Author Confessions: We all have Blind Spots
When my son was taking his driver’s test, he failed because he forgot to check his blind spots. Funny how technology helps with that now. My newer vehicle will flash a light on my door to let me know a car is coming up on that side. Even with that, if I were going to make a lane change I should still look to make sure there is no one sneaking up on me.
Personally, and as authors, we all have our blind spots. So do our characters.
The Johari Window is a visual way to consider just how open a person you are. We all have secrets and obviously with certain people we will be more open and vulnerable in sharing our inner world. Not everyone is a safe person to do this with so caution is sometimes warranted, especially in newer relationships.
As you can see on the left there are four areas of our personal life. That which is open and people can see and we are willing to share with others – known you and the other person. The bottom left quadrent is hidden. You know those parts yourself but you haven’t shared them with others. The bottom right, unknown quadrant our inability to see all of our inner self. Of course, God sees and knows all of it whether we chose to be open with Him or not. Nothing is hidden from him. The fourth and final quadrant, the upper right, is the blind area. This is where you don’t know, but others do.
A fun example might be when someone points out you are wearing two different color socks. They saw it but you didn’t realize because you got dressed in the dark. they point out that blind spot to you and as a result the open area expands to the right.
When we are in a close relationship with someone there can be more sharing and the open box can grow as we share the hidden things of our heart with them and they point out our blind spots: errors, quirks, attitudes, mistakes, and maybe even sins or iniquities, the unintentional stuff that might offend someone without our realizing it.
When we are in a relationship that is safe, we can share our treasures, those thoughts, feelings, experiences that matter deepest to us and thus expand the open area. Someone who has been traumatized, might find the open area shrinks as they protect themselves from further abuse.
As an author, my characters need to have these four as well, although sometimes the writer might cue the reader in on the blind or unknown quadrants and forshadow that aha moment when the character is exposed to that new information.
I need safe people in my life to show me my blind spots.
Telling someone they are overweight is typically not helping someone with a blind spot, although I had a friend who revealed to me that she had no idea she had a weight problem before doctors told her she needed to do something about it. Most people are aware of those kinds of things.
Someone who is angry might drive fast without realizing it. That blind spot might be revealed when they are pulled over and get a ticket.
Most blinds spots should be exposed gently if possible. I’ve done teaching and told people to please let me know privately if they see something offensive in me, so I can grow. In other words, be considerate in how you share my blind spot with me, but also, I’m giving you permission to share because I’m trusting that you will have my best interests at heart.
That’s a pretty bold statement.
Psalm 19:12 says “Who can discern his errors? Acquit me of hidden faults.” God sees it all the blind and unknown parts of us.
Job 13:23, asks: “How many iniquities and sins have I committed? Reveal to me my transgression and sin.”
We cannot grow if the Lord doesn’t show us where we need to grow. The truly hidden parts and the blind spots. Sometimes God uses human beings to help us with this.
Caution
Not every person who tells you about a blind spot or confronts you with what they perceive is sin in your life, is trustworthy or honest. Sometimes people will blame us for their own shortcomings. Other times they tell us things to stop us from God’s plan, possibly out of jealousy.
Response to Hard Criticism/Blind Spots
There are a few things I’ve done when I’ve gotten hard criticism that was something I hadn’t heard before. How can I tell if it’s really a blind spot?
- In the moment, I thank them for their feedback. Oh, this is difficult when the punch comes hard at you.
- If I’m not sure it’s true, I might ask them for specifics. Give me an example of what I did wrong.
- Pray about it.
- If I still can’t quite accept that this is true of myself, I might check it with a close friend. I’ve had people attribute things to me that I didn’t believe were true and sometimes a close confidant can shed light on why it might be that way. I didn’t actually do anything wrong, however, it might have been interpreted differently by that person. Sometimes people will assign motives to you that are simply untrue.
- If I really have erred and hurt someone via a blind spot, I apologize and ask the Holy Spirit to help me change.
Psalm 139:22-24 states: Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the everlasting way. Ultimately any blind spot or perceived iniquities need to be brought to God. If it isn’t true than I can trust that God knows my heart and that is more important than anyone’s opinion.
We all have blind spots and only someone arrogant or narcissitic will refuse to accept that truth. Trust me. I’ve met some of them. I’d rather let God help me grow by showing me those areas I’m unaware of. I may not know what I don’t know, but He can slowly reveal those things to me and I’m glad He doesn’t overwhelm me with my failings as that would be too much to bear. I’m grateful for a compassionate and loving God who loves me as I am but doesn’t let me stay there, but continues to grow me in holiness through His Holy Spirit.
As an author, this is helpful as well as I see how soon a character might reveal secrets to another person. This is why the information dump in the first few pages is a poor choice, as the reader wants to get to know the character along with the others in the story and that is a process that takes time, but is worth the effort.
As an editor, when I see something an author is doing that isn’t the best, I assume it’s a blind spot and use it as a teaching moment as some have done for me along the way. Being light and not accusatory goes a long way to soothing the sting of an edit where they did something wrong but were unaware of it. We all have blind spots in our writing, partially because we love our stories so it be hard to be objective.
How about you? Have you been exposed to blind spots? How has that impacted you?