Tag Archive | grace

Author Confessions: Relationships Are Messy

Jun9
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: Relationships Are Messy

Does that statement seem more like a “duh” to you? It does to me. As an author we want to have conflict and obstacles for a relationship to face as a story progresses. We want the characters to struggle in their relationships. Kind of sad that we don’t want to read smooth, conflict-free, stories when we were initially created for that kind of life in the Garden of Eden. I can’t imagine how this will play out in heaven when conflict and struggle is all we know down here.

We all come to relationships with a history of good and bad, sometimes trauma, physical, spiritual, or emotional wounds (or all of the above). We come with a family culture that is likely unique from faith, traditions, language, and even the foods we eat. Our neigbhorhoods might be different from others. We might even dress or look different. Our finanical status will impact the quality of life we experience and the kinds of resources that are available to us.

This is why those from a similar cultural upbringing might have an easier time than those from totally foreign experiences. That doesn’t guarantee if you marry someone of the same skin tone, faith, school background and family background and even genetics, that you will be conflict free.

We are so unique in so many ways that it really is a miracle when people can get a long at all. We are emotional people as well and the way we are wired is not identical to anyone else even if you can fit in a similar Meyers-Briggs catagory. I have three close friends and we all share the same Meyer’s Briggs type – but we are still so very different from each other.

I was watching Doc Martin a while back and his wife struggled with how different Martin was but finally had to realize that there is no one who is truly “normal” and trying to completely change him without considering that she might have some flaws to iron out as well, was difficult for her to come to grips with. She finally did.

Appreciating someone for the unique person they are does not mean excusing sin or enabling destructive behaviors.

An author has to take this all into account while writing a story. Sometimes it is the quirkiest characters that people love the most. Maybe that is because all of us have some quirks and can relate to feeling different at times.

If we think any relationship is going to avoid conflict and the need to navigate difficulty, we are delusional. It is what makes stories so much fun to read, but in real life it is rarely comfortable or fun. Often when we face someone else’s personality rubbing ours the wrong way, we need to look at ourselves to figure out how much of that is them–and how much is us.

Not everyone is going to be a friend. Even so that doesn’t mean we need to be disrespectful to them, even if for our own sanity we need to avoid or limit our interactions with them. That is a tricky balancing act: preserve our emotional well-being while trying to be respectful. Boundaries can be hard to execute but we need to do that and be clear about those limits where possible. It’s OK to protect yourself in any interaction.

It’s a miracle that after traumatic pasts, both my husband and I generally get along well and enjoy each other’s company. When life is stressful, or someone is in pain, or doesn’t get enough rest, or is hangry (angry due to hunger) it can definitely complicate our interactions. It would be nice if we could all just totally get what is going on inside someone’s head, but I guarantee mine is sometimes a dumpster fire and not pretty.

So why do I bring this up? Because in our fantasies the right person in our life will make everything perfect. We deny the accomodations, the negotiations, along with everything else that goes into a relationship. We need to be real because sin has impacted every aspect of this world. It seperated us from God but can also drive a wedge in between us and people we care about. Navigating all of that takes humility, prayer, and effort.

Do you agree that relationships are messy? How do you navigate that in your own life? What kind of characters are you drawn to in fiction and how messy are their lives?

Author Confessions: Reaching One vs Many

Jul15
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confessions: Reaching One vs Many

As an author it would be lovely to have a best selling book. Except that how do you measure that? By overall sales? Well, that’s one way. My book Pesto and Potholes was offered for a week at an extremely discounted rate and it shot to number one on Amazon and stayed in the top ten that week for the catagory it was listed in. A friend asked me how it felt to be a “best-seller.”

Weird. Surreal.

It wasn’t real. The reality is most authors, this one included, do not make a liveable wage from writing books. Having said that, I’m doing fine. God has given me a calling and I’ve striven with His help to follow where He has led on this journey to publishing. He has provided for my physical needs. On paper, I make a small amount of taxable income but that is usually because I will not always include every deduction I possibly could when I file my  taxes. Too many losses when self-employed makes the IRS think it’s just a hobby.

Writing, for me, is not a hobby. As I said, it’s a calling. Sure it would be nice to have the accolades like other better-known, authors have. Oh, to have the income of a Richard Castle! Granted, he is fictional, but still, what a delightful fantasy to have that kind of financial resource to do whatever I wanted to do, go wherever I wanted to go, and live without any worry over investments, inflation or anything else. The only battle he had was against himself and writer’s block. And maybe his vanity? Or how about Jessica Fletcher in Murder She Wrote? Not so much living the high life but definitely not worried about her finances, although it seemed she found foul play around every corner. Not the kind of life I would want.

Oh, maybe I need to be writing murder mysteries? Or erotica. They do seem to sell well.

Nope. That’s not what God has called me to do. I write romance because the best romance is the one we have with our Savior. It’s real. It’s personal. It is life-changing. By His grace we have been given real-life love that reflects or mirrors that of our relationship to God.

I digress, but it was an important point.

The reality is, when I get to heaven, God isn’t going to ask about my book sales. He’s not even going to be worried about how many books or blog posts I’ve written. He will only be concerned with whether I accepted the free gift of salvation found only in Jesus Christ.

After that all the rest is a reward based on my obedience and the lives I influence for HIS glory while here on this planet.

That isn’t always reflected in book sales.

That might be the interaction I have at a craft fair with a young teen who loves to write. He or she may not even purchase my one of my books but I encouraged them to pursue their passion. If nothing else, good writing skills will always be an asset in any career field. It might be a friend I sit with to listen, love, and pray over. It might be the small group of people who meet in my home to study the work of another writer that encourages us to grow in our faith. It might be a student in a writing or theology class I’ve taught. None of which has anything to do with any book I’ve written.

None of that translates into book sales, does it?

I can do all the marketing, pay lots of money for ads, do interviews, and blog tours and it still might not make me or my publisher any more money. My books can be high quality without having a huge readership and income.

If one person’s life is helped. If they are encouraged in their faith or finally understand God’s love for the first time through a story God led me to write. That’s priceless.

The down side? That doesn’t help pay the bills for myself, my editor, publisher, cover artist, marketing person, or virtual assistant.

Maybe I’m not doing this marketing thing right. I’ve hired help and I’m working hard but I’ll admit to occassional discouragement when I see only two reviews on one of my favorite titles. Great reviews but I’m sure more than two people read that book. Reviews help others find great books. Sales also help. Even if you pick up my book at a church library or the public library, a review is sooo helpful to an author. Yes, it’s encouraging to know people love my stories. Reviews help other people find them as well.

I used to pay more attention to reviews and sales than I do now. They are not a reflection of my worth of value as a follower of Christ or an author, although some might make that corralation. Ultimely, I really won’t know the value or impact my words have had until I get to heaven.

In the meantime I’ll keep writing. I have learned over the years that it is the time spent with people, quality time, one-on-one, listening to their story, encouraging them, praying for them, that has greater eternal value. I’m not minimizing the hard work that I put in to writing and editing a novel or novella. It can be grueling at times. It takes discipline and saying no to other great things I might like to do. Reaching one vs many is the tension I live with but when the scales are off balance, I suspect it will always be in favor of the one.

Author Confessions: Limits to Freedom of Speech

Jul1
Reading Time: 6 minutes

Author Confessions: Limits to Freedom of Speech

As we head into another United States of America Independence Day I was pondering freedom. We have many freedoms in the USA and one of them is freedom of speech. However, there are limitations to this, especially in the Christian publishing industry.

Universal Limitations

  • Lyrics. Not just anything can go on the printed page. Some are universal for all publishing. For instance, I cannot print lyrics from a song without permission from that songwriter and the music publisher. The exception is if it is public domain. That means the origin of the song has to be at least 95 to 120 years and no one owns the intellectual property rights. Most old hymns and Christmas carols fall into this category. However, if one is writing contemporary fiction newer songs cannot be referenced via lyrics in the narrative of a book, not even if you are giving credit. This becomes a legal issue that one has to be careful about.
  • Slander. One has to be very careful about writing about real people and telling real stories. Unless permission is granted the author and publisher could be liable for charges of slander if someone mentioned in a book feels that their reputation is ruined or declares that the words written by him or her are not true. That’s a tricky road to walk because we all have our own interpretation of events that have happened in our lives. But what if my perception of events is not viewed the same way by someone who has offended me? Unless there is a decided legal case which convicts someone of a specific crime, any thing else could be suspect. This is what happened when Amber Heard wrote an article stating she was the victim of abuse. While she never named her ex-husband, Johnny Depp, most people understood that was who she was talking about and he lost work due to that. The court found that she was liable for slander. Freedom of speech did not protect her from saying negative things even though she didn’t even mention his name. I’ve read some books where it was easy to find the name of the person being talked about and I often wondered if that wouldn’t have opened up the author (and publisher) to charges of slander, even if the statements were true. In one case, I discovered the person written about was a public figure (both were) and had moved to a new market and when the book  released went on a drinking binge costing him public humiliation and losing his job. Ouch. This book was written by a Christian. While much of that autobiography was instructive and helpful to me as a reader, there was a cringe factor in how it exposed her ex-husband. This is often why I’ve suggested to some that writing their story, heavily veiled, in fiction, might be safer.

Christian Limitations

The Christian market has more unique limitations that involve not including foul language, no disparaging remarks about God, no drinking or drug use portrayed positively and without consequences, no sex outside of marriage and definitely no sexual encounter described in detail on the page. Any evil act needs to be seen as such so there is no glorification of murder, abuse, theft, lying etc. This is what makes Christian fiction “clean” for the reader.

When I stared writing I wanted to have books that I wouldn’t be afraid of my children picking up. A creative writer can tell a great story without explicit sin. A great story shouldn’t need a detailed sex-scene because that only titillates the reader and could lead them into sin.

Christian publishing houses might have further restrictions on what they will or will not allow and the author needs to heed those limitations or he or she won’t be published.

Liability

It is difficult for writers to be insured to protect against liability. Most authors don’t carry insurance for this because we don’t make enough to cover the expense. That’s just the brutal truth. There are few companies that even offer this. We often want to share personal stories and write about hard truths but we need to be careful to not be so specific that we could be accused of slander. Even using the name of a company in our book, or a restaurant could be a problem. Many of us do put stuff in there, and as long as it is used in a positive light, it shouldn’t be an issue.

Off the Page

Even outside of the books themselves there are things writers are not to discuss. We are not to tell others about our contracts (at least not publicly on social media) or issues we might be having with a publisher or agent. Most of those things need to be dealt with privately. Now if there is a publisher doing horrible things than giving warning to others against that publisher/agent/editor/author might be necessary but not in a public way lest it be considered slander. For instance, if someone asks publicly about a particular publisher or editor, anyone who has a negative view would be better served to privately share that information.

Organizers of conferences will share amongst themselves if they come across unethical actions by publishers, agents, editors, or authors, as a way to protect the conferees. The attendees are not informed of those who have done wrong, at least not publicly. The only exception might be if someone were to do something that became public. Examples might be: inappropriate touching, sexual immorality, illegal activities, or something like that might become known and published in a local paper, or even a market publishing magazine. Once it is public then it is no longer private. Actions might also include the author losing his reputation, his books might be pulled by the publisher, and he or she will be persona-non-grata at conferences. Not that there couldn’t be restoration and forgiveness. God does forgive sin! We are to forgive. But oftentimes there needs to be repentance and possibly space for healing before that individual might be allowed to serve in any of those capacities again.

There have even been instances, in Christian publishing, where a well-known personality plagiarized an entire work of fiction by another lesser-known Christian author. How painful and wrong! I hope she was able to get justice as she probably didn’t have a ton of financial resources to fight for her rights.

This is no different than in the church itself. The Christian publishing community is small and we are still the body of Christ and maybe there isn’t a denomination ruling over most of us, there is a desire to honor God in all we do, on and off the pages of any book.

This really is a desire to heed Matthew 18: 15-17. “If your brother sins against you, go and rebuke him in private. If he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he won’t listen, take one or two more with you, so that by the testimony of two or three witnesses every fact may be established. If he pays no attention to them, tell the church. But if he doesn’t pay attention even to the church, let him be like an unbeliever and a tax collector to you.” (HCSB)

Freedom In Christ

As Christians, we face limitations are found in our daily lives. Most are designed for our good! Not rules and regulations, although some might boil the Christian life to that. Rather as we seek to honor God with our gifts and the calling to write, we want to also honor the boundaries He provides. Those same boundaries are reflected in the books we write (or should be if we are to be called “Christian”). This isn’t done out of a need to earn approval but out of a personal relationship with Jesus. Out of the grace He has bestowed on us to be children of God, and in order to not grieve the Holy Spirit that indwells us as believers, we seek to write in a way that would bring glory and honor to HIM first, and hopefully uplift and entertain the reader with truths found in Scripture, whether explicitly stated or not.

True Freedom

As we celebrate our freedoms as a nation, there are still limits to freedom of speech, even outside of the Christian publishing industry. Yet we do have so many freedoms. We can disagree politically, or even have discussions about different theological ideologies we might not agree on. Hopefully all we do as those who follow Christ will also be tempered with the freedom we have to share the sweet truths of His word, because He is the ultimate hope and foundation that this nation was founded on.

 

 

Author Confessions: Owning My Mistakes (Ouch!)

Jun10
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confession: Owning My Mistakes (Ouch!)

I would rather not write this post. I used to be in a relationship with someone I called “the blame-shifter.” Nothing was ever his fault. Anything that happened, was due to someone else’s nefarious sins. Any failure in our relationship was always my fault because he was perfect. It always bothered me. I don’t ever want to be like that.

This past week I discovered that something slipped by me with my editing work for another author. Ugh. The last time something like that happened was when my father was dying and I thought we were all done with edits on a manuscript and so didn’t think about it only to realize, oops! It still had one more round to go! I blitzed and and so did the copyeditor, of course after copious apologies from me. We got it done because I caught it soon enough. Grief can do amazing things to our memory and while that might be true, the reality is, I should have been more diligent. You’d think I’d learned that lesson.

Last fall I sent two manuscripts to an author whom I’ve been working with for about ten years now. She’s always been on time with returning edits and somehow when I looked at our tracker for our projects I didn’t realize that she still had the documents. Odd. Not her fault though. We had a computer glitch in the fall and documents (as in edits) were not being sent out via the system like they should have. It never dawned on me that they never got to her.

So the other day I was in the tracker getting some stuff input for Christmas novellas when I realized this author had a book scheduled to release in two months. Shouldn’t be an issue if we were finishing up copyedits or final proofs but it had only been through one round of edits. Yikes! How did I miss this? Yes, life is busy and to be honest, there is no good excuse for this. The author never inquired as to where the edits, however,  I am the editor and I’m responsible to manage the project and I failed miserably, aided perhaps by a computer glitch, but still, I screwed up.

I instantly emailed the author with the edits (it really impacted two of her projects coming out close together). Once I got those sent, I called my Editor-in-Chief to confess my flub. She was gracious. Yes, we had computer issues and email issues. She said, “It’s OK, Susan.” I responded. “No, it isn’t. While I appreciate your forgiveness and understanding it is causing a ripple effect for everyone.  I messed up. It shouldn’t have happened.”

The author was gracious as well when we decided that the project due in two months would get pushed off to March 2025 due to no other room in the publishing schedule to get it out this year. The upside of this is with two other manuscripts she has releasing this year it will make her work load a lot lighter and she’ll be able to stretch out her marketing for each book so they get the attention they deserve. Less work? Why would that be a bad thing?

This is a multi-published author who has been down the path to publication many times so for her this wasn’t as devastating as it might have been for a first time author. I had that happen with my first novel when someone messed up and we had to delay the release by a few months. I was crushed. I cried. Life happens, but it still was hard to swallow. Fast forward several years and I had some major edits on a story (long story I’ll probably never tell here, but it was agonizing). This came as I was recovering from  surgery and planning a move and a wedding in a short period of time. Even without all that happening I would never have been able to do what that copyeditor wanted me to do and get it done in time for publication. It is unusual for publishing dates to be pushed off, but unexpected things can crop up on the process. I had another book project with another publisher early on in my career, that kept getting delayed so much that I finally had to cancel my contract with them (they violated the terms of the contract).  We parted ways amicably and while that book (non-fiction) is still awaiting publication, I hope it will release someday when God deems it is ready. Not like I don’t have enough to do right now as it is. My plate is full.

With this experienced author, we could have skipped steps to try to make the deadline, but I’ve learned enough through the years that we need to respect the process and unfortunately, time is an essential part of that. Due to the fact that we are not machines, but human beings, editing needs time and space between work done on a manuscript so the author, and editor, can review it objectively.

So, I’ve now shared with you the truly human factor in publishing. People mess up. We make mistakes.  We miss things. I’ve been on both sides of the issue. I am never offended when an author asks where things are at with a submission or in the editing process because I recognize that it is important to them and sometimes those reminders help keep me on track or take a second look to make sure I didn’t miss anything. I shouldn’t need those reminders, but life does get busy for all of us. I’m not making an excuse or blaming anyone else but myself. Any good author, editor, or publisher will be willing to own their mistakes along the way. Ultimately, God is over all of this and perhaps this delay for this particular author will give her not only more time to do the work that needs to be done and do it well, but bless her writing in untold ways. I don’t know. I’m not blaming God. It’s a truth that even when we mess up in life, and own our mistakes, HE is still capable of bringing good out of it. Owning my mistakes though is an important part of the process, even though it hurts to admit just how human I am.

Author Confession: God Blesses in Spite of Our Flaws

May27
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confession: God Blesses in Spite of Our Flaws

During a particularly traumatic time in ministry, I came across A.W. Tozer’s book The Attributes of God and a journal. That was such a gift from God. I’ve appreciated much of A.W. Tozer’s writings but a few years ago I was reading about his life and was dismayed at how he neglected his wife. Having been on the receiving end of that kind of treatment myself at the time, it upset me.

I can’t deny the fruit of Tozer’s work in my life to help me grow in my faith during a difficult time, but there was part of me that wanted nothing to do with a man who would be so bad a husband.

My husband has a favorite saying: Don’t look horizontal (to men). Look vertically (to God)- Man will let you down but God never will.

I’m sure Tozer did the best he could with what he understood of God’s truth at the time, or he didn’t have anyone around him to confront him on his what would now be considered abuse and neglect of his family. The reality is—we are all in that same boat, aren’t we?

Scripture points to the reality that we as humans are terribly flawed no matter how good our intentions are or how much we claim to love the Lord.

Romans 3:11 says:   “There is no one righteous, not even one.  There is no one who understands; there is no one who seeks God.”

Jeremiah 17:9  “The heart is more deceitful than anything else, and incurable—who can understand it?”

“For the eyes of Yahweh roam throughout the earth to show Himself strong for those whose hearts are completely His.”  2 Chronicles 16:9a

Even God is often disappointed in the failures of His creation to live up to His plans for us. Somehow, in spite of that Scripture says He delights in us when we delight in Him.

Zephaniah 3:17 says : “Yahweh your God is among you, a warrior who saves. He will rejoice over you with gladness. He will bring you quietness with His love. He will delight in you with shouts of joy.”

I’m sure I have my share of failures people could point to without knowing all the facts, just like I don’t know all the facts about Tozer’s life or any other Christian leader who has seemingly failed.

I’ll confess I’ve struggled with this tension between judgement and mercy toward people like Tozer whose work I have been blessed by and yet have perceived failures. I’ve seen the same with other leaders as I’ve walked this planet and been a part of various organizations and been disappointed and even abused by so called “Christians.”

I have to hold on to the two contradictions knowing God is the only One who knows the heart. I want His mercy and grace for areas where I have failed and I’m amazed as I look back on my journey, and some of the hard lessons I’ve had to learn on the way, where I had blind spots to behaviors, actions, and words that wounded others unintentionally.

One of my favorite Psalms is Psalm 19. Verses 12-14

“Who perceives his unintentional sins? Cleanse me from my hidden faults. Moreover, keep Your servant from willful sins; do not let them rule over me. Then I will be innocent and cleansed from blatant rebellion. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to You, Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.”

What amazes me is that God can bless us even when we are failing morally, oftentimes unintentionally (which is still sin), yet God can bless our work. He can use us even though we are imperfect. Which also means any successful outcome is due to HIM–not me.

I’m stunned and amazed by this as I look back over my life so far. I don’t deserve that anything good came of my efforts to imperfectly serve God, yet His grace covers me. I wish I still didn’t have unintentional sins or blind spots where someone might be hurt by something I said, did, or didn’t do.

And I pray that my husband and close friends will love me enough to point out where I might be falling short of the mark so that I can continue to grow and not be encumbered as I seek to honor Him with the gifts HE has so graciously bestowed. I don’t want to continue as if I have nothing to learn or grow from totally relying on His grace, because to do so cheapens the sacrifice Christ made for me on the cross when He died for my sins.

And I’ll let God be judge of those who have lead, taught, served in whatever capacity but fell short of what I think is best. Because I fall short as well, just maybe in a different way. God blesses in spite of our flaws and for that I’ll be grateful.

 

Author Confessions: Margins Aren’t Just for Books

Feb5
Reading Time: 5 minutes

When you open the page of a book you see some white space all around the area where words are. Those are margins. When authors submit a book we request a one inch margin all around the pages and double-spaced. They are far easier to read and edit. If the margins are small, it creates stress in the mind of the reader.

In 1995, I stumbled upon the writings of Dr. Richard A Swenson who wrote Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives. Taking that concept of margins on a page, he applies it to the way we write, and live, our daily lives. Packing our days to the gills as it were, can cause physical stress and illness.

I’ve had a tendency to be a work-a-holic, even when I was a stay-at-home mom. My one escape? Reading. Books became my space in the challenges of raising kids. Eventually, that turned into writing. One day, I was writing and really enjoying the moment and all of a sudden looked up and saw it was 3:00 p.m. My kids’ school ended at a 3!  I called the school to tell them I would be late, got my little girl. I drove us to school which was in town at least fifteen minutes away.

When I showed up my middle Hobbit said, “Where were you?”

I sheepishly admitted: “I was writing.”

His response was brilliant. “Maybe you should set an alarm.”

After that I did. I never missed a pickup.

My kids are all grown now and life has taken many twists and turns since I started writing all those years ago, but I still strive to have margin. Making time to do everything we “should” do is tough. Keeping a budget, paying bills, work out, medical appointments, friendships, church, spending time with God (that should be first), getting enough sleep, maybe a hobby, date night, laundry… are all important. Are you exhausted yet?

I’ve intentionally tried to live a slower-paced life. I am a homemaker first. We also have an LLC that requires attention. I am a writer and editor but I can’t easily work a 40-hour-week with all my responsibilities.

I like a plan and I don’t especially like change. It’s easier when I initiate it. Life doesn’t give us warnings though. God sometimes lets life happen and we are forced to roll with the punches.

I realized last year I had been experiencing increasing heel pain. Having gone through that before with my other foot, I wasn’t smart enough to make an appointment earlier to get that taken care of. My husband learned he would need a major surgery, so I pushed to get this done. Healing doesn’t always go according to schedule,

Then my Youngest Hobbit decided she’d like to move back home till she heads off to college in the fall. Add a friend as well. That meant in addition to everything else on my plate we had to set up rules and expectations (they pay rent and need to attend church in person every week), but I also had clean out two rooms and part of the basement where they would have a place to hang out and watch television without being forced to be with us older folks. Having them here is a total delight and worth the hard work it took on my part to make it happen. I did have them do some of the heavy lifting. Still, it cut into my margins–and my work.

A few days ago, we learned my husband’s surgery got moved up due to him needing another operation six weeks later. The next morning, I learned my physical therapy needed to be extended. Cue the stress as I try to figure out how to handle all his appointments, keep seeing a physical therapist for my own foot pain, exercise, and doing my stretches daily, keep feeding us, keeping the house clean, oh, and maybe get some marketing and writing done? Add to that staying on top of all his medical appointments before and after surgery as he’ll need me to keep him on track so he can heal well. I just wanted to cry.

And I did.

I do well at getting to bed at a reasonable hour, a habit I cultivated long before I had kids. I’m still making my work-outs a priority as well as my quiet times. I’m making an intentional effort at staying connected to friends. I try to shut down from my work by 4 pm so I can prepare a meal for our family and the rest of the night is usually spent relaxing which is when I try to embroider, unless we decide to play some games, all of which are great ways to relax.

I still get stressed and overwhelmed and need to remind myself of one major truth I learned from Nancy Leigh DeMoss Wolgemuth in her book, Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free.  This one was so important that I keep coming back to it. The lie: There are not enough hours in the day to get my work done. Truth: If that’s the case then maybe I’m not doing the work God has given me to do.

Ouch.

We put money in savings and I have space on my walls for more memories, but time is a much more valuable asset we can never retrieve once it’s gone. I’ve always tried to beat deadlines– again that provides margin. I leave for events early–another margin.

There are days when emotions make it difficult to accomplish anything creative, but I’m learning that I can rest on those days. That’s not being lazy. My body and my emotions tell me I need margin. I don’t need to function at 100% all the time. Even a fine-tuned engine doesn’t do well running 24/7, what makes me think I can do that?

Life is hard, even for writers. I long to do more writing. I have projects I’m eager to work on, but right now, I need to prioritize and do the best I can and give myself grace. Ultimately, I listen to God as He guides me into what I need to do next. The rest will wait. There are projects I’d like to do around the house, and they will wait. Somehow things get done eventually, and that’s a miracle in and of itself. Definitely not because I’m great at this.

So why did I write this? Because, I’m guessing that many of you struggle with the chaos that sometimes visits and upends our lives. If we have a healthy margin we have room to bleed into without sacrificing our health and well-being. Yes, it might be difficult. It might be emotionally challenging, but if we have space to bleed into and other things can be set aside, we’ll come out the other end in a much better place as God uses the challenges to refine us more and more into the image of His Son.

What you have you learned in the pages of your life that help you keep a healthy margin? Or is this something you need to work on? I’d love to hear your perspective.

Chai Latte Love

Dec4
Reading Time: 4 minutes

I am not a coffee drinker. I have drunk it and if it’s weak enough and has some stevia in it and perhaps a flavor (Butternut Rum or Highlander Grogg were tolerable) I can do it for a calorie-free option. In my previous life, many moons ago, I was married to someone else who periodically decided that due to me being overweight, I should not have chai. Other times he was fine with it.

I had even had my naturopathic doctor test me with my chai and he said it was neutral. Neither good or bad for me so “Enjoy your chai.” Yay!

I usually only have one mug in the morning while I spend time in God’s Word. When my children were little we lived in a tiny 700-square-foot mobile home. One day I noticed the chai supply was dwindling so I ordered more. At that time there was no Amazon. I ordered from the distributer and got a discount when I bought in bulk. The order arrived in a cardboard box. My husband at the time came in and put the box in the kitchen.

“What is this?” he asked.

“Chai. We were running low so I ordered some more,” I said, curious as to why this was an issue. Note: sometimes he enjoyed a cup of chai too.

“You shouldn’t be having sugar. It’s not good for you. I’m taking this and putting on the dryer. You cannot have it.”

That is what he did. The box, unopened, sat on top of the dryer. I did let him know I didn’t appreciate being spoken to that way. And I prayed.

I wanted to submit to my husband even if he was being nasty and unreasonable. I told God that I didn’t need chai to be happy or survive. I told God I didn’t want to make chai an idol in my life. I also prayed: “God, if it is okay for me to drink chai, have my husband bring that box back to the kitchen, open it up and fill the container.”

Odd request right? And very specific. However, I’d seen God do amazing things and was convinced that God was capable. I needed to trust him and not react out of my own hurt feelings or rebel against my controlling husband which would only make a bad marriage worse.

A week went by and on a Friday, the container I kept my chai in was finally empty. I washed it out and set it to dry on the counter. I told God I was fine and would trust Him whether I got to drink chai or not. I was at peace with this.

That afternoon my husband stormed into the trailer and came to the kitchen. He opened the cupboard where I normally kept the plastic container filled with chai. He turned. “Where’s the chai?” he demanded.

“It’s empty. Here’s the container.” I picked it up, totally dry now and put the lid on it.

“Didn’t you buy more?” he asked. How could he forget his explosion about this?

“Yes, I did.” I answered, staying calm.

“Well, where is it?” he demanded. He was going to lose his temper!

“On the dryer in the box it came in.”

He rushed down the hallway, grabbed the box, put it on the counter, opened it and then took out a bag of chai, opened that, and dumped it in the plastic container. Just like I had asked God to have him do. Then he made himself a cup of chai. He left the house to go back to his office behind our home.

I never did tell my then-husband that God had used him to answer prayer. It wasn’t the first time and wouldn’t be the last when something happened in spite of my then-husband’s behaviors. It wasn’t about getting my way or proving to that man that it was acceptable for me to have a cup of chai. Or that he was wrong in seeking to control me in that manner. It was about my relationship with Jesus.

Once he was gone, I praised God for His love and care. I think I even laughed at how specific I had prayed and how identically God fulfilled my request. The LORD cares about the things we need and delights in giving them to His children. He doesn’t want to be sought just for what we can get from Him. He wants to be the most important Person in our lives. I didn’t even have a cup of chai at that moment. I saved it for the next morning when I was going to be spending time one-on-one, with the lover of my soul, my Savior, Jesus. And ever since then I remember the chai-latte-love of my God. A sweet answer to prayer and reminder that even in a painful marriage, in a crappy moldy mobile home that made me ill, with three kids and very little money – God saw me, loved me, and provided me a reminder of that in a simple cup of chai.

One of the things God instructed people to do in the Old Testament was to set up stones, monuments that were a testimony of the work God had done. I don’t need to set up a stone, but I do at times need to remind myself, and smile, that God has blessed me far beyond what I deserve. His mercy and grace are at times so overwhelming. And when life hands us the difficult stuff, or the painful memories beat us down, or the effects of someone else’s sin wounds us deeply, we can remember and recite the awesome love and faithfulness of God to ourselves.

I am married to a different man now, and he will fill my kettle at night and turn it on in the morning. When we are on vacation, he will go out of his way to make sure I have a chai tea latte even if he has to go Starbucks to get it. What a difference. A small way for him to show his love to me as well. God has been so good to me.

When have you seen God do a miracle? Big or small, it doesn’t matter. Share that with someone, or share it here so we can exalt Him who came as a baby to save us from our sins. He did all that–and more. He is worth of our praise and devotion.

One Word: Empowered

Feb7
Reading Time: 3 minutes

I have a heavy writing schedule this year and part of that terrifies me. For the most part, over the years when I’ve written it has been because I wanted to–not because I needed to. When I focus, like with NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month nanowrimo.org) I can write fast and finish a full-length novel or at least go over the 50,000-word goal for the month. But now I have a contract for four more books and I need to write, write, write.

I prayed about this before agreeing to this contract. Part of the challenge is that I’m co-authoring with a dear friend, DeeDee Lake. But our lives and schedules sometimes conflict for even basic brainstorming of ideas. We’ve set up a schedule for how things pass between us but then there’s this thing we can’t account for called LIFE.

I usually pick one word for the year and this year it is: Empowered. I cannot accomplish these tasks on my own and I want to make sure that in the process of doing this I don’t miss what’s really important in life: time with my husband, kids, friends, and family. My dad died in October and maybe I’ll write about that another time, but it drove home to me the importance of making every day count.

I select Scriptures to put on my screen savers so I’m constantly reminded of my dependence on God for these tasks. The first uses a verse from 2 Corinthians 9:8 which says: “And God is able to make every grace overflow to you, so that in every way, always having everything you need, you may exalt in every good work.” (HCSB)

The second uses a verse from 2 Timothy 1:9 which proclaims: “He has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace, which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began.” (HCSB)

I don’t know what you’re struggling with today. But maybe those Scriptures can help. I’ve found that when I’m overwhelmed by the tasks the best thing I can do is write them down and pray and ask God: What would you have me do next? And then do it. One task at a time.

I’ve accomplished a lot in January because God has enabled me to. I’ve been frustrated at what I couldn’t do sometimes due to circumstances out of my control so after I have my own little internal temper tantrum because things didn’t go according to my plan, I pray and adjust my goals for that day, week, and maybe even month.

I had hoped to start writing last week on a novel but didn’t get the information I needed. So today, I’ll be working on a different project I had planned for later in the year. I shuffled my schedule and plans around and have built-in buffers because so much, wait, really ALL of life is beyond my control. So I will pray, focus and get to work to do what He has led me to do and trust Him for the outcome.

What is overwhelming you? Can you lean on God to empower you? He does give us more than we can bear simply so we need to lean on Him. Our Lord is faithful and generous in His grace and mercy to us! Embrace that and press on. Do you have one word for the year? Why is it important to you, I’d love to hear about it.

Spatzle Speaks: A Second Chance for Grace (book review)

Apr23
Reading Time: 2 minutes

Romance novel, A Second Chance for Grace, by Karen Malley is a great follow up to her debut book Following the Sparrows. Both take place in the town of Pine Springs so you get a peek at previous characters. I especially liked the first book because there was a dog. This book doesn’t have a dog as a main part of the story. I’m a dog. I’ll survive.

Susan Montgomery is a handy woman, managing her apartment building. When her niece finds herself unexpectedly pregnant, Susan steps in to be a mom to the teenage girl. A mysterious briefcase is discovered in an empty apartment with a unique challenge for Susan to secretly carry out. To top it off, she meets two men who are interested in her. Mac seems just her type and understands her completely, and the other? Well, it’s a mystery as to how well he gets her, but there’s no chemistry

Christopher “Mac” MacAllister was kind of the bad guy in the first book but a near-death experience brought him to God. Now he’s in new territory trying to understand how to be a Christian. Meeting the enchanting Susan makes him doubly glad he chose his new path in life. Except she’s giving him mixed messages. His son is also facing challenges and somehow those interact with Susan as well. And what’s with this new guy?

Spatzle Baganz, book reviewer for the silygoos blog because that’s how we roll.

This book is multi-layered and filled with new twists and turns that kept my mom reading. I highly recommend it because I prefer her reading nearby rather than going somewhere or working in her office. I give this book five bones, because I’m a dog, and that’s how I roll.

Shoot the Messenger

Jan6

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Image courtesy of seaskylab / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of seaskylab / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I’ve seen this situation many times. Someone gets upset about something in ministry and instead of going to the source they start talking about it with others.

I understand this too well. See, I’m human too. Sometimes it’s easier to complain than to actually approach a leader and ask questions or express my views.

I’ve been on the leadership side and let me give you an image. Being a leader is putting a large target on your back and silently begging people to shoot at you.

Those shots hurt. Even with the shield of faith and the sword of the spirit, they hurt. See most people don’t take issue with a decision, they attack the person making the decision.

Whether I’ve been in leadership or not, I have pledged to defend and protect my leaders.

That doesn’t mean I’m ignorant of their failings or humanness. It doesn’t mean I mutely accept every decision made or never voice my opinion. I do, with respect. And sometimes I don’t get my way and I back down knowing that God knows better than me and our leaders are held to a higher level  of accountability. They need our prayer, not our criticism.

It means that I will try to encourage others to take the high road. To not, however innocently, post veiled attacks on Facebook, or in a group. To go to the source and if that doesn’t work, do the Matthew 18 thing and take a friend or another person who is impartial to verify and hear out the disagreement.

Strange how people rarely gossip about the good things others do, isn’t it?

Anyway, time and again I have tried this method of redirection and even trying to suggest more positive re-framing that people could consider instead of jumping to suspicious conclusions or motives.

It doesn’t matter. The messenger gets attacked and called ignorant and people take the comments as personal slander even though they were never named or even thought of in comments written or spoken.

It’s sad that we can’t cut each other grace, speak the truth in love to the person we have an issue with and move on. I guess that’s the reason so many pages of Scripture are dedicated to the “one-anothers” so we are reminded this is not an us against them kind of issue, but it is about us growing as a body of believers to become more and more the bride (the church) that Christ is coming to wed.

I love the local church. I have spent years pouring myself out in service to her as paid and unpaid staff. To be honest though, sometimes, because of these “friendly fire” situations, I wish I could just walk away. The only thing that keeps me is that not everyone is like that. There are those who do take the high road and walk with integrity and regardless of how they feel, avoid the petty backbiting and gossip. Some of them have defended me against others who have slandered me behind my back and they suffered for that as well.

Jesus also suffered in a similar way (and far worse) by those who proclaimed to love God.

Sorry to use this as venue to whine. I want the Bride of Christ to shimmer and shine. I want her lace to be pure and clean. It’s just that those kinds of negative behaviors don’t show a good witness within the church or without. So maybe we can all try harder with God’s help and a lot of prayer for our leaders.

And I’ll once again pull out the arrows and slap on a band-aid of forgiveness and try again, even when it hurts. Because Jesus is worth it and so are His people and the mission He has called us to.