Tag Archive | heaven

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Myth of Unconditional Love

Aug4
Reading Time: 5 minutes

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Myth of Unconditional Love

One of the cornerstones of some therapy is that people need unconditional love. The more I’ve thought about it though, it seems kind of wrong, doesn’t it?

There is no free pass with love. When my husband and I were doing premarital counseling, there was a questions we needed to answer about whether we believed anything could destroy our marriage. I said yes. Unconditional love would say no. Maybe I was more practical realizing that there are many things that can destroy a marriage. I don’t like divorce and I have no desire for that but it is naive to think that it is 100% preventable. While making a good marriage takes three (husband, wife, and the Lord), one person alone can destroy it.

Let me try to unpack this a little.

God loves us. He created us. There are many who say that because God is love there can be no Hell. Some dismiss God because of that. Unconditional love would only seek a person’s happiness and wellbeing. No strings attached.

Maybe the  difference here is there are boundaries and expectations. God’s one big desire was that we are to love Him with all our heart, mind, body, and soul. That’s a tough calling in a world where so many things pull us away to idols that cannot give us a tiny fraction of the love God has for us.

His love is unconditional in that He will always love us but He will leave us to our own devices if we spurn Him and He will allow negative consequences. Even in Scripture He intentionally brought punishment to the nation of Israel for their turning their back on Him. Are those strings?

“And you will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:13).

That sounds like conditions.  God still loved them, but the ability to have a loving relationship with Him was damaged by the choices of the people He called to be His own.

This applies to us as well.

We often forget that God is more than love. He is holy and cannot tolerate sin. He is righteous and pure and cannot stand the taint of sin and our disobedience. He does extend grace and mercy to those who turn to Him and seek His repentance. He even gave us the Holy Spirit to enable us to do all that–as long as we seek Him.

Now we could get into the weeds of self-will and predetermination here but setting that aside, the reality is, however we seek or not seek Him, it is something He desires and we do have some responsiblity for.

I have a child that was difficult to raise and part of that was due to other circumstances beyond mental illness challenges. While he has chosen to cut off a relationship with me, I do pray for him. I love him. I’m sad that I don’t have a relationship with him. I also am relieved I don’t need to deal with his foul disrespect that is so contrary to the truths I and others tried to instill in Him from God’s Word since the day he was born. He has made a choice and I respect that choice. However, I will also not be opening my door wide should he want to return home. He is an adult and has made choices, and should circumstances change that make it hard for him to live with those choices, they will be his to deal with. While I hope and pray that someday he turns back to God, and maybe would desire a relationship with me, there will still be boundaries, as there should be in ANY relationship.

Is that unconditional love? Maybe so. I will always love him and cherish the good, funny, silly memories. I won’t regret the sacrifices I made to advocate for him and push him to be all I believed he could be. He has scorned that and has taken the easy, lazy path in life, but I doubt that will continue because those who have catered to allow him that path will someday no longer be there. I will not enable that kind of life, so coming to me for rescue at that point will be denied.

I will still love him but I recognize that allowing him to take advantage of me is not the way to win back his love or in his best interests.

God is our heavenly Father and yes, of course He loves the individual people He specifically designed and created. He also has allowed all of us to make decisions and choices to follow Him or not and He allows us to take those paths and face those consequences. There are consequences,  good and bad, to following or not following Him.

The Holy Spirit, whom He has given to be our guide will withdraw from providing comfort and leading when we are intentioanlly sinning against God, or worse, denying Him and His power. The Spirit can be grieved. Even God withdrew from Israel when they sinned and was silent allowing them to live the life they chose and face those consequences without a rescue until He deemed they were ready.

So is unconditional love a myth or reality? We can love, but to love well is to be honest, speaking the truth in love, working through conflict to resolution and restoration of relationships. Love that continues to foster sin in the guise of being unconditional love, is really not love at all because love desires what is best for the beloved, even when that means confronting them of their sin and providing consequences. Permissiveness is not love and nothing God has ever done promotes that kind of relationship.

God loves completely. It grieves His heart when people chose to abandon Him. It must break His heart when they make that decision because there is an unpardonable sin. Blaspheming the Holy Spirit, denying God’s power, and refusing to repent. It’s not that God doesn’t want that individiual to repent, however, the consequences is they cannot be in His presence or spend eternity with the Creator of the Universe.

This is just and it is right.

I had a philosophy professor tell me that he was going to challenge God to His face and be entered into Heaven. That kind of arrogance God despises and it is delusional to think that professor would prevail against the Holy Perfect Soveriegn God who created him. Unless he repents he will be seperated from God for eternity in Hell, filled with torment.

So, is love unconditional or not? I can hold love for people because of who God created them to be but that doesn’t put a rubber stamp on sin, or prevent me from calling it out. Those who love me will do the same and because of their love, tested over time, I can accept and appreciate that reproval when it comes because it comes out of love.

For many, love is the myth, never mind the unconditional part. Love is not just words but actions and it is not always a fuzzy sweet emotion. Love is expressed in a relationship, and when that relationship is severed, doesn’t love demand reconcilation? That would be a conditon, right?

I’ve kind of meandered here, but it’s my blog so I ‘m allowed to do that.

What do you think about the myth of unconditional love? Is it a myth? God’s love never fails but as for us sin-tainted humans it does. I’d like to hear your thoughts.

Author Confessions: Faith in Focus

Dec2
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confessions: Faith in Focus

When I was a young girl, I discovered that I was nearsighted. I had no clue that the world I was looking at wasn’t accurate. It was around Christmastime when I was coming home from the eye doctor with my first pair of glasses. Wow. It was amazing. The Christmas lights were on as we drove through town. I slid my glasses down and took in the sight and then put them back on. In some ways I preferred the Christmas trees with blurry lights. Maybe it was because that was what I’d been accostumed to.

It’s getting closer to Christmas again and you’ve already seen book reviews on this blog for various Christmas novellas. I’ll include the complete list at of my own Christmas novellas the bottom of this post.

But why all this hullabaloo over Christmas?

It’s kind of like me and my glasses. Sometimes we need a different set of lenses to see things more clearly. Every Christmas story gives us a different perspective on a season that could be caught up in the lights, parties, gift buying and giving, and miss the deeper significance of the holiday. Holiday. Holy day. It truly is that and so much more because Christmas happens in the shadow of the cross. It’s not a moment that stands in isolation, although many would like to think it does, or isn’t worth celebrating at all.

Yes, there can be fun, warm memories made, gifts, and decorations. For some this is a hard season, depressing, lonely, or filled with grief. There is nothing inherently wrong in any of that. But if that is all it is, then we’re going through the holiday without our faith in focus on what is important.

So what is that? God promised a Messiah and those prophesies were fulfilled in the infant, Jesus, Immanuel, God with us. He would grow up, sinless in a sinful world, suffering all the evil that there is to the point of dying on the cross to rescue us. Killed by the very people He created and loved. His death was even for their salvation.

Why do we need salvation? The reality is there is a heaven where believer gather someday in the presense of a holy God, and we can’t get there with our sinful rags. Jesus offers us His holiness and perfection which allows us access to this wonderful future if we submit our lives to Him. The other option is an eternity without God, known as hell. Agony awaits there, mostly the agony of realizing that by not choosing Jesus, the person instead chose satan. There are only two options. Everyone in their heart realizes this truth as Romans 1:18-22a states:

For God’s wrath is revealed from heaven against all godlessness and unrighteousness of people who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth, since what can be known about God is evident among them, because God has shown it to them. For His invisible attributes, that is, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen since the creation of the world, being understood through what He has made. As a result, people are without excuse. For though they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God or show gratitude. Instead, their thinking became nonsense, and their senseless minds were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools…

Of course, as a Christian, my first source of hope is found in the Bible, God’s Word. It has been my anchor to the truth for forty-four years. But sometimes people need a nudge and fiction can be that when they might not pick up a Bible. Christmas stories put out by Christian authors such as myself, hope to draw people closer to the truth of Jesus and all that His miraculous birth promises. Many might be more fun than evangelical, but all hope to at least point a light to Him who is the One who enables and calls us to write.

Salvation through Jesus Christ is the invaluable gift that is offered to each of us. Have you accepted that gift, received it, opened it up, and walked in the wonder of new life with Him? If not, why not? What is stopping you? He can handle all your questions and fears.

If you have opened that preciou gift, how is your faith this Christmas season? Where is your focus? I know it’s early yet in many ways although I can guarantee my lights are on and I’m already at work on another Christmas novella for next year because there’s nothing like the season to inspire hope and joy because of the promises fulfilled by the newborn King of kings and Lord of lords. I hope you find your joy in Him Whose birth we celebrate.

Susan M. Baganz Christmas novellas (all ebooks unless noted):

Fragile Blessings and I’ll be be Gnome for Christmas are only available in print if you buy them from me directly.

Lessons Learned While Writing: The Necessity of “Tough Stuff”

May2
Reading Time: 2 minutes

A story that is all sunshine and happy times doesn’t keep the reader engaged. As an author I need to find an inciting incident to start my story. A disturbance of some sort to draw the reader in and make them want to take this journey with me. Obstacles need to be faced because this forces my character to make choices and face consequences—good and bad—for those decisions. Without conflict, the story would be boring. Without challenges the character doesn’t grow and change to become a better person emotionally and spiritually.

The challenge of living in this world filled with sin is we face conflict regularly in real life and sometimes that can be a royal pain. Sometimes we create our own conflict. Sometimes events happen over which we have no control and we are forced to deal with and react to them. Every choice leads us down a path filled with more choices.

The darkness in this world, the grief and heartache we face, serves to remind us of how human we really are. How far from heaven we’ve fallen due to the ongoing and exponentially growing prevalence of sin in the world. But the ups and downs of this life also help us appreciate the good times, the happy moments, the blessings that come along as well.

The stars don’t cease to twinkle when the sun is shining, even though we can’t see them. When darkness falls and we are way from city lights, the stars sparkle in the heavens. So too when life is dark do we sometimes see things clearer. The harshness of death, expands the depth of love. The threat of a terminal illness makes us cling to what really matters. 

Without the difficulties of life it would be, well, boring. At least on a page of a book. We don’t want to read about everything always going great on social media, do we? It’s not real. Everyone has some heartache and challenges they face from within or without. Maybe they won’t share it but it’s there. Sometimes we only get the highlight reel.

It makes me wonder how Heaven in all its glory will compare to this world filled with tears and sorrows, gains and losses, pain and healing. We will be awestruck. We will have work to do as we worship the King of kings and Lord of lords. But there won’t be the struggle, the pain, or the tears.

If you are struggling, hang on. It won’t last forever because we have something wonderful to look forward to.

How are things in Gloccamorra?

Nov29

Reading Time: 2 minutesThe past week or so I’ve been in a slump. Literally. No energy and just wanting to curl up with a good book.  Matter of fact, I’ve done a lot of that. Curl up by my pillow in my room and bury myself in novels. Since I had finished writing my NaNoWriMo novel (rough draft), I’ve read the works of others. I call it research as I read in the genre I write. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

I understand however that in reality, I am depressed. It hit when I remembered the anniversary of a miscarriage and the trauma that surrounded that time. It was highlighted by the fact that seven years later, I still had no support from people in my life who are pledged to love and care for me. This was amplified on Thanksgiving Day where alcohol and thoughts of shopping were more important than relationships or *gasp* giving thanks to God from whom all blessings flow! Why was I with these people?

So I feel a bit like the leprechaun, Og, from Finnian’s Rainbow which just happens to be the play my husband and I attended on our first date. The funny thing is other than “How are things in Gloccamorra?” – are the words I remember from the scene below  that resonate with me: “Doom and gloom, gloom and doom!”

Ah, but gold was not meant for mere humans.

I am not in the worst funk ever. But it is amazing how the holidays can remind us of things we have lost. And I am reminded once again that this world is NOT my home. My Gloccamorra is heaven and my pot of gold lies in my future there – walking on streets paved with that glorious mineral, alongside my Savior.

Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

(‘Nothing Gold can Stay”, Robert Frost)

I need to remember where I’ve buried my treasure. It cannot be found in human beings who will only let me down. Yes, I can enjoy those holy moments that come in this sinful world. But ultimately I need to dig myself out of my hole to see the Creator of the rainbow, and not so much the mythical pot buried at its end.

Am I talking in circles? Maybe. But hey, that’s just where I’m at today. And that’s okay because as I told a friend on Facebook the other day, diamonds shine brighter against a black cloth and the stars shine brighter in the darkest sky. In my darker moments, God’s glory is greater to me and more desirable than if all the lights were turned on and I was feeling great and the world was my oyster (okay, but then we get to pearls, let’s just not go there here!).

Anybody struggling like I am? David writes in Psalm 38:9 “LORD, all my desire is before You, and my sighing is not hidden from You.”  Even in the darkness, I am not alone – and neither are you.