Tag Archive | God

Author Confessions: Groundhog Day

Feb2
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: Groundhog Day

Today is the anniversary of when my first baby was supposed to be born. He was much like a groundhog in that he didn’t want to come out until a week later and even then it was against his will (C-section).

Around the Nothern Hemisphere, poor little groundhogs will be hauled out of their cozy burrows so humans can see if there’s a shadow. It’s a funny tradition and other nations around the world have different ways to predict the end of winter. The reality is, the idea that winter will end immediately is ridiculous. It’s usually six weeks more before we can see the light at the end of the tunnel with winter. Groundhog Day is a nice way to pause and give a little hope to each other that spring will come.

Emotionally, many of us hibernate in other ways. We don’t share ourselves with others, afraid to speak out or afraid to be known. Or perhaps we have an ability or gift but we’re afraid to share that. Matthew 5:16 states: “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in Heaven.” (KJV). A person may be shy or introverted, or perhaps even wounded by previous experiences. Finding a safe place to share all that God has given us can be tricky. Even in the church.

1 Corinthians 1:3-4 says: Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. (NASB)

God has designed us to be in community. If a church is not healthy or toxic, and you can’t resolve that, it is better to go find another one where you can safely use your gifts and experiences to help others. That is not a leave one week – start serving somewhere else the next, kind of timeline. Sometimes we need help to recover from those wounds suffered, yes, even by those in the church, including church leadership.

Perhaps we need a season of healing in there. That doesn’t mean we still can’t be engaged in community and be a blessing to those we interact with in and out of the church. We don’t get to be a groundhog and hide away from the world. You and others will miss out on so many blessings if one chooses to be a groundhog.

It might feel as though God drags us out of our little burrow before we feel ready. I think He often delights in showing off His power in and through us when we are weak and believe we have nothing to offer. We’re wrong about that. We all have something to offer in some way shape or form and it might not be a specific role that you’re in. The phrase “one another” appears at least 269 times in the Bible. Our presence is sometimes the gift.

Covid taught us the dangers of hibernation. Kids suffered, loneliness exploded, and people died. In and out of the church we are called, as Christians, to serve one another, love, care for, minister, encourage…. one another. That goes beyond the church, because loving actions and a sweet spirit as we interact with people can be a blessing to any and all we meet as we go about our lives.

This is all very simplistic but I think the principles generally hold. Even if others don’t reciprocate, our willingness to stick our necks out, honors God and He’s the One who really matters.

Do you have any Groundhog Day tendencies? Why do you want to hide? What are you hiding? Ask God to show you how you can be a blessing to someone else this week.

Author Confessions: Slow Down

Jan26
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confessions: Slow Down

Winter kind of slows everything down doesn’t it? Maybe that’s a signal to us that we should pause a little more as well. Slowing down is often easier said than done.

Sabbath Rest

We try to honor the Sabbath. We attend church and in the summer, we might play mini-golf and grill out. Sometimes we would do dinner with friends. We were challenged with keeping this when we were going through our packing, showing, selling, moving out, and moving into a small, temporary residence. I’m still amazed at how hard we both physically worked during that time period. We still sought to rest on Sunday.

Slowing  down and taking a Sabbath rest is recognizing that God is in control and I’m not. I can let Him take care of the things that weigh on my mind that I sometimes think are so important that only my efforts can make a difference.

Sabbath doesn’t have to be one particular day. Two weeks ago we had a Friday where we hadn’t planned for it but ended up working really hard. Heavy lifting, carrying, loading trailers in the cold. It was not fun but we had a good crew who didn’t give up even though we would have all liked to quit. The next day, I fully expected my hubby to head to the shop. There was plenty to be done. Instead he decided rest was a better option. I could have worked, even with him in our tiny space, but I decided that it was more important to rest with him. We rested again on Sunday. I think we really needed it.

So what did we do? It wasn’t our regular Sabbath rest. We debated going out to look at flooring for our build, or even playing indoor mini-golf, but we decided we preferred to be home. The only time I left was to take the dogs outside to do their business. I started a new embroidery project and worked on a 3D puzzle. We also played some games but mostly chilled and watched some television. I think my hubby might have even napped for a little while in his favorite recliner.

When I served at church on Sunday mornings, I rested in the afternoon but also tried to give myself more time on Monday to rest, reflect, and not rush into the week. God designed us to need rest. It is important physically, emotionally, and spiritually to practice that.

Slowing Down Daily

I start every morning slow which is honestly, hard to do in some ways but I’ve found it essential for a good day. I spend time in God’s word, I journal, perhaps do my homework for Bible Study. I might even read a little. All this with a cup of spiced chai. This is a habit I’ve done even while I was in graduate school. Neighbors would laugh at me getting up so early, but even when my kids were little I would get up before they would wake up for a few minutes of peace and quiet.

I sometimes want to rush throught things but I’m learning more and more that slowing  down my pace and taking my writing and other work slower, I can relax and actually enjoy it more. Instead of thinking of all the other things that need to be done and rushing to get throught the present to rush into the future, I’m learning to take a breath, stretch, and focus on the here and now.

Slowing Down a Story

In writing we often try to keep a steady pace between highs and lows in a story. Sometimes with thrillers or suspense type novels, however, you often find the pace faster. Just as in life sometimes a person can be hit with all kinds of difficulties and crisis at the same time, that can be reflected in fiction. The reader becomes emotionally breathless without a break in the action, even if they put the book down for a time, since the story progresses at a rapid rate of challenges. I’ve read books like this but it is a wild ride!

Often dialogue or inner thoughts on the page will slow down a story and give the reader a break before joining the character as they tackle the next event the author tosses at them. The ups and downs make the reading more enjoyable. A diary of a day-in-the- life of many of use would be boring, so the action is essential in fiction, just as it often is in life.

How do you slow down? I’d be interested in what that means for you. Reading a book? Sometimes for me that is now work (although it can be fun!). What kinds of things do you do to relax and refresh yourself? Are you able to do that weekly? How about slowing down during each day? What tips and tricks might you have for that?

Author Confessions: Wherever You Go – There You Are

Dec29
Reading Time: 2 minutes

Author Confessions: Wherever You Go – There You Are

Christmas is past and the New Year around the corner. Many will try to make resolutions. Fitness, Diet, or other goals will be set. There is nothing wrong with that, but the reality is, changing our externals, while it can feel hopeful, doesn’t always work.

When I was in a band, one of my favorite songs to sing was Mend Me by Big Tent Revival. I think of it every year around this time because it highlights something important–we can’t force change on ourselves. We need the Holy Spirit to be doing the work but in order for that to happen, we need to be humble and submit to Him. Not an easy thing to do. We’d rather get a gym membership than bend our knee.

New Years Eve and this is what I see staring at these faces staring back at me
Sometimes insecure but I know Your love is pure
I am broken – mend me
Over backwards – bending
For the love Your sending

All the places that I’ve been Still I can’t ecscape this life of sin
What I want to do I don’t do what I do I don’t want to do
I am broken – mend me
Over backwards – bending
For the love Your sending

Days have come and days have gone and still I’m under siege. Every day decisions made for which side to allege. Some nights and sit and cry words I can’t erase. All I have in this world is the promise of Your grace

You made the universe and You can mend me

What do you think? Wherever you go – there You are–but for the grace of God we can’t make true changes. Happy New Year!

Author Confessions: What Do You Treasure?

Dec22
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: What Do You Treasure?

I love to give gifts and struggle to find the best one for people. I would prefer something they would treasure. Perhaps even something they didn’t know they needed or wanted that would bring them joy.

I doubt the majority of people recognized the treasure that rested in the arms of Mary. Sure shepherds came to visit in the middle of the night. I can’t imagine the disturbance. Even giving birth in a hospital, all you really want is to be with your baby and rest!

When I’ve been sick or in deep pain, it’s amazing how much the material things of this world fade away. Life narrows in those darker moments of life when the material fades and all that remains is us–and a holy God who is in control of the next moment.

While I fret about things like getting my dog to pee outside when the temperatures are freezing, or what to make for dinner, in a hearbeat all of those concerns vanish and become insignificant.

I’m not trying to minimize the daily concerns we all deal with. The challenges to pay the bills, respond to the emails, make sure everyone is doing well in our homes, including our pets. Those are real-life responsibilities we need to take seriously.

But in the bigger scheme of things, will the time spent fretting about them be something I will even remember six months or a year from now and look back and think they were important?

What do you treasure?

Some people put treasures in safes. Some display them. And yet Mary, pondered the events surrounding the night of Christ’s birth, treasuring them in her heart.

So what sticks? What lasts? While there may be many things in the end I think it might boil down to four:

  1. Faith. When we have a deep faith and have buried God’s Word in our hearts, that lasts. It provides comfort and solace as we cling to the Word made flesh: Jesus.
  2. People. You can have a wide network of people on social media but who is it you would drop everything for to be there if they were in need? Who would do that for you? Hold those people close and treasure those relationships. Quality relationships take time, but are worth the sacrifice. Pets might make this grouping as well.
  3. Memories. It is amazing how our brain can bring back memories and hopefully will help us focus on the good moments and the blessings, even in the midst of the difficulties we might endure through life. Visit those often and keep them fresh! Photo books are helpful for this too. While it may be hard to winnow down the multitude of photographs we take, now that everything is digital, having written notes can refresh the moments (and the names) we might otherwise forget and bring a smile to our faces.
  4. Music. It is amazing how music can bring so much joy and how nostalgic it can be. Certain songs propel me back in time to when I was earnestly struggling and seeking God in the middle of it and how those songs carried me through. When I was having a birthday party this year I combed through hundreds of CD’s and culled out my favorite “party” songs to play – those that make me happy but many were tied to moments too. I still love listening to that and probably should make another of worship songs that I love. When my heart is troubled, I often revert to a handful of songs that I will sing to myself for comfort and a reminder that God (back to #1) is still at work.

Notice what didn’t make that list? Home. Cars. Careers. Education. Bank balance.

What do you think? What do you treasure most?

When I die someday, these two songs I want played at my funeral as they have such deep meaning for me and hopefully will bless you. They aren’t Christmas songs but they are very much about the Jesus whose birth we celebrate. Merry Christmas! Hold your treasures close.

Author Confessions: The Control Conundrum

Dec15
Reading Time: 6 minutes

Author Confessions: The Control Conundrum

I have been losing my mind lately. Or have I? I had a mild concussion at the end of September and found that intially I would have occassional hiccups in my brain processing, especially when trying to find the right word when I was talking. Guess it’s a good thing I’m a writer, huh? It doesn’t happen when writing and I have more time to process, and hopefully, edit.

I’ve undergone physical therapy, chiropractic, massage, psychotherapy, bio-resonance screening, and have now added cranio-sacral therapy at the recommendation of a dear friend.

I thought things were improving, but then odd things happen and I’m not sure if it’s a brain glitch or a technology issue (or both!).

To make things more confusing we have three addresses. We have our residence in one town with long obnoxious addresses and two others in a nearby town where we have our LLC and are building our home, also with obnoxiously long addresses. Think latitude and longitude. We would prefer to use our new home address (there is a mailbox there!) but even our shop address which has existed for over 40 years doesn’t always show up and isn’t allowed when ordering things online. Even two of our credit cards will not use either of those two addresses! Fed Ex didn’t even attempt to deliver a check order there and sent it back!

I’ve changed addresses online as much as I can, with most going directly to the the new home address since we are there daily. Yes, there is a mailbox. However, the United States Postal Service won’t recognize the address (even if the village and county do) as valid until the house is 80% built. How do you determine that? Not that it matters too much, the mailman will still deliver there.

This past week I ordered something online on my phone and put in our home address (or so I thought) for delivery. Sometimes the automated systems think they know better and correct the address. I used to live on Menomonee Ave in Menomonee Falls over 30 years ago! Somehow my package got delivered across the street from there, but how? And why did the transaction even go through when that was not my billing address for any of my credit cards! ARGH!!!

I didn’t realize the error until I got the notification it was delivered, but hadn’t shown up at my door. I had to drive to the other address, someplace I had never been to before, to collect my package. Thankfully, it was still by the mailboxes and the lobby to that apartment complex was not locked. I had my phone and identification with me in case someone called the police to report me as a “porch pirate!” Just my luck I’d get arrested for stealing my own package.

Too much drama for me and I kept wondering if this was my fault or not. Did my brain just breeze over the numbers (some where correct, just added a 1 at the front) and street name which mirrored the city name? I don’t know but I honestly cried because I feared my brain was playing tricks on me.

I hate feeling helpless. Out of control. Don’t you?

I spent years in a difficult marriage experiencing that daily and staying for a variety of reasons. The main one was that God had not released me from the marriage. When He did, I left with confidence and peace, in spite of what should have been paralyzing fear.

Maybe my brain isn’t fully healed from the concussion yet. In reality I have had several injuries that are impacting it and my body over the years that were never treated effectively. And unlike dementia, I at least know and understand where there are glitches–and when it’s improving.

I just placed another order online and before I could put in my address somehow it put in my old one 50 miles north and finalized the order before I could edit it. I cancelled the order ASAP. I had used PayPal but even PayPal has my new address. I was furious and frustrated but grateful I noticed it (I am trying to be far more diligent!). I placed the order again and just went through the tedious process of putting in my credit card and not giving any automatic fill-in to take place.

The conundrum of control whirled in my brain. Not only am I recovering from a concussion which I hadn’t originally figured was so bad, but also battling technology and a internet that isn’t caught up with my reality (of a new address). A friend reported the same issue when she had moved to their new home and how it took forever for her insurance to even recognize the new address. I’m not alone.

I don’t want to live in helplessness but realize ultimately I don’t even have control of my next breath. I can make decisions but often it is beyond my ability and all I can to is react to events. I can be proactive, and try to make wise choices but even the best laid plans can be foiled by outside forces as we’ve discovered with the building process. Contractors who quit or mess up, forcing delays, and a lot more work on our part. Companies who are slow to respond to requests for information when I’m offering them a lucrative sale of their product. Contractors who take vacation before giving me final paperwork I need for the bank. Throw in holidays, weather, health, and accidents and we can recognize quickly how little control we have over this life we’ve been given.

When I write, I have to make a decision to sit and work. I do some planning, but the characters take over and sometimes surprise me, forcing me to pray for more creativity in crafting a story I hope people will want to read. When writing my latest novella, Gnomebody but You, I had no idea who was doing all the bad things in the story. I was as confused as my main character, Tali Shadowgrace. That was until the perpetrator revealed himself on the page.

In many ways I love the excitement and surprise of the not knowing. Surrendering to God in the creative process of writing.

I don’t always enjoy that in real life. I need to surrender as part of the control conundrum. That’s not a passive helpless thing. Surrender is willful, and active. A posture of recognizing WHO is in control. It’s not me.

The idea of surrender helped me through the final years of my marriage. Surrendering to God and allowing Him to work in and through me as I waited on His perfect timing. If I had pushed for my own way and gone out of God’s will, I might have missed out on the wonderful love and life I have right now.

My body is healing from the trauma of the past (CPTSD from the years of verbal/emotional/financial abuse and physical neglect), and the trauma of the present (concussion). Much of that healing is beyond my control, but I can despair over the confusion, or I can pro-actively submit to God’s healing power as I engage in various treatment modalities. Even with cranio-sacral massage, it’s not a passive thing. It’s physically relaxing but mentally intense work and focus. It’s trusting God to help my body heal itself.

How do you deal with the control conundrum? I haven’t even talked about how that works out with free-will and predestination, and am not going to. God understands and I think in the end, when we get to heaven He will laugh and say “You missed the point.” The focus should always be on Jesus, the great physician, the One Who is in control of the universe and Who we can cling to when life feels out of control more than normal, (since essentially nothing is in our control). Surrendering and trusting in Him makes it easier to bear the confusion and keep me from sinking into despair. I’ll confess, I do still sink for a time until the Holy Spirit reminds me of the truth and that I can trust Him even when it’s confusing and I fear my brain is tripping me up.

I imagine Mary, submitting to God when He told her He chose her to carry a baby out of wedlock. She submitted and rejoiced in the honor, having no idea the way life would unfold for her, and the joy and pain she would endure. Many people in the Bible had no idea how God was using them in the moment, to further His plan of redemption. No life is insignificant. What a wonderful thing to cling to when life is out of control. God is King over the control conundrum, working out His perfect plan in my life, and yours, when we submit to Him. Praying you can cling to that truth during this, and every season, filled with uncertainty and confusion. There is peace resting in God’s control, fueled by His purpose, power, and love.

Author Confessions: When Purpose Drives You

Nov17
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confessions: When Purpose Drives You

I got a text from a new author who is pursuing getting a book published. It won’t be something the pubishing house I work with would go for, but it is exceptionally good. I’ve spent time with this author, encouraging her, coaching her, and helping her network to pursue getting the story that is on her heart, out to those who will benefit from it. Purpose drives her.

My husband is up early to pick up a helper that he pays to get work done at our property, fixing things, getting his soon-to-be-classic truck road-worthy, and overseeing the building of our home. Purpose drives him.

When I’m in the midst of writing a book, or focused on edits or marketing, I hate to be disturbed. When my kids were younger I once forgot to pick them up from school because I was so into the story taking shape. My sweet Middle Hobbit asked me why I was late. I said “I was writing,” almost ashamed to admit that to my grade-school son. He wisely suggested, “Maybe you should set a timer.” And after that, it is exactly what I’ve done! Purpose was driving me but it needed boundaries!

When you find a project where you lose time and are eager to get up early or work late… purpose is driving you.

I guess the question I have though is this: Is this purpose driven life for your benefit or for others?

The first woman I mentioned is called by God to write out what could be considered deeply personal and embarrassing moments in her life. While she is making it fiction for the sake of protecting others, it is very much her story. There is no way most people would do that and work hard writing, rewriting, editing, meeting people, speaking in front of groups, if God were not putting that purpose on her heart. Her book is unique in its format which would not work in traditional Christian publishing but I’ve encouraged her to write it anyway. Purpose drives her.

When God gives you a specific purpose–you need to obey.

My sweet husband, dubbed MacGyver but those who know him best, is the same way. Building a home was something we both felt God was calling to. Cleaning out a home and huge garage/shop and putting a house on the market, moving out, putting stuff in storage and living in a small apartment which is comfortable but challenging for me because of the lack of space for the things I love to do. Probably 90% of my craft/books/office are in storage. I’ve been out on the construction site myself because for both of us, purpose drives us. God called us here and we can hold tight to the vision He gives us for the life and ministry we will be able to lead from that location. Purpose drives us both.

Meeting one-on-one with authors is a sacrifice of time, energy and can involve travel. I don’t do it a lot–but when it do it is because God has given me a desire and giftedness to encourage those. His purpose drives me.

Writing, marketing, editing. I’ll admit that sometimes I try to avoid that hard work, but it can be fun as well. It involved energy and focus to write a story. To edit it requires, time, energy, and a dying to self to brutally tear apart those words, sentences, paragraphs, and chapters. I need to be obeying God’s purpose and when I am in the grove – that purpose drives me.

Doing hard things are easier when God’s purpose drives me.

I am an introvert but when God calls me to step out of my comfort zone, I try to obey. It becomes an intentional purpose. I’ll confess I cannot do that without Him at work in me. He’s opened up the doors to meet people and connect with them in my new neighborhood. With challenges we’ve faced between the house and even just getting new checks to our new address, the staff at my bank has become quite familiar with me. None of it is their fault so when I go in and proclaim “Your problem child is back!” They laugh because I have tried hard to be someone who brings more than checks to deposit or problems to solve. I hope to bring joy and encouragement and leave them feeling better than before I walked in because I want to show them Jesus. Only Jesus could enable me to do that. Only Jesus could provide the opportunities to connect with 10 people, so far, in our apartment complex (only four addresses live in our hallway). I’ll confess, my attention seeking puppy, Oliver, helps with all that! Who can resist his cute face? So far no one!

The question I have for you is what is the purpose God has placed on your heart? What are you doing to pursue that?

 

Author Confessions: A Firm Foundation (Part I)

Oct20
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: A Firm Foundation (Part I)

We poured a foundation footing for our house two week ago and this past week we poured our walls. Underneath all of this is bedrock. Solid, immovable. Yet we still need to put stone of various sizes, foam, concrete, rebar in all of that to make sure our home will be sturdy and last for a long time. Especially with the footings, we would start with bigger rock, then smaller, and smaller and then it would be compressed with a machine that vibrates it all together into a compact solid surface.

It had me thinking about rocks. Odd, huh? We are building on a big solid rock but using smaller rocks. Some of the big chunks we removed because they truly were stumbling blocks as we worked. Yet we needed all the rocks, the big and the small to form a foundation. Concrete itself is made of limestone and clay and often has sand, iron, gypsum or shells or chalk added to the mix with water added. It is amazing how that can all form a rock-solid foundation, wall, and support for a house.

We can’t build on just the bedrock.

We also would be foolish to build on sand even though there is sand mixed in with much of that.

It had me thinking about a lot of different things:

  1. This scripture came to mind from Matthew 7: 24-27: Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.  And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.
  2. Our faith is built on major theological tenants. Martin Luther broke it down into five core basics.
    1. Scripture alone
    2. Faith alone
    3. Grace alone
    4. Christ alone
    5. To the Glory of God alone.
  3. Jesus broke down the Ten Commandments into two core principles: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.  The second is: Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 12:30-31a)

The church is made up of all kinds of parts but is built upon the bedrock of Jesus and what He did for us on the cross. For a “church” (meaning the people of God, not a physical structure) to stand strong it also needs all the other things mentioned above. They form the concrete. That means all of us have a part to play whether we are big rocks, river rock, gravel, or sand or a variety of other kinds of elements. God is amazing in that He can take all of our individual histories, heartaches, education, finances, giftedness, even our weaknesses and combine them together to be an immovable force in this world. The Holy Spirit would be that water that binds us all together.

OK. Imperfect analogy, but I appreciate you bearing with me. You  can’t build a house on sand alone. You can’t build a house on gravel alone. It needs a variety of parts to make the whole strong and complete–a firm foundation. The same is true for the church.

Stay tuned for next week when I dive a little deeper into this!

 

 

 

Author Confessions: Be Who God Created You to Be

Sep29
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Author Confessions: Who God Created You to Be

In light of events in the past few weeks there has been a lot of focus on one man. His videos are being watched by millions and many want to use his name as a calling card and a rallying cry. This is not a post about that man, or any man.

It is amazing what some people accomplish in this world. People can be so amazing. We can point to great parenting, deep faith, dizzying intellect or any other number of things to explain why someone would be so polarizing and inspiring all at the same time.

Here’s the truth. God called you to be you.

Your journey on this earth will be uniquely yours.

It’s nice to look up to people and admire them but the reality is our only focus should be on Jesus, God the  Father, and the empowerment of the Holy Spirit within those of us who claim to be His redeemed children.

Any little thing we do can have a ripple effect through eternity and we may never know what that impact will be. If you’ve never read The Butterfly Effect by Andy Andrews, check it out at the library. It’s a short read but inspiring. He also has a children’s book called The Kid Who Changed the World which has similar content.

While some people seem to be having an impact due to number of followers on social media or a blog, how many watch an interview on television or a podcast… the reality is, we can never fully know that impact and to do any of that to seek numbers, followers, or money, is a vain and foolish goal.

When we sold our house I asked our realtor if it was unusual to have so many showings so quickly. She said, “Yes, at your price point this is unusual, but you only need one right buyer.”

Just one. We did and he loves the house.

If I spent years working on a manuscript between writing, revising, editing, pitching, revising again, editing, submitting to a publisher, contracting, editing, editing, editing, marketing and trying to get that book out, how many people will make those hundreds or maybe thousands of hours of work worth it? f I’m trying to be compensated fairly for my time the number would be quite high.

If I’m writing the stories God tells me to write, then the true answer is: the right reader who needs that story. Five hundred people could read it but it might be one person who needed that story to take that next step of faith. That has eternal value.

An author sat down to pitch a story to me at a writer’s conference and she started out by saying, “I know you don’t like Amish fiction, but…” I stopped her. “You knew I didn’t want that yet you’re here to pitch it? Why did you write Amish fiction?” She said she wrote it because it sells well. That was true at the time and even my agent wanted me to write Amish romances, but I refused for a variety or reasons that maybe I’ll write about another time. I told her that as a Christian author she should write the stories God tells her to write, not just what will sell.

Why does obedience and faith need to be tied to a price tag or a quantity of people validating it?

This post is not about any big name who died doing what God called them to do. It’s not about any well known person who is getting attention in this world. Yes, their lives matter.

Don’t compare yourselves to them or try to be anything other than who God created you to be. It’s a reminder to me as well. My journey is my journey and it has at times been unconventional, but I’ve always sought God’s leading through the Holy Spirit along the way. Have I obeyed flawlessly? No. None of us can. But I’m still here and I’m still trying to be who He needs me to be, which is ME and no one else, using the unique gifts, calling, and opportuinities as they present themselves, for HIS glory and not my own.

Don’t focus on a big name or someone who seems popular. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, and be exactly who God created you to be. Let God take care of the rest.

Author Confessions: Emotional Bandwidth

Sep22
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: Emotional Bandwidth

The other day I found myself saying to my husband, “I don’t have the emotional bandwidth for that today. Maybe some other time.”

The heat and the weeks of moving stress finally hit me at that point and I had to say: No.

I’m sure if I pushed myself I could have done more. But that might have caused more problems for me. The heat, the hard work, the stress. I was done.

Emotional bandwidth is a new term for me. I’m not sure how I learned it, but it makes sense. Internet gets slow when there’s not enough “bandwidth”  for the data to get through. We have a limited capacity for stress when it hits all areas of our being.

The same is true when our mental, physical, and emotional capacities are depleted. For the past two weeks I’d been dealing with headaches that just wouldn’t go away. Stress? Did I over do things physically causing misalignment in my neck and upper back? I don’t know but until I could find the time to research and then call to get into a chiropractor (and a new massage therapist) I wasn’t functioning at my peak.

I’ve been trying to balance the need to rest and recharge with the demands that come at me from all angles. It can be paralyzing. I’m blessed with dear friends who I can reach out to and who pray for me and offer words of encouragement even if they are 50 or 1,287 miles away. The blessings of the internet can keep us close. Two of my dear friends only just moved themselves so they have a deeper appreciation for the stresses that go along with that.

I remember learning about looking at aspects of your life from the perspective of a fuel gauge. Unfortunately the car needs more than fuel to run optimally. The oil needs to be clean and filled, the tires need to be inflated to the appropriate psi, wires need to connect, the starter must work, the battery in the key fob is now a concern that wasn’t twenty years ago.

We are more complex than a vehicle, even a brand new one with so many electronic, digital componants you need a master’s degree to be able to use them all.

I’ve been on this planet long enough, you think I’d have a good understanding of myself. I’m still learning. I’m grateful to a God who not only created me but understands parts of who I am that I don’t yet know about. Part of the issue for all of us, hopefully, is that we are growing and changing as we age, and hopefully that maturity helps us understand ourselves more completely. As we grow and change the world also changes around us and there is adaptation everywhere.

I’ve long had a discipline of time with God, reading Scripture and writing it down to help me slow my brain down and focus, and writing out my thoughts, feelings, and prayers. It helps but life can still be overwhelming. Slowing down, giving myself grace, even permission to cry when it becomes too much, is all healthy. And necessary.

Especially when events in the world can also throw one’s emotions into chaos. Grief, sorrow, horror all take a toll, whether we know a person impacted or not.

I think God sometimes takes us to the brink so we realize we can’t do it on our own and we desperately need Him. I’ve been seeking Him all along on this journey, however, it’s easy for that focus to slip.

I finally saw a chiropractor and my headaches disappeared. I got a new massage therapist and I’m sure that will help my body as I recover from the past few months of stress. Time with God daily helps as well as saying “no” when appropriate.

That can be difficult. I’ve had immediate reactions where I wanted to say NO but God led me to say yes and I was incredibly blessed. Sometimes I jump before seeking Him, and NO is likely to be a better default right now as I seek to find my way in a new community, search for a new church, and develop new relationships here.

Have you experienced issues with your emotional bandwidth and been forced to make adjustments? How has that worked out for you? What helps you protect your emotional bandwidth?

 

 

Author Confessions: It’s the Little Things (Part V)

Sep15
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Author Confessions: It’s the Little Things (Part V)

I am making the little things big things, aren’t I? Five posts on this from various angles? I hope this will be the last but who knows, there are so many little things!

This post is more of a wrap up from the previous four so if you haven’t read them, check them out.

I’m giving you a few little questions that might help you clarify the little things. So if you have a few moments to ponder these, it might help. I’m going to be journaling mine because writing helps me slow my brain down.

Slowing down to focus on the little things can make a big difference. I hope this helps you.

  • What is one little thing God did for me today, for which I can be grateful?
  • What little thing did I do today that will set me up for success tomorrow with all that’s on my plate?
  • What little thing can I do to make someone else’s day better?
  • What little thing is holding me back from achieving a goal, drawing closer to God, or overcoming something I’m dealing with?
  • What little thing do I think God would like to help me change in myself?

I realize all of these are little things, but they can make a big difference. I’m a big picture person but am growing, with the help of the Holy Spirit, to focus on the little things.