Tag Archive | action

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Hate

Mar3
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Hate

I believe hate is an emotion strongly corrolated with anger. Typically we hate something that angers us. Although sometimes it might be a strong distaste for something, like anchovies, which tends to be a pretty harmless expression of the emotion.

The reality is, we all hate something, and maybe at some points, someone. It’s what we do with that emotion that counts. I have heard the expression, “Hate the sin, not the sinner.” This is a wise thing to do because every individual is created in the image of God and therefore has worth and value.

Hate is a communicable trait of God. The difference is, He is justified in acting on His hatred of sin because He is pure and holy. We, however, are not. When we feel hate, we need to work to resolve it without seeking justice. That we can leave in God’s capable hands. Easier said than done.

1 John 3:15 has strong words to say about hate. “Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him.” In this instance strong hatred toward another human is sin, especially when that turns into a rage that is acted on. We see this with crimes of passion where emotion drives someone to kill.

John is stating that you cannot be clinging to Jesus and having that kind of emotion inside you. This goes back to forgiveness which I talk about in my post on Why Murdering People is Wrong. This echoes the concept from love about action vs emotion. It’s a both/and kind of thing. Scripture instructs us to love those who hate us. Luke 6:27-28 states: “But I say to you who listen: Love your enemies, do what is good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.”

Hmmm, so we act in love regardles of emotion. When I was in my early 20’s and seeing a counselor, I dealt with some hate and my wise counselor told me to pray for the good of the person who had wronged me. Two things to note here: Anger was mixed in with hate because I had been wronged, and I needed to act regardless of my emotion. Interesting, huh? The more I prayed good for that person, in spite of my emotions, the less that emotion had a grip on me. Now that didn’t mean I wanted a relationship with that person, that is an entirely different topic. I didn’t need to hold on to hate.

There is a flip side. “If the world hates you, understand that it hated Me before it hated you.” (John 15:18). This is so crucial to those of us who are Christ-followers. I want people to like me and not everyone will because I am not everyone’s cup of tea. When there are people who hate me, I need to step back and evaluate.

  • Is it because I have wronged them? If so, I need to apologize for any transgression I have done, intentionally or unintentionally. Having said that, if they don’t inform me and I cannot discern what that perceived wrong is, I can either ask them about it (if it is safe to do so). If I can’t find out the reason, all I can do is pray for them. 
  • Is their hatred of me because of my faith in Jesus Christ? This is sometimes the case. Just because of my faith, someone may despise me, regardless of any personality quirks or choices I’ve made.
    • It helps to understand this because it is too easy to hate someone who has wounded me because of my faith. Oh, they may not claim that is the case but when I pray and evaluate things it might truly be the root of the issue. When I strive to make wise choices based on Scripture or stand for things that God stands for, then peopel will hate me. Jesus said so!
    • The reality is, while they may direct the hate towards me, it is really the Holy Triune God of the universe they have an issue with and I am the convenient target.
    • When I can seperate that out I can pray more effectively for the Holy Spirit to do the work of convicting that person of sin and unrighteousness (John 16:8). That conviction can lead to their salvation even if I never benefit from it.
    • This removes me from carrying the weight of someone hating me. They hate Jesus and I can go to Him with my pain, instead of retaliating, because the world hated him when He walked this earth and the world will hate Him now as the Holy Spirit indwells me.
    • Taking that step back and understanding this can help me let go of any resentment toward that person. I don’t need to hate them, inspite of slanderous words or harmful actions taken. This allows clear-headed thinking when needed because hatred and anger can cloud good judgement.

When we can step back from the emotion we can recognize that any person who we feel hatred for or who hates us, is someone who is hurting and in desperate need of Jesus. Forgiving them is key as well so we can let it go and leave that person in God’s capable hands. Funny how once again the way we think about something can impact our feelings. Jesus is the first and best cognitive behavioral therapist.

Hatred shoved down deep, poisons our relationship with God and others, and can have a harmful impact on our health as well. I’m not a doctor but the kind of stress this emotion created within can, long term, pose serious consequences to our health.

Stepping back a moment to my post last week on The Dangerous Moral High Ground, it is easy to develop hate at a person for holding to a position, or maybe due to cultural differences, or politics. It’s easy to slip into that. I suggest if this is the source of your hate, you might want to revisit that post. It’s not wise to paint all people with a wide brush and lable along with hating them. This can be hard when we see evil at play, even if it doesn’t impact us personally. We should hate evil. That is not a sin. But to hate the people who were created by God? Not healthy.

How have you dealt with hatred? Whether within yourself or on the receiving end from others? What has helped you to move past the grip of that emotion?

The dangerous emotion of hate has a step-brother I will look at next week: Ambivalence.

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Love

Feb10
Reading Time: 6 minutes

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Love

I suppose I should first address the big issue: is love even an emotion? According to Google AI it is. Strong affection at the least but in many ways, love is more a verb, it involves acting, regardless of feelings. So we will consider it as an emotion, and given that Valentine’s Day is this week, I figured it was a good time to ponder this topic. I guess as an author who writes romance, this probably should have been the first emotion I tackled, oh well!

Love is that feel good emotion, so how could that be dangerous? Well, when strong feelings of love are not reciprocated, it could result in the person becoming obsessed with trying to make someone love them. That kind of love is idolatry and coveting, both sins God instructed us to avoid.

In 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a, there is an interesting guidepost to true love which was exemplified in Jesus.

Love is patient, love is kind.
Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited,
does not act improperly, is not selfish, is not provoked,
and does not keep a record of wrongs.
Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth.
It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends.

Now many of us cannot honestly say we are perfect at this love thing. Strong affection though, when it is truly love, should be a model of Jesus to the object of love. That’s why a man and a woman, two distinct individuals from different backgrounds, jobs, temperaments, giftedness, traumas, successes, growth in faith, preferences…. you get the drift — will commit to loving their spouse for a lifetime. While love may be an emotion and can be directed at a spouse, a child, a friend, other family members, or in some cases even food or a movie…it involves action. Sometimes in spite of emotion.

A quick note about romance and love in fiction. I write romance. As a genre the requirement is a happily-ever-after ending. I am aware that life is full of challenges but when writing that kind of story the goal is to leave people with a happy feeling. Other authors, Nicolas Sparks for instance, since many know his work, doesn’t write romance. He writes love stories which inevitably involve loss and tears at some point. Granted, true life is filled with highs and lows…as far as fiction goes, it is where you end the story.

So what do we have with Jesus? We have the happily-ever-after, although if the story had ended at the crucifixion – it would have only been a love story of epic proportions. We get the happily-ever-after ending with Him in heaven regardless of how we depart this planet. Unless you reject Jesus, then your story ends in tragedy.

Love is hard. When one loves deeply, one grieves deeply. Love is also involved in attachment so it makes sense that one can love a dog, or a home, or a great book. We have a fondness, tenderness, and warmth toward something. We had a senior dog, Benji, who was with us for only eighteen months but he had issues we weren’t aware of when we adopted him that included: dementia, incontinence in the house, focal seizures, and an uninhibited bite response. He was so cute, soft, affectionate,and devoted to me. He was difficult to care for and make sure he didn’t bite anyone. When he unexpectedly bit me, that was the limit. A dog that bites is a liability. We had to be put him down. Part of me was relieved because he was such a pain in the neck in many ways, in spite of that sweet face and devotion. When we put him down, I was stoic, but later, I bawled. I kept looking for him everywhere. I loved him. I was patient, kind, and I bore with his idiosyncracies that come with adopting an old dog. I had invested in him and he had no idea that he even bit me or that it was wrong to do so. He sat there wagging his tail waiting for attention. Even writing this, years later, makes me want to cry and we’ve had to say good-bye to three other senior dogs since that time. Thinking about any of them will make me miss them and sad that we had to make that decision.

This is even harder with a person who is ailing. Dementia, birth defects, trajedies can change our lives and the emotion of love is not longer in control. Yes, we feel affection but it can be at war with despair, depression, and physical fatigue. Yet those who truly love, care for that person regardles of those issues, even when it is hard, hurts, and creates a burden or inconvenience.

See how complicated love is? True love lasts beyond the emotion. Sometimes acting loving can help us get back there to the feeling.

Both my husband and I came from verbally abusive first marriages and it left us wondering how well we could love another person after all of that. We obviously had the affection part down but we were old enough to know that emotions are fickle. “Do I even know how to love?” he asked me a few times. Yes, he does. He shows it to me not only in words but deeds. He provides a secure home for me, he treats me kindly, sometimes buys flowers for me “just because.” He cares about what concerns me.  He’s the one who graciously has agreed to adopt those old dogs even though their deaths wounded our souls deeply. Now we have younger dogs so hopefully we don’t have to make those kinds of decisions for a long time.

So how could love be dangerous? It can be dangerous if we are loving someone who is abusive and refuses to get help, or change. People with certain mental illnesses need love (don’t we all?) but would never make a good partner due to their illness. Love needs boundaries because we should have some affection for ourselves as well.

Boundaries are why we train our children not to run into the road without looking both ways among many other lessons. Love encourages the best of someone else but that does not mean approving or accepting abuse or sin. We will get angry with anyone we have a long term relationship with, however, it isn’t abuse if there is honest sharing of emotions. It is abuse when there is belittling, name-calling, contempt, bitterness, and put-downs.

Love without boundaries is dangerous and not really love. We should never blankly accept the terrible things someone might try to do to us. When my dad was on hospice, struggling mentally after having an extremely rare brain tumor removed, he could at times be mean. It had to be frustrating to him to not understand all that was happening or even recognize the people trying to care for him, even if they were his children. One day he got a bit snippy with my mom and she told him he needed to behave. He never acted out that way again. If he gave me any trouble, I would tell him mom would be angry and he’d comply with the plan. Once in a moment of clarity toward the end, he even thanked my mom for taking good care of him.

I love my dad and writing that made me cry. That’s love. I still have deep affection for a man who no longer walks on this earth. I admire the love my mom showed him by her actions even when it was a huge sacrifice.

Love as an emotion is dangerous when someone decides they no longer love someone anymore because they don’t feel that way. We can’t always let emotions be the litmus test for a relationship. I had a difficult time with two of my three kids as they grew up, and I still loved them during that time when they were not very loveable. Babies are cute and snuggly and easy to love, but some parents have to love one who cries all night and day, or won’t sleep, or has serious medical issues that sap every ounce of life from them. Love can and should prevail because it is almost as close to life as anything else during those times.

I’ve rambled here and it’s tugged my heartstrings so I suppose next week I’ll talk about grief.

Something else to think about though. God loves us and created you and me. Even when we wouldn’t acknowledge Him, Jesus died on the cross to bridge the gap of sin that seperated us from a holy and perfect LORD. “For God so loved the world…” I’m reading in the Old Testament right now and God’s longsuffering toward the nation of Israel is amazing to behold. He loved them even when He needed to allow, or force, negative consequences for their sins. God loved with boundaries, but His devotion never failed because LOVE never ends.

1 John 14 states: We love because He first loved us. When we are connected to the ultimate source of love, it becomes easier to love others.

The dangerous emotion of love is a deep subject and I’ve only scratched the surface. Remember that God’s love is better than any human love and should be the ONE we seek to love first before anyone or anything else. That’s hard for us fickle emotional humans to do.

 

Author Confessions: To Be or not to Be

Oct21
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confessions: To Be or not to Be

I was at a writer’s group years ago and another writer told me that we should avoid any version of “be” words: is, am/be, was/were/would.

That’s kind of like deleting the word “the” isn’t it? If you remember my blog post from September 2, 2024, I talked about all the kinds of verbs. The “be” verbs are helping verbs. Like many words, these verbs can be overused but do not need to be eliminated completely.

There are some reasons why you might modify these verbs. I will try to use real examples from my novel Root Beer and Roadblocks to see if I can improve on anything.

Stronger Verb is Available

Sometimes be verbs help along another verb, but occasionally there are other, tighter options.

What I wrote: The morning was a rush to get David off to school and make it to the oncology clinic on time. 

Another option: She rushed that morning to get David off to school and make it to the oncology clinic on time.  

Now that didn’t involve a different verb, just a different emphasis. The reality is a morning can’t be rushed. It is simply a morning. However as people we can be. So if I were to revise this novel that might be a better way to phrase it. Not bad the way it was but slightly tighter with the revision.

What I wrote: The bigger question was—did she have the courage to confess the truth to Johnny?

Another option: The bigger question remained—did she have the courage to confess the truth to Johnny?  Definitely using a stronger verb here.

Avoiding Passive Voice

My software used to warn me about passive voice and I’m not always the best at recognizing it. Some things are easier for some writers than others. Not all instances of passive voice should be shunned. Sometimes they are appropriate. However, the desire in fiction is for a more active voice. You can do a check on that through Grammarly if you download that to your computer (they have a free version) but I’ve found it not to be entirely accurate. If you question a phrase you can put it into a passive voice checker.

Avoiding “to be” or “was” can help eliminate passive voice but not even that is a perfect rule.

What I wrote: She took the clothes away to be washed, leaving Khloe to explore under David’s watchful eye.  (this is passive voice)

Another option: She left to wash the clothes, leaving Khloe to explore under David’s watchful eye.

Caution: There are many uses of to be that are not passive voice so eliminating them all is not the point. Minimizing passive voice is probably something I should cover in another post, but it really is not something I’m great at. (All the more reason for me to explore it, right?)

When to Avoid Changing a Be verb: 

When it changes the tense of the sentence as in continuous action verses past tense.

What I wrote: Johnny came out to schedule his next appointment, and Katie was at the desk.

Better option: Johnny came out to schedule his next appointment, and Katie was sitting at the desk.  This might have been a better way for me to write that sentence since it was a continuing action. She hadn’t just sat down. To say she sat at the desk could have been misleading.

When you might be substituing another overused verb.

What I probably wrote in a first draft: She felt overwhelmed with the number of people, but David stuck close and kept her up to date as to who was who. Felt is an often overused word and personally I’d prefer the was to the overused verb like felt.

What I wrote: She was overwhelmed with the number of people, but David stuck close and kept her up to date as to who was who. Even better would have been to describe what that experience was like physically and emotionally for her. (The Emotion Thesaurus!)

When it simply reads better with the be verb. As with any of the things an author can consider, readability is always king and if any version of “be” is appropriate and nothing else satisfies, then keep it.

What I wrote: He knelt down to embrace all three kids. Apolo was stuck in the middle.  I honestly cannnot figure out a better way to write that except to perhaps have him be squished which would be a more descriptive verb.

This obviously was bare bones but to be or not to be is a question that authors sometime need to wrestle with and oftentimes it isn’t as high on the list of things to worry about when writing, especially the first draft. The final version of Root Beer and Roadblocks contained:

  • 758 instances of was,
  • 197 instances of were,
  • 162 instances of to be (mostly without being passive),
  • 407 of be,
  • 31 of am,
  • 350 of is, and
  • 323 of would. 

Compare that to other often used words in that novel:

  • 2,982 uses of the
  • 1,735 use of a
  • 165 uses of an
  • 523 uses of as

The be verbs cannot be completely eliminated because as helping verbs they make things click well and most readers don’t really even see those words. When I used to use AutoCrit these were not words they even flagged to be on the watch out for. Still, it’s worth having the discussion of to be or not to be and in most instances I’ll stand in favor of be words.

 

 

Author Confessions: Attributions in Dialogue

Aug26
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: Attributions in Dialogue

When an author is writing a story he will often include dialogue and there are two ways to give information about not only the tone of the conversation, the activiting surrounding it, and the person speaking.

Dialogue Attributions

When referring to who is speaking it is called a dialogue tag. An example might be: “Welcome to my party,” Meghan said.

If it were a question it would be written perhaps something like this: “Are you coming to my party?” Meghan asked.

There are some uses of a tag within dialogue as well. For instance: “The car lights,” she explained, “aren’t bright enough to drive at night.” These should be used sparingly because they slow the reader down.

There is a debate amongst some who say that you should only use said (or perhaps asked if it’s a question) for a speaker tag and nothing else. I personally disagree. The speaker tag can give so much more information when used appropriately. I have a lot of different images I’ve collected over the years on my Writer’s Toolbox board on Pinterest and I invite you to check them outas some pertain to this topic but don’t translate well to posting here.

There are a lot of other words that can be used to describe what is going on in a scene using dialogue tags.

“How dare you?” Harry threatened.  This says a lot more than said would have done, right? You get a different feel for what’s going on between the characters in a scene by the change of one simple word from said to threatened.

“Why won’t you come over?” Sarah pleaded. This has a different tone than simply asked.

There are over 190 different words to use as tags instead of said.

Having given that information, it is not necessary to put a dialogue tag on every instance of diaglogue when characters are conversing. This can be a bit of an art. As long as you can’t lose track of who is talking it isn’t necessary. If someone refers to the other person by name, for instance, as they talk, we know who is and isn’t speaking. Sometimes too many tags can drag the conversation down and we don’t want the reader to become frustrated.

Action Attributions

Another way to give information about a scene and to keep the reader informed is through an action attribution or tag. Sometimes this is good because we don’t necessarily want them to be stagnant as they converse, even if they are on the phone someone can cough, or rustle papers, click a pen, take a sip of coffee.

For example: Jill twirled around the room, and expression of pure bliss on her face. “I love French toast.”

Or: “If you don’t  get this thing out of my face…” The corner of Gary’s lip pulled back in a sneer.

Both of these examples not only tell you who is speaking but some action and adds a depth of emotional color to the scene for the reader to enjoy.

Beats

I was confused when I first heard an author use tags and beats when referring working on edits to a story. I had no clue what she was discussing. It took some time before I began to understand that she was going through and doing the attributions. Whether it was going to be action or dialogue tags she was considering the “beats”, or rhythm or pacing of the story and how best to keep it moving forward during those scenes with speaking. The author doesn’t want to drag down the reader with too much action or description and definitely don’t want to detract from the content of the dialogue when giving attributions.

Caution

I’ve done this more than once where I put an attribution before a dialogue. For instance, this would be wrong.

Percy yelled, “Hey, get out of there!” Why is this wrong? Because he hasn’t yelled yet.

The better way to write it is: “Hey, get out of there!” Percy yelled.

What do you think? Should a writer only use “said” for an attribution in dialogue, or do you agree with me that the variety can add so much more to the telling of the story if the writer can use those skillfully?