author confession | Susan Baganz

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Author Confessions: Christmas Chaos

Maybe you can relate. I’m late writing this because on Saturday (when I should have been writing) I was working on a gift for later this month. Today I realized it is being shipped to my old address so had to text the new owner. It is possible it might get sent back as I don’t know if USPS will do a mail forwarding on a package given to it by UPS.

Christmas chaos.

I tried paying my credit card bills to stay ahead of them and one I couldn’t even get on to the website no matter what browser I used. I’m kind of mad at them but even more so that I can’t pay off my card to make sure I have enough credit for the needs of the next few weeks. On top of that I’m already panicking about getting LLC end-of-the-year paperwork ready for our accountant in January.

Christmas chaos.

I made Christmas gifts but need to find tune them because it was something I’d never done before and I kind of messed them up a bit. I’m a little afraid I’ll make them worse.

Christmas chaos.

This month has a lot of special dates in it. My daughter’s birthday, and her graduation from her trade school course. Special Christmas programs, our family Christmas gathering, our wedding anniversary, and of course, Christmas. Add doctor appointments etc… Oh, and one family member won’t come to the family gathering because apparently I said something bad about his family. Not sure what it was (or when) but I love the unhealthy triangulation of complaining to my Mom instead of to me (where is a sarcasm font when you need it?). All of my siblings have said disparaging things about me and my family over the years…some of it justified! I didn’t skip seeing them over that. I think I’m more of a convenient excuse as they have better plans. I get to be the scapegoat. Funny things is, initially we weren’t even going to be able to attend due to a scheduled surgery for my husband that got postponed.

Christmas chaos.

We have a renter who we try to help out but there’s been a lack of time for relationship between busyness as well as unrealistic and undercommunicated expecations. I want to try to play peacemaker but with two strong people going different direections at the speed of light, how do I get them to sit down, stop moving, and actually listen and care for the other person?

Christmas chaos.

We just got hit with a winter storm that wasn’t as bad as forcasted but still threw people into a frenzy of shopping for Christmas as well as supplies to hibernate if need be. We had no trouble getting dinner out on Saturday night because of this which is a rarety for us. Don’t worry, the roads weren’t too bad and my SUV has AWD and we took it SLOW. Unfortunately, the basement for our house probably has a foot of snow in it.

Christmas chaos.

The snow was beautiful though on the trees! Sunday morning church was light on people as many still needed to dig out.

Christmas chaos.

At my birthday party this last summer someone gave me a plaquc, that of course is packed away now, but says “In the middle of the chaos there was Jesus.”

Jesus came into a world of chaos. Census, pregnancy outside of wedlock, political turmoil, escaping death by running to Egypt.

We’d like to think of Christmas as a time of peace and good will to all men, but it wasn’t then, and likely won’t be now if we consider outside circumstances. Giving birth is messy and painful, and usually not quiet. Shepherds awakened by angels heralding his birth were not quiet and was quite disturbing! And having those shepherds show up in the middle of the night to see your baby? Unbelievable–but it happened.

Christmas chaos.

Jesus was born into a world of chaos and He alone understands how that all impacts us today. Scripture refers to Him as the Prince of Peace. Where is this peace though? The reality is that it is found in Jesus alone, in a relationship with Him. In the midst of the chaos of our inner and outer lives, He longs to bring us the calm. The peace. The hope that there is something better to have in the present and our future as we grow in our relationship with Him.

Maybe you needed that reminder today as well to seek out the Prince of Peace in the midst of a Christmas Chaos that centers not around gifts, family squabbles, or all the concerts and special occassions, but on Him and Him alone. Let Jesus be the calm in your Christmas chaos.

Author Confessions: When Discouragement Hits Hard

I have struggled with depression pretty much all my life. Even with medication there are days when it can hit hard. Add winter in Wisconsin and the lack of sunshine, Seasonal Affective Disorder can get mixed up in there. I’ve learned to relax into that reality and make adjustments when the energy level sinks and my body indicates it needs more rest than activity, or conversely, needs connection more than isolation.

I had a challenging November. Somehow with lots of extra free form writing I managed to finish National Novel Writing month (Nanowrimo.org). Lots of words to be deleted from that document! The story wasn’t finished but I’m hoping that it will be soon so I can start working on the editing process.

Surgery for me the week before Thanksgiving, and then last Wednesday, surgery for my husband, makes for challenges to navigate.

With all the chaos of November, I didn’t get my December marketing done and I will confess I was discouraged with the reality that only one person who read my latest Christmas novella, I’ll be Gnome for Christmas, wrote a review. I did a Facebook live for the first time to promote the book—and no one showed up. I understand. We are all busy!

I have to do some reevaluating again… Why do I write? It is a calling I believe, but is it really having an impact in this crazy world? It’s not a financial boon in any way for our family. It is a sacrifice of discipline getting my butt in that chair and hands on a keyboard to come up with a story, and fashion characters out of thin air that hopefully will relate a message of hope and faith, and maybe even fun that will entertain and encourage a reader. Or show them a true, vital faith that can be theirs.

Obviously, I am writing this post on one of the lower days. Healing takes energy and can make me tired but that can compound the feelings of discouragement if not depression! And honestly, at the moment I’m writing this, I’m more discouraged than anything.

This isn’t a pity party. No one comes when anyone hosts those! I’m writing an honest confession that authors face. Discouragement. Does what I do matter? If I stopped writing stories would anyone care?

The better question I need to be really asking is: What is GOD calling me to do? After all, it’s only HIS opinion that matters. More than any and book reviews or sales are not any validation of HIS call when the work of the heart is something He is only aware of. And that, my friends, is only a question He can answer. Many of the people in Scripture who were following God’s lead faced these same issues.

How do handle it when discouragement hits hard? I’d love to hear about it.