Tag Archive | mercy

Author Confession: God Blesses in Spite of Our Flaws

May27
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confession: God Blesses in Spite of Our Flaws

During a particularly traumatic time in ministry, I came across A.W. Tozer’s book The Attributes of God and a journal. That was such a gift from God. I’ve appreciated much of A.W. Tozer’s writings but a few years ago I was reading about his life and was dismayed at how he neglected his wife. Having been on the receiving end of that kind of treatment myself at the time, it upset me.

I can’t deny the fruit of Tozer’s work in my life to help me grow in my faith during a difficult time, but there was part of me that wanted nothing to do with a man who would be so bad a husband.

My husband has a favorite saying: Don’t look horizontal (to men). Look vertically (to God)- Man will let you down but God never will.

I’m sure Tozer did the best he could with what he understood of God’s truth at the time, or he didn’t have anyone around him to confront him on his what would now be considered abuse and neglect of his family. The reality is—we are all in that same boat, aren’t we?

Scripture points to the reality that we as humans are terribly flawed no matter how good our intentions are or how much we claim to love the Lord.

Romans 3:11 says:   “There is no one righteous, not even one.  There is no one who understands; there is no one who seeks God.”

Jeremiah 17:9  “The heart is more deceitful than anything else, and incurable—who can understand it?”

“For the eyes of Yahweh roam throughout the earth to show Himself strong for those whose hearts are completely His.”  2 Chronicles 16:9a

Even God is often disappointed in the failures of His creation to live up to His plans for us. Somehow, in spite of that Scripture says He delights in us when we delight in Him.

Zephaniah 3:17 says : “Yahweh your God is among you, a warrior who saves. He will rejoice over you with gladness. He will bring you quietness with His love. He will delight in you with shouts of joy.”

I’m sure I have my share of failures people could point to without knowing all the facts, just like I don’t know all the facts about Tozer’s life or any other Christian leader who has seemingly failed.

I’ll confess I’ve struggled with this tension between judgement and mercy toward people like Tozer whose work I have been blessed by and yet have perceived failures. I’ve seen the same with other leaders as I’ve walked this planet and been a part of various organizations and been disappointed and even abused by so called “Christians.”

I have to hold on to the two contradictions knowing God is the only One who knows the heart. I want His mercy and grace for areas where I have failed and I’m amazed as I look back on my journey, and some of the hard lessons I’ve had to learn on the way, where I had blind spots to behaviors, actions, and words that wounded others unintentionally.

One of my favorite Psalms is Psalm 19. Verses 12-14

“Who perceives his unintentional sins? Cleanse me from my hidden faults. Moreover, keep Your servant from willful sins; do not let them rule over me. Then I will be innocent and cleansed from blatant rebellion. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to You, Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.”

What amazes me is that God can bless us even when we are failing morally, oftentimes unintentionally (which is still sin), yet God can bless our work. He can use us even though we are imperfect. Which also means any successful outcome is due to HIM–not me.

I’m stunned and amazed by this as I look back over my life so far. I don’t deserve that anything good came of my efforts to imperfectly serve God, yet His grace covers me. I wish I still didn’t have unintentional sins or blind spots where someone might be hurt by something I said, did, or didn’t do.

And I pray that my husband and close friends will love me enough to point out where I might be falling short of the mark so that I can continue to grow and not be encumbered as I seek to honor Him with the gifts HE has so graciously bestowed. I don’t want to continue as if I have nothing to learn or grow from totally relying on His grace, because to do so cheapens the sacrifice Christ made for me on the cross when He died for my sins.

And I’ll let God be judge of those who have lead, taught, served in whatever capacity but fell short of what I think is best. Because I fall short as well, just maybe in a different way. God blesses in spite of our flaws and for that I’ll be grateful.

 

Chai Latte Love

Dec4
Reading Time: 4 minutes

I am not a coffee drinker. I have drunk it and if it’s weak enough and has some stevia in it and perhaps a flavor (Butternut Rum or Highlander Grogg were tolerable) I can do it for a calorie-free option. In my previous life, many moons ago, I was married to someone else who periodically decided that due to me being overweight, I should not have chai. Other times he was fine with it.

I had even had my naturopathic doctor test me with my chai and he said it was neutral. Neither good or bad for me so “Enjoy your chai.” Yay!

I usually only have one mug in the morning while I spend time in God’s Word. When my children were little we lived in a tiny 700-square-foot mobile home. One day I noticed the chai supply was dwindling so I ordered more. At that time there was no Amazon. I ordered from the distributer and got a discount when I bought in bulk. The order arrived in a cardboard box. My husband at the time came in and put the box in the kitchen.

“What is this?” he asked.

“Chai. We were running low so I ordered some more,” I said, curious as to why this was an issue. Note: sometimes he enjoyed a cup of chai too.

“You shouldn’t be having sugar. It’s not good for you. I’m taking this and putting on the dryer. You cannot have it.”

That is what he did. The box, unopened, sat on top of the dryer. I did let him know I didn’t appreciate being spoken to that way. And I prayed.

I wanted to submit to my husband even if he was being nasty and unreasonable. I told God that I didn’t need chai to be happy or survive. I told God I didn’t want to make chai an idol in my life. I also prayed: “God, if it is okay for me to drink chai, have my husband bring that box back to the kitchen, open it up and fill the container.”

Odd request right? And very specific. However, I’d seen God do amazing things and was convinced that God was capable. I needed to trust him and not react out of my own hurt feelings or rebel against my controlling husband which would only make a bad marriage worse.

A week went by and on a Friday, the container I kept my chai in was finally empty. I washed it out and set it to dry on the counter. I told God I was fine and would trust Him whether I got to drink chai or not. I was at peace with this.

That afternoon my husband stormed into the trailer and came to the kitchen. He opened the cupboard where I normally kept the plastic container filled with chai. He turned. “Where’s the chai?” he demanded.

“It’s empty. Here’s the container.” I picked it up, totally dry now and put the lid on it.

“Didn’t you buy more?” he asked. How could he forget his explosion about this?

“Yes, I did.” I answered, staying calm.

“Well, where is it?” he demanded. He was going to lose his temper!

“On the dryer in the box it came in.”

He rushed down the hallway, grabbed the box, put it on the counter, opened it and then took out a bag of chai, opened that, and dumped it in the plastic container. Just like I had asked God to have him do. Then he made himself a cup of chai. He left the house to go back to his office behind our home.

I never did tell my then-husband that God had used him to answer prayer. It wasn’t the first time and wouldn’t be the last when something happened in spite of my then-husband’s behaviors. It wasn’t about getting my way or proving to that man that it was acceptable for me to have a cup of chai. Or that he was wrong in seeking to control me in that manner. It was about my relationship with Jesus.

Once he was gone, I praised God for His love and care. I think I even laughed at how specific I had prayed and how identically God fulfilled my request. The LORD cares about the things we need and delights in giving them to His children. He doesn’t want to be sought just for what we can get from Him. He wants to be the most important Person in our lives. I didn’t even have a cup of chai at that moment. I saved it for the next morning when I was going to be spending time one-on-one, with the lover of my soul, my Savior, Jesus. And ever since then I remember the chai-latte-love of my God. A sweet answer to prayer and reminder that even in a painful marriage, in a crappy moldy mobile home that made me ill, with three kids and very little money – God saw me, loved me, and provided me a reminder of that in a simple cup of chai.

One of the things God instructed people to do in the Old Testament was to set up stones, monuments that were a testimony of the work God had done. I don’t need to set up a stone, but I do at times need to remind myself, and smile, that God has blessed me far beyond what I deserve. His mercy and grace are at times so overwhelming. And when life hands us the difficult stuff, or the painful memories beat us down, or the effects of someone else’s sin wounds us deeply, we can remember and recite the awesome love and faithfulness of God to ourselves.

I am married to a different man now, and he will fill my kettle at night and turn it on in the morning. When we are on vacation, he will go out of his way to make sure I have a chai tea latte even if he has to go Starbucks to get it. What a difference. A small way for him to show his love to me as well. God has been so good to me.

When have you seen God do a miracle? Big or small, it doesn’t matter. Share that with someone, or share it here so we can exalt Him who came as a baby to save us from our sins. He did all that–and more. He is worth of our praise and devotion.

The Negotiator (Book Review)

Dec6

Reading Time: 2 minutesNegotiatorI do not normally read romantic suspense but this one intrigued me. And I got it when it was offered for free. So what did I have to lose? After all, I love romance. So I thought I would give Dee Henderson’s book, The Negotiator, a try.

I am so glad I did.

FBI agent Dave Richman finds true love while being a secret hostage in a tense situation in a bank. Talk about a bad birthday. David watches Kate O’Malley exercise her talent as a negotiator and save the lives of all the hostages as well as his own. From that day on he knew his life would never be the same. She’s a hostage negotiator. He protects people. That one incident embarks them on an adventure as they try to untie the reasons for the situation to have developed. It becomes increasingly complicated and Dave becomes introduced to a colorful group of orphans who have made themselves in to a family, all taking the same last name. Dave falls deeper into the adventure as well as love but he discovers that that falling in love with a hostage negotiator is one thing, but keeping her safe is another!

Dee Henderson is masterful in her writing of this fast paced, multi-layered novel, just one in a series that I itch to read. The book is well written with intricate details that kept me on my toes (and losing sleep so I could get just a few more pages in). It is rich and handles the deeper spiritual issues that Kate O’Malley faces as she not only tries to uncover the truth behind that hostage situation, but also the truths about just who Jesus Christ is as well as the juxtaposition of God’s justice with his mercy so powerfully met in our Savior.

Beautifully done, Dee. As an author I am in awe of your God-given talent and pray many will be blessed by your powerfully written fiction.

Casey Anthony

Jul17

Reading Time: 3 minutesI did not watch the trial for Casey Anthony. I don’t have TV and don’t like getting sucked into all the drama surrounding legal cases like this. Even with all that – I still heard bits and pieces and knew the exact moment when the verdict had been handed down by the jury.

What has surprised me (although it shouldn’t, I’ve been around long enough) is the amount of vitriol that has been spewed forth on social networking. Casey Anthony has become the poster child for “evil personified.”  Even jurors, who have sacrificially given of their time to serve for this case, have received death threats. They showed up and they did their jobs. They did not say Casey Anthony was innocent. They came to the conclusion that there was not enough evidence to commit her to a death sentence. Justice did its job, even if we disagree with the outcome.

Casey Anthony has to face a higher judge. She will face, someday, the One from whom no one can hide truth. She will have to watch all that happened and it will be evident where true guilt lies and what her crimes really are.  I cannot judge what I do not know or have incontrovertible evidence of. Neither can you. The  case has left many with unanswered questions although some would like to assume they already know the answers. The fact is – only God and Casey REALLY know what happened to Caylee.

It is interesting that in a society that regularly kills babies before they are born, would get so worked up over the death of one child. Accidental or murder, she is gone and safe from further harm. I trust that God has her in His tender care and she does not suffer. Maybe she was saved from something far worse than eternity in His presence? We will never know. She is gone, she is safe.  Our anger and rage should be against the crimes that are perpetrated every hour of every day to kill babies in this country, for the sake of convenience and a woman’s rights. If a woman has a right to kill a child at 8 months gestation, then why is a two-year old different?   I am pro-life. I believe life is sacred from conception to the grave. But the inconsistency in our culture floors me.  All this anger directed at one woman and a jury – when we have a  President, a Supreme Court and doctors around this nation who support killing children?  Doesn’t  the cognitive dissonance of that irritate you?

So, in many ways, I feel sorry for Casey Anthony. At twenty-five years of age, she is an attractive young woman who has been found tried by a fickle society and has lost any chance of a “normal” life in this world because of the notoriety of this case and the high emotions that have been stoked by the media. While freedom from a death penalty, and getting out jail is certainly a bonus for her – what does  she have the freedom to do? She can’t get a job at Wal-mart. Where could she work to support herself and pay all her legal costs? She could write a book, true, but she will still lack the freedom to go to McDonald’s  or Starbucks to enjoy time with a friend. Have any friends even stood by her through this? She has lost closeness with her parents. Who will support her other than her attorneys who get paid to help?

Casey is one of many people in this world who walk around wearing “GUILTY” stamped across their chests. And yet – before God we are ALL guilty of sin, aren’t we? Without repentance and the saving work of Jesus Christ on the cross, and His resurrection, what hope do any of us have of freedom and joy and “life?”

As a Christian, my heart goes out to Casey. God has placed her on my heart and I pray for her:  For her heart, for His plan for her future, and that she will be open to what He may choose to do in and through her life if she chooses to accept his “get out of jail free” card. Without God’s mercy on any of our souls,  we all are under a death penalty with the ultimate destination being hell. No matter what the crime, Casey Anthony was created in the image of God. Whether she acknowledges Him or not, He loves her and desires a relationship with her.  She needs our prayers, not our condemnation.  May God have mercy on our souls for presuming we can do God’s job for Him now that human justice has been meted out. May God have mercy on Casey Anthony’s soul as she steps into her uncertain future. May God have mercy on our nation for our inconsistent views on the value of human life.