Tag Archive | hate

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotions of Ambivalence and Apathy

Mar10
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Ambivalence and Apathy

Two emotions in one post? I must be crazy. However these are probably not emotions often talked about and I think I can handle a two-for-one special today!

Ambivalence

The dangerous emotion of ambivalence is a contradictary mix of emotions: love/hate, caring/disinterest. Some of this is a natural by product of any relationship. We can deeply love someone but also hate certain things they do even if they are not sin. That might be a decision we disagree with, or political posture they take (this can be hard in the USA!). This can end up with one emotion growing larger than the other and this is where the danger comes, when it swings one way or the other.

Scripture teaches that love never fails or love conquers all depending on the translation (1 Cor 13). 1 Peter 4:8 states: “Above all, maintain an intense love for each other, since love covers a multitude of sins.” Woah. Love covering sin is having an attitude of forgiveness. Love in action forgives sin, especially in a relationship with another person. It not mean avoiding any acknowledgement of sin, not confronting sin, or allowing sinful acts to continue. If we truly love someone and value them as a person made in the image of God, we should confront sin.

Now I’m not saying we go around judging everyone (that moral high ground again) but when we see sinful patterns it is good to discuss those and bring them out in the open and even get to the root of the issue that might be underneath. Good counseling can help in many instances. Get help alone (not couples therapy) if there is verbal/emotional/financial/physical abuse or a narcissitic spouse. Ambivalence is dangerous when in cases of abuse the love wins out over protecting oneself and getting help. I’m not promoting divorce. Don’t let let a false sense of love lead to unwise emotional or physical choices.

That “multitude of sins,” could also refer to quirks and idosyncracies we all have whether we want ot admit it or not. My husband will ask why I’m so kind to him. I tell him that if I ever get upset or irritated when he does something that is just “him” and it is not sin, I remember that this personality that makes up the man I married, is who God made him to be. I need to realize that and accept him as he is. Not necesesarily ambivialence, although maybe in that moment until I adjust my attitude to be one of love. Now, if he really is getting on my nerves or is going to far (he loves to joke around) I let him know. He has to adjust to my quirks and moods as well.

Ambivalence isn’t as dangerous as it is a signal that perhaps we need to figure out why and work our way back to the more positive emotions. The danger in the emotion of ambivalence is if we allow it to continue for a long period of time.

Apathy

The dangerous emotion of apathy is marked by a lack of emotion. Detatchment. Not caring. No empathy. In many ways this seems worse than hatred. If I hate someone there is a strong emotion attached to it. I care, but am not happy about something the person did. If I’m apathetic, I don’t care at all. This should not be the case in close relationships as it undermines any sense of unity and love we would want in a healthy friendship or marriage.

Apathy, in the sense of detachment, might be necessary for emotional survival in the case of narcissitic/verbal/emotional/phyisical/financial abuse like I mentioned above. In this case it is a healthy way to protect oneself from someone who does not have our best interests at heart. This might end in cutting off a friendship, blocking or restricting someone on social media, or not sharing your life with that person if they are not “safe” for you. Not answering the phone or a text. When someone has abused or in other ways broken trust, detatchment may be the healthiest thing to do. As long as you can do that without harboring emotions of resentment or hatred toward that person. Let them go and let God deal with them.

In many ways apathy is the saddest of the emotions because it is an indication of the death of a connection to another person.

Side note: Depression can result in apathy so be careful not to just cut off a relationship if you struggle with depression and you are unable to parse out whether your lack of interest is due to the “blues” or something is wrong in the relationship. When a depressed person experiences apathy it is usually more universal – a disinterest in anything, even things that used to bring pleasure. Unfortunately, ongoing abuse can result in the depression and apathy and it is helpful to get wise counsel to resolve that so you can experience the nicer emotions in life like love, joy, hope, and peace.

The danger in apathy is when you haven’t given a relatively health relationship a chance. Sometimes, however, it is healthier to embrace the apathy as a way to move forward in life without the pain of loss, grief, sorrow, that can accompany a person who has cut of a relationship with you. Grieve it, yes. Evaluate yourself for any wrongdoing, absolutely, but then move on in freedom. Don’t let those regrets over the past that you cannot resolve in the present, hinder you from living life to the fullest.

Have you had challenges with the dangerous emotions of ambivalence or apathy? How have you dealt with either of those?

Author Confessions: Why Authors Hate Marketing

Jul29
Reading Time: 4 minutes

 Author Confessions: Why Authors Hate Marketing

Maybe it’s an exaggeration to say authors hate marketing. We’re expected to do it. I’m sitting here writing in a blog as part of a larger marketing plan. Gone are the days where an author can squirrel themselves away in a lovely little cabin and pump out book after book. Maybe a book signing here and there to meet their adoring public. Back in the olden days (before I ever started writing for publication), publishing houses did all that work.

The advent of the internet and those who are self-publishing has created a lot more content and choices for readers. Some publishing houses are struggling to stay afloat in a highly competative industry and authors are making less money as a result. It’s only a tiny percentage of published authors who write more than one book  who rise to the top as far as popularity and book sales. Those with big names don’t need to be all over social media to get readers to purchase their next best-seller. If you are already famous and write a book, they might do a few interviews on national television and then that’s it, voila, best-seller.

Now this isn’t about book sales, per se. But the reality is we live in a noisy world. I admit to getting sucked into social media, reels, videos, and posts. Sometimes I think life was better before I ever joined Facebook, and I’m not on there as much as you might think. I hired a virtual assistant for a time to help with some of that and I learned a lot. The goal was not to need him anymore. I still have one helping me for the moment with this blog, but she doesn’t write the posts. She does all the back door stuff and offers a ton of encouragemet (I love you, Bonnie!)

TIME

I don’t hate marketing. What I dislike is the time it takes away from writing. Part of this is as I’ve learned new things I’m dipping into my back catalogue of content to put together my media content. That takes a lot of time as I’m skimming books to get quotes, or looking on line for reviews to use to help people perhaps take interest in a particular title. And I can’t be all about sales either. Who wants that? So I search for cute images with quotes about reading, books, faith, or sometimes something silly to post to encourage my audience. Eventually I won’t have to do all that again, except for new titles, so getting it organized right now is the big investment. If I were to line up interviews or books signings that takes even more time (and money). Thankfully, if I plan well, I can post all of that in advance. Still, it takes time and planning.

INTROVERTS

The majority of authors are introverts. We are not necessarily out for attention. I’m supposed to do videos to promote my books and I’ve done a few, but I hate doing them! They are short, sure, but they take more time than you think and I can be pretty critical of my performance. I can do live videos and be fine with them if they are less scripted but it still is not a comfortable thing to do. I don’t want this to be about me–but about the stories. I write fiction so I have to try to show you, the reader, the value there is in reading my made up tale. That takes time and creativity to put together in something that’s only 30 seconds to a minute long with a moving background. As you can guess, I’m not on TikTok. My life is mostly private. Sure I share some stuff on Facebook, and maybe if I think of it, on Instagram, but that’s about it. I want to live a life away from a computer screen as much as possible.

MONEY

I have paid marketing experts to help me but in reality it wasn’t just paying someone to do the job, it was paying them to teach me how to do it. It’s not cheap and doing the job myself I can see why. It takes time and that is a valuable asset. So is money. My husband spent his life in marketing and sales but it was for a physical product and he would do the sales at a home with an appointment. It’s as different thing to sell content like a book. So I invest money (and time) and it might be years before I see a real return on my investment. It’s a step of faith to do that and many authors do pay others for the help, but even with that assistance they often have to pitch in by providing content to the assistant. Those assistants work hard. Book signings can come with a cost as well for the spot at a craft fair, and maybe goodies for those who come whether it be snacks or give-aways.

The reason why authors hate marketing is because it’s outside of our wheelhouse and takes away from our primary craft of writing. I don’t mind doing images and posting or playing around to creat my own unique images, but it takes time. My publisher does some stuff to help market books but the primary weight of this for most authors, falls on their shoulders. And if you want to be published, you need to have that audience already established, even without having a book to sell. Crazy, right? Unfortunately, that’s the reality most authors face as they try to get a book ready for publication.

Author Confessions: Satan Doesn’t Like Christian Authors

May13
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: Satan Doesn’t Like Christian Authors

This idea should be more of a “duh” kind of thing. Of course Satan doesn’t like Christian authors—he’s diametrically opposed to Christ, the gospel and those who are trying to honor God in the exercise of their spiritual gifts.

So why bother writing about it? Because we too often forget we are in a spiritual battle.

Not that every challenge or bad thing that happens to us can be pinned on our mortal foe. We can easily make life more difficult without his help.

But when I’m afraid to write because I believe it won’t be good enough, then I’m believing a lie. My unbelief in God’s power to work in and through me, is a great tool for the enemy to use to keep me from exercising my gifts and calling.

When something bad happens, like last year I tripped and fell and broke my right humerus (arm), that wasn’t really the devil’s fault. Some of it had been a result of my inability to get medication I needed because of insurance and supply chain issues. I could just blame Satan, the insurance company, the FDA, the pharmaceutical companies, but to what end? I could blame myself for being impulsive, inattentive, and clumsy. I could blame the UPS guy for leaving the box of brakes for my car where I would trip over them. That’s not fair though because I could have moved them. I saw them there! That goes back to blaming myself for being lazy. I could blame God for allowing it.

What have I accomplished by any of that? God graciously provided me with so many blessings in the midst of that intense pain. My dog stayed by my side. I was able to get to my husband who took exceptional care of me, even untying my shoes as I blacked out in a chair. Only to have me waking up to say “they zip”. Excellent medical care at the emergency room with a wait of less than ten minutes? That’s unusual to be sure!

I didn’t need surgery and the dire warnings of the first doctor I saw a few days later never came to pass (at least to this date). My rotator cuff could have been reinjured necessitating surgery, or the bone head could have died due to cutting off the blood flow with the break requiring a shoulder replacement. As far as I am aware, fifteen months later, I’m fine.

The reality is, bad things happen all the time. Job didn’t even know that his deepest griefs were because God had lifted protection over him and allowed Satan access. The point of that was to keep trusting God even when things go wrong, because we have no idea what’s going on behind-the-scenes.

The only way to do that is to stay connected to the One who controls it all, including our enemy. Sometimes catastrophe comes and however God allows those things to happen, due to someone else’s sin, or our own (natural consequences), or nature itself, or perhaps our enemy, we need to trust Him and focus on Him.

I was so sad when our vacation had cancelled due to my arm. But I did believe that somehow God was in that. We did take a different trip after I’d healed up enough and during that trip my husband and I were able to share the gospel with a young man who was clearly hurting. We spent several hour with him over a meal. Right then and there I knew my broken arm wasn’t wasted.

Now I’ve already written on God knowing everything so I won’t go into that there. God could have done something similar on our initial trip too. The reality is God is always at work and need to keep focused on Him.

Keeping our hearts clean before God keeps us in step with the Holy Spirit who will help us when evil comes knocking, whether it is in life, vacations, health, work, or yes, even writing. We can grieve our losses on the way but never stop clinging to God and the power He gives us through the Holy Spirit.

The enemy doesn’t stand a chance. Satan hates Christian authors but he’s not the one I’m going to focus on. Instead I’ll keep working as God leads me through the power and protection of the Holy Spirit and trust Him for the results.