Tag Archive | growth

Author Confessions: Emotional Bandwidth

Sep22
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Author Confessions: Emotional Bandwidth

The other day I found myself saying to my husband, “I don’t have the emotional bandwidth for that today. Maybe some other time.”

The heat and the weeks of moving stress finally hit me at that point and I had to say: No.

I’m sure if I pushed myself I could have done more. But that might have caused more problems for me. The heat, the hard work, the stress. I was done.

Emotional bandwidth is a new term for me. I’m not sure how I learned it, but it makes sense. Internet gets slow when there’s not enough “bandwidth”  for the data to get through. We have a limited capacity for stress when it hits all areas of our being.

The same is true when our mental, physical, and emotional capacities are depleted. For the past two weeks I’d been dealing with headaches that just wouldn’t go away. Stress? Did I over do things physically causing misalignment in my neck and upper back? I don’t know but until I could find the time to research and then call to get into a chiropractor (and a new massage therapist) I wasn’t functioning at my peak.

I’ve been trying to balance the need to rest and recharge with the demands that come at me from all angles. It can be paralyzing. I’m blessed with dear friends who I can reach out to and who pray for me and offer words of encouragement even if they are 50 or 1,287 miles away. The blessings of the internet can keep us close. Two of my dear friends only just moved themselves so they have a deeper appreciation for the stresses that go along with that.

I remember learning about looking at aspects of your life from the perspective of a fuel gauge. Unfortunately the car needs more than fuel to run optimally. The oil needs to be clean and filled, the tires need to be inflated to the appropriate psi, wires need to connect, the starter must work, the battery in the key fob is now a concern that wasn’t twenty years ago.

We are more complex than a vehicle, even a brand new one with so many electronic, digital componants you need a master’s degree to be able to use them all.

I’ve been on this planet long enough, you think I’d have a good understanding of myself. I’m still learning. I’m grateful to a God who not only created me but understands parts of who I am that I don’t yet know about. Part of the issue for all of us, hopefully, is that we are growing and changing as we age, and hopefully that maturity helps us understand ourselves more completely. As we grow and change the world also changes around us and there is adaptation everywhere.

I’ve long had a discipline of time with God, reading Scripture and writing it down to help me slow my brain down and focus, and writing out my thoughts, feelings, and prayers. It helps but life can still be overwhelming. Slowing down, giving myself grace, even permission to cry when it becomes too much, is all healthy. And necessary.

Especially when events in the world can also throw one’s emotions into chaos. Grief, sorrow, horror all take a toll, whether we know a person impacted or not.

I think God sometimes takes us to the brink so we realize we can’t do it on our own and we desperately need Him. I’ve been seeking Him all along on this journey, however, it’s easy for that focus to slip.

I finally saw a chiropractor and my headaches disappeared. I got a new massage therapist and I’m sure that will help my body as I recover from the past few months of stress. Time with God daily helps as well as saying “no” when appropriate.

That can be difficult. I’ve had immediate reactions where I wanted to say NO but God led me to say yes and I was incredibly blessed. Sometimes I jump before seeking Him, and NO is likely to be a better default right now as I seek to find my way in a new community, search for a new church, and develop new relationships here.

Have you experienced issues with your emotional bandwidth and been forced to make adjustments? How has that worked out for you? What helps you protect your emotional bandwidth?

 

 

Author Confessions: It’s The Little Things, Part I

Aug18
Reading Time: 2 minutes

Author Confessions: It’s The Little Things Part I

My husband and I watch movies together and my husband delights in finding things that are wrong in a movie. Like fully leafed out green leaves covered in fake snow to illustrate a winter, Christmas season.

Tiny details can matter when writing a story and for an author it can be a challenge to keep track of them.

For instance, in my novel, Whitney’s Vow, she wore glasses, or contacts. Throughout the story I had to remember whether she had her glasses or was wearing contacts. She would take out the contacts if she had migrains which she suffered from. Throughout the story I needed to keep in mind what she could or could not see based on whether she was wearing contacts or glasses. This can be exhausting! Some authors keep a style sheet with information about each character. Sometimes I do character interviews before writing. That’s how I discovered that Katrina had a scar on her hand from a fall after climbing a tree. (Sir Michael’s Mayhem). It was funny how important that scar, and that tree, became to the story.

When an author embues a character with a quirk, whether it is clothing, a speech pattern, physical infrirmity, the author needs to keep that in mind. Or if they are injured in some way, like when Pastor Dan in Bratwurst and Bridges broke his leg skiing, that had to be top of mind when he was navigating through events in the story.

Details, even tiny ones, can be essential. Especially in a mystery. A stray piece of hair. A bit of skin under a fingernail. A small piece of glass. Even before DNA it is sometimes small clues that could link someone to a crime.

If you’ve read enough of this blog, you’ll note that there are a myriad of details that an author must pay attention to, but even so, it is sometimes the smallest of things that can make a difference in a story.

Are there any unusual or interesting details you’ve noticed in books you’ve read lately? Perhaps innocuous but still essential to the story or characters the authors penned? I’d love to hear about them.

 

 

 

Author Confessions: We Don’t Always Get to Publish the Story We Want

Apr8
Reading Time: 5 minutes

Author Confessions: We Don’t Always Get to Publish the Story We Want

That seems kind of odd to say doesn’t it? If I publish a story, wasn’t it the one I wanted to publish? Not necessarily. There are several reasons why an author doesn’t always get to publish the story they want to.

Reason 1: The story is not one that a publisher accepts. This might be because the author hasn’t found the right publisher for their story. Or maybe they did but the publisher already published something similar or has something similar in the works. Even with fiction they don’t want to publish stories that are too close in concept. I have received stories that were no where near what our publisher would accept as they violate our core principles (not Christian faith represented, foul language, sex…) and those I had to politely reject.

Reason 2: The story isn’t ready yet. This happens quite often where an author submits a story that needs a lot more polishing. As an editor I used to give a lot more feedback on stories like this but after being taken advantage of too often I can no longer do this. Yes, I was a sucker. I understand how hard it is to be published so I would read the entire story and give concrete feedback on how it could be improved. This is something I was not paid for. One author responded and said: “I knew it wasn’t ready but wanted your free edit.” Really? Now that wouldn’t have been so bad if she had resubmitted it to me with the changes so I could have maybe recouped my time in some kind of compensation down the line. I told that author’s agent that he should never submit any of her work to me again. She had taken the story, reworked it, and submitted it to someone else and got published. And to be honest, I don’t have that kind of time to do that for free.

Reason 3: There are drastic changes that need to be made to the story. This happened to me. I had a story, Truffles & Traffic and I tried something a little different with four points-of-view. I’d seen another author do this successfully and thought maybe I’d give it a shot. My editor hated the concept and I had to rewrite the story drastically, removing that romance to only be seen through the eyes of the two primary characters. I think the story is still good, but it wasn’t want I had wanted to publish. I tried something and failed at it. Now maybe another publisher would have liked that but had already contracted it before being given that news so I did the work to get it changed.

Reason 4: The author never submits the story. Yes, this happens way too often. I might meet an author at a conference and hear his or her pitch for a story and get excited about it and want to see it. Fear often sets in. Sure they might work on it more based on suggestions or things they learned at the conference but either they chicken out and fear the rejection or they realize this is more work than they really want to put into it. I attended a conference where an author got a book contract and the editor said he didn’t know whether to congratulate her or feel sorry for her because now the hard work was going to begin. Another part of this is that some authors have stories they wrote or started and never finished. Fear? They started writing something different and left one behind. It just never gets published and that’s OK!

This actually happened to my friend DeeDee Lake who I finally co-authored several books with. She had started it and had a lot of ideas but the timeline didn’t work and she had too many plot points to fit well into one book. As a result we wrote four together! The first story wasn’t want she initially intended, but I think it was better.

Reason 5: Not ever story needs to be published. Writing can be it’s own reward. I’ve met with many people who want to write and I encourage them to do it, but don’t start out writing with the goal of being published. While it would be lovely if every story could be published, it is a lot of work and sometimes writing your story, your experiences, or even something creative, is all that you need. There is catharsis in doing that. I’ve seen people make their own books to only share with family but not sell to the wider public and that is fine as well. Not every story needs to go through the gamut of the publishing industry to have value. If you write something and love it and want to share it with the world and are willing to commit to the work it takes to get published? Then go for it.

Reason 6: Something in your story is triggering something in the editor. Whew, this is a tough one. Usually if I contract a story, I’m the editor for it, but we have copyeditors as well and sometimes it might be that person who has an issue with something in your story. This might result from a bad experience they’ve had and they might react to some of the content or the way your story takes shape. The reality is not every story is right for everybody. I had an author pitch a story and something about it made me uncomfortable. We’d published other stories by her and we wanted to work with her. My Editor-in-chief gave a suggestion about how it could be changed to be more palatable but due to the initial “yuck” factor I asked that it be assigned to another editor. It was. Then that editor needed to resign due to health issues and it ended up back on my plate. It was a fine story but due to the emotions I had the first time around I never could shake that “yuck” feeling although with the changes it was just fine. I had this happen to one of my stories as well and finally I needed to ask for a different editor because I realized the emotional reaction she’d had to my story, even after I made many of the changes she requested, meant that she’d not be able to accept that it was MY story and some of what she asked for, I wasn’t willing to change. That’s a hard road to travel as an author. I’ve even called authors to talk to them when a copy editor has had an issue–mostly so they understand that I am in their corner and I love their story–but could you go back and make these changes? Every time it has been good but sometimes the personal touch is important. Otherwise most of what is communicated is on paper and it can lose the validation that an author really does need. Publishing can be a scary process.

I have other stories that changed drastically over the course of editing, before and after being contracted, so they weren’t the story I originally intended to tell. Some of that is me growing as an author in my craft, but it’s good to remember that sometimes even after a contract, significant changes might be made to a manuscript. A good editor will understand your voice and respect that. Still, before you submit a story, remember that we don’t always get to publish the story we want--but hopefully it will be even better than what you had planned for.

 

 

Rethinking Fresh Starts

Jan1
Reading Time: 3 minutes

I’m not a New Year’s resolution kind of gal. God leads and I follow. I recognize I cannot reach any goal without Him. If I set a “start date” that is my own, for example, “On January 1st I will eat no more sugar,” I’ll sabatog myself. Maybe that’s just me. I’m trying to get over my all-or-nothing mentality.

I’ve been working out for weeks already. I didn’t wait for January 2nd.

I’ve been drinking more water, and less soda, for months with the use of an app on my phone to remind me. What a difference that has made in my life! I sleep longer at night which I would never have expected.

My foot was giving me pain so I didn’t wait until the new year to start seeing a doctor or getting physical therapy. I had met my deductible for 2023 so I wanted to get as much of that done while it was fully paid for before January 1st. I’m practical!

We don’t need a date on a calendar to motivate us to do good things for ourselves or others. We are called to live that way every day.

Not that this can’t be a time for reflection. Here are some possible questions to ask yourself:

  • How did I grow in 2023? What lessons did God teach me during this year?
  • Where do I see a need for growth in 2024? Realize God is often gentle and slow in helping us make those changes–for our own good.
  • What would you like to do differently in 2024? List the practical steps to get there. I find a big goal is paralyzing. I need to break it down into smaller steps if I hope to achieve anything worthwhile.
  • What do you do well? Go ahead, Brag on yourself to yourself. Instead of only looking at things that need improvement, what are you already doing that you can be grateful for? This was eye opening for me when I did it a few months ago after seeing a therapist who said “I don’t think you give yourself enough credit for the good things you do.” So go ahead, acknowledge what you do well. Yes, even if you make your bed every morning – write it down! Did you clean up the kitchen last night and get the dishwasher running before hitting the sack? Write it down. Did you manage to keep your kids fed and clothed? (I know it sounds silly but this is an accomplishment!). Write it down! See how many good things you already are doing! Seeing success will help motivate you in whatever other goals you set for yourself.

Accountability can be helpful. Or tracking your progress. I put in my app every glass of water I drink. It’s validating to see the number go up every day and I can smile when I reach my goal. I make a list every morning of tasks I’d like to try to accomplish and cross those off as I do them. If I do something else – I add it and cross it off. It motivates me to keep moving.

  • What about your pace of life? I’ve tried to have a healthy margin in my life. Like words on the pages of a book – that blank space is calming. When you have room to move into the margin on those occassions when life throws you a curve ball, it helps. Some days I can be very productive and then sometimes the next day I need to do more resting. Reading. A hobby. Lunch with a friend or a phone call to someone I care about. Life isn’t all about getting tasks done. A former pastor of mine said: “Tasks aren’t about getting things done–they are about  getting people done.” So how are my tasks helping me to grow? Over the years I’ve learned that a slow day, with less to check off, is not me being lazy, but is just as important as the busy days. I’m getting “me” done. Time for my brain to unwind as well as my body, is important.

Happy New Year. It’s a new chapter in your life and while God is ultimately writing your story, He does give you the pen. Make your story one you would want to read on December 31, 2024.

Dream Chaser

Jul16
Reading Time: 3 minutes

It has been some time since I’ve written here and I wish I could give you some grand excuses as to why. Life has been busy and to be honest, I don’t want to write something just to have a post unless I believe I have something of value to say. If I think long and hard I could probably come up with things, but as a single mom of three Hobbits (that’s what I call my teenagers), life gets crazy at times.

I often use my rare profundity in my real-life, face-to-face interactions with people, whether my friends, or those I meet at conferences when I go to speak, teach, and encourage. 

I admit that life is a challenge at times too.

Depression is an old friend who comes to visit when I least expect, uninvited and unwanted. 

I’m heading into shoulder surgery in a few weeks and that has me a bit scared. Not of the surgery itself, but of the recovery as I am unable to take most pain medications.

I will survive somehow. By God’s grace, I always do. 

I took this photograph in May when I traveled to Colorado. This is south of Pike’s Peak and it was a stunning sight to see I couldn’t help but try to take a picture.

Seeing this display of God’s glory was breathtaking. The mountains, the people I met, the chance to be in a new environment and watch what God would do, was inspiring. 

I realized something very striking.

I live my life too small.

My characters in my novels much more readily go above and beyond in their adventure in living. But not me. I sit behind a keyboard and fabricate stories that hopefully share God’s truths to the reader while entertaining them. Not a bad job by any stretch of the imagination, but it is a lot of hard work for little gain.

That sounds so negative, doesn’t it? Maybe I should clarify that is monetary gain.

God continues to provide for the needs of my family. And sometimes our wants. I get to travel periodically and meet amazing people on my journeys. That’s bigger than the life I used to live by far. And the future holds more promise of the same.

I’ve been challenged recently to dream. To think beyond my daily needs to greater things God might want to do in and through me. What’s surprising is I want to do what I’m doing. I get to write. What an honor to be able to do that. it’s not a smart career move financially but it’s a calling that God has honored. It is hard work. Not all of it is fun by any stretch of the imagination. And I ashamedly get so busy with writing and editing that I sometimes forget that I have a book to promote. Shameful, I know!

But I do want to do so much more than that and not surprisingly it’s not about making money.

It’s about having more opportunities to serve others, encourage them, and watch them dream wilder and bigger.

So I’m praying and have been challenged to dream bigger.

To stretch my imagination with “What if’s” and do things that might help me get there. It means stepping out of my comfort zone. Trying new things even if they scare me…like internet dating!

It means I might fail. I want to be responsible. I have three young people counting on me to be there for them. It might hurt (surgery).

It might mean letting go of some things to make room for better ones. 

So what are your dreams that you’ve been afraid to dream? Can you trust God with those and seek His guidance in reaching for them? If you struggle with depression it can be hard to dream of bigger and better things…but when I look at that photo of the mountains, I’m reminded we have a BIG GOD who can do amazingly, abundantly, more than we could ever think to ask. So I’m seeking Him as I lean into the future and I challenge you to do the same.

What are some of YOUR dreams?

When a Rejection Bears Fruit

Jan16
Reading Time: 4 minutes

I started writing in 2009. One novel through National Novel Writing Month. Had fun. Kept writing, clueless about all I didn’t know about writing and publishing fiction.

logoIn 2012 I wrote a historical novella A Wisconsin Christmas Blessing. I submitted it to a company called Pelican Book Group who was putting together a Christmas collection of novellas. The submission process resulted in a request for the full manuscript. Naive me – I thought I had it made. I was going to be published.

Not so fast, Susan. 

I got a rejection letter from one of the editors. But I didn’t get just a rejection letter. I received a 1 1/2 page (when I printed it out) email. She said: “I would like to list the most common errors to point out some things  that might help you prepare your manuscript for re-submission.” Six specific areas of growth to be exact. SIX! Talk about humbling.

fragileblessings1-copyDetailed, informative and time-consuming. As disappointed as I was at the rejection, I felt honored at her willingness to help me, a novice writer, grow. I sent her a thank you note for all the time she took to write that email and help me.

prism-new-logoI sat on that story for a few years. Time can often equal growth and wisdom if we let it! After I became an Acquisitions Editor with Prism Book Group another opportunity for a Christmas series of novellas arose so I rewrote my novella using all the tools that this fabulous and compassionate editor had given me. It was contracted, renamed and Fragile Blessings was published in 2015 to great reviews.

Now this is where it gets really weird. Prism Book Group was recently acquired by Pelican Book Group as one of their imprints. This also means that all my published works are now technically Pelican books (under the Prism Book Group imprint). So in essence, Pelican did end up publishing my novella! To be honest, the editor had given me an open door to resubmit that I had never taken her up on. God knew.

So now I will be part of a team of editors who I get to work with, one of whom was integral in helping me grow in my writing. Since that rejection, I’ve published two novellas, a collection of short stories, three novels (and a fourth coming soon) and have seven more books contracted. And another two with my agent.

Here are some of the lessons I learned that hopefully will help others: 

  1. Listen to the feedback you get from rejections. Not all of it will be right – but you can always learn something.
  2. Don’t give up. Maybe that story isn’t the one that’s going to sell, keep writing. Obviously, I didn’t stop at one novella given how many stories I’ve written. Write long, write short. Just don’t quit.
  3. Trust in God’s timing. My story wasn’t ready for publication in 2012 but after some conferences and growth and writing more stories in between, when I went back to that novella, I had better skills to apply to make it publishable.
  4. Don’t burn bridges. Can you imagine if I had sent a scathing note to that editor? She would have told her boss and do you think that woman would have been as eager to bring me on as an editor? It’s a small world in Christian publishing and while yes, we are commanded to forgive, it doesn’t mean that you’ll be trusted with the bigger tasks God might have in store with you down the line.
  5. Relish the new opportunities for growth. That editor is now someone who I’ll be working more closely with now with the books I edit and I hope and anticipate I’ll learn even more on my journey because I hope I never stop improving my stories or my editing for others.
  6. It’s okay to laugh. I am giggling at God’s path that led me here. I never in my wildest dreams would have imagined this journey he’s had me on and the blessings of the people He’s brought in my path. Writing (and editing) is hard. Pouring your soul on paper is not without risk and life itself throws us curveballs all the time. I’m grateful for the people God’s placed in my life to help me get to those next steps.

I’ve kept that editor’s name private for now… she knows who she is and my hope is that you’ll treat every editor you meet, not as your enemy, but as someone who really can help you grow, even when you get a rejection letter.

Oh, and I almost forgot. Fragile Blessings tied for second place as an inspirational short at OKRWA International Digital Awards for 2016. Not too shabby for a story that was initially rejected, right?

How about you, if you write, do you have any stories of things you’ve learned through the “rejection” process?

Word of the Year

Feb3
Reading Time: 2 minutes

A few years ago on KLOVE radio I heard about the concept of having a “word” for the year in place of resolutions. I don’t like resolutions anyway. F0r the past few years I’ve been doing this. Previous words have been: courage and shine.

I prayed and journalled and tried to figure out what word God would  give me for this year. Finally, I had it.

DSC_0496

Image by Tom Otte Photography, Fond du lac, WI

Dignity.

Proverbs 31;25 says. “She is clothed in strength and dignity and laughs at the days to come.” 

I want to be that woman. I think I have, over the years, given away my honor and dignity as criticism, opposition and attacks have come at me from all directions. It’s hard to stand in confidence in who God has created me to be when so many people around have tried to shout down those truths with their own version of reality.

A reality that is really a lie.

I must be really important for people spend so much energy criticizing me. But being created in the image of God is a terrifyingly beautiful thing. When someone attacks me and tries to tear me down for my personality, or my gifts or even my appearance, they are really attacking the Lord of the Universe, Jesus, who created me in HIS image.

I’m far from being as much like Him as I long to be, but I’m growing. And I’m trying to scrape off the dirt that has buried parts of me and slowed me down in my journey to do all He has called me to do.

I’m still scared of some of these things, but if I weren’t I wouldn’t need God to walk me through.

More attacks will come from people who don’t know me. They already have.

I think a large part of walking in dignity is not only realizing my value as a child of God, but also recognizing that in others as well. I’ll admit my own thoughts are not always as edifying as I would like them to be and I am at battle within to stifle those internalized attacks so as to level them at others. Usualy this is a battle no one, other than God, really knows about. But they are stains on my own dignity when I hold on to them.

I’m going to stumble and fall and I expect to be challenged repeatedly by the Holy Spirit through this year which will be a turning point in my writing and one I have labored and prayed for.

Do you choose a word for the year? If you have, what is it? Please share in the comments below!

You are a WIP (Work-in-Process)

Jul22
Reading Time: 2 minutes

My pastor made a cool statement in church recently. He had been talking about the respectable sins and how we all struggle with some of these in certain ways (i.e. materialism, pride, unbridaled passions). He finished up the series by saying words any writer would latch on to. He said “We are all a work-in-progress.”

Sigh.

It’s true, isn’t it? A writer goes through a long arduous process to get published. You will often hear a story that is being written as a WIP (work-in-progress). Because it is. The initial ideas gets written down, research needs to be done, extraneous adverbs deleted, plot twits tied up neatly and if you write romance like I do, a happily ever after that will satisfy. Ultimately though we want a character who starts out one way and grows through the course of the novel in spite of or maybe because of the challenges he or she faces.

God is working on us too. We are set apart as a story of His grace in our lives. He is the author that decides the plot twists we will experience and how we will grow through it all. The difference is that we don’t get a rewrite. We cannot edit or delete misspoken words.  In one story I wrote I ended up deleting close to 8,000 words, taking my character back to one decision that changed the trajectory of the story. We don’t get to do that in real life although God, through the righteousness of Christ, erases our sins. We are still left with the consequences but he doesn’t leave us alone or without help to deal with them.

And like a loving author of a beautiful romance, we do have a happily ever after to look forward to.

Sometimes when life is hard I forget all of this and I need that reminder. Life isn’t whipping me around – but God is sovereignly writing His story of redemption and I get to be one of His characters, loved and important for the particular role He has placed me in.

Going Deep: Becoming a Person of Influence (book review)

Nov30
Reading Time: 2 minutes

I wanted to read Going Deep by Gordon MacDonald because I love the idea of becoming a person of influence. I enjoy reading leadership books. This one, however, was very different, at times frustrating and at times rewarding.

First of all the book is written like a work of fiction. I contains a journey towards developing deep people, but not in a clinical way. It details conversations and meetings and thoughts about the “big idea” of “cultivating deep people” (CDP in the book). SO where does reality begin and where is it end? If you like Patrick Lencioni’s style of elaborating leadership ideas in a fiction format, you may like this as well, although their styles are distinct.

The first part of the book where Pastor Mac comes up with this great idea, moves slowly. As a leader and a person with limited time, it seemed to drag. I wanted to yell, “Get to the point already, will ya?” But I read on. He elaborates the painstaking process of developing the idea and finally bringing it to reality.  The fact is, none of what he is saying is really all that new. The challenge to disciple others has been around since Jesus gave us the command. The methods used may have at times changed but the principles are laid out well in Scripture. Gordon goes through an elaborate process of meeting with business people and an a Rabbi and staff to flesh things out and gain buy in with the leadership of his church.

The actual implementation of the CDP was where the reading was more fun. To see people challenged, lives changed and the methods used and described on the page was good. At times it made me want to cry because I came to like these characters who were being transformed more and more into the image of Christ. To see authentic community develop at such depth made me realize how much of that I am personally missing and longing for as well. How much so many of us are missing out on and longing for in our church communities. I felt more keenly how desperately we all need it. And even if we are not to be leaders in the church we all can become persons of influence.

The church would do well to be more intentional in selecting people and developing to be the leaders for the future. To use specific training and mentoring and the kind of plan Gordon lays out has merit. I still think that parts of this book could have been a bit shorter. The book is 383 pages and most leaders really want to meat to chew on and not all the fluff because we tend to be busy. But for all that it is a book I would recommend if you are trying to figure out a way to help your church prepare the younger generation to be quality “deep” leaders for the future.