Tag Archive | thoughts

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Fear

Dec30
Reading Time: 5 minutes

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Fear

Yes, I know it’s the end of the year so why couldn’t I write something more uplifting than about fear? It’s what was on my mind.  Why is fear dangerous?

When I was in my undergraduate classes, I had a professor challenge us to spend a few days being paranoid about everything. This wasn’t an assignment we turned in. The next week at class he asked us how it went. I informed him that I refused to do the assignment.

“Why?” he asked.

“Because I believe that if I start trying to look at the world that way it could easily become a habit—one I do not want.”

He nodded his head and acknowledged that my reason was wise.

I used to work with adults who suffered from chronic paranoid schizophrenia. Some heard voices that weren’t there. Most of the time these voices were mean and inspired fear. Living with this kind of illness and the fear that accompanies it, is a hell of it’s own.

Now paranoid schizophrenia is an extreme. Of course, there are various other phobias people can have and some area situational. Fear of heights. Fear of snakes. Fear of flying….

In some cases, those are protective. I have begun to realize I’m not really afraid of heights. I’m afraid of falling from that height. When I realize that and need to fight that fear I can take steps to see that I’m safe. OK. Let’s be honest. Falling isn’t the real problem. It’s the landing.

While schizophrenia is a mental illness with what we can best determine to be a chemical change in the brain that happens under stress, usually in the late teens or early 20’s, it is forgivable when someone suffers from this.

It struck me lately that I battle my own fears. In spite of my noble refusal to act paranoid lest I become fearful defense given to my professor, I have lapsed into that kind of thinking quite unintentionally.

Most of those fears are future oriented. The events haven’t happened. When my husband had surgery recently, we had talked candidly about the “what if’s” beforehand all the while praying that the outcome would be good.

I didn’t sleep well the night before. He came through surgery fine, and it wasn’t until we were heading home that I wanted to cry. Sure, I hadn’t had enough sleep so that certainly was a factor.. It had snowed and the roads were slick, another stressor. I was also recovering from my own surgery. However, at the core of those tears was the realization that I had been more fearful of losing my husband than I had thought. I was so grateful he had come through that so well.

Matthew 6:34 says: “…don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” This is after reminding the reader that God is in control of all the things we tend to worry about: food, shelter, clothing, and even our lives.

The phrase “fear not” appears in the Bible 170 times.

1 Peter 5:6-7 says: “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your care on Him, because He cares about you.”

Philippians 4:6 says: “Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise—dwell on these things.”

Notice that Scripture doesn’t just say “don’t worry or don’t be anxious, or do not be afraid,” It gives us a cure. I mentioned in another post that Jesus was the first cognitive behavioral therapist, and this is again what happens. The anxiety we feel, comes from the thoughts we have, and often when we are anxious our thoughts of God are not worthy of Who He is.  2 Timothy 1:7 states: For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.

Someone reminded me recently that when I am anxious about things in the future, like the plans we have for 2025, it robs me of being present here and now. All my focus is on what might go wrong instead of thinking about what is true right now, today. The good, the honorable, the just, the pure, the lovely, whatever is commendable, moral excellence, anything worthy of praise. And to be grateful.

This gets back to what I started out with. If I focus on all the things that are wrong or scary and think in a paranoid manner, then I will develop a habit. Not quite as serious as a paranoid schizophrenic, but still problematic. When I fail to focus on God, right now, and trust who HE says He is, then I’m slipping into the sin of unbelief.

Isn’t God big enough to help me through if something goes wrong in any of the areas I tend to obsess about in my mind in an unproductive way? I don’t usually spend time thinking about losing my husband because I don’t want to take away from the joy of the moments where he is with me now, making memories, laughing, and living a life of gratitude for the God Who brought us together.

The same applies for other areas where there are going to be choices and changes in 2025. I have little control of how much of that unfolds, yet God is already there. I can put my trust in Him.

Just like some might say that anger or lust are “sins”, which I debunk in previous posts: fear, worry, or anxiety are not either. They are emotions that God has given. In some instances, like a fear of heights, theyccan be helpful to protect us. If they are keeping us from living a full life in Christ however, we might need help to get past those fears that are not logical, or even real.

I’m not shaming anyone who struggles with anxiety. Some of that could be due to a chemical imbalance (like some have with too much coffee!). We all experience them. It’s what we do with them that matters. Being anxious or fearful will not keep you from heaven when we are submitting our lives to Jesus Christ, but those emotions can keep us from experiencing the peace and joy He offers us.

Luke 2:10-11 recalls the moments after Jesus’s birth when shepherds heard the news from angels: “But the angel said to them, “Don’t be afraid, for look, I proclaim to you good news of great joy that will be for all the people: Today a Savior, who is Messiah the Lord, was born for you in the city of David.”

Do not be afraid. Jesus came to the earth to bring us Himself as the punishment for all our sins. After He rose and ascended to heaven He gave us the Holy Spirit to indwell and help us on our journey home to be with the Lord. I want to fully experience that joy, don’t you? Then we can join the angels in singing, “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and peace on earth to people He favors!” The dangerous emotion of fear doesn’t need to be controlling us if we focus on Him.

How do you work through your fears and strive to be present in the everyday moments of life?

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Anger

Nov18
Reading Time: 5 minutes

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Anger

If you are not aware, I have a Masters degree in Couseling Psychology from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School in Deerfield, IL. I have worked in the field of mental health for several years with chronic mental illness clients on disability as well as served in various leadership capacities at my church in the past. I’ve also been on my own mental health journey (aren’t we all?). So how does that relate to writing? Because as an author I am responsible to be theologically biblical as I tell my stories and there are differing opinions on some key emotional concepts. I’m going to address one here and you can disagree with me if you wish but I’m honestly trying to be three things in this article 1) biblically true, 2) aware of my reader’s emotional wellbeing and 3) be brief. For that reason even though there are several of these emotions…I’ll be dealing with them seperately over a few posts.

I heard a teaching recently that made my blood boil. The preacher said that Jesus got angry and it was righteous anger and that was the only kind of anger that is permissible. In essence, if your anger is righteous, meaning you are angry about something that violates God’s law, then it is acceptable. All other anger is sin and destins you to hell.

For some reason, growing up, I had caught the concept that anger was sin. I won’t go into my family of orgin issues, but needless to say as a new believer at the age of fifteen, this caused some difficulty for me. Jesus was God, but He got angry. In my teenage mind that meant He sinned. This resulted in my stuffing down my feelings of hurt, frustration, and anger which then resulted in a variety of health issues. I didn’t understand that anger was an emotion that was part of the human condition because we were made in the image of God. My mind was blown when I finally grasped that Jesus didn’t sin! Whew!

So maybe you can understand why this teaching from the pulpit stirred my righteous indignation at a teaching that denies the very essence of a key part who God created us to be: emotional. This is a communicable attribute of God. We are created in HIS image and part of that is emotion, including anger.

Anger is mentioned 234 times in Scripture and the word angry is mentioned 44 times (based on Strong’s Concordance). The LORD repeatedly expressed anger towards His children who consistantly disobeyed the rules He set out to protect them. God has emotions. He created us with emotions. Those emotions are neither good nor bad, they just are.

Now let’s look a little closer at anger. Ephesians 4:26a states: Be angry, and yet do not sin. Wait. What? Anger is not a sin? It is only what you do with the anger that can be a sin. 

Let’s unpack the emotion of anger. Anger is often part of a continuum of emotions. Sometimes we are angry but it is really hurt or frustration. Anger can become rage. If you think of it as a continuum and expand the concept, anger encompasses a wider range of emotions, and in and of themselves, not a sin. Now if anger becomes rage and you start insulting someone, wishing them ill, or worse, seeking their destruction, then that is the sin.

In Matthew 5:22 it states: “But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be answerable to the court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be answerable to the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.”  In this instance the Greek word for anger means to provoke or enrage, or wrath. (Strongs Concordance, 3710). This is a strong anger. Rage. And we all, I hope, can recognize how deadly that can be. There isn’t a term “road rage” without cause.

Let’s go back to Matthew. In this passage, Jesus is speaking against murder, which consists of taking someone’s life and Jesus is taking the action and stating the very thought of that is also sin. Sounds reasonable doesn’t it? Sometimes when we think or feel things strongly, if we don’t confront those thoughts and emotions they can become actions. Jesus is expressing an early version of cognitive behavioral therapy here and going to the root of the issue: our thoughts. Thoughts precede emotion. What we think about something determines our emotions regarding that. Calling someone a derogatory name is also not really anger, it is pride. The person is exalting himself above the other and assuming a superior attitude.  2 Corinthians 10: 5 states: “We are destroying arguments and all arrogance raised against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” Again, another cognitive action because thoughts influence actions, including words.

Who hasn’t struggled with this? We all have have violated the Thou shalt not kill commandment, even in our thoughts. Thankfully, we can repent, change our thinking and by the power of the Holy Spirit, our hearts and emotions as well. Jesus’ death on the cross even covers this sin.

Let’s be honest here. We cannot control what thoughts come into our brain, but we can determine what we do about them. Our brain isn’t always telling us the truth either. We have been fed lies all our lives and some we make up our own. We are to line them up with Scripture and replace those lies with truth.

In summary, anger is not a sin. It is an emotion given to us by God. Anger is a signal to tell us something is wrong. Maybe it comes from hurt, or jealousy, or frustration. We can be angry at ourselves, innanimate objects and, of course, other people. But when we are angry with someone, if it is possible to do so we are to go them and work it out like Matthew 18:15-18 states we should do.

We always need to be discerning about who and what we listen to and evaluate everything against Scripture. However, if confronting the person is not possible, as in this instance, we can talk to God about it, process it without slandering an individual, and pray that God will open this person’s eyes and protect the innocent and less knowledgeble people who heard the message. I am not superior to this preacher by any stretch of the imagination, and I pray God will correct this man by the power of His Spirit. And I will not be listening to his false teaching.

How does this relate to writing? Obviously, my characters experience a range of emotions but I need to be clear where that crosses into sin. Even if I don’t use scripture, I can help a reader understand that our emotions are given to us by God, but we can work to overcome them leading us into sin.

It does grieve me the damage teachings like this does to people. This isn’t the only one. I’ll be dealing with lust next. The dangerous emotion of anger hopefully has been dispelled. Be angry and sin not is a process we all need to work on and with the power of the Holy Spirit we can be victorious. We can feel our emotions, confront the underlying thought, and move past it to freedom.

Mistakes

Sep8
Reading Time: 2 minutes

I have a tendency to be a klutz. I do weird things but not on purpose. They just happen. Words come out wrong. I might get confused and do something silly or stupid. Sometimes I am unaware of this.

Apparently this is quite funny to most people.

Sometimes I can laugh too.

But one part of depression involves mood and the other part involves thoughts. 

And sometimes the thoughts can beat me up pretty bad. I’m never quite sure what mistake is going to come to haunt me and my brain will ruminate on it. Yeah, obsessive thoughts can be part of depression as much as anxiety and physical pain. Lovely illness isn’t it?

And there can be a nice way to make fun of something . . . and then there can be a way to subtly humiliate and demean while making the joke. The first I handle pretty well. The second is adding salt to the wound.

Sure, even a paper cut can be brutal when you add that to it. Or maybe some lemon juice. Yeah. Ouch.

So maybe a mistake is small but the pain cuts deep.

And then there are the grace-givers. Those who can laugh at my mistake but say “You know, once I did this . . .” and make me feel normal again. Like I’m not the only human being on earth who does clumsy things. Or friends who are willing to speak truth and say, “Hey, Susan, that was pretty minor, but you sure are beating yourself up over that.”

So I’m grateful to the grace-givers. I’m thankful for those who know how to laugh with me instead of at me and at the same time let me know that as a fellow wanderer on this planet, I’m okay. Not perfect, but good enough because of who God made me to be.

Sometimes I wonder if God allows these instances to keep me humble. I don’t think he accepts the disrespect of some, but he keeps track so I really don’t have to. Still, it can hurt when little things become opportunities even a week later to rip a scab open for the purpose of making themselves feel better.

I’ve been a victim of verbal abuse in my past and now strive so hard to be the opposite. To be an encourager. But as my pastor told me, enouragers are sometimes those that are in desperate need of the most encouragement themselves. But in reality, like many other spiritual gifts (giving, mercy, faith, helps . . .) there is a level to which we are commanded to live out these characteristics in our faith. Gift or not.

But not everyone else is there yet and I suppose that’s where I need to be the grace-giver to those who pour salt on my failures. Sometimes I just don’t have the energy to do it so I avoid them. Sometimes letting my wounds heal is better than letting someone else pick at them for their own entertainment.

So if you are a grace-giver.  Thank you. Your words give life and healing that I for one, am grateful for.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSVeIUoA36Y