Tag Archive | being present

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Fear

Dec30
Reading Time: 5 minutes

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Fear

Yes, I know it’s the end of the year so why couldn’t I write something more uplifting than about fear? It’s what was on my mind.  Why is fear dangerous?

When I was in my undergraduate classes, I had a professor challenge us to spend a few days being paranoid about everything. This wasn’t an assignment we turned in. The next week at class he asked us how it went. I informed him that I refused to do the assignment.

“Why?” he asked.

“Because I believe that if I start trying to look at the world that way it could easily become a habit—one I do not want.”

He nodded his head and acknowledged that my reason was wise.

I used to work with adults who suffered from chronic paranoid schizophrenia. Some heard voices that weren’t there. Most of the time these voices were mean and inspired fear. Living with this kind of illness and the fear that accompanies it, is a hell of it’s own.

Now paranoid schizophrenia is an extreme. Of course, there are various other phobias people can have and some area situational. Fear of heights. Fear of snakes. Fear of flying….

In some cases, those are protective. I have begun to realize I’m not really afraid of heights. I’m afraid of falling from that height. When I realize that and need to fight that fear I can take steps to see that I’m safe. OK. Let’s be honest. Falling isn’t the real problem. It’s the landing.

While schizophrenia is a mental illness with what we can best determine to be a chemical change in the brain that happens under stress, usually in the late teens or early 20’s, it is forgivable when someone suffers from this.

It struck me lately that I battle my own fears. In spite of my noble refusal to act paranoid lest I become fearful defense given to my professor, I have lapsed into that kind of thinking quite unintentionally.

Most of those fears are future oriented. The events haven’t happened. When my husband had surgery recently, we had talked candidly about the “what if’s” beforehand all the while praying that the outcome would be good.

I didn’t sleep well the night before. He came through surgery fine, and it wasn’t until we were heading home that I wanted to cry. Sure, I hadn’t had enough sleep so that certainly was a factor.. It had snowed and the roads were slick, another stressor. I was also recovering from my own surgery. However, at the core of those tears was the realization that I had been more fearful of losing my husband than I had thought. I was so grateful he had come through that so well.

Matthew 6:34 says: “…don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” This is after reminding the reader that God is in control of all the things we tend to worry about: food, shelter, clothing, and even our lives.

The phrase “fear not” appears in the Bible 170 times.

1 Peter 5:6-7 says: “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your care on Him, because He cares about you.”

Philippians 4:6 says: “Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise—dwell on these things.”

Notice that Scripture doesn’t just say “don’t worry or don’t be anxious, or do not be afraid,” It gives us a cure. I mentioned in another post that Jesus was the first cognitive behavioral therapist, and this is again what happens. The anxiety we feel, comes from the thoughts we have, and often when we are anxious our thoughts of God are not worthy of Who He is.  2 Timothy 1:7 states: For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.

Someone reminded me recently that when I am anxious about things in the future, like the plans we have for 2025, it robs me of being present here and now. All my focus is on what might go wrong instead of thinking about what is true right now, today. The good, the honorable, the just, the pure, the lovely, whatever is commendable, moral excellence, anything worthy of praise. And to be grateful.

This gets back to what I started out with. If I focus on all the things that are wrong or scary and think in a paranoid manner, then I will develop a habit. Not quite as serious as a paranoid schizophrenic, but still problematic. When I fail to focus on God, right now, and trust who HE says He is, then I’m slipping into the sin of unbelief.

Isn’t God big enough to help me through if something goes wrong in any of the areas I tend to obsess about in my mind in an unproductive way? I don’t usually spend time thinking about losing my husband because I don’t want to take away from the joy of the moments where he is with me now, making memories, laughing, and living a life of gratitude for the God Who brought us together.

The same applies for other areas where there are going to be choices and changes in 2025. I have little control of how much of that unfolds, yet God is already there. I can put my trust in Him.

Just like some might say that anger or lust are “sins”, which I debunk in previous posts: fear, worry, or anxiety are not either. They are emotions that God has given. In some instances, like a fear of heights, theyccan be helpful to protect us. If they are keeping us from living a full life in Christ however, we might need help to get past those fears that are not logical, or even real.

I’m not shaming anyone who struggles with anxiety. Some of that could be due to a chemical imbalance (like some have with too much coffee!). We all experience them. It’s what we do with them that matters. Being anxious or fearful will not keep you from heaven when we are submitting our lives to Jesus Christ, but those emotions can keep us from experiencing the peace and joy He offers us.

Luke 2:10-11 recalls the moments after Jesus’s birth when shepherds heard the news from angels: “But the angel said to them, “Don’t be afraid, for look, I proclaim to you good news of great joy that will be for all the people: Today a Savior, who is Messiah the Lord, was born for you in the city of David.”

Do not be afraid. Jesus came to the earth to bring us Himself as the punishment for all our sins. After He rose and ascended to heaven He gave us the Holy Spirit to indwell and help us on our journey home to be with the Lord. I want to fully experience that joy, don’t you? Then we can join the angels in singing, “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and peace on earth to people He favors!” The dangerous emotion of fear doesn’t need to be controlling us if we focus on Him.

How do you work through your fears and strive to be present in the everyday moments of life?

Author Confessions: Savoring the Sacred

Jun3
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confessions: Savoring the sacred 

With the advent of social media, we went from blogs sharing life, ideas, hacks, and recipes, to people sharing their breakfast or a new outfit or doing fun things. Periodically, you’d get the serious: the accidents, the terrible diagnosis, or the cries for help financially or emotionally.  

In some ways, now we get it all and at a much faster pace. And often the mundane that sometimes puzzles me. People sharing about things that really don’t matter much in the scheme of life: like imitating a dance move.  

When I started to look for a new life-partner, I did tell a few of my closest friends but no one else. When I found one who ticked all the right boxes, I still didn’t share with many people. It’s weird to say, in your fifties, “I have a boyfriend.” I also wanted the relationship to proceed without undue expectations from others.  

In many ways, it felt sacred. I wanted to savor the sacred. I wanted to nurture the relationship without the outward stressors or awkwardness. Kind of like when I start spring plants in the basement. Eventually I start exposing them to the outside during the day to “harden” them, in hopes that when I finally plant them in the ground, they will thrive.  

My new relationship was tender, strange, and wonderful. Tender because we had both come out of deeply painful marriages. Strange because we were both learning a new person and defining a new way of relating and developing trust. Wonderful, because we continually saw God at work in so many ways that six years later, we still frequently recount His work. Savoring the sacred.  

There are many musings that could find their way to social media as I ponder and process life but often they remain unspoken, and might even make it to my prayer journal, but nothing beyond that. Especially as I ponder the things of God. Perhaps what I’m reading in Scripture, or something that comes up as my husband and I discuss life and the craziness of the world around us.  

There are many profound and oftentimes silly interactions in our marriage that will likely never be shared online, again, because I want to savor the sacred. There is deep joy and love, but it doesn’t come to social media because in many ways, I’m savoring the sacred.  

On Memorial Day I went outside to my backyard. I had been working and the sun was shining, grass still damp from recent rains, and the birds were flitting around as my dogs explored. Momma Robin protested when they got too close to her nest. There was peace and quiet in our little slice of heaven, a peace I had never had a chance to enjoy in my previous homes. I don’t deserve this. There are people around the world struggling to survive, living through the uncertainty and terrors of war or dictatorial regimes. Yet, somehow, due to the sacrifices of those who fought and died for our freedom here in the United States, I am able to experience this peace. Savoring the sacred.  

I can’t thank those who have gone before. I can thank God for His blessing and I recognize that it could all end in a moment. Natural disasters, crime, accidents. Life is filled with horrible catastrophes that can befall anyone without notice. Tornados, hurricanes, earthquakes, and more. We live in a world where control is a myth. We think we can control outcomes, even medically, and have unrealistic expectations quite often about how things should go. Life should be fair.  

Justice would say my life is unfair. I don’t deserve to sit in a comfy chair in a climate-controlled home with sweet doggies at my side, writing this. I am a sinner. I fail too often, even if only in my thoughts which are not always as kind and compassionate as I would like them to be. Without my faith in the salvation bought for me at the cross by Jesus Christ, and the work He has done in my heart and life through the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit, I would be toast. So, I savor the sacred because life is fragile and transient.  

Really good people suffer horribly. Consider Job and his suffering. Even when life is hard, God has and always will be at work behind the scenes. So, savor the sacred.  

I’m not saying that those going through those hard times shouldn’t be sharing. I’ve been encouraged and blessed by those who have shared God’s work in the midst of their struggles. There is a time and a place for that, maybe even to only a close few. Obviously, I’m not an influencer dancing and singing and coming up with some kind of schtick to get clicks or more thumbs up on my posts.  

I have loftier goals. I want to live a life (and write books) that honor God and give Him the glory. I can’t do that without tuning into His Holy Spirit—again, savoring the sacred. That might mean I need to set down my phone more instead of getting lost in the vortex of all those posts, reels, videos, and images. I’m working hard at putting down my phone to be present in the moment when I’m with others.  

How about you? How can you spend more time savoring the sacred?