Living Large (Part 1)

Oct7
Reading Time: 3 minutes

IMG_0030I’ve had a rough year with weight loss. On the flip side, I’ve had a great year with weight gain. Between illnesses and unexplained back pain I’ll admit I’ve at times sought comfort in food that probably would not normally qualify as healthy. (gotta define that first!)

I’m back to the YMCA working out in spite of my struggles (since I’ve determined I’m not doing any damage in spite of the ongoing pain issue). The biggest workout has been in my own thinking and I’m not there yet. I wish there was an easy way to suck the bad messages that have been force-fed into my brain all my life. There’s really no lipo for that though, is there?

But the last few days I was thinking about some of my  friends that are not a size zero either. I’m not going to set a bar for weight or dress size that determines whether someone is “fat” or not.

Here’s what I realized. Some of the sweetest, most encouraging and beautiful people I know–are overweight.

What?

Yup. It’s true. I adore these people. I want to be around them because they smile and they know (I hope) that their BMI is not what God is interested in. They have won me over because of their positive attitude and the way they graciously treat and encourage others around them, including me.

A few years back I had mentioned the name of a gal who sang on a worship team. Someone else didn’t know who she was. I said “She’s on the short side and has the biggest, sweetest smile” and another person said “Oh, she’s the fat one.” Is it any wonder I didn’t really “like” the person who would make a comment like that?

I wish there was a correct way to say to my fellow ladies who tend to larger-than-normal sizes: “Hey, I don’t know if weight is an issue you struggle with, but the first thing I think of when I think of you is how much I enjoy being around you.”

I have to turn this around to look at my own self-condemnation over my weight. The number on a scale or the size on a pair of jeans is NOT the measure of my character or worth. It has little to do with the way I treat others. I am more gracious to those around me with similar issues, than I am to myself.

I’m not my own best friend but sometimes an even bigger enemy are  those around me that keep telling me I’m fat and need to lose weight.

News flash: I already know that.

I love the idea that if someone tells you you’re fat – you should eat them. Except those kind of people are not nice. The probably wouldn’t taste very good, even well seasoned. Even if they are skinny and dress well. Their character stinks. Their words pollute. I don’t want to be around them. They might even call themselves “truth-tellers” but there’s a big difference between encouraging someone and putting them down and it goes far beyond the words that come out of someone’s mouths.

I am NOT saying that all “skinny” people out there are evil. Some are delightful and I even call them friends!

So why am I writing about this here? Maybe so that if someone I know, who struggles with this issue and reads this post, they’ll know that what I see in them isn’t their size, but their attitude and smile and their love of God and other people. And maybe together we can encourage each other, not to lose weight, but to savor the value we truly have, that goes beyond the scale.

After all, the heart is what God looks at too, so why should we be any different?

A Talent for Trouble (Book Review)

Oct4
Reading Time: 2 minutes

A talent for trouble 2I love Jen Turano’s witty writing and slapstick characters and she does not disappoint in her third novel, A Talent for Trouble.

As we follow the colorful cast of characters from Jen’s previous two novels, A Change of Fortune and A Most Peculiar Circumstance, which I have reviewed here on my blog, you’ll find the adventures continue here.

Miss Felicia Murdock has foolishly believed for years that she was destined to be a pastor’s wife and dressed and acted in a way that she thought would capture the heart of her desired mate. That dream crashed colorfully when that man married–another woman!  Sent to revive her spirits, Grayson Sumner, Lord Sefton finds himself involved in saving the beautiful woman from one scrape after another.

Grayson, however, is not devout and with a tainted past does not feel he could, in any way, be a suitor for Felicia’s hand. The only problem is, no one told his heart that. Felicia finds the nobleman to be an enigma. She delights in the fact that he does not tell her lies to placate her likes others have. But surely such an aggravating man could never be good husband material, could he?

Grayson’s past catches up with him and soon it is Lord Sefton who is in trouble. Will Felicia risk it all to help rescue him?

Not everyone will appreciate Jen’s unique voice but I personally love it and at times found myself laughing out loud at the antics of her characters or her way of turning a phrase. I also applaud Bethany for another beautiful cover that displays the spunk of the main character. I look forward to Jen’s fourth installment in this series and hope she has plans for more after that.

Social Media Stalkers

Sep30
Reading Time: 2 minutes

IMG_0325 (2)Last week I wrote about voyeurs and this week I want to tackle what I will call the “stalkers”. Here’s an example of a private message sent to me on Facebook:

hello dear i did some criteria search for singles women and felt you was interesting so why not check out mine and get back to me if you like what you see,still new to this,a old friend told me about it,he actually met his wife through facebook so i thought i should give it a try,i hope this doesn’t sound like an embarrassing to you because i do know not everyone uses facebook for dating but i hope you are also single and searching like i do,i also notice the distance between us so don’t let it scare you away Love will always find you

I’ve had them from all over the world. Some telling me how beautiful I am but mostly wanting to hook up. I’m not the only woman to get them (I have not polled men on this though!) At first they seemed to come mostly from Africa and I though “green card?”

Here’s another one:

Hello babe am here with you now  How was your day?And what have you been doing since morning ….My name is  . . .

Babe? I’m no one’s “babe” much less his. It’s hard now for these people to send a message on facebook (many go to my spam folder so I don’t even see them) without sending a friend request.  When I get these I tell them that I am married with three kids and a Christian author. Not looking for “that” kind of relationship.  One man responded with “Whatever” and then three weeks later asked “Are you married?” Wow. Guess I must have really made an impression on him or he’s desperate!

This all points to the need for wisdom of who you choose to “friend” on Facebook.  When I first started I only “friended” people I knew (how’s that for turning a noun into a verb?). As I decided to use my Facebook page as part of my platform I began to “friend” other writers. Now I typically won’t friend someone unless we have mutual friends or I can see a logical reason (they are a writer too – or a fellow believer). Every once in awhile someone will have already befriended other writer friends of mine so I’ll give them a chance. Once I ended up blocking when it seemed that person was possibly a hacker.

And that’s always the final option. Someone crosses a line and I give them the boundary. if they can’t respect that then I’m like the old N’Sync song: “Bye, bye, bye!”

So, have any of you been “stalked” on facebook? What’s been your experience?

Fatal Judgement (Book Review)

Sep27
Reading Time: 2 minutes

fatal judgementI love free books on Kindle because sometimes I find spectacular new favorites. I found Dee Henderson that way and now I’ve discovered the fabulous romantic suspense of Irene Hannon in her novel Fatal Judgement (Guardians of Justice, Book 1).

Jake Taylor is a U.S. Marshal who has been around the block and the world keeping people and countries safe. He’s recently transferred to St. Louis to be closer to family but has to hit the ground running when a murder happens at the home of a federal judge.  His new assignment is to provide protection for her: Liz Michaels, the widow of his best friend who he believes is responsible for his death. Regardless of his feelings he has a sworn duty to guard her life and he will, until warmer feelings start to interfere with his normal professional facade and defense against his own buried grief.

As they hunt down the killer, romance sizzles between the two but will the killer return and succeed where he failed before? Will Jake have the chance to tell Liz that he loves her before it’s too late?

Irene has done fabulous research and her characters are multi-layered and the plot is enough that I lost valuable sleep. Faith plays a role in the lives of the characters as they struggle to depend on God in the midst of deep grief and loss. This is the first in a series and I cannot wait to read the rest of them!

 

Social Media Voyeurs

Sep23
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Wes cropped 18 mo peekabooI’m doing a workshop this weekend on social media for people who are afraid of it and the rise of social voyeurs is part of the problem.

Facebook and Twitter were designed for people to interact with each other. Hence the word SOCIAL in “social media.”

Some people are on these sites and browse but never interact. It’s the equivalent of someone with a binoculars looking in the window of your party but not coming inside to participate, even though they have been invited to.

Now, granted, one cannot respond or engage in every status update of every person who posts something on facebook. Voyeurs rarely even post anything themselves, much less on ANYONE else’s walls.

Why? Maybe they are shy? Maybe they are kind of like the snoopy town gossip that was once humorously characterized in old television shows. Wearing a hat and a self-righteous expression she listens to every conversation to be “in the know.”

So how do you handle voyeurs? This can be hard for several reasons, the primary one is that you don’t often really know they are there. Until they say something to you.

I had one voyour tell me my facebook posts were all “bragging” and “prideful.” Hmmm. Well, I always check out criticism and from those who do follow me on facebook the unanimous concensus was that no, that is not me or they way I come across on social media. Do I sometimes share happy events or successes but I also share the less than favorable aspects of my life. I’ve had people say “Oh, you’re the funny one on Facebook! I love reading your posts!”

Well, I’m not funny ALL the time. I’m not a comedian. But I do sometimes have an unusual slant on life.

So what do I do with a person who would so harshly criticize me to my face? Well, for one they seem to forget that I am an author and  this is my platform. Obviously there are going to be “haters” out there no matter where you go. I could have unfriended this person, but instead I “restricted” her to only my public posts. Almost all my posts on Facebook are for friends only. If I tweet and it posts to facebook, those are public. Those are comments that I cannot control WHO follows me. I don’t necessarily get as personal in those venues.  This person doesn’t even notice (I doubt) that there is a difference. They are probably patting themselves on the back for how they made me change my ways. They didn’t change anything at all except what I share with that person.

Now, there are other voyeurs though that I don’t mind. One who has been a friend for over thirty years will actually ask me about things he’s read on my Facebook page. He doesn’t interact with me on-line, but when I see him he interacts. He stays up to date with me and he’s interested. Wait! Oh, no! He’s being SOCIAL! Whoa!  I call him my favorite Facebook Voyeur. And he is. Love the guy!

The rest you really can’t do much about unless you want to cull your list down and decide that no interaction at all is your litmus test for deleting friends.

Generally speaking, I allow the voyeurs to stay. I can’t judge their interest in me or my writing and that’s fine. But someday they might help me when a book comes out. They may never tell me they have but then some of the best blessings are done invisibly. Maybe they will be one of those. I can only pray so!

Are you a voyeur (yeah, like you’re going to respond here?), or have you had a negative experience with one?

Sandwich with a Side of Romance (Book Review)

Sep20
Reading Time: 2 minutes

sandwichI picked up Krista Phillip’s book, Sandwich with a Side of Romance free on Kindle and was so glad to stumble across such a witty and talented author.

Twenty year old Maddie Buckner has had a hard life but she’s starting over in a new town, Sandwich, in hopes of qualifying for custody of her eleven year old brother, Kyle, who is in foster care.

Nothing seems to go Maddie’s way, and it’s all the fault of the devastatingly handsome restauranteur, Reuben’s fault. It all started with him falling asleep while she was cutting his hair and things spiral down from there while the romance and temptation heats up. Throw in a jealous fiancee and you have the makings of drama and misadventure.

Maddie though has a new relationship with Jesus and doesn’t need a man in her life, much less anyone else. God seems bent on shower her just how much she does need the love and grace that others offer, along with their physical help in meeting her needs. Moving to Sandwich not only provides her with a job and an opportunity to start over, but new friends and a chance for the family she never had.

I don’t want to give any spoilers away but there were moments in this story that had me grinning and giggling and others that had me in tears at the heartache Maddie endured and felt she deserved. She learns a valuable lesson that God wipes away our sins and that we desperately do need the grace and love of other people in our lives because no one can make it on their own.

I loved the complexity of these characters and the humor as well. Krista has a unique voice in her writing and one I found to be engaging and hard to set aside. I look forward to reading more from her.  Kudos to Abingdon Press for putting a normal shaped woman on their cover, not some impossibly shaped size zero.

Laundromat Love (Short Story)

Sep16
Reading Time: 4 minutes

It felt like I’ve waited forever for a girl like her. I grabbed my extra large thermos of hot water and my packets of Swiss Miss. My laundry basket and ceramic mugs were already in the car. I headed out into the cold snowy morning, pausing to stretch and yawn. It had been a long night at the police department. Fridays usually were. I was exhausted, but I had made these plans before that extra shift and I wasn’t going to miss my chance now.

I sat at the Laundromat waiting, tapping my fingers. I couldn’t wait to hear her reaction. Would she know it was me? I had never pushed her. I’d known her for years through various serving opportunities at church. I watched jealously while she was with Andy. I knew what kind of guy he was and was surprised when she had dated him. When it was over, Andy had made snide comments to the guys and I knew she had not slept with him. She was the real deal.

“Hey, Nic!” I called to her. She walked in with a scowl on her face. Something was wrong.

“Hi, Brad.”

She gave me half a smile. Whoa. That was not the girl I usually spent my Saturday mornings with. At least it hadn’t been for a long time. “What’s the matter, Nicole?”

She grunted as she slammed her clothes in the washing machines and put in detergent and quarters.

“Did we get up on the wrong side of the bed?” I got no response but saw her swipe her eyes with her sweater sleeve.

She flopped into her chair across from me at our usual table. I slid over the full cup of hot chocolate, with the tiny marshmallows. It was her favorite.

“Thank you.” Her voice sounded flat.

I watched and waited as she looked at the chocolate. She closed her eyes and smiled as she inhaled the steam. She was beautiful. I was suddenly aware that in my haste I forgotten to shave. At least I had my hair cut for the occasion.

“I got flowers,” she sounded annoyed.

“Flowers?” I tried to act innocent.

“Yeah.”

“Well, if there’s a reason to be depressed I suppose flowers would top the list.” I rolled my eyes. She fought back a grin.

“I don’t know who they are from.” She sipped her chocolate. I started to relax but her eyes were still watery. “They are so extravagant they reminded me of God’s love and how far I’ve wandered from Him.”

I am grateful she can share that with me. I love how honest she is.

“Beauty, mystery and conviction.”

“Yeah, kinda.”

“Andy?” I sure hope she doesn’t think they are from him.

She shakes her head and her long ponytail waves back and forth. I love her gorgeous hair.

“He and Jennifer moved away. He’s in the past.”

There was no bitterness or longing in her voice. Good. She was telling the truth. “Wasn’t it about six months ago. . .”

“That he dumped me?  Yeah, thanks for the reminder.”

She gave me a small smile.

“What are friend’s for? He was all you talked about for awhile. You haven’t mentioned him in months.”

“Flowers that expensive would never have come from him.”

“So who? It obviously bothers you.” Me. Guess me.

She shrugs.

“I get the impression you don’t feel you are worth that kind of gift.”

She sighed. I suspected as much. As frustrated as I was that she can’t guess, my heart hurt for her that she couldn’t see she was worthy of my love.

She looked around as I watched and waited. I heard the swishing of laundry in the washing machines and clothing thunk around in the dryers. Not quite the most romantic environment but I would take what I could get.

Ding.

I got up to transfer my laundry from the washers to the driers. I could feel her watching me. Did she like what she saw? I shut the last door and plugged my quarters. I returned to my chair and stretched out my legs and crossed my arms. It was time I told her some things she needed to hear.

“You are worth those flowers, Nic.” She stared at me. Maybe I had sprouted horns? I leaned my head back and sighed. “Why can’t you accept,” I brought my head back up to look her in the eyes as I leaned forward, “that you are a beautiful and desirable woman?”

“Brad?”

She sounded surprised. Hadn’t I treated her like she was? “We knew each other before you dated Andy. He told me why he left you. I knew then you were a woman of godly character. You had mentioned one day that you came here so I decided I would too, so I could get to know you better.”

I reached across the table, peeled her hands off her mug and held them. They were small compared to mine.

“I’m not as godly as you think.” She focused on our hands, avoiding my eyes.

“Are any of us? Look, Nic. I know Andy hurt you. But you are worthy of more respect and love than he could ever give.”

Her mouth fell open as she looked at me with those luminescent grey eyes.

I shook my head. “Did you know that I have laundry facilities in my condo? And I often, like last night, work a double shift on Fridays?”

Her eyes grew wider and blinked rapidly. “But, really? Why?” she stuttered. It was adorable because she still didn’t get it. I waited.

“The flowers?” she whispered.

I squeezed her hands and nodded. “Today is the six-month anniversary of when I started to fall in love with you.”I smiled with all the love I had in me.

She tried to smile but began crying instead and I dried her tears and drew her into my arms where she fit perfectly. Maybe I would have that honor of doing that for a long time to come.

If the Shoe Fits (Book Review)

Sep13
Reading Time: 2 minutes

What if a woman, let’s call her Julianne, had all the shoes she needed, and her Prince Charming was right under her nose? In If the Shoe Fits you have a clever modern adaptation of this fairy tale by author Sandra Bricker.

Julianne is If the shoe fitsdreamy and while working as an attorney hopes for God to reveal to her the man who will be her Prince Charming. As childhood friends and now attorneys in practice together, Julianne is still chasing after a fantasy as Will pines away for her right under her nose.

As Julianne mistakenly pursues the man she believes God has dropped into her path via a toolbox, a work boot and a dog, Will struggles to be supportive. Unrequited love is a hard cross to bear and when you work with someone, it can be even harder.

But is this man she thinks is Mr. Right, really all that in to her? Do looks equal soul mate? As Julianne pursues her perfect mate, Will struggles with whether he can stay to watch her fall in love with someone other than him. As the situation escalates and decisions are made, will Julianne ever realize that her Prince Charming is the man in the office across from hers? The one who has been there all along?

This is a sweet and sometimes funny story told in classic Sandra Bricker style. I will admit at some points I wanted to shake Julianne for being so delusionally dense and commiserate with poor Will. But the ending was worth it.

Falling off a Pedestal

Sep9
Reading Time: 3 minutes

DSC_0506I sat down with a good friend last week and confessed that I was struggling in my walk with God. It’s not that I don’t pray, I do. But making a daily time to spend with Him was something I was ambivalent about and even resisting.

She asked me a good question. How come with all the women I know and have served with, there wasn’t anyone to be holding me accountable?

Well, some are just too busy.

I also served for years in leadership and to some that seems to elevate me to the status of someone who isn’t going to really struggle with my spiritual walk. I’m good for listening to them and encouraging and praying for them–but it’s not reciprocal.

And I’m still feeling bruised and battered from some of the abuses I suffered while in leadership. These are hurts that few know about because I don’t gossip and spread other’s sins abroad, no matter how badly I was injured in the process.

My friend gets it because she’s seen leadership struggle in her own church. It can be a lonely place.

Someone came up to me a few weeks ago and told me she used to be afraid to approach me. She thought I was intimidating.

Wow. That made me so sad. I don’t want to ever appear intimidating.

I’m glad she knows better now.

So here’s the scoop. I’m not in the “in” group anywhere. I often feel like an outsider. I’m afraid I’m not good enough – at anything and everything.  I cry. I lose sleep due to my irrational fears.

I get lonely and due to circumstances I won’t go into here. I struggle to feel like I have any value in this crazy mixed up world because there are people in my life who have pretty much led me to believe I don’t. And I often sabotage myself in the very things I’m trying to achieve.

Ugly truths, huh?

I don’t like heights. It’s not the heights themselves, but the fear of falling from them. Please, PLEASE take me off any pedestal you have put me on.

I sin. I screw up. I let emotions sometimes derail me from being productive in the work God has called me to do. I get scared about the future, even the good things I see God doing.

I don’t feel ready for that. I feel inadequate and inept.

Just because I smile doesn’t mean I have my act together. I’m so far from perfect. I’m a member of the human race just like you are. Any good you see in me is totally there by the grace of God.

I’m grateful that my friend was willing to take the next step that many others weren’t. She asked me the tough questions and she made a date for us to meet again to discuss how it’s going. Accountability. I am beyond grateful.

The best gift I ever got while serving in ministry was from the first pastor I worked for who weekly did not hesitate to ask : “So how is your walk with God going? What is He teaching you?” At first I found those questions intimidating but soon learned they were an expression of love. We need more of this in the church.

In a recent radio interview I said this: “Whatever calling you pursue, don’t do it alone. I don’t think we can do anything for the glory of God on our own.”

I know I can’t. How about you? Who is holding you accountable in your walk with God?

A Prism Round Robin Romance Trilogy (Book Review)

Sep6
Reading Time: 2 minutes

Prism Book Group authors did a series of round-robin novellas that tell the tale of a sweet romance between Rachel and Luke.

when lightning strikesIn the first novella, Lightning Strikes, Rachel faces a power outage that brings her face to face with her annoying upstairs neighbor, Luke. An adventure in the storm draws them closer together and in the process of it all she discovers that he is her new boss!

after the stormIn the second novella, After the Storm, a dead body shows up as Luke and Rachel try to navigate their romance even as they work together.  Can it survive when Luke is a suspect in a murder?

In the third novella, A Blizzard Wedding the classic “if anything can go wrong it will” happens in the midst of a snowstorm and just when it seems like their dream wedding isn’t going to happen their friends manage to pull it off. a blizzard wedding

These are light reads and enjoyable and for free what more could you ask for? Kudos to authors: Carlene Havel, Bonnie McCune, Josie Riviera, Trinity Hart, Kim McMahill, Gay Lewis, Penelope Marzec, Kimberly B. Jackson, Karen Cogen, Jayna Morrow and Linda Carroll-Bradd obviously had some fun writing this.  Not all authors are represented in all three books. The beauty of Prism Book Group (www.prismbookgroup.com) is that there is a community of authors who work to support each other, in writing, promoting and in life. These novellas exemplify the beauty of that.