Tag Archive | health

Author Confessions: Understanding Needs

Jul14
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: Understanding Needs

I was surprised that I never wrote about needs as I’ve always loved Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs and find it contains easy to understand, and biblically sound ideas.

If you’re not familiar with Abraham Maslow, he was an American psychologist and he studied human motivation. It’s probably what he is most famous for. He came up with five basic needs that support the needs above them for a person to be living lives as full as possible.

Hierarchy of Needs

Physiological Needs

These needs we see even in infants. We all need to breathe. If you suffer from asthma like I do, you can appreciate that even more. When you’re hungry you realize how important that need is. Shelter is important to protect us from the hazards that can come from our environments: cold, heat, sun, snow, rain, hurricanes etc. We need clothing as well to protect our bodies. Winter coat in subzero weathers vs shorts and tank tops when it is hot. Sleep is also a need. It messes with our body and our minds when we do not get enough sleep.

Safety and Security

When we break a bone, get a disease, or even a cold, we are reminded how much our health impacts our overall well-being. We need something to do. Now in our society it seems that being online and pontificating and even bragging about not working is the norm but a well-adjusted individual needs employment. Paid or volunteer there is a built in need to contribute to something bigger than ourselves. Property is important, whether you rent or own we need a place. Even gypsy’s have property, they just take it with them. Family is one that is so in danger in our world but is a deep need God has built into us. Having social connections are also important to help us develop and be whole.

Love and Belonging

Friendships, family, intimacy and connection are again, built into us by our amazing God who wants to be in those kinds of relationships with humans. Denying the need for connections and belonging can deeply hurt an individual’s development and very existance. That is why isolation can be so hard long term in prison or for those who are held captive. The lack of connection can be devestating psychologically.

Self-Esteem

We long to be confident, to feel like we matter and that others like us. When that is denied a child, or an adult, it can be devestating. We long for respect for who God created us to be, as unique creations of a loving, and amazing God. When that is withheld it can have a horrible impact on a person’s emotional health.

Self-Actualization

We all have some version of morals, we have different levels of creativity, we desire acceptance, purpose, and to know our life has meaning. We long for the ability to make choices and take actions on our own.

Summary 

Getting our needs seems so simple in a pyramid. Due to sin it can be hard for us to find our needs met in the world around us because it often requires relationships which can be messy.

Next week I’ll be looking at how this connects with motives. Understanding human needs can go a long way to understanding ourselves which is necessary before we seek to understand others. God of course, is already there and calling us to follow Him and grow to be people who can serve Him, even if our needs here on earth are not fully met. Ane while we need these things from other humans, because He designed us for relationships, He also promises to help us with all of these as we seek His face.

Author Confessions: Margins Aren’t Just for Books

Feb5
Reading Time: 5 minutes

When you open the page of a book you see some white space all around the area where words are. Those are margins. When authors submit a book we request a one inch margin all around the pages and double-spaced. They are far easier to read and edit. If the margins are small, it creates stress in the mind of the reader.

In 1995, I stumbled upon the writings of Dr. Richard A Swenson who wrote Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives. Taking that concept of margins on a page, he applies it to the way we write, and live, our daily lives. Packing our days to the gills as it were, can cause physical stress and illness.

I’ve had a tendency to be a work-a-holic, even when I was a stay-at-home mom. My one escape? Reading. Books became my space in the challenges of raising kids. Eventually, that turned into writing. One day, I was writing and really enjoying the moment and all of a sudden looked up and saw it was 3:00 p.m. My kids’ school ended at a 3!  I called the school to tell them I would be late, got my little girl. I drove us to school which was in town at least fifteen minutes away.

When I showed up my middle Hobbit said, “Where were you?”

I sheepishly admitted: “I was writing.”

His response was brilliant. “Maybe you should set an alarm.”

After that I did. I never missed a pickup.

My kids are all grown now and life has taken many twists and turns since I started writing all those years ago, but I still strive to have margin. Making time to do everything we “should” do is tough. Keeping a budget, paying bills, work out, medical appointments, friendships, church, spending time with God (that should be first), getting enough sleep, maybe a hobby, date night, laundry… are all important. Are you exhausted yet?

I’ve intentionally tried to live a slower-paced life. I am a homemaker first. We also have an LLC that requires attention. I am a writer and editor but I can’t easily work a 40-hour-week with all my responsibilities.

I like a plan and I don’t especially like change. It’s easier when I initiate it. Life doesn’t give us warnings though. God sometimes lets life happen and we are forced to roll with the punches.

I realized last year I had been experiencing increasing heel pain. Having gone through that before with my other foot, I wasn’t smart enough to make an appointment earlier to get that taken care of. My husband learned he would need a major surgery, so I pushed to get this done. Healing doesn’t always go according to schedule,

Then my Youngest Hobbit decided she’d like to move back home till she heads off to college in the fall. Add a friend as well. That meant in addition to everything else on my plate we had to set up rules and expectations (they pay rent and need to attend church in person every week), but I also had clean out two rooms and part of the basement where they would have a place to hang out and watch television without being forced to be with us older folks. Having them here is a total delight and worth the hard work it took on my part to make it happen. I did have them do some of the heavy lifting. Still, it cut into my margins–and my work.

A few days ago, we learned my husband’s surgery got moved up due to him needing another operation six weeks later. The next morning, I learned my physical therapy needed to be extended. Cue the stress as I try to figure out how to handle all his appointments, keep seeing a physical therapist for my own foot pain, exercise, and doing my stretches daily, keep feeding us, keeping the house clean, oh, and maybe get some marketing and writing done? Add to that staying on top of all his medical appointments before and after surgery as he’ll need me to keep him on track so he can heal well. I just wanted to cry.

And I did.

I do well at getting to bed at a reasonable hour, a habit I cultivated long before I had kids. I’m still making my work-outs a priority as well as my quiet times. I’m making an intentional effort at staying connected to friends. I try to shut down from my work by 4 pm so I can prepare a meal for our family and the rest of the night is usually spent relaxing which is when I try to embroider, unless we decide to play some games, all of which are great ways to relax.

I still get stressed and overwhelmed and need to remind myself of one major truth I learned from Nancy Leigh DeMoss Wolgemuth in her book, Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free.  This one was so important that I keep coming back to it. The lie: There are not enough hours in the day to get my work done. Truth: If that’s the case then maybe I’m not doing the work God has given me to do.

Ouch.

We put money in savings and I have space on my walls for more memories, but time is a much more valuable asset we can never retrieve once it’s gone. I’ve always tried to beat deadlines– again that provides margin. I leave for events early–another margin.

There are days when emotions make it difficult to accomplish anything creative, but I’m learning that I can rest on those days. That’s not being lazy. My body and my emotions tell me I need margin. I don’t need to function at 100% all the time. Even a fine-tuned engine doesn’t do well running 24/7, what makes me think I can do that?

Life is hard, even for writers. I long to do more writing. I have projects I’m eager to work on, but right now, I need to prioritize and do the best I can and give myself grace. Ultimately, I listen to God as He guides me into what I need to do next. The rest will wait. There are projects I’d like to do around the house, and they will wait. Somehow things get done eventually, and that’s a miracle in and of itself. Definitely not because I’m great at this.

So why did I write this? Because, I’m guessing that many of you struggle with the chaos that sometimes visits and upends our lives. If we have a healthy margin we have room to bleed into without sacrificing our health and well-being. Yes, it might be difficult. It might be emotionally challenging, but if we have space to bleed into and other things can be set aside, we’ll come out the other end in a much better place as God uses the challenges to refine us more and more into the image of His Son.

What you have you learned in the pages of your life that help you keep a healthy margin? Or is this something you need to work on? I’d love to hear your perspective.

Invisible Illness

Jul8
Reading Time: 2 minutes

Occasionally you see something come up on Facebook about the fact that people have invisible illness but look fine on the outside. It’s easy to judge someone based one outward appearances when you don’t know the struggles they are having. I suppose we do that to boost our own sagging egos.

But consider for a moment some of these scenarios:

The fat woman you see at church that just seems to keep gaining weight may be having a reaction to some medications for something. Or she has an out of control thyroid. I once gained 40 lbs in two months without changing a thing about my diet and exercise because of my thyroid and new medication that was not at the right dose. Too bad pills don’t take that kind of weight off just as fast. As fat as someone is, for all you know they have just lost 50 lbs and deserve instead to be encouraged in their journey, not condemned.

The person with the smile that seems distant, might be struggling with depression, anxiety or other issues that are preoccupying their mind. They desperately need a friend but are too wrapped up in their own pain at the moment to respond out in a normal way.

And then these are the hardest. One gal I know has a brain tumor and suffers horrible migraine headaches. To look at her you would only see a smiling mother of six young children, who might just be overwhelmed with the challenges of parenting. She is, but with a harder struggle than you can imagine.

Or the woman who shows up to church alone every Sunday with her kids. She smiles and looks great and you suspect perhaps her husband just doesn’t want to come to church, when in reality at home she is being emotionally abused but out of respect for her husband, doesn’t say anything to anyone else.

I guess my point is this: We all struggle with something and outward appearances can be deceiving. Not that people are intentionally misleading others, just that our pain is private and we don’t walk around with signs on our heads announcing our struggles.

Depression, Fibromyalgia, Arthritis, Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis (and any other number of autoimmune diseases), back pain, cancer. All of these can be hidden illnesses that severely impact the person without you seeing their struggle.

The fact is, we all struggle at times. As Gilda Radner used to say “It’s always something.”  And maybe if we can remember that a book cover and it’s contents don’t always match. A house with curb appeal could be a dump on the inside. So the person who seems “fine” may be struggling with deep issues or problems you have no clue of.

So maybe we can be kinder to each other. “So as those who have been chosen by God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another….” Colossians 3:12a (NASB)

And when we see someone who can’t hide their problems, maybe we can reach out to them with empathy. I was on a trip once and one of our group was in a wheelchair. A lady turned to me and said, “It must be hard to have to live that way.” I shrugged and told her that in some ways we are all in a wheelchair, some you just can’t see.