The other night, my husband and I were reading through a devotional Bible and it asked a question about putting up with the idiosyncracies of your spouse. We chuckled. When he saw one photo of me in my bio in an online dating sight before we’d met in person, he thought I was wacky.

I joke it was truth in advertising. 

I’m weird. I embrace that. Normal, typical are not words that define me or my life. 

During our wedding the pastor who had known me for many years mentioned that I was quirky and Ben would have to deal with that.

My man, for all his past business successes, is a goofball. He loves to joke around and make people smile. He makes me laugh every day. Sometimes the jokes are corny. “If you want better jokes, you have to pay better,” is his response. The silliness that emerges from him often amazes us both and continues to give us each joy in our days even when circumstances are difficult.

Both of us has past trauma from previous relationships. It’s not uncommon for my husband to ask, “Why do you treat me so well?” He’s not used to being affirmed, welcomed home warmly, and encouraged in his many endeavors, and to be listened to as he explains his plans. Much of that I don’t fully comprehend but I do try. Sometimes, rarely, I even come up with suggestions that help propel him forward. Score one for the wife! 

My response to him is this: “If I ever get annoyed with you I step back and remember, this is who God made you to be. If I have a problem with that, the issue is me, not you.” Quirks and all I need to embrace who he is completely. Now, when he crosses a line I tell him. When he does something he thinks is playful and it hurts me, or offends me, I let him know. He may not have actually even done anything wrong, but due to my own past wounds sometimes I can get triggered. Ah the side-effects of abuse. 

The great thing is, when I do this, he changes his behavior. There are certain words we don’t use in our home because they cause hurt. They are not necessarily bad words in and of themselves. There are things he’s done that have unintentionally hurt me and I’ve let him know and he respects that. 

He has also let me know when I unintentionally let him down, that there was a need I didn’t perceive and failed to meet. Sometimes he comes home and is busy in the garage with a project. Instead of coming out to check on him I’ll just wait for him to come inside for dinner. He’d like me to check in on him. I’m somewhat lazy at times and don’t want to put on shoes or a coat (we live in Wisconsin and it is now winter) to be heading out there. Now, I try to pop in more. I always figured I might be bothering him or getting in the way of a project. But that’s a holdover from my own past. He’s never snapped at me for coming into the garage to see what he’s doing. He’s always been happy to see me and usually to explain what he’s working on. He may be an adult and retired, but he still likes an ataboy now and then. 

Don’t we all? 

When I feel like I’ve not lived up to some invisible standard in my mind, he affirms how much he admires the work I do even though it is often with a computer or words on a page. He works with his hands and gets dirty. He’s always creating something with metal that is functional and usually from scraps, which  becomes something usable and valuable. He was surprised one day when I told him I was amazed at how creative he is! He never thought of himself as creative. It may not be decorative but he solves problems and isn’t afraid of the hard work to get to the end result. That perseverance is impressive to me. He threatens to get a go-pro to video him working on projects. I think it would be great, but I already have way too much to do to be adding editing his videos for him! He’s not terribly tech-saavy. 

So what are your quirks? How do you handle the quirks of others? Can you embrace them as part of their uniqueness? It’s not always easy and sometimes the yuck from our own past gets in the way of being able to celebrate that part of someone, but it can help us understand, accept, and even love them better when we do.