Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Shame
I am being quite daring to write a short post on something as vast and researched as shame. Brene Brown has made her career researching this topic. However, while shame may seem a negative emotion, there is, like all emotions, a good and bad side.
Shame has a good side? Well, shame was built into us from the moment sin entered into the world. It wasn’t there before then. Adam and Eve walked naked in the garden and there was no shame. The moment they sinned against God’s rule not to eat the fruit of one tree—shame overcame them. They were naked. Scriptures says they “knew” they were naked. Nothing had else had changed. Being naked didn’t impact them in any way before that. However, the nakedness now was an exposure of their sin so they thought to cover themselves. Guilt, yes. Shame—big time.
Many cultures and families use shame as a weapon to affect good behavior, but shame is not about guilt. Shame is about not being good enough. It is about being defective to the core of your being.
Shame can help a young child learn to wear clothing and that shame can keep that child from exposing themselves. Obviously, that doesn’t work for every person, or we wouldn’t have the sins we see in the world around us.
The feeling of shame and worthlessness, however, is often something that is underlying addictions, workaholism, even perfectionism. There can be a drive within us to prove we are worthy and acceptable. But shame leaks out when we least expect it.
The reality is, due to the inherent sin nature that has been part of every birth, with the exception of Jesus Christ, we are covered in shame and unworthiness on our own. Yes, every individual is created in the image of God but that doesn’t mean the shame doesn’t stain their souls.
It is when we accept that gift of salvation in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ that we can find freedom from shame. Our worth, our value, comes in belonging to Christ.
Just as a prince or princess stands taller and walks with purpose and not shame, because of their position, we too, as heirs of Christ and walk that way. Romans 8:16-17 says: “The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him.”
Now, like guilt there are those that don’t experience shame and that is a sad thing indeed. Sometimes we need to experience this to realize how much we need our Savior!
I believe many people struggle with shame and it can have a devastating consequence. If someone drinks to drown the shame, or takes drugs, or works all the time so they don’t have to face their inner life… Shame colors us all.
Shame can also lead to victimhood which can paralyze someone from being all they could be and living a full life of freedom in Christ. If I’m always a victim and unworthy, less is required of me, right? But God calls us all to freedom in Him.
I suspect that the majority of us fight shame in some way or another when it tries to tell us we are not good enough to be loved, or do a particular task, or even follow where God might lead. On our own, we aren’t! The reality is we all need Jesus to do anything the Holy Spirit is leading us to. If there is no shame, there is no need for the powerful work of Christ in and through us.
I suspect confessing areas of shame here might be too personal, but how do you combat the dangerous emotion of shame? Have you come across resources that have helped you? Please share!
Philippians 4:6 says: “Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise—dwell on these things.”
This gets back to what I started out with. If I focus on all the things that are wrong or scary and think in a paranoid manner, then I will develop a habit. Not quite as serious as a paranoid schizophrenic, but still problematic. When I fail to focus on God, right now, and trust who HE says He is, then I’m slipping into the sin of unbelief.
Hi, I’m Oliver’s smaller but older sister, Minnie, as in Minnie Pearl, because the foster family had named me Dolly Parton and no offense to Dolly, they thought my petiteness needed to be mentioned every time they talk to me. Humans are odd, but I love my life with them, much better than the Amish puppy mill where I lived for three years. Now I get sunshine, snuggles, toys I’m learning to play with, and a buddy in Ollie, who like any brother, can be a pain, but I let him know in no uncertain terms when he crosses the line.
