Tag Archive | God

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Guilt

Jan20
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Guilt

Are you seeing a trend here yet with these emotions? Any emotion can become a negative in some way when taken to an extreme and not brought under the truths of Scripture. My assertion that Jesus is the first cognitive behavioral therapist still stands. Long before this was coined as a psychological theory Scripture is replete with this.

Let’s take guilt. At first, I didn’t see this as such a dangerous emotion, but hear me out.

On the surface, when a person’s mind is working well, guilt is the emotion that tells us that we have sinned. Psalm 32:5 states: “I acknowledged my sin to You, And I did not hide my guilt; I said, “I will confess my wrongdoings to the Lord”; And You forgave the guilt of my sin.”

God has built into us the ability to recognize we have done wrong. We feel bad. That’s the uncomfortable part about this emotion but it is truly important, because when we feel bad and realize we did something wrong, we apologize to God (and maybe an offended party) and receive His forgiveness when we have accepted the free gift of salvation from our sin at the cross where Jesus died. I’m not going to go into the theology of sin here but that is usually when we feel guilt—when we have sinned or perhaps accidently hurt someone’s feelings. Sin isn’t always intentional or done willfully. Often, we sin without directly thinking about it.

Guilt might show up as cognitive dissonance. We say one thing and do another and there is mental and even emotional conflict that begs to be resolved. To have integrity we mentally need to live out what we say and believe.

So how does guilt become dangerous? There are four ways that I can think of:

  • When we experience guilt when we didn’t do anything wrong. We cannot take on the burden of someone else’s choices. That is enmeshment and damaging to self and relationships.
  • When we hold on to guilt even after confessing and apologizing for it. Remember yes, continually beat yourself up? Not good.
    • Now restitution might remind you of your guilt, but it doesn’t need to be carried forever. This might be harder to do depending on the sin.
    • Addictions, adultery, murder, or even an accidental death you might have been involved in, can be difficult to recover from and even create trauma that needs professional help to resolve.
    • Burying guilt can create health problems as well.
    • God forgives us, so we should walk in that freedom. Not as perfect or as if it never happened, but as a person who grows through this.
  • Lying and shifting blame for things.
    • Some avoid guilt by blaming others for anything that goes wrong. This is a cognitive issue and that person is essentially lying to themselves to protect them from the truth that they failed in some way.
    • They cannot grow or improve if they refuse to acknowledge their own guilt.
  • When a person never experiences the emotion of guilt and have no awareness of their wrongdoing.
    • This might be due to a variety of mental illnesses, the most notable: a sociopath or someone with antisocial, borderline, or narcissistic personality disorder or possibly some other brain dysfunction.
    • These people are not always dangerous, but they may not be safe people to be around often. They might parrot an apology, but they won’t truly believe they erred and won’t experience any guilt. Behavior won’t change.
    • This is an issue that cannot be resolved through medicine or even great psychotherapy in most instances.
    • The sad effect of rampant sin in our world impacts the way our brains develop and with the toxic environments (emotionally, relationally and physically) that someone might have grown up in.
    • Are these people irredeemable? No. I wouldn’t put it past God to do a mighty work and heal that numbed part of the brain and thinking process, but I also wouldn’t assume it will happen.

Guilt is good even if it feels bad to experience it. The great thing for most people is that when we acknowledge our guilt and seek forgiveness, God is willing to give that to us (even if another human being might not). Acknowledging you have an issue if the sin is a persistent issue, can help a person start to see patterns for that sin so that it might be broken. Anything else can pile guilt on guilt (sin upon sin) which can only be damaging to the body, mind, and soul.

A scripture to cling to is Romans 8:1: Therefore, there is now no condemnation at all for those who are in Christ Jesus.

On a side note but important: When we hold on to sin and refuse to confess our guilt and repent (change our ways) we are, according to Scripture, grieving the Holy Spirit. Eph 4:30-32  Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. Sin and unrepentance grieve God. Guilt is the emotion He gives to help us recognize we’ve wronged not only others, but a Holy God.

Daily confession (in prayer) can be a good way to acknowledge and own our failures before God to move forward with a clean slate by His grace. Something I don’t do often enough. The dangerous emotion of guilt can be tricky. How do you deal with guilt?

Next week: The Dangerous Emotion of Regret.

Author Confessions: We all have Blind Spots

Nov4
Reading Time: 5 minutes

Author Confessions: We all have Blind Spots

When my son was taking his driver’s test, he failed because he forgot to check his blind spots. Funny how technology helps with that now. My newer vehicle will flash a light on my door to let me know a car is coming up on that side. Even with that, if I were going to make a lane change I should still look to make sure there is no one sneaking up on me.

Personally, and as authors, we all have our blind spots. So do our characters.

The Johari Window is a visual way to consider just how open a person you are. We all have secrets and obviously with certain people we will be more open and vulnerable in sharing our inner world. Not everyone is a safe person to do this with  so caution is sometimes warranted, especially in newer relationships.

As you can see on the left there are four areas of our personal life. That which is open and people can see and we are willing to share with others – known you and the other person. The bottom left quadrent is hidden. You know those parts yourself but you haven’t shared them with others. The bottom right, unknown quadrant our inability to see all of our inner self. Of course, God sees and knows all of it whether we chose to be open with Him or not. Nothing is hidden from him. The fourth and final quadrant, the upper right, is the blind area. This is where you don’t know, but others do.

A fun example might be when someone points out you are wearing two different color socks. They saw it but you didn’t realize because you got dressed in the dark. they point out that blind spot to you and as a result the open area expands to the right.

When we are in a close relationship with someone there can be more sharing and the open box can grow as we share the hidden things of our heart with them and they point out our blind spots: errors, quirks, attitudes, mistakes, and maybe even sins or iniquities, the unintentional stuff that might offend someone without our realizing it.

When we are in a relationship that is safe, we can share our treasures, those thoughts, feelings, experiences that matter deepest to us and thus expand the open area. Someone who has been traumatized, might find the open area shrinks as they protect themselves from further abuse.

As an author, my characters need to have these four as well, although sometimes the writer might cue the reader in on the blind or unknown quadrants and forshadow that aha moment when the character is exposed to that new information.

I need safe people in my life to show me my blind spots.

Telling someone they are overweight is typically not helping someone with a blind spot, although I had a friend who revealed to me that she had no idea she had a weight problem before doctors told her she needed to do  something about it. Most people are aware of those kinds of things.

Someone who is angry might drive fast without realizing it. That blind spot might be revealed when they are pulled over and get a ticket.

Most blinds spots should be exposed gently if possible. I’ve done teaching and told people to please let me know privately if they see something offensive in me, so I can grow. In other words, be considerate in how you share my blind spot with me, but also, I’m giving you permission to share because I’m trusting that you will have my best interests at heart.

That’s a pretty bold statement.

Psalm 19:12 says “Who can discern his errors? Acquit me of hidden faults.” God sees it all the blind and unknown parts of us.

Job 13:23, asks: “How many iniquities and sins have I committed? Reveal to me my transgression and sin.”

We cannot grow if the Lord doesn’t show us where we need to grow. The truly hidden parts and the blind spots. Sometimes God uses human beings to help us with this.

Caution

Not every person who tells you about a blind spot or confronts you with what they perceive is sin in your life, is trustworthy or honest. Sometimes people will blame us for their own shortcomings. Other times they tell us things to stop us from God’s plan, possibly out of jealousy.

Response to Hard Criticism/Blind Spots

There are a few things I’ve done when I’ve gotten hard criticism that was something I hadn’t heard before. How can I tell if it’s really a blind spot?

  1. In the moment, I thank them for their feedback. Oh, this is difficult when the punch comes hard at you.
  2. If I’m not sure it’s true, I might ask them for specifics. Give me an example of what I did wrong.
  3. Pray about it.
  4. If I still can’t quite accept that this is true of myself, I might check it with a close friend. I’ve had people attribute things to me that I didn’t believe were true and sometimes a close confidant can shed light on why it might be that way. I didn’t actually do anything wrong, however, it might have been interpreted differently by that person. Sometimes people will assign motives to you that are simply untrue.
  5. If I really have erred and hurt someone via a blind spot, I apologize and ask the Holy Spirit to help me change.

Psalm 139:22-24 states: Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the everlasting way. Ultimately any blind spot or perceived iniquities need to be brought to God. If it isn’t true than I can trust that God knows my heart and that is more important than anyone’s opinion. 

We all have blind spots and only someone arrogant or narcissitic will refuse to accept that truth. Trust me. I’ve met some of them. I’d rather let God help me grow by showing me those areas I’m unaware of. I may not know what I don’t know, but He can slowly reveal those things to me and I’m glad He doesn’t overwhelm me with my failings as that would be too much to bear. I’m grateful for a compassionate and loving God who loves me as I am but doesn’t let me stay there, but continues to grow me in  holiness through His Holy Spirit.

As an author, this is helpful as well as I see how soon a character might reveal secrets to another person. This is why the information dump in the first few pages is a poor choice, as the reader wants to get to know the character along with the others in the story and that is a process that takes time, but is worth the effort.

As an editor, when I see something an author is doing that isn’t the best, I assume it’s a blind spot and use it as a teaching moment as some have done for me along the way. Being light and not accusatory goes a long way to soothing the sting of an edit where they did something wrong but were unaware of it. We all have blind spots in our writing, partially because we love our stories so it be hard to be objective.

How about you? Have you been exposed to blind spots? How has that impacted you?

 

Author Confessions: The More I Learn the Less I Know

Oct28
Reading Time: 6 minutes

Author Confessions: The More I Learn the Less I Know

This sounds a bit confusing, doesn’t it? It would seem that the more we learn the more information we have stored in our minds therefore it would only make sense that we are smarter.

In some respects that might be true. However, I would like to posit that for me, the more I learn and understand about myself, the world around me, writing, and especially God, the more I realize how tiny and small my understanding of it all is.

I do not have the corner on truth in any of those realms. Not even about myself.

My personal history is colored by my thoughts and perceptions. Sometimes when different information is offered regarding an event, it shifts my knowledge about it and can even change the way I think about a particular event.

This is a delightful way therapy can be helpful, by assisting the patient in a wider perspective on their situation or circumstance. Not to minimize their pain by any means but to give them a better grasp of all that is impacting them emotionally. Challenging our thinking, broadening the scope of understanding, or looking at things through a different lens can be helpful.

We tend to think in somewhat fixed patterns. We like to retell stories, often with the same script. It’s easier for us to do that. I’ve done this with areas of teaching as well that I am most comfortable with. The challenge for us as human beings is we can get stuck in those groves of thought and widening them to include something that is anti-thetical or perhaps changes the perceived truth about something, can cause a not so fun experience called cognative dissonance.

This is a reality in life but also plays out in fiction so don’t think this is only about our intellect. Our characters reflect real life and sometimes when a character is stuck perhaps in a twisted view of God’s forgiveness, they need to be confronted with truth about that which can be uncomfortable. This internal struggle, whether in real life or in the mind of a fictional character, requires growth which is somewhat uncomfortable.

Why?

Because we need to humble ourselves to admit that we didn’t know it all.

Now there are those out there that proclaim to have a corner on truth and aren’t teachable. Call them fools if you will. They are unwilling to adapt or grasp that there might be a different perspective. Another word for them might be narcissist.

We’ve seen this with the election cycle. People argue for or against a candidate based on the person instead of the policies. They believe what the media tells them instead of doing the hard work to investigate the truth. Yes, character is important, but is that version real or the one pitched to you by advertising and political pundits? It can be difficult to dig through the dirt to find the reality. When people do research and decide they were wrong in their previous position, it takes humility and is often faced with opposition by those who haven’t undergone that process. Civilized dialogue has disappeared in many instances because of the entrenched thinking people on both sides tend to have and it becomes adversarial with a desire to insult rather than learn. In recent years we’ve seen people penalized and silenced for offering a perspective on things that differed from what the mainstream media and government wanted us to believe. They were called conspiracy theorists. Many times they suffered horribly for that but in the end they were often proved correct in what they had been trying to share.

Learning requires humility and a willingness to admit that maybe we were wrong.

This goes beyond politics to religion and even relationships.

I was always clear to my children when I had messed up. I wanted their respect and trust but believed that if I erred in the way I had reacted to something, they would learn that kind of respect for others.

I’ve seen families torn apart by lies told by one parent. Even adult children can hold to a line of thinking that has been emotionally reinforced and encouraged in an effort to avoid a relationship with the other parent. This is nasty business whether the child is young or old enough to think for themselves. It’s not a game I ever wanted to play.

Forgiveness often requires this humility, doesn’t it? We have to admit that maybe there is more going on than we’d like to admit and trust God to deal with the perceived sins of the other person. We might be legitimately wounded but sometimes it can be hard to parse out what is real and what has been slanted in the communicaiton about an event.

I could look at my father’s workaholism and be angry that he wasn’t around more. Sure it hurt when he couldn’t make it to a concert perhaps. As an adult, however, I can recognize his humanity and that he had his own issues he struggled with that might have kept him from being as present as I would have wished. He also had the responsibility of providing for a relatively large family. He did the best he could with what he knew.

I could get angry with my husband over something but I have to filter it through several different lenses.

  1. Is this something that is more my issue? Am I reacting more as a result of past trauma than to the here and now? This has happened where he’s accidentally triggered something in me that was not good. Once I’ve informed him, he changes the behavior. I’ve had to do the same for him.
  2. I need to remind myself that we are on the same team and give him the benefit of the doubt. It might not have been intentional (see #1).
  3. It might be part of who God has created him to be and I need to adapt to that even if it isn’t always comfortable. We all have our quirks in our personalities. I remember that God made Him unique and I need to appreciate that uniqueness. In this instance my issue is more with God than my husband.
  4. It’s easy to stew in my feelings because if I confront them I might find out I did something wrong too. It takes courage to talk about our hurt and frustration and the cause of that and work that out between two people. It’s worth it to go through that process.

When we were about to get married my fiance (now husband) told me he knew everything about me. I told him that couldn’t be true because we had years of history on both sides and we would spend the rest of our lives learning about each other. A few months later I learned he was the “M&M Grandpa” and had a collection of M&M memorabilia. Six years later I discovered his favorite pie was blueberry and not apple, although he loves apple pie too. I finally baked a blueberry pie for him. The more I learn the less I know.

The other part of this is also self-knowledge. I’m still learning about myself as I grow older. My perspective changes as I go through events in my life. I learn. I understand differently. I unearth new truths about the way I react to things or perhaps blind spots (I’ll deal with that next week). I read fiction and non-fiction to broaden my thinking and inform me. I was recently diagnosed with ADD (inattentive type) a few years ago, and while I understood much about this, I’ve learned new tips and tricks that help me be more functional in my daily life. Growth has benefits!

The reality is, as a believer in Jesus Christ and one who seeks to follow Him with all my heart, my mind, and my soul, I need to hold to a posture of humility that the Lord of the universe has knowledge beyond my grasp. Every time I open Scripture I learn new things, or see God, myself, and the world a little differently. It’s a slow process because God is gracious in not shoving all my sin down my throat at once. He’s gentle and patient as long as I stay humble, teachable, and seeking Him for who He is not just what He can do for me. I’m grateful that He provides the Holy Spirit to guide and teach me,  and even pray for me when I can’t find the words. The Holy Spirit is in the business of teaching me what I don’t yet know.

How about you? Do you find that the more you learn the less you know? How have you seen this play out in your life?

 

Author Confessions: Reaching One vs Many

Jul15
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confessions: Reaching One vs Many

As an author it would be lovely to have a best selling book. Except that how do you measure that? By overall sales? Well, that’s one way. My book Pesto and Potholes was offered for a week at an extremely discounted rate and it shot to number one on Amazon and stayed in the top ten that week for the catagory it was listed in. A friend asked me how it felt to be a “best-seller.”

Weird. Surreal.

It wasn’t real. The reality is most authors, this one included, do not make a liveable wage from writing books. Having said that, I’m doing fine. God has given me a calling and I’ve striven with His help to follow where He has led on this journey to publishing. He has provided for my physical needs. On paper, I make a small amount of taxable income but that is usually because I will not always include every deduction I possibly could when I file my  taxes. Too many losses when self-employed makes the IRS think it’s just a hobby.

Writing, for me, is not a hobby. As I said, it’s a calling. Sure it would be nice to have the accolades like other better-known, authors have. Oh, to have the income of a Richard Castle! Granted, he is fictional, but still, what a delightful fantasy to have that kind of financial resource to do whatever I wanted to do, go wherever I wanted to go, and live without any worry over investments, inflation or anything else. The only battle he had was against himself and writer’s block. And maybe his vanity? Or how about Jessica Fletcher in Murder She Wrote? Not so much living the high life but definitely not worried about her finances, although it seemed she found foul play around every corner. Not the kind of life I would want.

Oh, maybe I need to be writing murder mysteries? Or erotica. They do seem to sell well.

Nope. That’s not what God has called me to do. I write romance because the best romance is the one we have with our Savior. It’s real. It’s personal. It is life-changing. By His grace we have been given real-life love that reflects or mirrors that of our relationship to God.

I digress, but it was an important point.

The reality is, when I get to heaven, God isn’t going to ask about my book sales. He’s not even going to be worried about how many books or blog posts I’ve written. He will only be concerned with whether I accepted the free gift of salvation found only in Jesus Christ.

After that all the rest is a reward based on my obedience and the lives I influence for HIS glory while here on this planet.

That isn’t always reflected in book sales.

That might be the interaction I have at a craft fair with a young teen who loves to write. He or she may not even purchase my one of my books but I encouraged them to pursue their passion. If nothing else, good writing skills will always be an asset in any career field. It might be a friend I sit with to listen, love, and pray over. It might be the small group of people who meet in my home to study the work of another writer that encourages us to grow in our faith. It might be a student in a writing or theology class I’ve taught. None of which has anything to do with any book I’ve written.

None of that translates into book sales, does it?

I can do all the marketing, pay lots of money for ads, do interviews, and blog tours and it still might not make me or my publisher any more money. My books can be high quality without having a huge readership and income.

If one person’s life is helped. If they are encouraged in their faith or finally understand God’s love for the first time through a story God led me to write. That’s priceless.

The down side? That doesn’t help pay the bills for myself, my editor, publisher, cover artist, marketing person, or virtual assistant.

Maybe I’m not doing this marketing thing right. I’ve hired help and I’m working hard but I’ll admit to occassional discouragement when I see only two reviews on one of my favorite titles. Great reviews but I’m sure more than two people read that book. Reviews help others find great books. Sales also help. Even if you pick up my book at a church library or the public library, a review is sooo helpful to an author. Yes, it’s encouraging to know people love my stories. Reviews help other people find them as well.

I used to pay more attention to reviews and sales than I do now. They are not a reflection of my worth of value as a follower of Christ or an author, although some might make that corralation. Ultimely, I really won’t know the value or impact my words have had until I get to heaven.

In the meantime I’ll keep writing. I have learned over the years that it is the time spent with people, quality time, one-on-one, listening to their story, encouraging them, praying for them, that has greater eternal value. I’m not minimizing the hard work that I put in to writing and editing a novel or novella. It can be grueling at times. It takes discipline and saying no to other great things I might like to do. Reaching one vs many is the tension I live with but when the scales are off balance, I suspect it will always be in favor of the one.

Author Confessions: Limits to Freedom of Speech

Jul1
Reading Time: 6 minutes

Author Confessions: Limits to Freedom of Speech

As we head into another United States of America Independence Day I was pondering freedom. We have many freedoms in the USA and one of them is freedom of speech. However, there are limitations to this, especially in the Christian publishing industry.

Universal Limitations

  • Lyrics. Not just anything can go on the printed page. Some are universal for all publishing. For instance, I cannot print lyrics from a song without permission from that songwriter and the music publisher. The exception is if it is public domain. That means the origin of the song has to be at least 95 to 120 years and no one owns the intellectual property rights. Most old hymns and Christmas carols fall into this category. However, if one is writing contemporary fiction newer songs cannot be referenced via lyrics in the narrative of a book, not even if you are giving credit. This becomes a legal issue that one has to be careful about.
  • Slander. One has to be very careful about writing about real people and telling real stories. Unless permission is granted the author and publisher could be liable for charges of slander if someone mentioned in a book feels that their reputation is ruined or declares that the words written by him or her are not true. That’s a tricky road to walk because we all have our own interpretation of events that have happened in our lives. But what if my perception of events is not viewed the same way by someone who has offended me? Unless there is a decided legal case which convicts someone of a specific crime, any thing else could be suspect. This is what happened when Amber Heard wrote an article stating she was the victim of abuse. While she never named her ex-husband, Johnny Depp, most people understood that was who she was talking about and he lost work due to that. The court found that she was liable for slander. Freedom of speech did not protect her from saying negative things even though she didn’t even mention his name. I’ve read some books where it was easy to find the name of the person being talked about and I often wondered if that wouldn’t have opened up the author (and publisher) to charges of slander, even if the statements were true. In one case, I discovered the person written about was a public figure (both were) and had moved to a new market and when the book  released went on a drinking binge costing him public humiliation and losing his job. Ouch. This book was written by a Christian. While much of that autobiography was instructive and helpful to me as a reader, there was a cringe factor in how it exposed her ex-husband. This is often why I’ve suggested to some that writing their story, heavily veiled, in fiction, might be safer.

Christian Limitations

The Christian market has more unique limitations that involve not including foul language, no disparaging remarks about God, no drinking or drug use portrayed positively and without consequences, no sex outside of marriage and definitely no sexual encounter described in detail on the page. Any evil act needs to be seen as such so there is no glorification of murder, abuse, theft, lying etc. This is what makes Christian fiction “clean” for the reader.

When I stared writing I wanted to have books that I wouldn’t be afraid of my children picking up. A creative writer can tell a great story without explicit sin. A great story shouldn’t need a detailed sex-scene because that only titillates the reader and could lead them into sin.

Christian publishing houses might have further restrictions on what they will or will not allow and the author needs to heed those limitations or he or she won’t be published.

Liability

It is difficult for writers to be insured to protect against liability. Most authors don’t carry insurance for this because we don’t make enough to cover the expense. That’s just the brutal truth. There are few companies that even offer this. We often want to share personal stories and write about hard truths but we need to be careful to not be so specific that we could be accused of slander. Even using the name of a company in our book, or a restaurant could be a problem. Many of us do put stuff in there, and as long as it is used in a positive light, it shouldn’t be an issue.

Off the Page

Even outside of the books themselves there are things writers are not to discuss. We are not to tell others about our contracts (at least not publicly on social media) or issues we might be having with a publisher or agent. Most of those things need to be dealt with privately. Now if there is a publisher doing horrible things than giving warning to others against that publisher/agent/editor/author might be necessary but not in a public way lest it be considered slander. For instance, if someone asks publicly about a particular publisher or editor, anyone who has a negative view would be better served to privately share that information.

Organizers of conferences will share amongst themselves if they come across unethical actions by publishers, agents, editors, or authors, as a way to protect the conferees. The attendees are not informed of those who have done wrong, at least not publicly. The only exception might be if someone were to do something that became public. Examples might be: inappropriate touching, sexual immorality, illegal activities, or something like that might become known and published in a local paper, or even a market publishing magazine. Once it is public then it is no longer private. Actions might also include the author losing his reputation, his books might be pulled by the publisher, and he or she will be persona-non-grata at conferences. Not that there couldn’t be restoration and forgiveness. God does forgive sin! We are to forgive. But oftentimes there needs to be repentance and possibly space for healing before that individual might be allowed to serve in any of those capacities again.

There have even been instances, in Christian publishing, where a well-known personality plagiarized an entire work of fiction by another lesser-known Christian author. How painful and wrong! I hope she was able to get justice as she probably didn’t have a ton of financial resources to fight for her rights.

This is no different than in the church itself. The Christian publishing community is small and we are still the body of Christ and maybe there isn’t a denomination ruling over most of us, there is a desire to honor God in all we do, on and off the pages of any book.

This really is a desire to heed Matthew 18: 15-17. “If your brother sins against you, go and rebuke him in private. If he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he won’t listen, take one or two more with you, so that by the testimony of two or three witnesses every fact may be established. If he pays no attention to them, tell the church. But if he doesn’t pay attention even to the church, let him be like an unbeliever and a tax collector to you.” (HCSB)

Freedom In Christ

As Christians, we face limitations are found in our daily lives. Most are designed for our good! Not rules and regulations, although some might boil the Christian life to that. Rather as we seek to honor God with our gifts and the calling to write, we want to also honor the boundaries He provides. Those same boundaries are reflected in the books we write (or should be if we are to be called “Christian”). This isn’t done out of a need to earn approval but out of a personal relationship with Jesus. Out of the grace He has bestowed on us to be children of God, and in order to not grieve the Holy Spirit that indwells us as believers, we seek to write in a way that would bring glory and honor to HIM first, and hopefully uplift and entertain the reader with truths found in Scripture, whether explicitly stated or not.

True Freedom

As we celebrate our freedoms as a nation, there are still limits to freedom of speech, even outside of the Christian publishing industry. Yet we do have so many freedoms. We can disagree politically, or even have discussions about different theological ideologies we might not agree on. Hopefully all we do as those who follow Christ will also be tempered with the freedom we have to share the sweet truths of His word, because He is the ultimate hope and foundation that this nation was founded on.

 

 

Author Confessions: Is It Wrong to Read Inspirational Romance?

Jun24
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: Is It Wrong to Read Inspirational Romance?

Believe it or not there are some churches that would never promote, encourage, or support that I write Christian romances. They don’t even need to read it. They believe that it leads women to unrealistic expectations in marriage or perhaps that the values in the book don’t reflect the more narrow legalistic values that the church proclaims as godly.

Either way, they won’t consider it a good thing, but I do know that some women who are in those churches will read semi-erotic books by secular authors. Wouldn’t you prefer that they read a book that is clean and doesn’t titillate? Aren’t there values in Christian-authored books that transcend the romance part as well?

It was a surprise to my husband, but not to me, when he was telling a pastor he admired about how great my writing is. Yet I know another Christian female author who had sat in that church when that very pastor had condemned the kind of work she was writing out of obedience to God and in a way to honor God with her gifts. Needless to say, she left that church but it was like a slap in the face to her.

Now, before you tell me I’m saying all Christian romance is right to read, hear me out. I have a friend who was in a sex-less, difficult marriage to an unbeliever. She avoided Christian romance novels, and all romance novels. It hurt too much. I would never condemn her for her choice. If God says don’t read it, even if it is fine for most people, then don’t. Obeying God should always be primary, but that doesn’t make it universal. I was in a similar situation and those books held out the truth that there was a standard for men that was more than what I had. Now when I was free to look for that I set my sights higher than I had when I was younger and didn’t believe I deserved that kind of love. I don’t deserve anything to be honest but I believed that there were good and godly men out there and I praise God that He brought me a great guy who loves the Lord and treats me with respect and love. He isn’t perfect, but he’s perfect for me.

Not all Christian books are created equal, whether fiction or non-fiction and we should always be discerning. I’ve seen some exceptionally popular, best-selling books cause great damage in the church and in the lives of individuals who have read them. I’m not going to name book titles. You might disagree with me and select others books you strongly disagree with. If that is true for non-fiction it can be equally true for fiction as well. We need to be discerning as we read as believers. Sure, open the book, step on in and relax and enjoy the story, but don’t check your brain at the door.

The reality is every book has a human author at various stages of sanctification and growth in their own Christian walk. That will translate to the page and the underlying theology which is behind their story.

So, is it wrong to read inspirational romance? It definitely is not a sin unless God tells you not to read that. But as with movies and other media content we take in during our days, we need to be discerning. I believe authors are held as accountable as any pastor or teacher out there for the content they produce and we should never seek to lead anyone into sin or promote sinful practices, but some theology can be far more subtle and we need to be careful.

Those church leaders who “ban” Christian romance are not giving their women enough credit to have the brains to discern what is real and what is not. Who knows, maybe the story will convict them to be more godly as women and wives? The hope of any Christian author would be to leave their reader on a more solid encouraged place before the cross of Christ. Maybe entertained, but hopefully encouraged and uplifted and maybe even challenged in their own faith as a result. I know I wanted books I wouldn’t be ashamed of my children picking up and hopefully the characters would give them godly role models to follow in their own walk. So far none of my children have read my books but maybe someday? And if not my kids, maybe those of others will be blessed.

 

Author Confessions: Owning My Mistakes (Ouch!)

Jun10
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confession: Owning My Mistakes (Ouch!)

I would rather not write this post. I used to be in a relationship with someone I called “the blame-shifter.” Nothing was ever his fault. Anything that happened, was due to someone else’s nefarious sins. Any failure in our relationship was always my fault because he was perfect. It always bothered me. I don’t ever want to be like that.

This past week I discovered that something slipped by me with my editing work for another author. Ugh. The last time something like that happened was when my father was dying and I thought we were all done with edits on a manuscript and so didn’t think about it only to realize, oops! It still had one more round to go! I blitzed and and so did the copyeditor, of course after copious apologies from me. We got it done because I caught it soon enough. Grief can do amazing things to our memory and while that might be true, the reality is, I should have been more diligent. You’d think I’d learned that lesson.

Last fall I sent two manuscripts to an author whom I’ve been working with for about ten years now. She’s always been on time with returning edits and somehow when I looked at our tracker for our projects I didn’t realize that she still had the documents. Odd. Not her fault though. We had a computer glitch in the fall and documents (as in edits) were not being sent out via the system like they should have. It never dawned on me that they never got to her.

So the other day I was in the tracker getting some stuff input for Christmas novellas when I realized this author had a book scheduled to release in two months. Shouldn’t be an issue if we were finishing up copyedits or final proofs but it had only been through one round of edits. Yikes! How did I miss this? Yes, life is busy and to be honest, there is no good excuse for this. The author never inquired as to where the edits, however,  I am the editor and I’m responsible to manage the project and I failed miserably, aided perhaps by a computer glitch, but still, I screwed up.

I instantly emailed the author with the edits (it really impacted two of her projects coming out close together). Once I got those sent, I called my Editor-in-Chief to confess my flub. She was gracious. Yes, we had computer issues and email issues. She said, “It’s OK, Susan.” I responded. “No, it isn’t. While I appreciate your forgiveness and understanding it is causing a ripple effect for everyone.  I messed up. It shouldn’t have happened.”

The author was gracious as well when we decided that the project due in two months would get pushed off to March 2025 due to no other room in the publishing schedule to get it out this year. The upside of this is with two other manuscripts she has releasing this year it will make her work load a lot lighter and she’ll be able to stretch out her marketing for each book so they get the attention they deserve. Less work? Why would that be a bad thing?

This is a multi-published author who has been down the path to publication many times so for her this wasn’t as devastating as it might have been for a first time author. I had that happen with my first novel when someone messed up and we had to delay the release by a few months. I was crushed. I cried. Life happens, but it still was hard to swallow. Fast forward several years and I had some major edits on a story (long story I’ll probably never tell here, but it was agonizing). This came as I was recovering from  surgery and planning a move and a wedding in a short period of time. Even without all that happening I would never have been able to do what that copyeditor wanted me to do and get it done in time for publication. It is unusual for publishing dates to be pushed off, but unexpected things can crop up on the process. I had another book project with another publisher early on in my career, that kept getting delayed so much that I finally had to cancel my contract with them (they violated the terms of the contract).  We parted ways amicably and while that book (non-fiction) is still awaiting publication, I hope it will release someday when God deems it is ready. Not like I don’t have enough to do right now as it is. My plate is full.

With this experienced author, we could have skipped steps to try to make the deadline, but I’ve learned enough through the years that we need to respect the process and unfortunately, time is an essential part of that. Due to the fact that we are not machines, but human beings, editing needs time and space between work done on a manuscript so the author, and editor, can review it objectively.

So, I’ve now shared with you the truly human factor in publishing. People mess up. We make mistakes.  We miss things. I’ve been on both sides of the issue. I am never offended when an author asks where things are at with a submission or in the editing process because I recognize that it is important to them and sometimes those reminders help keep me on track or take a second look to make sure I didn’t miss anything. I shouldn’t need those reminders, but life does get busy for all of us. I’m not making an excuse or blaming anyone else but myself. Any good author, editor, or publisher will be willing to own their mistakes along the way. Ultimately, God is over all of this and perhaps this delay for this particular author will give her not only more time to do the work that needs to be done and do it well, but bless her writing in untold ways. I don’t know. I’m not blaming God. It’s a truth that even when we mess up in life, and own our mistakes, HE is still capable of bringing good out of it. Owning my mistakes though is an important part of the process, even though it hurts to admit just how human I am.

Author Confessions: Savoring the Sacred

Jun3
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confessions: Savoring the sacred 

With the advent of social media, we went from blogs sharing life, ideas, hacks, and recipes, to people sharing their breakfast or a new outfit or doing fun things. Periodically, you’d get the serious: the accidents, the terrible diagnosis, or the cries for help financially or emotionally.  

In some ways, now we get it all and at a much faster pace. And often the mundane that sometimes puzzles me. People sharing about things that really don’t matter much in the scheme of life: like imitating a dance move.  

When I started to look for a new life-partner, I did tell a few of my closest friends but no one else. When I found one who ticked all the right boxes, I still didn’t share with many people. It’s weird to say, in your fifties, “I have a boyfriend.” I also wanted the relationship to proceed without undue expectations from others.  

In many ways, it felt sacred. I wanted to savor the sacred. I wanted to nurture the relationship without the outward stressors or awkwardness. Kind of like when I start spring plants in the basement. Eventually I start exposing them to the outside during the day to “harden” them, in hopes that when I finally plant them in the ground, they will thrive.  

My new relationship was tender, strange, and wonderful. Tender because we had both come out of deeply painful marriages. Strange because we were both learning a new person and defining a new way of relating and developing trust. Wonderful, because we continually saw God at work in so many ways that six years later, we still frequently recount His work. Savoring the sacred.  

There are many musings that could find their way to social media as I ponder and process life but often they remain unspoken, and might even make it to my prayer journal, but nothing beyond that. Especially as I ponder the things of God. Perhaps what I’m reading in Scripture, or something that comes up as my husband and I discuss life and the craziness of the world around us.  

There are many profound and oftentimes silly interactions in our marriage that will likely never be shared online, again, because I want to savor the sacred. There is deep joy and love, but it doesn’t come to social media because in many ways, I’m savoring the sacred.  

On Memorial Day I went outside to my backyard. I had been working and the sun was shining, grass still damp from recent rains, and the birds were flitting around as my dogs explored. Momma Robin protested when they got too close to her nest. There was peace and quiet in our little slice of heaven, a peace I had never had a chance to enjoy in my previous homes. I don’t deserve this. There are people around the world struggling to survive, living through the uncertainty and terrors of war or dictatorial regimes. Yet, somehow, due to the sacrifices of those who fought and died for our freedom here in the United States, I am able to experience this peace. Savoring the sacred.  

I can’t thank those who have gone before. I can thank God for His blessing and I recognize that it could all end in a moment. Natural disasters, crime, accidents. Life is filled with horrible catastrophes that can befall anyone without notice. Tornados, hurricanes, earthquakes, and more. We live in a world where control is a myth. We think we can control outcomes, even medically, and have unrealistic expectations quite often about how things should go. Life should be fair.  

Justice would say my life is unfair. I don’t deserve to sit in a comfy chair in a climate-controlled home with sweet doggies at my side, writing this. I am a sinner. I fail too often, even if only in my thoughts which are not always as kind and compassionate as I would like them to be. Without my faith in the salvation bought for me at the cross by Jesus Christ, and the work He has done in my heart and life through the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit, I would be toast. So, I savor the sacred because life is fragile and transient.  

Really good people suffer horribly. Consider Job and his suffering. Even when life is hard, God has and always will be at work behind the scenes. So, savor the sacred.  

I’m not saying that those going through those hard times shouldn’t be sharing. I’ve been encouraged and blessed by those who have shared God’s work in the midst of their struggles. There is a time and a place for that, maybe even to only a close few. Obviously, I’m not an influencer dancing and singing and coming up with some kind of schtick to get clicks or more thumbs up on my posts.  

I have loftier goals. I want to live a life (and write books) that honor God and give Him the glory. I can’t do that without tuning into His Holy Spirit—again, savoring the sacred. That might mean I need to set down my phone more instead of getting lost in the vortex of all those posts, reels, videos, and images. I’m working hard at putting down my phone to be present in the moment when I’m with others.  

How about you? How can you spend more time savoring the sacred?   

Author Confession: The Continuum of Faith Expression in Inspirational Fiction

May20
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confession: The Continuum of Faith Expression in Inspirational Fiction

When you hear the terms inspirational fiction or Christian fiction, what does that mean? It means that the story will not be filled with filthy language or overt sin as acceptable in the lives of the main characters. But that could also be termed clean fiction. Inspirational or Christian indicates an adherence to a Biblical worldview. But that’s a pretty broad stroke.

Some people complain that Inspirational or Christian fiction is too preachy. Too much Bible-thumping. Too many instances of Jesus. But for some even one mention of faith or Jesus could be offensive. Funny how getting rid of some offensive stuff can still lead people to be offended.

There is a continuum but unfortunately there is no categorization of those on most books. You can have a Christian novel that never mentions God, Jesus, or cite one Scripture. That exists even in the Bible itself! Esther never mentions God. So a book may exemplify in the characters or the theme of the story, Biblical principles, and characters without saying so. A clean read to be sure. We might consider it a moral tale as well.

On the other end of the continuum is the evangelical novel. This is a book that details the spiritual journey of at least one character from unbeliever to believer. Even here the way the book is written can be boring, preachy, or can take the reader on a journey of that crisis of faith and the issues that arise that have to be worked through before the protagonist finally surrenders to Christ.

I’ve written clean stories but all my novels have some faith message to them. I’ve tried to write without it but couldn’t. Whitney’s Vow probably has the lightest touch of any of them. In Slam-Dunk Christmas there is a clear Roman’s road explanation of the gospel given. All my other stories vary to the degree to how explicit the gospel is explained. Some of it is more alluded too than spelled out.

Now some might even have a hard time with that, but I always hope my male characters are strong and strive to be Christlike, and seeking Him. My females as well may struggle but eventually need to be submitting to God in their lives. If one main character doesn’t know Jesus, they will, somehow, by the end of the story. It may not be via the Roman’s Road being written out. It won’t necessarily be spelled out in five easy steps to the Cross.

Why? Because the power of a story is the truth can be inserted through metaphor and examples without being overbearing and in so doing, get to the heart of the reader without raising their hackles. And if there is too much God in there, as long as I’m not being preachy, then that’s an issue the Holy Spirit has to work on with that reader. I need to be obedient to share the truth of God’s word.

If both my  characters are already believers they still will struggle with sin, their own, and others, as well as issues of faith. No gospel is always presented but the real life ongoing desire to honor God with our lives or even the importance of faith and the body of Christ might be illustrated. Nothing perfect, but raw and real, so that even an unbeliever might want to know more about this Jesus my characters profess to love and serve. In some of those books I’m planting seeds but also watering gardens of those readers who are already Christians but might need to be encouraged or challenged in areas of their faith. The beauty of it all is there is a continuum of faith expression in inspirational fiction which provides multi-layered opportunities for the truths of the gospel to be shared.

Author Confessions: Satan Doesn’t Like Christian Authors

May13
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: Satan Doesn’t Like Christian Authors

This idea should be more of a “duh” kind of thing. Of course Satan doesn’t like Christian authors—he’s diametrically opposed to Christ, the gospel and those who are trying to honor God in the exercise of their spiritual gifts.

So why bother writing about it? Because we too often forget we are in a spiritual battle.

Not that every challenge or bad thing that happens to us can be pinned on our mortal foe. We can easily make life more difficult without his help.

But when I’m afraid to write because I believe it won’t be good enough, then I’m believing a lie. My unbelief in God’s power to work in and through me, is a great tool for the enemy to use to keep me from exercising my gifts and calling.

When something bad happens, like last year I tripped and fell and broke my right humerus (arm), that wasn’t really the devil’s fault. Some of it had been a result of my inability to get medication I needed because of insurance and supply chain issues. I could just blame Satan, the insurance company, the FDA, the pharmaceutical companies, but to what end? I could blame myself for being impulsive, inattentive, and clumsy. I could blame the UPS guy for leaving the box of brakes for my car where I would trip over them. That’s not fair though because I could have moved them. I saw them there! That goes back to blaming myself for being lazy. I could blame God for allowing it.

What have I accomplished by any of that? God graciously provided me with so many blessings in the midst of that intense pain. My dog stayed by my side. I was able to get to my husband who took exceptional care of me, even untying my shoes as I blacked out in a chair. Only to have me waking up to say “they zip”. Excellent medical care at the emergency room with a wait of less than ten minutes? That’s unusual to be sure!

I didn’t need surgery and the dire warnings of the first doctor I saw a few days later never came to pass (at least to this date). My rotator cuff could have been reinjured necessitating surgery, or the bone head could have died due to cutting off the blood flow with the break requiring a shoulder replacement. As far as I am aware, fifteen months later, I’m fine.

The reality is, bad things happen all the time. Job didn’t even know that his deepest griefs were because God had lifted protection over him and allowed Satan access. The point of that was to keep trusting God even when things go wrong, because we have no idea what’s going on behind-the-scenes.

The only way to do that is to stay connected to the One who controls it all, including our enemy. Sometimes catastrophe comes and however God allows those things to happen, due to someone else’s sin, or our own (natural consequences), or nature itself, or perhaps our enemy, we need to trust Him and focus on Him.

I was so sad when our vacation had cancelled due to my arm. But I did believe that somehow God was in that. We did take a different trip after I’d healed up enough and during that trip my husband and I were able to share the gospel with a young man who was clearly hurting. We spent several hour with him over a meal. Right then and there I knew my broken arm wasn’t wasted.

Now I’ve already written on God knowing everything so I won’t go into that there. God could have done something similar on our initial trip too. The reality is God is always at work and need to keep focused on Him.

Keeping our hearts clean before God keeps us in step with the Holy Spirit who will help us when evil comes knocking, whether it is in life, vacations, health, work, or yes, even writing. We can grieve our losses on the way but never stop clinging to God and the power He gives us through the Holy Spirit.

The enemy doesn’t stand a chance. Satan hates Christian authors but he’s not the one I’m going to focus on. Instead I’ll keep working as God leads me through the power and protection of the Holy Spirit and trust Him for the results.