Digging Deep Into Pain
When was co-authoring books with my friend DeeDee Lake she would sometimes tell me, “When you write this character think of how you experience this ____________.” She would refer to something I’ve gone through or might still be going through in my own personal emotional or spiritual growth.
That can be incredibly hard to write. To write characters with depth, the author needs to dig deep. Even if I haven’t experienced something personally, I have to try to tap into that character’s emotions. What would he or she be experiencing.
In one of my first versions of a novel, an editor in a critique session told me, “I don’t feel like you love this character.”
Whoa.
When the author empathizes and cares about the character they are writing, it translates onto the page. This is partly why my characters become so real to me and if you engage me in a conversation about a character in one of my books, I’ll be talking about them as if they are real people.
I need to empathize with the character and their struggles. Translated: I must feel what they feel to write that experience.
I do love to write but it can be challenging to write with that kind of emotional depth. In some ways it’s easier if it isn’t something I’ve personally experienced. But if it is, then writing about a character’s trauma or struggle can trigger those parts of myself that haven’t fully healed yet from my own challenges in that area.
There are also times when I’ve written, and issues arise on the page that I wasn’t planning on but they mirror something going on in my own personal life. Not necessarily identical, but enough that I can struggle to work through it. In that way, fiction can be cathartic. I’m not saying that writing about my own emotional issues or injuries has fully healed my own trauma, but the process has given me a greater understanding of myself.
I’ve had books that I’ve struggled to edit because they’ve touched a nerve with me. And maybe that’s a good thing. If I’m bothered but can help that author tell their story well, then maybe other people can either learn from my pain and the character’s pain, or the reader might develop empathy for those who have gone through that experience.
Putting it bluntly, I don’t take the emotional or spiritual journey of my characters lightly. I feel that journey and experience it with them. I can make it hard to write at times because I don’t always know how they’ll emerge from those darker places. Because I haven’t managed to do it myself yet. Or the wounds are fresh.
In the end I hope when I dig deep into pain, the words I write will resonate with the reader and they will go through that journey rooting for my character and celebrating when they get some measure of healing on the way, or a resolution to a difficult situation.
Maybe then the reader can experience that uplifting feeling of hope that they can also come through whatever life hands them and be better for it.
My response to him is this: “If I ever get annoyed with you I step back and remember, this is who God made you to be. If I have a problem with that, the issue is me, not you.” Quirks and all I need to embrace who he is completely. Now, when he crosses a line I tell him. When he does something he thinks is playful and it hurts me, or offends me, I let him know. He may not have actually even done anything wrong, but due to my own past wounds sometimes I can get triggered. Ah the side-effects of abuse. 