We sing songs about this being the most wonderful time of the year. Sure there is a sense of awe, and the lights are beautiful but for many there is another empty chair at the table, or someone they can no longer place a call to and say “Merry Christmas.”
Christmas isn’t always merry. I’m sure that first Christmas wasn’t even quiet. We sing Silent Night on Christmas Eve, but let’s be real. Giving birth, no matter where you do it, is rarely quiet, and you hope it won’t be when a baby is born. We want to hear that cry. Imagine that, the Savior was born and the first sound out of his mouth was a cry. The Word of God had no words.
And today, there might be tears for some people. Loneliness will flare as they miss someone they love. Whether that person passed away, or perhaps has chosen to hold on to anger and resentment and refuse to engage in a relationship.
Losing people we love makes you stop and take notice, doesn’t it? Every day is a gift and we need to cherish the moments we have with the people we love. For those who are alive and refusing a relationship with a family member will find that letting resentment fester will only breed regret. When death comes, they will never have the opportunity to resolve the issues that seperated them from someone they currently despise. No more opportunity to forgive and extend that forgiveness.
There are people I know who have cut themselves off, believed lies, and instead of getting the truth or making the time, will not have any contact with someone biologically close. In many ways this is a blessing. The toxicity of those individuals would make having any kind of relationship more of a “walking on eggshells” type of thing. But family is family and sometimes you set boundaries on just how much time and effort you put into those relationships. To cut someone off without at least trying to let them know why, or what they have done, does not help anyone. It is not love.
Families are messy. Every person growing up in a home has grown up in a different family. Every interaction or perspective is only from their point of view and therefore skewed, but often we think that our “truth” is the only right perspective.
I took a trip with my mom in October to visit The Creation Museum and The Ark Encounter in Kentucky. A one day drive there, a day at each place, and a day’s drive back. We have never spent that much time together one-on-one and it was good. We laughed and we also shared deeply personal stuff–things we’d never told each other before. I learned things about her childhood I didn’t know and it helped me understand her better. She understood a little more some of my choices and wounds. I will treasure that memory of our time together and am intentional to be more in touch than I was when I was younger.
Other members of our famly won’t call, or text, much less have a conversation. I feel sorry for them because they don’t know what they are missing. Someday, reality will hit hard and hopefully they will understand the truth they refused to believe about the family member they’ve spurned. I’m being cryptic here to protect people. Someday, the spurned person will die. It happens to all of us. What then? Will they come to the funeral and spill their vitriol there? Or will they have an awakening at some point and face regrets over never taking the time to understand the choices that other person made–or the woundedness that was lying under the surface? I don’t envy them the grief that will be compounded when they realize the wrong they’ve done by their actions–or lack thereof.
Relationships take effort, time, and humility. Selfishness destroys the most precious gifts God gives us–each other.
Adult children should grow up to be adults, and relate to their parents as such, while showing them the honor due their role. Sure, respect is something a person earns but everyone should have at least a core respect for the dignity an individual created in the image of God. That includes all of us. God does take notice of those who fail to do this. In a way there’s a double curse on those children who spurn a parent or are even outright hostile to them without just cause. Especially those children who claim to love Jesus.
This isn’t a feel good post on this Christmas Day, but I wanted to honor those who are hurting. Those who feel the deep wounds of rejection by someone on this day of all days. Or who are missing someone who they lost to death.
God sees. He is Emmanuel, God with us. Even if others are not, He promises to never leave us. Hold tight to Him and like our home, we will wait for Him to vindicate those who have been slandered and spurned. We pray for repentance and reconciliation, but realize we may never see it because those individuals have free will. Time is precious and fleeting and we only pray they realize that, and turn from their bitterness. Before it’s too late.
If you are hurting this Christmas, I hope it is a comfort to realize you’re not alone in struggling with the season. Make the most of the wonderful grace and provision God has given us even if there is hurt lingering around the Christmas tree. Celebrate the One who came to free us from the wages of sin and death and anticipate the day when there will be no more tears and grieving.
I pray you have a blessed Christmas, and treasure those relationships you do have. Time is precious. Make the most of those moments.
