Tag Archive | delight

Author Confessions: The Junk We Carry

Jul28
Reading Time: 7 minutes

Author Confessions: The Junk We Carry

We are in the process of moving and while we have a lot of boxes out of our house, now that showings are done, we still have much more to pack. Some of it will go into storage while we wade through storage to find things we might still need that accidently got put in with all the other stuff… It’s annoying and frustrating how much we have that we don’t need and thend trying to decide what to keep, sell, give away, or trash is equally challenging.

It is also time consuming. Both my husband and myself are planning to get rid of even more before it gets moved into our final home. I’ve tried to be ruthless and so has he but since are both creative people there are things we keep that are “I might need this someday…” for doing a project. Oh, there are lots of things I would love to do but I’d need to do more than clone myself to get them all done, assuming I’ll have the physical ability to do them, or that God will grant me the time here on earth to accomplish those things.

It had me pondering the things I carry (as do others) that really don’t help us on our journey in this life. Things that weigh us down, maybe bad memories, negative thoughts we tend to gravitate toward, or habit that really don’t advance the quality of our life here on this earth or our service to Jesus while we are here. Or lastly, people. Oh, I’m sure there’s a lot more junk I could dig up but I think those are pretty big ones.

Bad Memories

Like old pillows we collect  but can’t give away, our bad memories can surround us if we let them, but they fail to provide comfort. I have some from my growing up years and all the emotions that go with them. Some have those that are far more traumatic and need to be dealt with in conjunction with prayer and counseling. Mine, maybe, maybe not. They aren’t deeply traumatic but they left their mark.

It’s amazing how sin impacts our tendency to focus more on negative memories than the positive ones. Even in a difficult marriage there were good moments and that doesn’t negate the harm that was done, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t appreciate the positives that were there as well. As a result of the hardships, I grew and matured in my walk with God and emotionally with the help of a therapist, to be a healthier version of myself than I was way back when.

Focusing on the good and setting aside the bad is an intentional act of the will. We can’t avoid the bad memories, and we can’t erase them forever, however, we can chose to change our perspective on them. If there is healing to be done, then do that with help before shoving them away.

Negative Thoughts

We all, I’m sure, have negative thoughts that run through our minds. Scripture says to take every thought captive but like fireflies flitting around at dusk, how do you catch one with a butterfly net? They’d slip right through. You can’t stop bad thoughts as they are unconsciously driven by the sinful bent we have as a result of the fall, but we can minimize them by focusing on God’s truth.

It’s easy for me to be self-critical but I love the heart and words of a friend of mine, also an author, who says, “God delights in me, and I’m His child, so I don’t need to worry. He’ll take care of me.” She told me this with a big smile and a cute giggle. The idea of being a delight to God doesn’t mean walking in arrogance, but in calm confidence and joy that can wipe away some of those harsh critical comments that pop into my mind. Even looking in the mirror I can be far more critical of parts of my appearance, but this is the body God gave me and it functions fairly well, and I’ve been able to help it heal from effects of past emotional trauma that sometimes manifests itself physically.

Not that I need to think I’m a model, which is silly since I don’t even think all models are all that pretty. But God created me and my husband and friends love me, so, I need to accept that I am loveable in spite of any perceived flaws.

God’s word never lies but my brain does when it accuses or puts me down. I would never treat a friend like that! Neither would God. Sure, I’ll tell you if you have a black poppy seed stuck in your teeth but I’m not going to tell you you’re fat, or ugly. We all go through struggles and many of them are unseen. I shouldn’t be thinking thoughts that I would never attribute to a friend or God would never think about me.

Granted, that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t own up to my failings and work to resolve those things. I am fully aware of my sinful tendencies and the evil that lurks deep inside. Submitting daily to God, coming before him and feasting on Scripture, helps a keep my thoughts focused on Him, and the wonders of all He has done and continues to do. And that’s far more enjoyable than entertaining dark or negative thoughts that don’t help me.

Habits

We all have habits that don’t help us. I’m trying to drink more water instead of soda, because it’s better for my health. I’m trying to make wiser choices in food. And footware. Practiciality often wins out over fashion when it comes to my feet! There are so many habits we have but we can replace them with better ones which makes setting aside the bad ones, easier.

I have a routine or habit of journaling and spending time with God every day. I’ve at times needed to adjust when I do it, and sometimes it might be not as full a time as I would prefer, but I find that if I don’t do that, my days doesn’t go quite as well. Kind of like if I don’t take certain medications or supplements. Or drink enough water. The impact can be felt if I neglect the  good habits in my life.

Some people like to collect things but have a policy that for every new thing collected, they must give away something else. It’s an interesting concept. Habits can be a lot of things, not just diet and exercise.

What healthy habits do you have?

People

I’ve had people come and go in my life, we all do. Some people leave us through death and leave a legacy of a positive (or negative) impact in our lives. Other people we need to cut ties with or minimize contact with for our own well being. I don’t want to spend my time, as precious as it is, walking on eggshells around someone. Like a figurine that was in fashion once upon a time, sometimes giving it away, selling it, or tossing it, is better than keeping it around. Not that we can sell or give away people,  but we can keep them from entering the door of our home (physically and emotionally), and that’s the point. Some people don’t deserve the honor of our time and attention, much less hospitality, if they bring poison with them.

We’ve had a few of those people in our lives. I can be too trusting at times but as an INFJ, if you break that trust, it is really hard to get it back. Oh, I can forgive people, but that doesn’t mean I ever want a relationship with them. Reconciliation might be possible, but again, that doesn’t mean trust and the kind of intimacy I treasure with people closest to me.

I recently blocked someone who was toxic to my husband but then tried to get to him, through me, via text. It was like a drive by shooting where he hoped the bullet would go through me and hit my hubby. First, that was triangulation which his never healthy, and secondly, this person who had a week before told my husband he loved him, wouldn’t share what was going on that caused him to go off the rails. He blew up the relationship, ran away, and tried to justify it with a rage-filled text. (We won’t be seeing emails from him either, they will go to spam now).  I didn’t read more than a few words before I understood what was going on and deleted it and blocked him. I had avoided option before that, in hopes that at some point in the future, he might want to reconcile. My hand was forceed. I took a stand, set a boundary, and in a way, toss the relationship away.

Characters in a Story

Sometimes when I’m writing a story, my own issues that I need to purge might be reflected in the characters I write. Many times that happens unconsciously. You were writing your own story (with God’s help!). What would you desire for you? What actions would you take towards growth that would make God smile?

Cleaning House

Purging and cleaning house is never easy when it’s a physical place and belongings. It’s even more difficult when it is emotional, mental, and physical. Getting rid of the junk we carry is necessary if we are going to enjoy the fullness of the life God has given us. Kind of like pulling weeds in the garden so you can enjoy the beauty of the flowers blooming there, it needs to be done. Thankfully we have a God who created us to enjoy His beauty and love and grants forgiveness when we confess the bad stuff we are holding on to. Let Him bring us treasures that are eternal to take the the place of the junk we carry.

What are you thinking about purging, with God’s help?

 

Chosing a One Word

Dec18
Reading Time: 6 minutes

I don’t do New Year’s resolutions. Instead I stumbled upon the idea of one word which I first heard of in 2012 and decided to give it a try. My first word was for 2013 and was SHINE. Ah, don’t we all want to shine? That year I became an editor and started helping other authors on their journey to shining.

I’ve had ten more words since then and in 2014 I started adding Scripture. I eventually started making either Facebook headers or other images to help me as they would be there on my computer every time I sat down to work. I’m sharing some of them here so if they are helpful you could use them as well.

2014 was DIGNITY. My Scripture for that ws Proverbs 31:25, “Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future.” I’ll admit that was struggling with the effects of some verbal abuse and I think I thought this would help. It did. Words can hurt but my value and dignity are in Christ and in that I could wait on God for a better future.

2015 my word was TRUST. Psalm 143:8 says: “Let me hear of Thy lovingkindess in the morning; for I trust in Thee; Teach me the way in which I should walk; For to Thee I lift up my soul. I was taking steps to deepen my trust in God to lead me–and He has always been faithful to do that, even though I struggled to see that at times. My first full-length novel, Pesto & Potholes was released that year as well as my first novella, Fragile Blessings.

In 2016 my word was FEARLESS. I could have chosen brave or courage I suppose but fearless was the word I landed on. My verse was Isaiah 35:4, “Say to those with an anxious heart, ‘Take courage and fear not. Behold, your God wil come with vengeance; The recompense of God will come, but He will save you.'” More books released that year and there were challenges in my personal life that I needed to wait on God to resolve.

HOPE was my word for 2017. I actually had four Scriptures! God speaks a lot about hope in His word! Psalm 9:18, “For the needy will not always be forgotten, nor the hope of the afflicted perish forever.” Psalm 39:7, “And now, Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in Thee.” Psalm 71:5 says, “For Thou art my hope; O Lord God, Thou art my confidence from my youth.” And then in the New Testament, Romans 5:5. “…and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” In the midst of difficulties a wise mentor had told me, “You need hope. Cling to hope.” So I did. With the decisions God led me to and through that year, I had hope and peace beyond what I would have ever anticipated. Again, He proved Himself faithful.

In 2018 my word was HEALING. While 2017 had been a challenging year, I was free of the anxiety and fears of the past and standing in confidence in God’s work. 2018 would be a year of healing from the wounds left behind. I wish I could state I was fully healed but trauma takes time and I’m grateful God is so gentle as He continues to walk me through that. The Bible verses I clung to were Psalm 147:3, “He heals the brokenherted, and binds up their wounds.” Jeremiah 33:6 states, “Behold, I will bring to it health and healing, and I will heal them; and I will reveal to them an abundance of peace and truth.” God allowed six of my stories to be published that year! That was a record for me! I also had rotator cuff surgery, my first major health issue since becoming a single mom of three Hobbits. And then in the midst of all that, He graciously brought me what I did not deserve, a husband for Christmas!

2019’s word was INTENTION. I didn’t understand it at the time, but years of trauma make it challenging for the brain to move into a healthy life. Life was good! Why couldn’t I focus and get the work done that I needed to do? Psalm 57:2, “I will cry to God Most High, to God who accomplishes all things for me.” Psalm 138:8, “The LORD will accomplish what concerns me; Thy lovingkindness, O LORD, is everlasting; Do not forsake the works of Thy hands.” God was definitely at work helping me understand how to help myself through this healing process while still getting my writing and editing done!

In 2020 my word was SAVOR. God had done so much for me and I wanted to reflect and enjoy those moments instead of rushing on to the next thing. Psalm 34:8 states, “O taste and see that the LORD is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!” After years of hardship, I had some time to heal, be loved and cared for, and savor what God done. Covid-19 helped make that even more possible when the world seemed to shut down. The image is one I took from when my hubby and I went paragliding in Key West in 2019. Amazing and a first time for us both.

In 2021 my word was CONTENTMENT. 1 Timothy 6:6 says, “But godliness actually is a means of great gain, when accompanied by contentment.” Philippians 4:11b affirms this when Paul writes: “…I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.” While similar to savor this was more finding the quiet joy in everydayness of life.

My word for 2022 was EMPOWERED. I had so much work to do. Several of my own books needed to be edited, there was more writing to be done, as well as edit for other authors, and although I only released two Christmas novellas, it was a busy year. I couldn’t do it without God’s help, especially juggling several projects at once. 2 Corinthians 9:8 says, “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed.” Timothy 1:9 says, “… who has saved us, and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace whic hwas granted to us in Christ Jesus from all eternity.”

This past year, 2023, my word has been DELIGHT. Micah 7:18d-19a states, “Because He delights in unchanging love, He will again have compassion on us.” Psalm 94:18 says, “When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your comfort delights my soul.” Then this popular one from Psalm 37:4, “Delight yourself in the LORD; and He will give you the desires of your heart.” I wanted to grow in my delight in God and also to more fully recognize that as my heavenly Father, He delights in me as well. I find myself smiling a lot more as I’m reading Scripture or studying it. God has been good to me – even though I did fall and break my upper arm forcing us to cancel a trip to the Virgin Islands. We did go to Florida where we got to spend hours listening to a young man’s pain and hurt and answering his questions and sharing with him the hope of Christ.

I’m still praying and listening to the Holy Spirit for my one word for 2024. Only God knows what the next year holds for me and my family so I am waiting on Him to give me that word to focus on. I journal, I brainstorm (sometimes with friends who also do this). It’s amazing to me how God will take one word, and HIS word to help keep me moving forward in faith on this journey He has placed before me. It was good this year to go back and review the previous years to again give credit to the ONE who has given me HIS WORD to cling to.

Have you ever done the “one word” thing? What was your word for 2023 and how did you see God use that in your life? Do you have a word yet for 2024? If not, I hope that these will help you as you seek God for that.

Where’s my Glasses?

May20

Reading Time: 1 minute

IMG_0328I was visiting with a 20-year-old young woman and she said something profound. “My problem is I need to see myself the way God does.”

I told her I struggle with that too. My problem is I keep losing my glasses! Or the lenses get smudged or they break. It’s hard to look clearly at yourself when your looking glass is warped or the wrong prescription.

Can anyone relate? I mean, I would love to have  rose colored glasses personally and see myself as wonderful and perfect and adorable.

Unfortunately the lens that so often is before me is the one that significant others in my life had filled with messages like “You’re fat,” or, “You’re lazy,” or “Can’t you do anything right?”

Now why would I hang on to those glasses? Because they are practically riveted to my skull and difficult to remove.

I need to work harder at seeing not only God correctly, but myself, through His eyes. After all, Scripture says he delights in me. Sometimes that feels like a fictional sentiment. But it’s not. It’s real (Zephaniah 3:17).

How about you? Having any vision problems lately? I wonder how many of our problems would melt away (like butter in a hot frying pan) if we could only see ourselves like God does. After all, His opinion matters far more than that of those around us who cannot love us nearly as well as our Creator does.