Tag Archive | value

Author Confessions: When God Imposes Limits

Oct13
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confessions: When God Imposes Limits

In a way I approached this topic when I talked about Emotional Bandwidth so you can check that out if you want, but I’m taking a different approach this time.

We often are told to reach for high and lofty goals. As kids we are told the lie that “You can be anything you want!” It’s a way to encourage creativity and pursuing dreams and passions but the reality is, rising to the top of anything is often part passion, calling, incredibly hard work, and innate ability.

We often focus on the hard work part of things. If you do A, B, and C, you can reach your goal. Reality is that I cannot do any of that on my own volition no matter how much I power through. I need God! Two people can do all the same things with different results because sometimes life intervenes, doesn’t it?

Something simple as taking a vacation to a lovely island resort is foiled  by a broken arm (me two years ago–and we still haven’t gone!). Pursuing a degree but health, or finances, or the inability to grasp the material can keep someone from going that next step.

I’m not talking about making excuses. Many people have overcome amazing challenges or disabilities to accomplish great things: Joni Earekson Tada (paralysis), or Nick Vujicic (no arms or legs), or even Temple Grandin (autism), have overcome, adapted and pursued amazing things. Disability, physical or even mental differences didn’t stop them. Ben Carson never let his skin color or a childhood family distubances and finanical challenges prevent him from going on to be a neurosurgeon and serving as the United States Secretary of Housing and Urban Development.

It’s easy to make excuses and blame other people or events for our inabilty to reach our goals. Slammed doors due to no fault of our own can keep a person from reaching their dream. Or send them on a better path. Sometimes the problems is within us.

The reality is, God tends to use ordinary people to carry out His plans, not just the rich, famous, highly educated, or incredibly talented. Yes, they have a role to play as well, but if your plumber had chosen to teach Philosophy at a college somewhere, who is going to fix your leaking faucet?

Our value is not found in accomplishing big, grand, things for God. A small church of faithful followers is just as important to the kingdom as a large one.

Not every book can be a best-seller no matter how much marketing experts give a formula for how to write it, get it published, and market it. My writing will never be the same as other authors I admire. There are those who love the stories I write. I write first for God.

My thought is this. We, as those who love and worship Jesus Christ, follow Him first. Anything we do, including honoring Him, is only viable through the power of the Holy Spirit dwelling within. When I try, on my own strength, I will likely fail or miss something greater that God wants to do in and through me. He’s the One who opens and closes doors. He’s the One who provides opportunties and may even lead in a direction I hadn’t originally considered. I didn’t aim to be an author when I was in college, or even as a kid. That wasn’t the dream I had for myself, and even then the dream wasn’t what I went to college for because I was practical and discouraged from following that.

But God. I love those words. But God. He is the One who works in and through us to accomplish HIS purposes. Not ours. No lofty ambition. My value and worth doesn’t need that kind of validation–or scrutiny.

I used to serve in leadership in church and taught theology and leadership classes to women. I loved every minute. For years we led a small group in our home and they became family. Now that we’ve moved, we’re searching for a church. My hands are open, palms empty, waiting for God to show us where we are to be. The way He wants to use us in a new family might be different, because the needs of that church might be different and God gifts and calls according to HIS purposes within that church community. We serve others, not ourselves. I need to let go of any sense of entitlement to do the stuff I’ve done before. In a larger church especially, we become a small fish. God may call us to one of those or something medium or small. We’ll see. Someone asked if we were chuch “shopping,” and I said no. We are looking for our home. Our family. God has to make that clear to both my husband and myself. It’s a long process.

I started out talking about God’s limitations because while God opens doors, He sometimes provides detours. That broken arm didn’t prevent any vacation, but a different one where we got to witness to a young man over lunch. I found out that last week I had a concussion so my days are looking different as I navigate healing. In the process, I’ve been able to meet more of my neighbors and share some of the bounty from the Hmongs who farm on our land. I love vegetables but we can only eat so much, so we share with others. Sharing food involves conversations as we listen and get to know those who live around us. We are here in this apartment for a season, but that season can still be rich with seeds planted.

Where or how have you found God imposing limits on you?

 

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Shame

Feb2
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Shame

I am being quite daring to write a short post on something as vast and researched as shame. Brene Brown has made her career researching this topic. However, while shame may seem a negative emotion, there is, like all emotions, a good and bad side.

Shame has a good side? Well, shame was built into us from the moment sin entered into the world. It wasn’t there before then. Adam and Eve walked naked in the garden and there was no shame. The moment they sinned against God’s rule not to eat the fruit of one tree—shame overcame them. They were naked. Scriptures says they “knew” they were naked. Nothing had else had changed. Being naked didn’t impact them in any way before that. However, the nakedness now was an exposure of their sin so they thought to cover themselves. Guilt, yes. Shame—big time.

Many cultures and families use shame as a weapon to affect good behavior, but shame is not about guilt. Shame is about not being good enough. It is about being defective to the core of your being.

Shame can help a young child learn to wear clothing and that shame can keep that child from exposing themselves. Obviously, that doesn’t work for every person, or we wouldn’t have the sins we see in the world around us.

The feeling of shame and worthlessness, however, is often something that is underlying addictions, workaholism, even perfectionism. There can be a drive within us to prove we are worthy and acceptable. But shame leaks out when we least expect it.

The reality is, due to the inherent sin nature that has been part of every birth, with the exception of Jesus Christ, we are covered in shame and unworthiness on our own. Yes, every individual is created in the image of God but that doesn’t mean the shame doesn’t stain their souls.

It is when we accept that gift of salvation in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ that we can find freedom from shame. Our worth, our value, comes in belonging to Christ.

Just as a prince or princess stands taller and walks with purpose and not shame, because of their position, we too, as heirs of Christ and walk that way.  Romans 8:16-17 says: “The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him.”

Now, like guilt there are those that don’t experience shame and that is a sad thing indeed. Sometimes we need to experience this to realize how much we need our Savior!

I believe many people struggle with shame and it can have a devastating consequence. If someone drinks to drown the shame, or takes drugs, or works all the time so they don’t have to face their inner life… Shame colors us all.

Shame can also lead to victimhood which can paralyze someone from being all they could be and living a full life of freedom in Christ. If I’m always a victim and unworthy, less is required of me, right? But God calls us all to freedom in Him.

I suspect that the majority of us fight shame in some way or another when it tries to tell us we are not good enough to be loved, or do a particular task, or even follow where God might lead. On our own, we aren’t! The reality is we all need Jesus to do anything the Holy Spirit is leading us to. If there is no shame, there is no need for the powerful work of Christ in and through us.

I suspect confessing areas of shame here might be too personal, but how do you combat the dangerous emotion of shame? Have you come across resources that have helped you? Please share!

 

The Value of a Day

Sep13
Reading Time: 3 minutes

I’m a proactive worrier. A planner. I want to understand all the contingencies and be ready.

Life doesn’t always allow that though and nothing I’ve worried about has ever come to pass. I’m not superstitious enough to believe that my anxieties and preparation had anything to do with that.

Worry robs me of peace and joy. It takes me out of the present into an invisible (to me) future.

Leaving worry aside and focusing on the here and now can bring me greater contentment. That is if I truly value the work I’m doing right now.

As I’ve grown older, (not grown up), I’ve had to re-think what’s important. I’ve always been a doer and getting things accomplished were a measure of my worth at least in my own myopic perspective.

God has brought me to a place where I can savor more of the less remarkable moments. Yes, I sometimes make a list of all I’ve done to reassure myself that I wasn’t lazy at the end of the day when I don’t have anything tangible to show for the time that’s passed.

Getting work done around the house, completing projects and even finishing a book or having one come out are all tasks that recycle. They never end. There’s always more laundry to do. The dogs track in mud on a freshly washed floor, my daughter needs something for school right away and the grass keeps growing and when that stops the snow will keep me busy. When the kids were younger I struggled to find value in keeping them clean, clothed, and fed. And there are more stories and books in my head than I can possible accomplish in the time God has given me today.

While I still need do all the necessities of daily life, cleaning, grocery shopping, looking after kids, paying bills, helping my husband, and doing contracted writing/editing/teaching work, I’ve found that sometimes the seemingly smaller things are more important:

  • My time with God each day.
  • Hanging out with my dying father even while he sleeps.
  • Giving my mom a break so she can get away from the 24/7 burden of caring for my dad.
  • Playing mini-golf with my husband or sitting and watching television together and date nights.
  • Spending time with my daughter shopping or working on something together.
  • Girls-night out (or in!)
  • Hosting the small group that meets in our home.
  • Having people over for dinner or playing cards.
  • Being aware of people around me wherever I go. Who would God have me bless?

I’m finding that while the daily stuff is important, making time for the eternal stuff, the relationships, is even more so. Even though I hope my stories will impact lives, encourage people to grow in faith, or see the world a little differently, and they may outlast me, I firmly believe relationships are more important than all of it. When I teach writers I emphasize this often. Don’t overlook the people in the rush to accomplish a task. It’s a lesson I had to learn the hard way.

I like to get things done. But sometimes sitting back and valuing the moments in a day with another person, even if it is silence, has the greater value. It won’t happen unless I’m intentional about it.

I doubt I’ll ever have regrets about a dirty house, or a messy lawn when we are in the process of making changes. I won’t regret the dust that sits undisturbed. At the end of my life I won’t think about any of that. All that will matter are the people. If this were my last day on earth would I be happy about how I left the people around me? Would they know without a doubt how loved they were?

I’m not saying to abandon cleaning and caring for those around us and for the material possessions God has given us. I’m suggesting we find greater value in the people than things or tasks. It isn’t easy and I still don’t always do it well, but I’m growing in it.

What are you learning to value in your day?