Tag Archive | forgiveness

Author Confessions: Relationships Are Messy

Jun9
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: Relationships Are Messy

Does that statement seem more like a “duh” to you? It does to me. As an author we want to have conflict and obstacles for a relationship to face as a story progresses. We want the characters to struggle in their relationships. Kind of sad that we don’t want to read smooth, conflict-free, stories when we were initially created for that kind of life in the Garden of Eden. I can’t imagine how this will play out in heaven when conflict and struggle is all we know down here.

We all come to relationships with a history of good and bad, sometimes trauma, physical, spiritual, or emotional wounds (or all of the above). We come with a family culture that is likely unique from faith, traditions, language, and even the foods we eat. Our neigbhorhoods might be different from others. We might even dress or look different. Our finanical status will impact the quality of life we experience and the kinds of resources that are available to us.

This is why those from a similar cultural upbringing might have an easier time than those from totally foreign experiences. That doesn’t guarantee if you marry someone of the same skin tone, faith, school background and family background and even genetics, that you will be conflict free.

We are so unique in so many ways that it really is a miracle when people can get a long at all. We are emotional people as well and the way we are wired is not identical to anyone else even if you can fit in a similar Meyers-Briggs catagory. I have three close friends and we all share the same Meyer’s Briggs type – but we are still so very different from each other.

I was watching Doc Martin a while back and his wife struggled with how different Martin was but finally had to realize that there is no one who is truly “normal” and trying to completely change him without considering that she might have some flaws to iron out as well, was difficult for her to come to grips with. She finally did.

Appreciating someone for the unique person they are does not mean excusing sin or enabling destructive behaviors.

An author has to take this all into account while writing a story. Sometimes it is the quirkiest characters that people love the most. Maybe that is because all of us have some quirks and can relate to feeling different at times.

If we think any relationship is going to avoid conflict and the need to navigate difficulty, we are delusional. It is what makes stories so much fun to read, but in real life it is rarely comfortable or fun. Often when we face someone else’s personality rubbing ours the wrong way, we need to look at ourselves to figure out how much of that is them–and how much is us.

Not everyone is going to be a friend. Even so that doesn’t mean we need to be disrespectful to them, even if for our own sanity we need to avoid or limit our interactions with them. That is a tricky balancing act: preserve our emotional well-being while trying to be respectful. Boundaries can be hard to execute but we need to do that and be clear about those limits where possible. It’s OK to protect yourself in any interaction.

It’s a miracle that after traumatic pasts, both my husband and I generally get along well and enjoy each other’s company. When life is stressful, or someone is in pain, or doesn’t get enough rest, or is hangry (angry due to hunger) it can definitely complicate our interactions. It would be nice if we could all just totally get what is going on inside someone’s head, but I guarantee mine is sometimes a dumpster fire and not pretty.

So why do I bring this up? Because in our fantasies the right person in our life will make everything perfect. We deny the accomodations, the negotiations, along with everything else that goes into a relationship. We need to be real because sin has impacted every aspect of this world. It seperated us from God but can also drive a wedge in between us and people we care about. Navigating all of that takes humility, prayer, and effort.

Do you agree that relationships are messy? How do you navigate that in your own life? What kind of characters are you drawn to in fiction and how messy are their lives?

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Hate

Mar3
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Hate

I believe hate is an emotion strongly corrolated with anger. Typically we hate something that angers us. Although sometimes it might be a strong distaste for something, like anchovies, which tends to be a pretty harmless expression of the emotion.

The reality is, we all hate something, and maybe at some points, someone. It’s what we do with that emotion that counts. I have heard the expression, “Hate the sin, not the sinner.” This is a wise thing to do because every individual is created in the image of God and therefore has worth and value.

Hate is a communicable trait of God. The difference is, He is justified in acting on His hatred of sin because He is pure and holy. We, however, are not. When we feel hate, we need to work to resolve it without seeking justice. That we can leave in God’s capable hands. Easier said than done.

1 John 3:15 has strong words to say about hate. “Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him.” In this instance strong hatred toward another human is sin, especially when that turns into a rage that is acted on. We see this with crimes of passion where emotion drives someone to kill.

John is stating that you cannot be clinging to Jesus and having that kind of emotion inside you. This goes back to forgiveness which I talk about in my post on Why Murdering People is Wrong. This echoes the concept from love about action vs emotion. It’s a both/and kind of thing. Scripture instructs us to love those who hate us. Luke 6:27-28 states: “But I say to you who listen: Love your enemies, do what is good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.”

Hmmm, so we act in love regardles of emotion. When I was in my early 20’s and seeing a counselor, I dealt with some hate and my wise counselor told me to pray for the good of the person who had wronged me. Two things to note here: Anger was mixed in with hate because I had been wronged, and I needed to act regardless of my emotion. Interesting, huh? The more I prayed good for that person, in spite of my emotions, the less that emotion had a grip on me. Now that didn’t mean I wanted a relationship with that person, that is an entirely different topic. I didn’t need to hold on to hate.

There is a flip side. “If the world hates you, understand that it hated Me before it hated you.” (John 15:18). This is so crucial to those of us who are Christ-followers. I want people to like me and not everyone will because I am not everyone’s cup of tea. When there are people who hate me, I need to step back and evaluate.

  • Is it because I have wronged them? If so, I need to apologize for any transgression I have done, intentionally or unintentionally. Having said that, if they don’t inform me and I cannot discern what that perceived wrong is, I can either ask them about it (if it is safe to do so). If I can’t find out the reason, all I can do is pray for them. 
  • Is their hatred of me because of my faith in Jesus Christ? This is sometimes the case. Just because of my faith, someone may despise me, regardless of any personality quirks or choices I’ve made.
    • It helps to understand this because it is too easy to hate someone who has wounded me because of my faith. Oh, they may not claim that is the case but when I pray and evaluate things it might truly be the root of the issue. When I strive to make wise choices based on Scripture or stand for things that God stands for, then peopel will hate me. Jesus said so!
    • The reality is, while they may direct the hate towards me, it is really the Holy Triune God of the universe they have an issue with and I am the convenient target.
    • When I can seperate that out I can pray more effectively for the Holy Spirit to do the work of convicting that person of sin and unrighteousness (John 16:8). That conviction can lead to their salvation even if I never benefit from it.
    • This removes me from carrying the weight of someone hating me. They hate Jesus and I can go to Him with my pain, instead of retaliating, because the world hated him when He walked this earth and the world will hate Him now as the Holy Spirit indwells me.
    • Taking that step back and understanding this can help me let go of any resentment toward that person. I don’t need to hate them, inspite of slanderous words or harmful actions taken. This allows clear-headed thinking when needed because hatred and anger can cloud good judgement.

When we can step back from the emotion we can recognize that any person who we feel hatred for or who hates us, is someone who is hurting and in desperate need of Jesus. Forgiving them is key as well so we can let it go and leave that person in God’s capable hands. Funny how once again the way we think about something can impact our feelings. Jesus is the first and best cognitive behavioral therapist.

Hatred shoved down deep, poisons our relationship with God and others, and can have a harmful impact on our health as well. I’m not a doctor but the kind of stress this emotion created within can, long term, pose serious consequences to our health.

Stepping back a moment to my post last week on The Dangerous Moral High Ground, it is easy to develop hate at a person for holding to a position, or maybe due to cultural differences, or politics. It’s easy to slip into that. I suggest if this is the source of your hate, you might want to revisit that post. It’s not wise to paint all people with a wide brush and lable along with hating them. This can be hard when we see evil at play, even if it doesn’t impact us personally. We should hate evil. That is not a sin. But to hate the people who were created by God? Not healthy.

How have you dealt with hatred? Whether within yourself or on the receiving end from others? What has helped you to move past the grip of that emotion?

The dangerous emotion of hate has a step-brother I will look at next week: Ambivalence.

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Guilt

Jan20
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Guilt

Are you seeing a trend here yet with these emotions? Any emotion can become a negative in some way when taken to an extreme and not brought under the truths of Scripture. My assertion that Jesus is the first cognitive behavioral therapist still stands. Long before this was coined as a psychological theory Scripture is replete with this.

Let’s take guilt. At first, I didn’t see this as such a dangerous emotion, but hear me out.

On the surface, when a person’s mind is working well, guilt is the emotion that tells us that we have sinned. Psalm 32:5 states: “I acknowledged my sin to You, And I did not hide my guilt; I said, “I will confess my wrongdoings to the Lord”; And You forgave the guilt of my sin.”

God has built into us the ability to recognize we have done wrong. We feel bad. That’s the uncomfortable part about this emotion but it is truly important, because when we feel bad and realize we did something wrong, we apologize to God (and maybe an offended party) and receive His forgiveness when we have accepted the free gift of salvation from our sin at the cross where Jesus died. I’m not going to go into the theology of sin here but that is usually when we feel guilt—when we have sinned or perhaps accidently hurt someone’s feelings. Sin isn’t always intentional or done willfully. Often, we sin without directly thinking about it.

Guilt might show up as cognitive dissonance. We say one thing and do another and there is mental and even emotional conflict that begs to be resolved. To have integrity we mentally need to live out what we say and believe.

So how does guilt become dangerous? There are four ways that I can think of:

  • When we experience guilt when we didn’t do anything wrong. We cannot take on the burden of someone else’s choices. That is enmeshment and damaging to self and relationships.
  • When we hold on to guilt even after confessing and apologizing for it. Remember yes, continually beat yourself up? Not good.
    • Now restitution might remind you of your guilt, but it doesn’t need to be carried forever. This might be harder to do depending on the sin.
    • Addictions, adultery, murder, or even an accidental death you might have been involved in, can be difficult to recover from and even create trauma that needs professional help to resolve.
    • Burying guilt can create health problems as well.
    • God forgives us, so we should walk in that freedom. Not as perfect or as if it never happened, but as a person who grows through this.
  • Lying and shifting blame for things.
    • Some avoid guilt by blaming others for anything that goes wrong. This is a cognitive issue and that person is essentially lying to themselves to protect them from the truth that they failed in some way.
    • They cannot grow or improve if they refuse to acknowledge their own guilt.
  • When a person never experiences the emotion of guilt and have no awareness of their wrongdoing.
    • This might be due to a variety of mental illnesses, the most notable: a sociopath or someone with antisocial, borderline, or narcissistic personality disorder or possibly some other brain dysfunction.
    • These people are not always dangerous, but they may not be safe people to be around often. They might parrot an apology, but they won’t truly believe they erred and won’t experience any guilt. Behavior won’t change.
    • This is an issue that cannot be resolved through medicine or even great psychotherapy in most instances.
    • The sad effect of rampant sin in our world impacts the way our brains develop and with the toxic environments (emotionally, relationally and physically) that someone might have grown up in.
    • Are these people irredeemable? No. I wouldn’t put it past God to do a mighty work and heal that numbed part of the brain and thinking process, but I also wouldn’t assume it will happen.

Guilt is good even if it feels bad to experience it. The great thing for most people is that when we acknowledge our guilt and seek forgiveness, God is willing to give that to us (even if another human being might not). Acknowledging you have an issue if the sin is a persistent issue, can help a person start to see patterns for that sin so that it might be broken. Anything else can pile guilt on guilt (sin upon sin) which can only be damaging to the body, mind, and soul.

A scripture to cling to is Romans 8:1: Therefore, there is now no condemnation at all for those who are in Christ Jesus.

On a side note but important: When we hold on to sin and refuse to confess our guilt and repent (change our ways) we are, according to Scripture, grieving the Holy Spirit. Eph 4:30-32  Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. Sin and unrepentance grieve God. Guilt is the emotion He gives to help us recognize we’ve wronged not only others, but a Holy God.

Daily confession (in prayer) can be a good way to acknowledge and own our failures before God to move forward with a clean slate by His grace. Something I don’t do often enough. The dangerous emotion of guilt can be tricky. How do you deal with guilt?

Next week: The Dangerous Emotion of Regret.

Author Confessions: Limits to Freedom of Speech

Jul1
Reading Time: 6 minutes

Author Confessions: Limits to Freedom of Speech

As we head into another United States of America Independence Day I was pondering freedom. We have many freedoms in the USA and one of them is freedom of speech. However, there are limitations to this, especially in the Christian publishing industry.

Universal Limitations

  • Lyrics. Not just anything can go on the printed page. Some are universal for all publishing. For instance, I cannot print lyrics from a song without permission from that songwriter and the music publisher. The exception is if it is public domain. That means the origin of the song has to be at least 95 to 120 years and no one owns the intellectual property rights. Most old hymns and Christmas carols fall into this category. However, if one is writing contemporary fiction newer songs cannot be referenced via lyrics in the narrative of a book, not even if you are giving credit. This becomes a legal issue that one has to be careful about.
  • Slander. One has to be very careful about writing about real people and telling real stories. Unless permission is granted the author and publisher could be liable for charges of slander if someone mentioned in a book feels that their reputation is ruined or declares that the words written by him or her are not true. That’s a tricky road to walk because we all have our own interpretation of events that have happened in our lives. But what if my perception of events is not viewed the same way by someone who has offended me? Unless there is a decided legal case which convicts someone of a specific crime, any thing else could be suspect. This is what happened when Amber Heard wrote an article stating she was the victim of abuse. While she never named her ex-husband, Johnny Depp, most people understood that was who she was talking about and he lost work due to that. The court found that she was liable for slander. Freedom of speech did not protect her from saying negative things even though she didn’t even mention his name. I’ve read some books where it was easy to find the name of the person being talked about and I often wondered if that wouldn’t have opened up the author (and publisher) to charges of slander, even if the statements were true. In one case, I discovered the person written about was a public figure (both were) and had moved to a new market and when the book  released went on a drinking binge costing him public humiliation and losing his job. Ouch. This book was written by a Christian. While much of that autobiography was instructive and helpful to me as a reader, there was a cringe factor in how it exposed her ex-husband. This is often why I’ve suggested to some that writing their story, heavily veiled, in fiction, might be safer.

Christian Limitations

The Christian market has more unique limitations that involve not including foul language, no disparaging remarks about God, no drinking or drug use portrayed positively and without consequences, no sex outside of marriage and definitely no sexual encounter described in detail on the page. Any evil act needs to be seen as such so there is no glorification of murder, abuse, theft, lying etc. This is what makes Christian fiction “clean” for the reader.

When I stared writing I wanted to have books that I wouldn’t be afraid of my children picking up. A creative writer can tell a great story without explicit sin. A great story shouldn’t need a detailed sex-scene because that only titillates the reader and could lead them into sin.

Christian publishing houses might have further restrictions on what they will or will not allow and the author needs to heed those limitations or he or she won’t be published.

Liability

It is difficult for writers to be insured to protect against liability. Most authors don’t carry insurance for this because we don’t make enough to cover the expense. That’s just the brutal truth. There are few companies that even offer this. We often want to share personal stories and write about hard truths but we need to be careful to not be so specific that we could be accused of slander. Even using the name of a company in our book, or a restaurant could be a problem. Many of us do put stuff in there, and as long as it is used in a positive light, it shouldn’t be an issue.

Off the Page

Even outside of the books themselves there are things writers are not to discuss. We are not to tell others about our contracts (at least not publicly on social media) or issues we might be having with a publisher or agent. Most of those things need to be dealt with privately. Now if there is a publisher doing horrible things than giving warning to others against that publisher/agent/editor/author might be necessary but not in a public way lest it be considered slander. For instance, if someone asks publicly about a particular publisher or editor, anyone who has a negative view would be better served to privately share that information.

Organizers of conferences will share amongst themselves if they come across unethical actions by publishers, agents, editors, or authors, as a way to protect the conferees. The attendees are not informed of those who have done wrong, at least not publicly. The only exception might be if someone were to do something that became public. Examples might be: inappropriate touching, sexual immorality, illegal activities, or something like that might become known and published in a local paper, or even a market publishing magazine. Once it is public then it is no longer private. Actions might also include the author losing his reputation, his books might be pulled by the publisher, and he or she will be persona-non-grata at conferences. Not that there couldn’t be restoration and forgiveness. God does forgive sin! We are to forgive. But oftentimes there needs to be repentance and possibly space for healing before that individual might be allowed to serve in any of those capacities again.

There have even been instances, in Christian publishing, where a well-known personality plagiarized an entire work of fiction by another lesser-known Christian author. How painful and wrong! I hope she was able to get justice as she probably didn’t have a ton of financial resources to fight for her rights.

This is no different than in the church itself. The Christian publishing community is small and we are still the body of Christ and maybe there isn’t a denomination ruling over most of us, there is a desire to honor God in all we do, on and off the pages of any book.

This really is a desire to heed Matthew 18: 15-17. “If your brother sins against you, go and rebuke him in private. If he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he won’t listen, take one or two more with you, so that by the testimony of two or three witnesses every fact may be established. If he pays no attention to them, tell the church. But if he doesn’t pay attention even to the church, let him be like an unbeliever and a tax collector to you.” (HCSB)

Freedom In Christ

As Christians, we face limitations are found in our daily lives. Most are designed for our good! Not rules and regulations, although some might boil the Christian life to that. Rather as we seek to honor God with our gifts and the calling to write, we want to also honor the boundaries He provides. Those same boundaries are reflected in the books we write (or should be if we are to be called “Christian”). This isn’t done out of a need to earn approval but out of a personal relationship with Jesus. Out of the grace He has bestowed on us to be children of God, and in order to not grieve the Holy Spirit that indwells us as believers, we seek to write in a way that would bring glory and honor to HIM first, and hopefully uplift and entertain the reader with truths found in Scripture, whether explicitly stated or not.

True Freedom

As we celebrate our freedoms as a nation, there are still limits to freedom of speech, even outside of the Christian publishing industry. Yet we do have so many freedoms. We can disagree politically, or even have discussions about different theological ideologies we might not agree on. Hopefully all we do as those who follow Christ will also be tempered with the freedom we have to share the sweet truths of His word, because He is the ultimate hope and foundation that this nation was founded on.

 

 

Author Confessions: Owning My Mistakes (Ouch!)

Jun10
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confession: Owning My Mistakes (Ouch!)

I would rather not write this post. I used to be in a relationship with someone I called “the blame-shifter.” Nothing was ever his fault. Anything that happened, was due to someone else’s nefarious sins. Any failure in our relationship was always my fault because he was perfect. It always bothered me. I don’t ever want to be like that.

This past week I discovered that something slipped by me with my editing work for another author. Ugh. The last time something like that happened was when my father was dying and I thought we were all done with edits on a manuscript and so didn’t think about it only to realize, oops! It still had one more round to go! I blitzed and and so did the copyeditor, of course after copious apologies from me. We got it done because I caught it soon enough. Grief can do amazing things to our memory and while that might be true, the reality is, I should have been more diligent. You’d think I’d learned that lesson.

Last fall I sent two manuscripts to an author whom I’ve been working with for about ten years now. She’s always been on time with returning edits and somehow when I looked at our tracker for our projects I didn’t realize that she still had the documents. Odd. Not her fault though. We had a computer glitch in the fall and documents (as in edits) were not being sent out via the system like they should have. It never dawned on me that they never got to her.

So the other day I was in the tracker getting some stuff input for Christmas novellas when I realized this author had a book scheduled to release in two months. Shouldn’t be an issue if we were finishing up copyedits or final proofs but it had only been through one round of edits. Yikes! How did I miss this? Yes, life is busy and to be honest, there is no good excuse for this. The author never inquired as to where the edits, however,  I am the editor and I’m responsible to manage the project and I failed miserably, aided perhaps by a computer glitch, but still, I screwed up.

I instantly emailed the author with the edits (it really impacted two of her projects coming out close together). Once I got those sent, I called my Editor-in-Chief to confess my flub. She was gracious. Yes, we had computer issues and email issues. She said, “It’s OK, Susan.” I responded. “No, it isn’t. While I appreciate your forgiveness and understanding it is causing a ripple effect for everyone.  I messed up. It shouldn’t have happened.”

The author was gracious as well when we decided that the project due in two months would get pushed off to March 2025 due to no other room in the publishing schedule to get it out this year. The upside of this is with two other manuscripts she has releasing this year it will make her work load a lot lighter and she’ll be able to stretch out her marketing for each book so they get the attention they deserve. Less work? Why would that be a bad thing?

This is a multi-published author who has been down the path to publication many times so for her this wasn’t as devastating as it might have been for a first time author. I had that happen with my first novel when someone messed up and we had to delay the release by a few months. I was crushed. I cried. Life happens, but it still was hard to swallow. Fast forward several years and I had some major edits on a story (long story I’ll probably never tell here, but it was agonizing). This came as I was recovering from  surgery and planning a move and a wedding in a short period of time. Even without all that happening I would never have been able to do what that copyeditor wanted me to do and get it done in time for publication. It is unusual for publishing dates to be pushed off, but unexpected things can crop up on the process. I had another book project with another publisher early on in my career, that kept getting delayed so much that I finally had to cancel my contract with them (they violated the terms of the contract).  We parted ways amicably and while that book (non-fiction) is still awaiting publication, I hope it will release someday when God deems it is ready. Not like I don’t have enough to do right now as it is. My plate is full.

With this experienced author, we could have skipped steps to try to make the deadline, but I’ve learned enough through the years that we need to respect the process and unfortunately, time is an essential part of that. Due to the fact that we are not machines, but human beings, editing needs time and space between work done on a manuscript so the author, and editor, can review it objectively.

So, I’ve now shared with you the truly human factor in publishing. People mess up. We make mistakes.  We miss things. I’ve been on both sides of the issue. I am never offended when an author asks where things are at with a submission or in the editing process because I recognize that it is important to them and sometimes those reminders help keep me on track or take a second look to make sure I didn’t miss anything. I shouldn’t need those reminders, but life does get busy for all of us. I’m not making an excuse or blaming anyone else but myself. Any good author, editor, or publisher will be willing to own their mistakes along the way. Ultimately, God is over all of this and perhaps this delay for this particular author will give her not only more time to do the work that needs to be done and do it well, but bless her writing in untold ways. I don’t know. I’m not blaming God. It’s a truth that even when we mess up in life, and own our mistakes, HE is still capable of bringing good out of it. Owning my mistakes though is an important part of the process, even though it hurts to admit just how human I am.

Author Confessions: I Write Because Murdering People is Wrong

Mar25
Reading Time: 4 minutes

I Write Because Murdering People is Wrong

There is something cathartic about writing. I journal but when I write a story I get to retell an incident that might or might not have happened in real life to me or someone else… and without picking up a gun or plotting the perfect murder, I can see justice done. So, really, writing is keeping me out of jail.

Not that I’ve ever really had the desire to murder anyone. Punch them, sure. See them suffer harm or even natural consequences for the things they’ve done, absolutely.

As a Christian I’m supposed to forgive and I’ve walked long enough with Christ now to realize that it is the only way to freedom for me to  have any joy in my life and to be able to hear His voice. I’m not saying what people have done wrong to me was acceptable. Absolutely not. I’m not saying they still don’t deserve punishment. They do.

Just not at my hands.

“Vengeance is Mine, and retribution; In due time their foot will slip. For the day of their disaster is near, And the impending things are hurrying to them.” (Deuteronomy 32:35 NASB). The Psalms are filled with David’s confidence that God will vindicate him and give him victory over his (and God’s) enemies. 

Sometimes when people have wronged me it’s not really about me at all–it’s about Christ who they see in me. As image bearers of the King of kings and Lord of lords and heirs to His kingdom, we don’t have to fight all those battles. Sometimes we just need to wait and trust that God sees and understands our pain and will fight for us. We may never fully understand how or when and we don’t get to dictate the terms of that recompense, but we can trust that God will see it done at some point.

Some people call that karma. Nope. It’s just God being the Righteous Judge of the universe He created.

Now, having said all that, in some ways as an author I get to be the god over the story He’s allowing me and helping me to write. And yes, He does allow me that satisfaction of seeing justice done to bad dudes. Murdering fictional people in a story isn’t wrong because I’m not specifically thinking about murdering a real person when I do it. Honestly, when I see justice done I’m not substituting a real human villian in my mind for the character on the page. Still, it is satisfying to see my characters get some semblence of justice.

Someday, those who have wronged me will get theirs too. Not at the hands of my pen because that would be slander, but at the hands of God who is far more fearsome and whose holiness would destroy me if it weren’t for the gift of salvation I’ve received through His Son, Jesus.

See, I’m not perfect either, and my sins are forgiven. Even if I did something truly heinous, God would most likely allow natural consquences to follow even though He forgives me when I come to Him and confess.

Which means those who have wronged me or those I love, could also repent of their sins as well. True repentance would mean taking ownership of the sin and going to make things right with the individual sinned against. Even then there might not be reconciliation but there could at least be peace. Not every act of forgiveness is a carte blanche to trust that person, at least not right away. Not all people are safe and worthy of access to us.

Having stated all that and my utmost confidence in God as Judge, it can still be hard to let go of the control and desire to hurt someone who has hurt me or someone I care deeply about. Sometimes the urge to defend someone else is even stronger. I have no right to hold on to someone else’s offenses. I was not personally offended and it is not my responsibility to defend or protect the injured person. Pray for, comfort, encourage them to seek a resolution, absolutely, but for me to go to the offender and complain would be triangulation and wrong as well as highly dysfunctional.

Many of us just want the control. There is power behind anger and being offended. We feel self-righteous and “better-than” the person who offended us. Matthew 18:15-17 says: “Now if your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that on the testimony of two or three witnesses every matter may be confirmed. And if he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, he is to be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.” These words are wise in letting us get help when we can’t find peace on our own, but even then that third person who isn’t involved is supposed to promote peace, not go in as a sledge-hammer against the person who did the hurt. I’ve had to do this process many times and I wish I could say it all turned out great. It didn’t. Having those steps though helps me set the offense aside and move forward, leaving the other person in the hands of God.

Wow, this post became very complicated. It’s really not. I write so I don’t murder anyone because murder is wrong. Or slander. Or punch their lights out. Or tell the whole world what a horrible, verbally abuseive narcissistic jerk they are. (OK, maybe that was a little too specific?). In many ways our sinful world filled with  hurt, injury, injustice, abuses of all kinds, makes for a rich well to draw from when writing stories. Years later,  parlaying some of those tragedies, whether my own or someone else’s, provides a bit of a relief valve while I wait for God to take care of the real-life nasty people.

I’m grateful that even though I might unintentionally hurt someone else, God gives His grace to me. So I will forgive those who have done wrong and leave it in God’s capable hands. Mine are too busy typing anyway.

 

 

Spatzle Speaks: The Christmas Mission (Book Review)

Oct14
Reading Time: 2 minutes

Karen Malley wrote this sweet story of love, forgiveness, and being careful about judging people before you have all the facts. The Christmas Mission will warm your heart.

Nicole is the main character who has experienced some of the hardships of life at a young age but has her life on track with a job and going to college. Working at smoothie shop is a sweet gig when that is where you meet the man of your dreams.

Or so Nicole thought. After meeting Michael and his family things seems great–until she learns the truth about who he really is. When her father re-emerges in her life word gets back to Michael about Nicole not being as pure and honest as he suspected. Could two people ever be so confused?

Christmas is a time for love and forgiveness and Karen Malley weaves a beautifully crafted story that will warm your heart and give you a deeper appreciation for the many gifts you’ve been given. No dogs. Again. But what can I say? I’m a sucker for romance.

I’m giving this book five bones. Read it and enjoy every moment!

Spatzle Baganz, book reviewer for the silygoos blog because that’s how we roll.

Spatzle Speaks: Angel of the L Train (Book Review)

Aug12
Reading Time: 2 minutes

Mom has enjoyed the writings of author Penelope Marzec and her latest release, Angel of the L Train was exceptionally well done if you were to ask Mom. But that doesn’t matter because as her dog I rule this part of the blog so only my opinion really counts.

Thea Ahern is recently hired by a New York City gossip rag called LetSlip. She’s eager to work and earn money to support her mother’s nursing home care, but in the process has to hide her heritage. After a tragic incident on the subway, she assists a man who was brutally attacked and saves his life. Now the papers dub her the Angel of the L Train. Suddenly her anonymity is challenged as people see the resemblance between her and her mother who used to be a famous actress.

John is asked to shadow Thea because his boss believes her to be a way to uncover the truth about what happened to Thea’s mother. John understands the desire to hide from the past and he seeks to protect her from media scrutiny. When the CEO of LetSlip is murdered while John is in the building, his own dark past is revealed. How can he protect her and keep his job? Can Thea ever forgive him when she discovers his past–and his true reason for watching over her?

This is an excellent read filled with adventure and obstacles for the characters to overcome, but also heart as Thea and John both care deeply for family and would sacrifice to protect those they love. I give it five bones because I’m a dog and that’s how I roll.

Spatzle Baganz, book reviewer for the silygoos blog because that’s how we roll.

Spatzle Speaks: Forgiving Tess (Book Review)

Feb1

Reading Time: 3 minutesI adored Kimberly Miller’s debut novel Picking Daisy so I fully expected to enjoy her second book, Forgiving Tess. I was not disappointed!

Kimberly Miller takes the concept of just how far we extend forgiveness and how do we know someone truly has repented and put away the sins of the past. Even for Christians, it can be far too easy to judge someone based on their past than it is to accept their attempts to live a new, godly life, in the here and now.

Tess Carson is one of those characters who has made a mess of her life and is working hard to make it all right. Foolish choices, childish rebellion, a turning away from her family and her faith have made it hard to find restoration. Thankfully her uncle believes in her, perhaps even more than she does. But even he can only go so far to help her.

On a mission trip arranged by her uncle, she runs into her childhood crush. The man she declared for years as a teenager that she would marry. But putting away childish things and a wall of bad decisions destroy any possibility of a romance with the handsome young man who is now the youth pastor at the church where she’s serving.

And she’s still just as attracted to him, and his dimples, as she was as a silly teenager. While she share’s she has a past, she’s afraid to tell him details.

Josh Thorne is the son of missionaries and the best time of his life was when he lived in the town where Tess and her brother, his best friend, were. To him, that was home. Meeting Tess again and finding she was all grown up was a shock. He’s confident that there is nothing in her past that could keep him from pursuing her but he has difficulty convincing Tess of just how loveable she is… by him, her family, and God.

Her past won’t stay buried for long and there is a rocky road to romance for these two as Tess’s past threatens all of the dreams Josh has for his (and their) future together. Can they overcome? When, if ever, will those hypocrites, who cast stones, see that she really has changed?

Will Tess understand true forgiveness before it’s too late or will she lose everything? Including Josh?

This book explores so many levels of healing, growth, forgiveness and the tangled relationships that result from sin and the difficult path to full redemption and restoration, not only within the church but also within Tess herself. I strongly recommend this book. My mom loved it and couldn’t put it down, which meant more snuggle time by her side. Plus, I’d love to bark and chase after that motorcycle in the story. For that reason, I’m giving it 5 bones, because I’m a dog and I don’t have thumbs.

Spatzle Baganz, book reviewer for the silygoos blog because that’s how we roll.

Freed to Forgive (Book Review)

Oct23

Reading Time: 2 minutesfreed to forgiveJulie B. Cosgrove has written two fabulous romantic suspense novels with a plot involving human sex-trafficking. Freed to Forgive is the culmination of those two previous stories. The first was Hush in the Storm followed by Legitimate Lies. Marisol’s story is woven in small nuggets into the two previous books but due to the demands of her readers, Marisol’s journey is finally in print.

Marisol is a young woman being abused by her father and brothers in a small village in Mexico. Anger burns within her so when the opportunity to go to America is presented she believes the lies she’s told and leaves. The journey there is harrowing and she finds herself using the skills she learned in her village to try to save another young slave who is still a virgin. Eventually, however, she finds herself pregnant. She gives up her child hoping it can live a better life. In the process she escapes her captors and strives to live a life free of her shameful past.

Ten years pass and she learns over and over that men are not to be trusted. When Jesse shows interest she struggles to accept that he could truly want to know her and not just use her for her body. She struggles to keep her past hidden but her bitterness and resentment over all that has happened bubbles up to torment her  and keep her stuck. Can God really help her forgive those who abused and trafficked her? And can she really move forward in freedom and the love of a godly man?

This story is an emotionally fraught one filled with some disturbing scenes. Julie does nothing to hide the horrors of all that Marisol and so many others in our own country endure at the hands of modern-day slave-traders. In spite of that she is not gratuitous or unnecessarily explicit in those descriptions but it is good for the reader to be aware. All the instances are necessary for the plot of the book.

The reality of human trafficking in America deserves fiction like this to help us understand the horrors. We all need to step up to stop this tragedy as well as help those either caught in it or recovering from it. Either through prayer, or awareness or engaging further in the fight. I’m glad Julie Cosgrove has had the guts to tell Marisol’s gritty tale. The reality is we are all at times trapped and wounded by the sins of others and the lessons Marisol learns are for us all. God forgives and there is freedom in Christ.