Tag Archive | Jesus

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Love

Feb10
Reading Time: 6 minutes

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Love

I suppose I should first address the big issue: is love even an emotion? According to Google AI it is. Strong affection at the least but in many ways, love is more a verb, it involves acting, regardless of feelings. So we will consider it as an emotion, and given that Valentine’s Day is this week, I figured it was a good time to ponder this topic. I guess as an author who writes romance, this probably should have been the first emotion I tackled, oh well!

Love is that feel good emotion, so how could that be dangerous? Well, when strong feelings of love are not reciprocated, it could result in the person becoming obsessed with trying to make someone love them. That kind of love is idolatry and coveting, both sins God instructed us to avoid.

In 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a, there is an interesting guidepost to true love which was exemplified in Jesus.

Love is patient, love is kind.
Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited,
does not act improperly, is not selfish, is not provoked,
and does not keep a record of wrongs.
Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth.
It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends.

Now many of us cannot honestly say we are perfect at this love thing. Strong affection though, when it is truly love, should be a model of Jesus to the object of love. That’s why a man and a woman, two distinct individuals from different backgrounds, jobs, temperaments, giftedness, traumas, successes, growth in faith, preferences…. you get the drift — will commit to loving their spouse for a lifetime. While love may be an emotion and can be directed at a spouse, a child, a friend, other family members, or in some cases even food or a movie…it involves action. Sometimes in spite of emotion.

A quick note about romance and love in fiction. I write romance. As a genre the requirement is a happily-ever-after ending. I am aware that life is full of challenges but when writing that kind of story the goal is to leave people with a happy feeling. Other authors, Nicolas Sparks for instance, since many know his work, doesn’t write romance. He writes love stories which inevitably involve loss and tears at some point. Granted, true life is filled with highs and lows…as far as fiction goes, it is where you end the story.

So what do we have with Jesus? We have the happily-ever-after, although if the story had ended at the crucifixion – it would have only been a love story of epic proportions. We get the happily-ever-after ending with Him in heaven regardless of how we depart this planet. Unless you reject Jesus, then your story ends in tragedy.

Love is hard. When one loves deeply, one grieves deeply. Love is also involved in attachment so it makes sense that one can love a dog, or a home, or a great book. We have a fondness, tenderness, and warmth toward something. We had a senior dog, Benji, who was with us for only eighteen months but he had issues we weren’t aware of when we adopted him that included: dementia, incontinence in the house, focal seizures, and an uninhibited bite response. He was so cute, soft, affectionate,and devoted to me. He was difficult to care for and make sure he didn’t bite anyone. When he unexpectedly bit me, that was the limit. A dog that bites is a liability. We had to be put him down. Part of me was relieved because he was such a pain in the neck in many ways, in spite of that sweet face and devotion. When we put him down, I was stoic, but later, I bawled. I kept looking for him everywhere. I loved him. I was patient, kind, and I bore with his idiosyncracies that come with adopting an old dog. I had invested in him and he had no idea that he even bit me or that it was wrong to do so. He sat there wagging his tail waiting for attention. Even writing this, years later, makes me want to cry and we’ve had to say good-bye to three other senior dogs since that time. Thinking about any of them will make me miss them and sad that we had to make that decision.

This is even harder with a person who is ailing. Dementia, birth defects, trajedies can change our lives and the emotion of love is not longer in control. Yes, we feel affection but it can be at war with despair, depression, and physical fatigue. Yet those who truly love, care for that person regardles of those issues, even when it is hard, hurts, and creates a burden or inconvenience.

See how complicated love is? True love lasts beyond the emotion. Sometimes acting loving can help us get back there to the feeling.

Both my husband and I came from verbally abusive first marriages and it left us wondering how well we could love another person after all of that. We obviously had the affection part down but we were old enough to know that emotions are fickle. “Do I even know how to love?” he asked me a few times. Yes, he does. He shows it to me not only in words but deeds. He provides a secure home for me, he treats me kindly, sometimes buys flowers for me “just because.” He cares about what concerns me.  He’s the one who graciously has agreed to adopt those old dogs even though their deaths wounded our souls deeply. Now we have younger dogs so hopefully we don’t have to make those kinds of decisions for a long time.

So how could love be dangerous? It can be dangerous if we are loving someone who is abusive and refuses to get help, or change. People with certain mental illnesses need love (don’t we all?) but would never make a good partner due to their illness. Love needs boundaries because we should have some affection for ourselves as well.

Boundaries are why we train our children not to run into the road without looking both ways among many other lessons. Love encourages the best of someone else but that does not mean approving or accepting abuse or sin. We will get angry with anyone we have a long term relationship with, however, it isn’t abuse if there is honest sharing of emotions. It is abuse when there is belittling, name-calling, contempt, bitterness, and put-downs.

Love without boundaries is dangerous and not really love. We should never blankly accept the terrible things someone might try to do to us. When my dad was on hospice, struggling mentally after having an extremely rare brain tumor removed, he could at times be mean. It had to be frustrating to him to not understand all that was happening or even recognize the people trying to care for him, even if they were his children. One day he got a bit snippy with my mom and she told him he needed to behave. He never acted out that way again. If he gave me any trouble, I would tell him mom would be angry and he’d comply with the plan. Once in a moment of clarity toward the end, he even thanked my mom for taking good care of him.

I love my dad and writing that made me cry. That’s love. I still have deep affection for a man who no longer walks on this earth. I admire the love my mom showed him by her actions even when it was a huge sacrifice.

Love as an emotion is dangerous when someone decides they no longer love someone anymore because they don’t feel that way. We can’t always let emotions be the litmus test for a relationship. I had a difficult time with two of my three kids as they grew up, and I still loved them during that time when they were not very loveable. Babies are cute and snuggly and easy to love, but some parents have to love one who cries all night and day, or won’t sleep, or has serious medical issues that sap every ounce of life from them. Love can and should prevail because it is almost as close to life as anything else during those times.

I’ve rambled here and it’s tugged my heartstrings so I suppose next week I’ll talk about grief.

Something else to think about though. God loves us and created you and me. Even when we wouldn’t acknowledge Him, Jesus died on the cross to bridge the gap of sin that seperated us from a holy and perfect LORD. “For God so loved the world…” I’m reading in the Old Testament right now and God’s longsuffering toward the nation of Israel is amazing to behold. He loved them even when He needed to allow, or force, negative consequences for their sins. God loved with boundaries, but His devotion never failed because LOVE never ends.

1 John 14 states: We love because He first loved us. When we are connected to the ultimate source of love, it becomes easier to love others.

The dangerous emotion of love is a deep subject and I’ve only scratched the surface. Remember that God’s love is better than any human love and should be the ONE we seek to love first before anyone or anything else. That’s hard for us fickle emotional humans to do.

 

Author Confession: The Dangerous Emotion of Jealousy

Jan6
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confession: The Dangerous Emotion of Jealousy

Jealousy is another emotion we often downplay and don’t confront in others, much less ourselves. It’s a great tool in romance novels because jealousy can cause people to do things that create conflict and that’s always great for a story.

It’s not so good in real life. I’ve struggled with jealousy throughout my life. I’m sure you have to if you’re honest. It’s an emotion. Even God gets jealous but then He has good reason to be when His children seek worthless idols to distract them from a relationship with Him. We are all guilty of that. So when God is jealous and gets angry because of that jealousy, it is acceptable and not a sin.

For His created people, it is sin if we let ourselves simmer there. Jealousy is coveting what someone else has. The tenth commandment states: “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife or his male servant or his female servant or his ox or his donkey or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” Exodus 20:17. Interesting that it does not disparage the desire for the gifts God has given us. Much like our Lord, we can be jealous for time with our spouse or children. As long as that emotion doesn’t lead us into sin.

I can drive around and admire homes without being jealous or wanting that particular home, or one like it. But if I am jealous and desire that home then I’m sinning because I am not content with what God has given me.

I’ve been jealous of other authors. Their successes. Their writing style. The big publishing contract. But I stop myself for a few reasons from dwelling there. Here’s why:

  • God gave them a unique voice and calling and to elevate theirs as superior is to denigrate the work HE has done in and through me.
  • Big book sales do not always equate to eternal impact. If I want to make money, I could write the stuff that really sells, but that is not what God has called me to do.
  • If I believe God has called and led me on the path I am on, it is wrong for me to compare that with the path He has someone else on.
  • I have no idea the sacrifices that person has made to get where they are. As most don’t know mine either.
  • If God blesses another author with a bigger sales and paycheck than myself and we are both being obedient to Him, then I should rejoice in His work because He knows the plans He has for all of us to use for His glory.

So how do I fight the tendency to jealousy? I stop and celebrate what God has done for that author. When it comes to Christian publishing, we are all on the same team! We don’t need to be competitive or one up another. That’s why I rejoined a writer’s group – so I could be a cheerleader and also be encouraged on my journey. I’ll admit sometimes I feel inferior no matter how many books I’ve written.

What about jealousy in other areas of life? We can elevate people based on outward appearances but we may not be aware of the dysfunction behind the scenes. Maybe a family looks great on the outside, perfect husband and wife and kids with no problems. At least for now. That you know of. Or someone with a great career, but again, we don’t know the sacrifices or maybe even the heartache that is going on deep inside. Good things come with a cost.

Being jealous is telling God that what He has given me isn’t good enough. It’s like the second son in the story of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32) who is upset that the father never threw a party for him but gave one for the returning wastrel. Jesus told a parable about a master paying laborers the same even though some didn’t work as long. (Matthew 20:1-16) and likened this to the Kingdom of Heaven. Jesus can distribute gifts through the Holy Spirit and blessings as HE sees fit and I have no right to be angry or jealous. My job is to honor and obey HIM and not seek other things, including a lucartive publishing contract or huge sales. If I submit to the Jesus and let the Holy Spirit reign in my heart and life than I have reward enough.

When I stand before the throne of God someday He is not going to ask me why my kids didn’t turn out as accomplished as someone else’s kids, or why my house wasn’t bigger or better, or cleaner! He’s not going to judge me on my BMI or the brand of clothing I wear. He won’t care how many people read this blog or how many books I wrote or sold, or how many people follow me on social media.

He will only care that I repented of my sins and put my faith in Jesus Christ alone.

There will be rewards for the obedience and forgiveness for my failures, even the ones I’m not aware of. That’s grace.

We all stand equal at the foot of the cross. It is a level playing field and the rest is smoke and mirrors. Where is my devotion? God is jealous for me to worship only Him not book sales. The dangerous emotion of jealousy can impact all of us in various ways. How do you deal with it?

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Fear

Dec30
Reading Time: 5 minutes

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Fear

Yes, I know it’s the end of the year so why couldn’t I write something more uplifting than about fear? It’s what was on my mind.  Why is fear dangerous?

When I was in my undergraduate classes, I had a professor challenge us to spend a few days being paranoid about everything. This wasn’t an assignment we turned in. The next week at class he asked us how it went. I informed him that I refused to do the assignment.

“Why?” he asked.

“Because I believe that if I start trying to look at the world that way it could easily become a habit—one I do not want.”

He nodded his head and acknowledged that my reason was wise.

I used to work with adults who suffered from chronic paranoid schizophrenia. Some heard voices that weren’t there. Most of the time these voices were mean and inspired fear. Living with this kind of illness and the fear that accompanies it, is a hell of it’s own.

Now paranoid schizophrenia is an extreme. Of course, there are various other phobias people can have and some area situational. Fear of heights. Fear of snakes. Fear of flying….

In some cases, those are protective. I have begun to realize I’m not really afraid of heights. I’m afraid of falling from that height. When I realize that and need to fight that fear I can take steps to see that I’m safe. OK. Let’s be honest. Falling isn’t the real problem. It’s the landing.

While schizophrenia is a mental illness with what we can best determine to be a chemical change in the brain that happens under stress, usually in the late teens or early 20’s, it is forgivable when someone suffers from this.

It struck me lately that I battle my own fears. In spite of my noble refusal to act paranoid lest I become fearful defense given to my professor, I have lapsed into that kind of thinking quite unintentionally.

Most of those fears are future oriented. The events haven’t happened. When my husband had surgery recently, we had talked candidly about the “what if’s” beforehand all the while praying that the outcome would be good.

I didn’t sleep well the night before. He came through surgery fine, and it wasn’t until we were heading home that I wanted to cry. Sure, I hadn’t had enough sleep so that certainly was a factor.. It had snowed and the roads were slick, another stressor. I was also recovering from my own surgery. However, at the core of those tears was the realization that I had been more fearful of losing my husband than I had thought. I was so grateful he had come through that so well.

Matthew 6:34 says: “…don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” This is after reminding the reader that God is in control of all the things we tend to worry about: food, shelter, clothing, and even our lives.

The phrase “fear not” appears in the Bible 170 times.

1 Peter 5:6-7 says: “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your care on Him, because He cares about you.”

Philippians 4:6 says: “Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise—dwell on these things.”

Notice that Scripture doesn’t just say “don’t worry or don’t be anxious, or do not be afraid,” It gives us a cure. I mentioned in another post that Jesus was the first cognitive behavioral therapist, and this is again what happens. The anxiety we feel, comes from the thoughts we have, and often when we are anxious our thoughts of God are not worthy of Who He is.  2 Timothy 1:7 states: For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.

Someone reminded me recently that when I am anxious about things in the future, like the plans we have for 2025, it robs me of being present here and now. All my focus is on what might go wrong instead of thinking about what is true right now, today. The good, the honorable, the just, the pure, the lovely, whatever is commendable, moral excellence, anything worthy of praise. And to be grateful.

This gets back to what I started out with. If I focus on all the things that are wrong or scary and think in a paranoid manner, then I will develop a habit. Not quite as serious as a paranoid schizophrenic, but still problematic. When I fail to focus on God, right now, and trust who HE says He is, then I’m slipping into the sin of unbelief.

Isn’t God big enough to help me through if something goes wrong in any of the areas I tend to obsess about in my mind in an unproductive way? I don’t usually spend time thinking about losing my husband because I don’t want to take away from the joy of the moments where he is with me now, making memories, laughing, and living a life of gratitude for the God Who brought us together.

The same applies for other areas where there are going to be choices and changes in 2025. I have little control of how much of that unfolds, yet God is already there. I can put my trust in Him.

Just like some might say that anger or lust are “sins”, which I debunk in previous posts: fear, worry, or anxiety are not either. They are emotions that God has given. In some instances, like a fear of heights, theyccan be helpful to protect us. If they are keeping us from living a full life in Christ however, we might need help to get past those fears that are not logical, or even real.

I’m not shaming anyone who struggles with anxiety. Some of that could be due to a chemical imbalance (like some have with too much coffee!). We all experience them. It’s what we do with them that matters. Being anxious or fearful will not keep you from heaven when we are submitting our lives to Jesus Christ, but those emotions can keep us from experiencing the peace and joy He offers us.

Luke 2:10-11 recalls the moments after Jesus’s birth when shepherds heard the news from angels: “But the angel said to them, “Don’t be afraid, for look, I proclaim to you good news of great joy that will be for all the people: Today a Savior, who is Messiah the Lord, was born for you in the city of David.”

Do not be afraid. Jesus came to the earth to bring us Himself as the punishment for all our sins. After He rose and ascended to heaven He gave us the Holy Spirit to indwell and help us on our journey home to be with the Lord. I want to fully experience that joy, don’t you? Then we can join the angels in singing, “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and peace on earth to people He favors!” The dangerous emotion of fear doesn’t need to be controlling us if we focus on Him.

How do you work through your fears and strive to be present in the everyday moments of life?

Author Confessions: Managing Expectations

Dec23
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: Managing Expectations

Christmas is in two days! In November I had a last-minute surgery while trying to prepare for Christmas early and write 50,000 words for National Novel Writing Month. I’ve had inguinal hernia repair about thirteen years ago and thought, no problem. I’ve got this! I needed to have a lot done and out of the way so that I could take care of my husband in December after his reverse shoulder replacement on his left arm. He did the right one a few years back so we’ve been down this road before and I realized that this Christmas, and our sixth anniversary (yesterday), would of necessity be low-key and one of doing less, rather than more, over the holidays.

Christmas gifts that I was making got finished, wrapped under the tree (or in some cases in the mail). Hernia surgery was accomplished, due to a kind surgeon squeezing me in last minute but it was unexpectedly much more intensive than even he expected. Six weeks recovery means no lifting over 15 lbs so I’ll need to be careful with wood stove and make more trips when unloading groceries from the car up through January 2nd.

My daughter had a birthday as well (how can she be twenty?). Her gift was ready. She said to me though, “Mom, I don’t have a job right now. I’ll try to get you a Christmas gift for you, but don’t know if I’ll have the money to do that.”

That made me sad. Gifts are more than physical material things. They can include acts of service. She could come over and load my wood stove!  Or sit with her step-father and watch television while I go get my hair done. He’d probably be fine alone but that would definitely be a help and easy MY mind. Or just spending time together.

My love languages are words of affirmation and quality time, so her being here – just to hang out, or bake Christmas cookies together, or do a craft, would be a better gift than something she’d manage to find that I probably don’t need, to open on Christmas day.

That’s why I stopped giving my mom birthday gifts. What does she need? Instead, we are making memories. Last year we went to Kentucky to the Creation Museum and the Ark Encounter. This year we went to Branson (both of these being road trips for us). Next year we’re already planning on a trip to downtown San Antonio.TX, because for all her travels she’s never been to the Riverwalk (but I have). Making memories that last long after wrapping paper has been tossed away. I will confess, there are a few items under the tree for her!

With Christmas around the corner, how are you managing your expectations? Israel had waited a long time for a Messiah, and they didn’t know quite how to handle it when Jesus was finally born. Life is like that, isn’t it? We can plan and plan for things, but the unexpected can happen in a flash.

So, this is more for myself than anyone else. Take a deep breath. Relax. Sit. Savor the moments you have and don’t fret about a perfect gift, the best decorated tree, or the perfect holiday gathering. We got the best gift of all in a baby born on a dark night in less-than-ideal circumstances. Heaven came down to earth. Our Savior was born.

I love this song by Bryan Duncan, The Form of Man. Enjoy, and Merry Christmas!

 

Also Steven Curtis Chapman: This Baby

Author Confessions: Faith in Focus

Dec2
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confessions: Faith in Focus

When I was a young girl, I discovered that I was nearsighted. I had no clue that the world I was looking at wasn’t accurate. It was around Christmastime when I was coming home from the eye doctor with my first pair of glasses. Wow. It was amazing. The Christmas lights were on as we drove through town. I slid my glasses down and took in the sight and then put them back on. In some ways I preferred the Christmas trees with blurry lights. Maybe it was because that was what I’d been accostumed to.

It’s getting closer to Christmas again and you’ve already seen book reviews on this blog for various Christmas novellas. I’ll include the complete list at of my own Christmas novellas the bottom of this post.

But why all this hullabaloo over Christmas?

It’s kind of like me and my glasses. Sometimes we need a different set of lenses to see things more clearly. Every Christmas story gives us a different perspective on a season that could be caught up in the lights, parties, gift buying and giving, and miss the deeper significance of the holiday. Holiday. Holy day. It truly is that and so much more because Christmas happens in the shadow of the cross. It’s not a moment that stands in isolation, although many would like to think it does, or isn’t worth celebrating at all.

Yes, there can be fun, warm memories made, gifts, and decorations. For some this is a hard season, depressing, lonely, or filled with grief. There is nothing inherently wrong in any of that. But if that is all it is, then we’re going through the holiday without our faith in focus on what is important.

So what is that? God promised a Messiah and those prophesies were fulfilled in the infant, Jesus, Immanuel, God with us. He would grow up, sinless in a sinful world, suffering all the evil that there is to the point of dying on the cross to rescue us. Killed by the very people He created and loved. His death was even for their salvation.

Why do we need salvation? The reality is there is a heaven where believer gather someday in the presense of a holy God, and we can’t get there with our sinful rags. Jesus offers us His holiness and perfection which allows us access to this wonderful future if we submit our lives to Him. The other option is an eternity without God, known as hell. Agony awaits there, mostly the agony of realizing that by not choosing Jesus, the person instead chose satan. There are only two options. Everyone in their heart realizes this truth as Romans 1:18-22a states:

For God’s wrath is revealed from heaven against all godlessness and unrighteousness of people who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth, since what can be known about God is evident among them, because God has shown it to them. For His invisible attributes, that is, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen since the creation of the world, being understood through what He has made. As a result, people are without excuse. For though they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God or show gratitude. Instead, their thinking became nonsense, and their senseless minds were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools…

Of course, as a Christian, my first source of hope is found in the Bible, God’s Word. It has been my anchor to the truth for forty-four years. But sometimes people need a nudge and fiction can be that when they might not pick up a Bible. Christmas stories put out by Christian authors such as myself, hope to draw people closer to the truth of Jesus and all that His miraculous birth promises. Many might be more fun than evangelical, but all hope to at least point a light to Him who is the One who enables and calls us to write.

Salvation through Jesus Christ is the invaluable gift that is offered to each of us. Have you accepted that gift, received it, opened it up, and walked in the wonder of new life with Him? If not, why not? What is stopping you? He can handle all your questions and fears.

If you have opened that preciou gift, how is your faith this Christmas season? Where is your focus? I know it’s early yet in many ways although I can guarantee my lights are on and I’m already at work on another Christmas novella for next year because there’s nothing like the season to inspire hope and joy because of the promises fulfilled by the newborn King of kings and Lord of lords. I hope you find your joy in Him Whose birth we celebrate.

Susan M. Baganz Christmas novellas (all ebooks unless noted):

Fragile Blessings and I’ll be be Gnome for Christmas are only available in print if you buy them from me directly.

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Lust

Nov25
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Lust

If you read last week’s post on the dangerous emotion of anger, great. If not, you might want to take read that because I don’t want to rehash everything here that applies to the dangerous emotion of lust. 

This issue was raised when I heard a teaching on Matthew 5:27-28  “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’;  but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Now I have no issue with Jesus’ words here but let us look at that a concept of lust. 

According to Strongs Concordance the Greek word for lust used here (1937 if you choose to look it up) is best translated “To set the heart upon, to long for.” This can be either good or bad. Vine’s Complete Expository Dictonary states: “Since in modern day English, the word ‘lust’ is used exclusively in a bad sense , it is unsuitable as a translation, where the word is used in a good sense.” Lust, generally speaking is merely a desire. It has no good or bad attached to it and is not sexual in nature. It is a neutral word whether looking at the noun or the verb form of it.

So to state that lust is catagorically a sin is not biblical. Now to desire someone sexually and want to do things with that person who is not your spouse, is adultery and like I stated before in my last post, is an issue of thoughts that influence that. This again becomes an issue of pride, believing that I have the right to demean another person by wanting something from them that is a violation of Scripture. Jesus is again using a cognitaive behavioral therapy here addressing the thoughts of desiring a woman sexually (or a woman desiring a man sexually) who either person is not married to, as sin. It starts in our thoughts before it becomes emotion. We sin in our thinking before we act on it.

Andy Stanley in his book Enemies of the Heart, has a chapter entitled: About Lust. He states: “When God created Adam and Eve, He also created the concept of one flesh. Every indication is that Adam strongly desired Eve, and Eve, Adam. With sex came lust. It was a package deal. So lust can be a good thing. … before sin there was lust. … When sin entered the world, everything was corrupted, including lust. It’s an appetite and it’s not going away. … Lust can be focused but not eliminated.” He goes on to say that lust is rarely the problem, but it’s usualy a heart issue regarding anger, guilt, greed, or jealousy.

Lust when considered as a strong sexual desire has its place in marriage. Desire like this draws a couple together but should only be satified when married, and only with one’s spouse. When my now husband and I were doing pre-marriage counseling the pastor, a long time friend of mine, asked, “Why get married so soon?” (we married six months after meeting). I responded “I want to have sex and won’t do that outside of marriage.” He laughed, and both men blushed. His response: “That’s a good reason.” The reality is, I should desire my husband and he should desire me! Isn’t that what the Song of Solomon is all about? Trying to reign in those desires to stay pure before marriage was difficult! We did it and are so glad we did.

I write romance novels and have taught about this when talking about inspirational romance. As an author I believe I am as accountable as any teacher or preacher by what I put on the page for others to read even if it is fiction. I want to acknowledge the real desire, even physical, that a person can have for another outside of marriage, without crossing into adultery.

Desire for sex is hard wired into us but can be influenced by hormones. I met with a woman for counseling who had an insatiable desire for sex and started watching porn. We discovered two things: there was an intimacy problem in the marriage and secondly, when she stopped that particular birth control, that intense desire went away. Sexual lust and the porn were signs of a deeper issue, and once those were addressed, she had no desire to watch porn. Having said that, some people have a lower desire for sex, or may even be asexual, not desiring it at all. For those who remain single, that is a blessing, not a curse and likely part of their chemical makeup.

We need to be careful of our words. The dangerouse emotion of lust is not bad. In and of itself it is not a sin, but how we think about what we desire can be and that’s where we again need to take our thoughts captive, and if you struggle with this, getting help or accountability can be good.

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Anger

Nov18
Reading Time: 5 minutes

Author Confessions: The Dangerous Emotion of Anger

If you are not aware, I have a Masters degree in Couseling Psychology from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School in Deerfield, IL. I have worked in the field of mental health for several years with chronic mental illness clients on disability as well as served in various leadership capacities at my church in the past. I’ve also been on my own mental health journey (aren’t we all?). So how does that relate to writing? Because as an author I am responsible to be theologically biblical as I tell my stories and there are differing opinions on some key emotional concepts. I’m going to address one here and you can disagree with me if you wish but I’m honestly trying to be three things in this article 1) biblically true, 2) aware of my reader’s emotional wellbeing and 3) be brief. For that reason even though there are several of these emotions…I’ll be dealing with them seperately over a few posts.

I heard a teaching recently that made my blood boil. The preacher said that Jesus got angry and it was righteous anger and that was the only kind of anger that is permissible. In essence, if your anger is righteous, meaning you are angry about something that violates God’s law, then it is acceptable. All other anger is sin and destins you to hell.

For some reason, growing up, I had caught the concept that anger was sin. I won’t go into my family of orgin issues, but needless to say as a new believer at the age of fifteen, this caused some difficulty for me. Jesus was God, but He got angry. In my teenage mind that meant He sinned. This resulted in my stuffing down my feelings of hurt, frustration, and anger which then resulted in a variety of health issues. I didn’t understand that anger was an emotion that was part of the human condition because we were made in the image of God. My mind was blown when I finally grasped that Jesus didn’t sin! Whew!

So maybe you can understand why this teaching from the pulpit stirred my righteous indignation at a teaching that denies the very essence of a key part who God created us to be: emotional. This is a communicable attribute of God. We are created in HIS image and part of that is emotion, including anger.

Anger is mentioned 234 times in Scripture and the word angry is mentioned 44 times (based on Strong’s Concordance). The LORD repeatedly expressed anger towards His children who consistantly disobeyed the rules He set out to protect them. God has emotions. He created us with emotions. Those emotions are neither good nor bad, they just are.

Now let’s look a little closer at anger. Ephesians 4:26a states: Be angry, and yet do not sin. Wait. What? Anger is not a sin? It is only what you do with the anger that can be a sin. 

Let’s unpack the emotion of anger. Anger is often part of a continuum of emotions. Sometimes we are angry but it is really hurt or frustration. Anger can become rage. If you think of it as a continuum and expand the concept, anger encompasses a wider range of emotions, and in and of themselves, not a sin. Now if anger becomes rage and you start insulting someone, wishing them ill, or worse, seeking their destruction, then that is the sin.

In Matthew 5:22 it states: “But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be answerable to the court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be answerable to the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.”  In this instance the Greek word for anger means to provoke or enrage, or wrath. (Strongs Concordance, 3710). This is a strong anger. Rage. And we all, I hope, can recognize how deadly that can be. There isn’t a term “road rage” without cause.

Let’s go back to Matthew. In this passage, Jesus is speaking against murder, which consists of taking someone’s life and Jesus is taking the action and stating the very thought of that is also sin. Sounds reasonable doesn’t it? Sometimes when we think or feel things strongly, if we don’t confront those thoughts and emotions they can become actions. Jesus is expressing an early version of cognitive behavioral therapy here and going to the root of the issue: our thoughts. Thoughts precede emotion. What we think about something determines our emotions regarding that. Calling someone a derogatory name is also not really anger, it is pride. The person is exalting himself above the other and assuming a superior attitude.  2 Corinthians 10: 5 states: “We are destroying arguments and all arrogance raised against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” Again, another cognitive action because thoughts influence actions, including words.

Who hasn’t struggled with this? We all have have violated the Thou shalt not kill commandment, even in our thoughts. Thankfully, we can repent, change our thinking and by the power of the Holy Spirit, our hearts and emotions as well. Jesus’ death on the cross even covers this sin.

Let’s be honest here. We cannot control what thoughts come into our brain, but we can determine what we do about them. Our brain isn’t always telling us the truth either. We have been fed lies all our lives and some we make up our own. We are to line them up with Scripture and replace those lies with truth.

In summary, anger is not a sin. It is an emotion given to us by God. Anger is a signal to tell us something is wrong. Maybe it comes from hurt, or jealousy, or frustration. We can be angry at ourselves, innanimate objects and, of course, other people. But when we are angry with someone, if it is possible to do so we are to go them and work it out like Matthew 18:15-18 states we should do.

We always need to be discerning about who and what we listen to and evaluate everything against Scripture. However, if confronting the person is not possible, as in this instance, we can talk to God about it, process it without slandering an individual, and pray that God will open this person’s eyes and protect the innocent and less knowledgeble people who heard the message. I am not superior to this preacher by any stretch of the imagination, and I pray God will correct this man by the power of His Spirit. And I will not be listening to his false teaching.

How does this relate to writing? Obviously, my characters experience a range of emotions but I need to be clear where that crosses into sin. Even if I don’t use scripture, I can help a reader understand that our emotions are given to us by God, but we can work to overcome them leading us into sin.

It does grieve me the damage teachings like this does to people. This isn’t the only one. I’ll be dealing with lust next. The dangerous emotion of anger hopefully has been dispelled. Be angry and sin not is a process we all need to work on and with the power of the Holy Spirit we can be victorious. We can feel our emotions, confront the underlying thought, and move past it to freedom.

Author Confessions: Limits to Freedom of Speech

Jul1
Reading Time: 6 minutes

Author Confessions: Limits to Freedom of Speech

As we head into another United States of America Independence Day I was pondering freedom. We have many freedoms in the USA and one of them is freedom of speech. However, there are limitations to this, especially in the Christian publishing industry.

Universal Limitations

  • Lyrics. Not just anything can go on the printed page. Some are universal for all publishing. For instance, I cannot print lyrics from a song without permission from that songwriter and the music publisher. The exception is if it is public domain. That means the origin of the song has to be at least 95 to 120 years and no one owns the intellectual property rights. Most old hymns and Christmas carols fall into this category. However, if one is writing contemporary fiction newer songs cannot be referenced via lyrics in the narrative of a book, not even if you are giving credit. This becomes a legal issue that one has to be careful about.
  • Slander. One has to be very careful about writing about real people and telling real stories. Unless permission is granted the author and publisher could be liable for charges of slander if someone mentioned in a book feels that their reputation is ruined or declares that the words written by him or her are not true. That’s a tricky road to walk because we all have our own interpretation of events that have happened in our lives. But what if my perception of events is not viewed the same way by someone who has offended me? Unless there is a decided legal case which convicts someone of a specific crime, any thing else could be suspect. This is what happened when Amber Heard wrote an article stating she was the victim of abuse. While she never named her ex-husband, Johnny Depp, most people understood that was who she was talking about and he lost work due to that. The court found that she was liable for slander. Freedom of speech did not protect her from saying negative things even though she didn’t even mention his name. I’ve read some books where it was easy to find the name of the person being talked about and I often wondered if that wouldn’t have opened up the author (and publisher) to charges of slander, even if the statements were true. In one case, I discovered the person written about was a public figure (both were) and had moved to a new market and when the book  released went on a drinking binge costing him public humiliation and losing his job. Ouch. This book was written by a Christian. While much of that autobiography was instructive and helpful to me as a reader, there was a cringe factor in how it exposed her ex-husband. This is often why I’ve suggested to some that writing their story, heavily veiled, in fiction, might be safer.

Christian Limitations

The Christian market has more unique limitations that involve not including foul language, no disparaging remarks about God, no drinking or drug use portrayed positively and without consequences, no sex outside of marriage and definitely no sexual encounter described in detail on the page. Any evil act needs to be seen as such so there is no glorification of murder, abuse, theft, lying etc. This is what makes Christian fiction “clean” for the reader.

When I stared writing I wanted to have books that I wouldn’t be afraid of my children picking up. A creative writer can tell a great story without explicit sin. A great story shouldn’t need a detailed sex-scene because that only titillates the reader and could lead them into sin.

Christian publishing houses might have further restrictions on what they will or will not allow and the author needs to heed those limitations or he or she won’t be published.

Liability

It is difficult for writers to be insured to protect against liability. Most authors don’t carry insurance for this because we don’t make enough to cover the expense. That’s just the brutal truth. There are few companies that even offer this. We often want to share personal stories and write about hard truths but we need to be careful to not be so specific that we could be accused of slander. Even using the name of a company in our book, or a restaurant could be a problem. Many of us do put stuff in there, and as long as it is used in a positive light, it shouldn’t be an issue.

Off the Page

Even outside of the books themselves there are things writers are not to discuss. We are not to tell others about our contracts (at least not publicly on social media) or issues we might be having with a publisher or agent. Most of those things need to be dealt with privately. Now if there is a publisher doing horrible things than giving warning to others against that publisher/agent/editor/author might be necessary but not in a public way lest it be considered slander. For instance, if someone asks publicly about a particular publisher or editor, anyone who has a negative view would be better served to privately share that information.

Organizers of conferences will share amongst themselves if they come across unethical actions by publishers, agents, editors, or authors, as a way to protect the conferees. The attendees are not informed of those who have done wrong, at least not publicly. The only exception might be if someone were to do something that became public. Examples might be: inappropriate touching, sexual immorality, illegal activities, or something like that might become known and published in a local paper, or even a market publishing magazine. Once it is public then it is no longer private. Actions might also include the author losing his reputation, his books might be pulled by the publisher, and he or she will be persona-non-grata at conferences. Not that there couldn’t be restoration and forgiveness. God does forgive sin! We are to forgive. But oftentimes there needs to be repentance and possibly space for healing before that individual might be allowed to serve in any of those capacities again.

There have even been instances, in Christian publishing, where a well-known personality plagiarized an entire work of fiction by another lesser-known Christian author. How painful and wrong! I hope she was able to get justice as she probably didn’t have a ton of financial resources to fight for her rights.

This is no different than in the church itself. The Christian publishing community is small and we are still the body of Christ and maybe there isn’t a denomination ruling over most of us, there is a desire to honor God in all we do, on and off the pages of any book.

This really is a desire to heed Matthew 18: 15-17. “If your brother sins against you, go and rebuke him in private. If he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he won’t listen, take one or two more with you, so that by the testimony of two or three witnesses every fact may be established. If he pays no attention to them, tell the church. But if he doesn’t pay attention even to the church, let him be like an unbeliever and a tax collector to you.” (HCSB)

Freedom In Christ

As Christians, we face limitations are found in our daily lives. Most are designed for our good! Not rules and regulations, although some might boil the Christian life to that. Rather as we seek to honor God with our gifts and the calling to write, we want to also honor the boundaries He provides. Those same boundaries are reflected in the books we write (or should be if we are to be called “Christian”). This isn’t done out of a need to earn approval but out of a personal relationship with Jesus. Out of the grace He has bestowed on us to be children of God, and in order to not grieve the Holy Spirit that indwells us as believers, we seek to write in a way that would bring glory and honor to HIM first, and hopefully uplift and entertain the reader with truths found in Scripture, whether explicitly stated or not.

True Freedom

As we celebrate our freedoms as a nation, there are still limits to freedom of speech, even outside of the Christian publishing industry. Yet we do have so many freedoms. We can disagree politically, or even have discussions about different theological ideologies we might not agree on. Hopefully all we do as those who follow Christ will also be tempered with the freedom we have to share the sweet truths of His word, because He is the ultimate hope and foundation that this nation was founded on.

 

 

Author Confession: The Continuum of Faith Expression in Inspirational Fiction

May20
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confession: The Continuum of Faith Expression in Inspirational Fiction

When you hear the terms inspirational fiction or Christian fiction, what does that mean? It means that the story will not be filled with filthy language or overt sin as acceptable in the lives of the main characters. But that could also be termed clean fiction. Inspirational or Christian indicates an adherence to a Biblical worldview. But that’s a pretty broad stroke.

Some people complain that Inspirational or Christian fiction is too preachy. Too much Bible-thumping. Too many instances of Jesus. But for some even one mention of faith or Jesus could be offensive. Funny how getting rid of some offensive stuff can still lead people to be offended.

There is a continuum but unfortunately there is no categorization of those on most books. You can have a Christian novel that never mentions God, Jesus, or cite one Scripture. That exists even in the Bible itself! Esther never mentions God. So a book may exemplify in the characters or the theme of the story, Biblical principles, and characters without saying so. A clean read to be sure. We might consider it a moral tale as well.

On the other end of the continuum is the evangelical novel. This is a book that details the spiritual journey of at least one character from unbeliever to believer. Even here the way the book is written can be boring, preachy, or can take the reader on a journey of that crisis of faith and the issues that arise that have to be worked through before the protagonist finally surrenders to Christ.

I’ve written clean stories but all my novels have some faith message to them. I’ve tried to write without it but couldn’t. Whitney’s Vow probably has the lightest touch of any of them. In Slam-Dunk Christmas there is a clear Roman’s road explanation of the gospel given. All my other stories vary to the degree to how explicit the gospel is explained. Some of it is more alluded too than spelled out.

Now some might even have a hard time with that, but I always hope my male characters are strong and strive to be Christlike, and seeking Him. My females as well may struggle but eventually need to be submitting to God in their lives. If one main character doesn’t know Jesus, they will, somehow, by the end of the story. It may not be via the Roman’s Road being written out. It won’t necessarily be spelled out in five easy steps to the Cross.

Why? Because the power of a story is the truth can be inserted through metaphor and examples without being overbearing and in so doing, get to the heart of the reader without raising their hackles. And if there is too much God in there, as long as I’m not being preachy, then that’s an issue the Holy Spirit has to work on with that reader. I need to be obedient to share the truth of God’s word.

If both my  characters are already believers they still will struggle with sin, their own, and others, as well as issues of faith. No gospel is always presented but the real life ongoing desire to honor God with our lives or even the importance of faith and the body of Christ might be illustrated. Nothing perfect, but raw and real, so that even an unbeliever might want to know more about this Jesus my characters profess to love and serve. In some of those books I’m planting seeds but also watering gardens of those readers who are already Christians but might need to be encouraged or challenged in areas of their faith. The beauty of it all is there is a continuum of faith expression in inspirational fiction which provides multi-layered opportunities for the truths of the gospel to be shared.

Anonymous Gift

Dec11
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Over the years I’ve received gifts but it is rare for me to get one and not know who the sender was.

In December 2016, I had an awful Christmas. Our personal family celebration was depressing for me.

After Christmas I got a notice from the post office that there was a package waiting for me with postage due. It was under a dollar and I was intrigued. I went to the post office to pay for the package. It was a standard envelope that had to be hand stamped as there was a bulge in it and no return address. Whoever sent it had failed to realize it would cost more to get it to me.

I got home and eagerly opened this mysterious envelope. Inside was a silver necklace. It contained three pendants, a pearl, a silver circle with an engraved dove, and a larger silver circle with the words “She believed she could so she did.” There was no note. Nothing to identify the sender.

Whoa. First of all, I loved it. I found the words empowering and during that season I needed an infusion of hope. My word for that year had been fearless but I’d still had much fear. This necklace helped me have the courage to do what God led me to do the next year. I was heading into a year where my word for the year would be “hope.”

I wore that necklace all the time. It held no magical powers and to this day, seven-years-later, I still have no clue who sent it. It became a reminder that with God’s power, I could do anything He asked me to. Yes, I know that’s not on the necklace, but self-doubt is often the biggest stumbling block to obedience, isn’t it? It’s not as flawless as when I got it, filled with marks from the wear and tear it has taken, much like me! It still has value and importance.

I’m not saying I wouldn’t have had the courage to do what I needed to do for myself and my children a few months later, but those words were a reassurance that I would be just fine. I had no fear because I believed God was with me – leading, guiding, and providing. Two years later, I had a most wonderful gift of a husband for Christmas and this year we will be celebrating five years together of wonderful Christmases even though life has handed us some difficult challenges along the way.

I have occassionally sent anonymous gifts to someone. One time I got figured out which was disappointing but I understood it was a blessing nonetheless. I’m believing that whoever sent that gift was doing so at God’s leading. It meant more to me after a horrible Christmas as a reminder that God saw my grief and pain and loved me.

As we head into Christmas, the greatest gift wasn’t sent anonymously, although many people failed to recognize the Gift or the Sender. Jesus is the best gift ever!

As you give gifts, remember that sometimes it is the small things, the notes, the time spent over a cup of coffee or a meal, that have the most meaning. This gift was intensely personal and I had not shared with many people just how painfully difficult life was for me at that time. So, whoever sent it, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your gift was a blessing you couldn’t have anticipated. Since I couldn’t thank a human person, I’ve repeatedly thanked God for the gift, the sender, and the hope it gave me in a season of darkness.

Have you ever received a gift, anonymous or not, that helped in a significant way with your walk with God? What was it?