Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Hope
Why and how could hope ever be considered dangerous?
Hopelessness
Many years ago, I recieved a gift from a wise mentor mom. It was a Christmas candle that spelled out HOPE. She said, “I realized that this is what you need most right now-HOPE.” Now I had faith and hope in Jesus and complete trust in His salvation, but I lacked hope that He who is able, would not rescue me from the painful circumstances of my life. I believed God was good, but doubted He would be good to me. I would reason that there were people far worse off than I was (and therefore more worthy of rescue?), and that in spite of my salvation found in Jesus, I was no more special than anyone else needing help. I didn’t deserve that kind of grace.
Psychology talks about learned helplessness which can lead to hopelessness. The sensation that I had no agency to change my circumstances and therefore I was helpless and hopeless. Depression makes that worse, as well as some chronic health issues. Fatigue, poverty, abuse, can eradicate hope.
When that mom gave me that candle, I began to realize I had abandoned hope. I was hopeless in my situation. Hope wasn’t easily found. That one word HOPE eventually led me down a better path when it refocused on my need for it.
Hope Deferred
We can hope for many things. Rescue, a new home, a long-awaited child, healing from an illness. Nothing is too big or small for God to be concerned with. When we don’t understand His timing, the hope seems so far off, and we can lose hope. Not necessarily to the point of hopelessness, but we can doubt it. Hebrews 11:1 states: “Now faith is the certainty of things hoped for, a proof of things not seen.” Hope is closely tied into our faith in Jesus. We can all struggle with doubt at different points in our lives. Proverbs 12:12 describes it this way: “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But desire fulfilled is a tree of life.”
Hope is always about a future event or thing. In essence, it is about something deferred. Hope is the present time of expection, but when we lose that expectation it is grief to the soul.
Hope in the Wrong Things
Psalm 33:17 states: “A horse is a false hope for victory; Nor does it rescue anyone by its great strength.” How often do we put our hope in things that don’t last? The perfect spouse, kids, family, eductation, job, car, home, health, our talents and gifts. God guarantees none of those things. There are people living in third world countries that experience greater joy and hope than we do in America because we are faced with so many shiny objects and ideas to put our hope in. Where are you placing your hope? What is it that you truly hope for?
True Hope
The author of Hebrews wrote: “This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and reliable.” (Heb 6: 19a) I love that image of an anchor, holding us fast to Jesus and all His promises. When we place our ultimate hope in HIM, we can experience great freedom and joy. The apostle Paul wrote: “I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints.” (Eph 1:18) What a prayer to pray for yourself and others.
We can hope for good weather for a picnic or family reunion. We can hope that God will heal someone. We can hope for a good night of rest. None of those are inherently bad, but when we expect immediate results then we can be in trouble. If our hope is in God, we will ultimately want HIM above all to be active in leading, guiding and working in and through us. Paul prays in Romans 13:15 “Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
Hope is an anchor but it also gives us wings to head into the future with joy and expectation. Our ultimate hope is our coming face to face with Jesus and hearing “Well done, good and faithful servant.” That should be a hope we strive for, and we can only accomplish that hope by the power of the Holy Spirit who is alive and at work within us the moment we receive Christ as Savior and Lord.
Where is your hope today? Where have you struggled with the dangerous emotion of hope? As human beings, filled with emotions, they can make or break us, but I hope reviewing this will help you recenter on the Source of hope, Jesus.
“Let’s hold firmly to the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.”Hebrews 10:13
As with any emotion, we need to take it to God. I’ve had instances where I’ve been unable to seek out reconciliation and instead of wallowing in resentment I leave it in God’s hands. In my mind I have this imaginary stamp that I’ve placed on their forhead that says: UNSAFE. Those people do not deserve an intimate connection with me. Trust has been broken, and I can be polite and even friendly but refuse to go deeper than that. One individual called me after a year of little contact and she complained that we don’t talk anymore. She forgot how she tore me to pieces when I confronted her on her treatment of me in various ministry groups we’ve been in (publicly demeaning me). I went away from that initial conversation crushed. Since that time I gave it to God. During that call, I gave her the information she requested without stating anything more about my life or even asking about hers. I just don’t care to have a relationship with her any more than I do with someone from a call center trying to sell me car insurance. I have detached any emotion toward her. I view her as unsafe but without any resentment. I wish her well, but don’t desire to be a part of her life, or have her in mine as she has not proven worthy of my trust.
Resentment can become dangerous when we hold on to it. It can fester and grow into some of those other emotions I mentioned. If we have a habit of holding on to that it can become pervasive where we resent a lot of people over things and treatment, real or imagined. As it grows it can impact our spiritual and emotional health as we harbor such an ugly poison within us. The dangerouse emotion of resentment is at it’s worst when we resent the God who oversees our lives and perhaps denies us our request in our timing or blesses someone else the way we want to be blessed. That’s serious one to pray about. His ways and timing are not ours. He is always at work and we need to trust that in His perfect love and plan, that He does have a reason and there is good coming out of even the darkest days.
Scripture teaches that love never fails or love conquers all depending on the translation (1 Cor 13). 1 Peter 4:8 states: “Above all, maintain an intense love for each other, since love covers a multitude of sins.” Woah. Love covering sin is having an attitude of forgiveness. Love in action forgives sin, especially in a relationship with another person. It not mean avoiding any acknowledgement of sin, not confronting sin, or allowing sinful acts to continue. If we truly love someone and value them as a person made in the image of God, we should confront sin.
Apathy, in the sense of detachment, might be necessary for emotional survival in the case of narcissitic/verbal/emotional/phyisical/financial abuse like I mentioned above. In this case it is a healthy way to protect oneself from someone who does not have our best interests at heart. This might end in cutting off a friendship, blocking or restricting someone on social media, or not sharing your life with that person if they are not “safe” for you. Not answering the phone or a text. When someone has abused or in other ways broken trust, detatchment may be the healthiest thing to do. As long as you can do that without harboring emotions of resentment or hatred toward that person. Let them go and let God deal with them.
Lust when considered as a strong sexual desire has its place in marriage. Desire like this draws a couple together but should only be satified when married, and only with one’s spouse. When my now husband and I were doing pre-marriage counseling the pastor, a long time friend of mine, asked, “Why get married so soon?” (we married six months after meeting). I responded “I want to have sex and won’t do that outside of marriage.” He laughed, and both men blushed. His response: “That’s a good reason.” The reality is, I should desire my husband and he should desire me! Isn’t that what the Song of Solomon is all about? Trying to reign in those desires to stay pure before marriage was difficult! We did it and are so glad we did.