Tag Archive | great books

Author Confessions: A Firm Foundation (Part II)

Oct27
Reading Time: 2 minutes

Author Confessions: A Firm Foundation (Part II)

In my previous post I started musing about the physical building of a home and how that relates primarily to faith and the church. It was too long so I divided it up and am continuing it here. You can go back and read it here if you missed it.

I wrote about how certain things need to be added to a foundation (physical) as well as spiritual to make it solid and firm.

On the flip side, you can’t add things to faith as essential that God didn’t intend. You can’t add things that are not spelled out in Scripture as esssential to salvation. Issues like worship styles or whether you have drums or not are more the decorations in the house than they are the foundation.

We can get so hung up on things that are not essential that we miss the point that the church is to be unified which gives it strength and power to carry out it’s mission on this earth. How you want to dress it up is fine, but when you add to those foundational issues, it can weaken the foundation.

I’m being deliberately vague here because I don’t want to point out what I might perceive as thelogical flaws in some churches or denominations. We are currently searching for a church home, so it is essential for us to focus on the solid theology. Of course, there are a lot of other things that can bring down a home, or a church  that have nothing to do with the foundation, and those cracks as it were, or flaws in the building, are not so easily discernable.

We all need wisdom to build our faith, marriage, family and churches. Not just physically but spiritually.

On a lighter note, realize that it is the combination of elements (like Paul talking about parts of the body) that make up a house. We need all the parts. Not just rocks but also gravel and sand. However, even a tiny pebble in your shoe can irritate and cause a blister. A large rock in your path can become a stumbling block.

The church works best when it is bound together, strong and immovable, in Christ, and empowered by the Holy Spirit binding us together. When we think we can go it alone, we might be doing more damage than good.

So where are the cracks in your personal foundation of faith? How can you work to make that a firm foundation to live from?

 

Author Confessions: Relationships Are Messy

Jun9
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: Relationships Are Messy

Does that statement seem more like a “duh” to you? It does to me. As an author we want to have conflict and obstacles for a relationship to face as a story progresses. We want the characters to struggle in their relationships. Kind of sad that we don’t want to read smooth, conflict-free, stories when we were initially created for that kind of life in the Garden of Eden. I can’t imagine how this will play out in heaven when conflict and struggle is all we know down here.

We all come to relationships with a history of good and bad, sometimes trauma, physical, spiritual, or emotional wounds (or all of the above). We come with a family culture that is likely unique from faith, traditions, language, and even the foods we eat. Our neigbhorhoods might be different from others. We might even dress or look different. Our finanical status will impact the quality of life we experience and the kinds of resources that are available to us.

This is why those from a similar cultural upbringing might have an easier time than those from totally foreign experiences. That doesn’t guarantee if you marry someone of the same skin tone, faith, school background and family background and even genetics, that you will be conflict free.

We are so unique in so many ways that it really is a miracle when people can get a long at all. We are emotional people as well and the way we are wired is not identical to anyone else even if you can fit in a similar Meyers-Briggs catagory. I have three close friends and we all share the same Meyer’s Briggs type – but we are still so very different from each other.

I was watching Doc Martin a while back and his wife struggled with how different Martin was but finally had to realize that there is no one who is truly “normal” and trying to completely change him without considering that she might have some flaws to iron out as well, was difficult for her to come to grips with. She finally did.

Appreciating someone for the unique person they are does not mean excusing sin or enabling destructive behaviors.

An author has to take this all into account while writing a story. Sometimes it is the quirkiest characters that people love the most. Maybe that is because all of us have some quirks and can relate to feeling different at times.

If we think any relationship is going to avoid conflict and the need to navigate difficulty, we are delusional. It is what makes stories so much fun to read, but in real life it is rarely comfortable or fun. Often when we face someone else’s personality rubbing ours the wrong way, we need to look at ourselves to figure out how much of that is them–and how much is us.

Not everyone is going to be a friend. Even so that doesn’t mean we need to be disrespectful to them, even if for our own sanity we need to avoid or limit our interactions with them. That is a tricky balancing act: preserve our emotional well-being while trying to be respectful. Boundaries can be hard to execute but we need to do that and be clear about those limits where possible. It’s OK to protect yourself in any interaction.

It’s a miracle that after traumatic pasts, both my husband and I generally get along well and enjoy each other’s company. When life is stressful, or someone is in pain, or doesn’t get enough rest, or is hangry (angry due to hunger) it can definitely complicate our interactions. It would be nice if we could all just totally get what is going on inside someone’s head, but I guarantee mine is sometimes a dumpster fire and not pretty.

So why do I bring this up? Because in our fantasies the right person in our life will make everything perfect. We deny the accomodations, the negotiations, along with everything else that goes into a relationship. We need to be real because sin has impacted every aspect of this world. It seperated us from God but can also drive a wedge in between us and people we care about. Navigating all of that takes humility, prayer, and effort.

Do you agree that relationships are messy? How do you navigate that in your own life? What kind of characters are you drawn to in fiction and how messy are their lives?