gift and I will think of her every time I use it, which will be often.

Two times in one week, people who love me showed that love by coming to spend time with me. Quality time. What a gift.

When I write, most of the best interaction between characters are in person, face-to-face interactions. Not just phone calls, social media posts, and text messages. Since Covid, we’ve become less inclined to do that in real life because we’ve become too comfortable with the distance. We sacrifice love for the sake of perceived safety. In a novel, those personal interactions are where people can go deeper in their understanding of one another.

When my husband and I are busy with all of our projects, sometimes I have to tell him that I need that quality time, away from the house, where we can talk about a lot of things, not the urgent work that sometimes takes priority. We regularly spend an hour at night talking before we go to sleep and I treasure that connection. Quality time is an essential part of our marriage.

I spend time reading the Bible and journaling every morning. It struck me that while I might think I’m really great at coming to meet with God, and it is, there’s more. Sure, I want to grow closer to Him. I want to grow in my faith and knowledge of God. In wisdom. I find that my time with God makes my day better.

I was missing something more important. God comes to meet with me. From heaven to earth, through the Holy Spirit, it might not be forty-five miles, and it’s more than 1,200. It is a distance I cannot fathom. Because of Jesus and His death on the cross, and the gift of the Holy Spirit indwelling, I have the honor of God meeting with me at great cost to Himself. I started taking it for granted. I’d lost the wonder of how miraculous and what a gift that God, the Creator of the universe would drop everything to meet with me any time I call upon Him, because He dwells within me by His Spirit. What a mind-boggling gift!

I don’t expect my friends to travel long distances to meet with me. Maybe I don’t feel like I’m worthy of that even though I will gladly do that for them. God loves me even more than that.

How far have you traveled to give the gift of quality time to someone? Do you have friends you would go to great lengths to go to spend time with them? How about God? Are you treasuring the time with Him? My depth of appreciation has deepened for the time I spend with God, since to real life humans reminded me, just by showing me their love, that the gift of quality time is precious.