Tag Archive | Root Beer and Roadblocks

Author Confessions: To Be or not to Be

Oct21
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confessions: To Be or not to Be

I was at a writer’s group years ago and another writer told me that we should avoid any version of “be” words: is, am/be, was/were/would.

That’s kind of like deleting the word “the” isn’t it? If you remember my blog post from September 2, 2024, I talked about all the kinds of verbs. The “be” verbs are helping verbs. Like many words, these verbs can be overused but do not need to be eliminated completely.

There are some reasons why you might modify these verbs. I will try to use real examples from my novel Root Beer and Roadblocks to see if I can improve on anything.

Stronger Verb is Available

Sometimes be verbs help along another verb, but occasionally there are other, tighter options.

What I wrote: The morning was a rush to get David off to school and make it to the oncology clinic on time. 

Another option: She rushed that morning to get David off to school and make it to the oncology clinic on time.  

Now that didn’t involve a different verb, just a different emphasis. The reality is a morning can’t be rushed. It is simply a morning. However as people we can be. So if I were to revise this novel that might be a better way to phrase it. Not bad the way it was but slightly tighter with the revision.

What I wrote: The bigger question was—did she have the courage to confess the truth to Johnny?

Another option: The bigger question remained—did she have the courage to confess the truth to Johnny?  Definitely using a stronger verb here.

Avoiding Passive Voice

My software used to warn me about passive voice and I’m not always the best at recognizing it. Some things are easier for some writers than others. Not all instances of passive voice should be shunned. Sometimes they are appropriate. However, the desire in fiction is for a more active voice. You can do a check on that through Grammarly if you download that to your computer (they have a free version) but I’ve found it not to be entirely accurate. If you question a phrase you can put it into a passive voice checker.

Avoiding “to be” or “was” can help eliminate passive voice but not even that is a perfect rule.

What I wrote: She took the clothes away to be washed, leaving Khloe to explore under David’s watchful eye.  (this is passive voice)

Another option: She left to wash the clothes, leaving Khloe to explore under David’s watchful eye.

Caution: There are many uses of to be that are not passive voice so eliminating them all is not the point. Minimizing passive voice is probably something I should cover in another post, but it really is not something I’m great at. (All the more reason for me to explore it, right?)

When to Avoid Changing a Be verb: 

When it changes the tense of the sentence as in continuous action verses past tense.

What I wrote: Johnny came out to schedule his next appointment, and Katie was at the desk.

Better option: Johnny came out to schedule his next appointment, and Katie was sitting at the desk.  This might have been a better way for me to write that sentence since it was a continuing action. She hadn’t just sat down. To say she sat at the desk could have been misleading.

When you might be substituing another overused verb.

What I probably wrote in a first draft: She felt overwhelmed with the number of people, but David stuck close and kept her up to date as to who was who. Felt is an often overused word and personally I’d prefer the was to the overused verb like felt.

What I wrote: She was overwhelmed with the number of people, but David stuck close and kept her up to date as to who was who. Even better would have been to describe what that experience was like physically and emotionally for her. (The Emotion Thesaurus!)

When it simply reads better with the be verb. As with any of the things an author can consider, readability is always king and if any version of “be” is appropriate and nothing else satisfies, then keep it.

What I wrote: He knelt down to embrace all three kids. Apolo was stuck in the middle.  I honestly cannnot figure out a better way to write that except to perhaps have him be squished which would be a more descriptive verb.

This obviously was bare bones but to be or not to be is a question that authors sometime need to wrestle with and oftentimes it isn’t as high on the list of things to worry about when writing, especially the first draft. The final version of Root Beer and Roadblocks contained:

  • 758 instances of was,
  • 197 instances of were,
  • 162 instances of to be (mostly without being passive),
  • 407 of be,
  • 31 of am,
  • 350 of is, and
  • 323 of would. 

Compare that to other often used words in that novel:

  • 2,982 uses of the
  • 1,735 use of a
  • 165 uses of an
  • 523 uses of as

The be verbs cannot be completely eliminated because as helping verbs they make things click well and most readers don’t really even see those words. When I used to use AutoCrit these were not words they even flagged to be on the watch out for. Still, it’s worth having the discussion of to be or not to be and in most instances I’ll stand in favor of be words.

 

 

The Human Factor In Root Beer and Roadblocks

Mar1
Reading Time: 4 minutes

rootbeerandroadblocks_300The path to publishing isn’t always a smooth ride. Today Root Beer & Roadblocks finally released in ebook form. A new publisher has meant a learning curve for author and editors alike. (The print version should be available in another week).

This is not the first time I’ve had a book delayed and to be honest- the delay (or roadblock!) was at my request. I wanted extra eyes on the manuscript but that takes time. I’m grateful my publisher didn’t rush to get the book out on deadline only to find it filled with some mistakes.

Funny thing is – even with me going over this with a fine-tooth comb many times, as well as my editor, copyeditor, three proofreaders, and my publisher, none of us found the same things wrong. We all saw things differently. So there is a chance that you could pick up this book and find something wrong as well that all of us missed in spite of the multiple times it’s been evaluated.

But that’s the point, isn’t it? We’re human. Flawed. Even with software programs that can help find errors the human factor can still influence things. My hope is that if you choose to read Johnny’s story, you’ll get so caught up in the journey he takes that anything that crosses your path, will be immediately forgotten as you read on. I wanted to give you a sneak peek into the first pages of the book.

February 2014

          Johnny jogged to his car and grabbed his Bible. Fatigue weighed him down as he locked the sedan, the book tucked under his arm. Heading back toward the church, a movement caught his attention. A little boy from his Sunday school classroom escaped his mother’s grasp and bolted his way, blind to a car backing out of its spot.

       “David, stop!” Johnny bolted and managed to get behind the moving vehicle to shove the child out of the way. The rear bumper struck his own leg and knocked him to the ground.

         The car’s wheels stopped just short of running him over. Thank you, Lord, for big tank cars with huge trunks. The child cried, and a woman picked up the boy. “It’s OK, David, you’ve only scraped your palms. This nice man saved you. How many times must I tell you not to run in parking lots? You are too small for cars to see you.” She hugged the little boy tight.

             Johnny dragged his legs out from under the car and struggled to his feet, bracing himself against the trunk to catch his breath. The elderly woman, who had been behind the wheel, toddled around to him. “Are you OK? I’m sorry. I didn’t see him. You moved so fast.”

          Johnny nodded. “No one would have seen him. It was an accident.” He patted her on the shoulder before he limped across the parking lot. Pain seared through his hip and leg with every step he took. Reaching the curb, he sank down to the cement, thankful it was clear of snow.

           His cousin Niko ran out of the church and knelt by his side. “Johnny, what happened?”

          “He rescued my son from getting run over by a car that was backing out. He took the hit.” A woman wearing a stocking cap and winter coat came up behind Niko with the weepy boy in her arms rubbing his eyes.

              Johnny shrugged. “What she said.”

             “You OK? Do we need to call an ambulance?‛ Niko’s gaze bore into him. The greater unspoken question loomed.

              Teeth gritted in pain, Johnny returned his cousin’s stare. “I want to sit through worship. You’re on stage in a few minutes. Help me inside. I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow. It can wait until then.” He motioned for Niko to help him rise, and he did. The older woman came up to him and handed him a piece of paper.

                 “Here is my name, phone, and insurance information. Do you want to call the police and file a report? I wouldn’t blame you if you did.” Her arthritic, wrinkled hands were clenched tightly together as if in petition for mercy.

                “I doubt that’s necessary. Thank you, May.” He took the paper and shoved it in his shirt pocket. David’s mom passed him his Bible, which he’d dropped. The leather was brushed clean.

“Are you sure you’re OK? I’m a nurse. I could take a look.” Her face instantly turned three shades of red as she realized her inspection would involve him taking off his jeans.

               Johnny smiled and leaned forward. “In my younger days, that would have been an offer too good to pass up, but I visit my doctor tomorrow. It’ll wait.”

 

Here’s a video – instrumental of Burlap to Cashmere’s song “Dialing God.” The guy on the right is the real-life Johnny that I based this character on. Enjoy!

 

Interview with Nikolos Acton from Feta & Freeways

Jan23
Reading Time: 3 minutes

uomoI’m excited. Feta & Freeways was the third book in my Orchard Hill Romance series but in a couple of weeks Root Beer & Roadblocks releases. I figured it would be nice for you to get to know my leading man, Nikolos Acton. He leads vocals and plays acoustic guitar for a band called Specific Gravity. Welcome, Niko!

Niko: Thanks for having me. I thought this was going to be an interview with the full band?

Susan: I decided to interview you alone.

FetaandFreewaysCover copyNiko: Alone. Hard to be that way traveling around the country with a bunch of guys.

Susan: Guys?

Niko: Oh, and Tia, she’s our manager.

Door opens. Johnny Marshall, Niko’s cousin Johnny peeks in.

Johnny: What’s  going on?

Susan: I’m interviewing Niko about the book Feta & Freeways .

Johnny: I really liked that story.

Niko: Only because you got me into trouble with Tia.

Johnny: You deserved it, being so blind to her all those years.

Niko: I will get you back.

Johnny: (laughing) I’m sure you’ll try.

Susan: Boys…interview?

Johnny: So Niko, what lesson did you learn in this story?

Susan: Johnny–

Johnny sits down next to Niko and nudges him in the shoulder. 

Niko: No. That’s okay. It’s a good question. I think I realized I was taking a lot for granted in my life. God had blessed me and I acted almost entitled to that. I didn’t really lack anything.

Johnny: And then you almost lost the most important thing.

Curly young woman portrait, outdoors, close-up, positive attitude, smiling.

Niko: She is amazing, isn’t she? I’m glad I had another chance. I’m glad that I got a happily ever after.

Johnny: For now… life does go on, you know, filled with ups and downs.

Niko: You know that better than anyone.

Johnny: Right, like your relationship with Tia was a walk in the park.

Niko: We took a few walks . . .

Johnny: Do you think we’ll get back to touring again?

Niko: Kind of depends on what happens with you.

Johnny :(frowns) Yeah, well I had my shot at happiness and blew it. I’ve given up on those dreams.

Niko: I don’t think God’s given up on you, though. Tia and I don’t plan to let you give up.

rootbeerandroadblocks_300Susan: When I finished Feta &  Freeways I was surprised at the curve ball that had come Johnny’s way so I was compelled to write him his own story. I called it Root Beer & Roadblocks. While Johnny goes through some difficulties I can promise He gets a happily ever after ending. Wanna see your book cover, Johnny? I thought my publisher did an awesome job.

Johnny: Sure. Why not? I look forward to hearing about what journey you took me on. Wow. I like that cover. I remember Tia giving me shades to wear and that stocking cap. She didn’t want me to outshine my cousin, Niko.

Niko: Give it up. She always loved me best anyway.

Johnny: Who? Tia or Susan?

Niko: Well, Tia of course, loved me best. But Susan? Susan, who do you love best?

bassista si esibisce al mare<Susan has left the room> 

Johnny: Obviously me. Had to be me.

Niko: I wouldn’t be so sure about that.

Johnny: Has to be – she saved the best story for last.

Niko: You do realize she’s written other books after this, right? And neither of us are the main characters?

Johnny: No way. Susan? Where did she go? Susan? Come on. You love me best, right?

Note: Burlap to Cashmere was the inspiration for the story – as were the lead singer Steven and his cousin Johnny (although Johnny usually plays guitar he does some keys in this video). You’ll also see Theodore here, their drummer. This is a song from them off their self-titled album where you can see – and hear the amazing vocals.